Kent Murawski

Chop Wood, Carry Water: What to Do When Life Feels Out of Control

Tue, 14 Apr 2026 10:47:22 GMT

Lately, I’ve been feeling sad, angry, and overwhelmed.

I’m not 100% sure why.

Some of it is definitely the high expectations I put on myself.

Some of it is probably the sheer volume of important things that are happening at once.

Looming deadlines. Consequential projects. Pivotal events in my children’s lives.

And the things that normally work aren’t working.

What then?

Three Things That Hold When Everything Else Doesn’t

Maybe you've been there too — doing all the right things, and still feeling like you're underwater. I don't have a formula for this, but here's what I keep coming back to.

1) Chop Wood, Carry Water

One particular Wednesday, I really didn’t feel like working. I felt sad, anxious, angry, and lonely. I wanted to curl up in my bed and watch Netflix, but I had important work to do in preparation for a talk I’m giving at the end of April.

It was a cold but delightfully sunny day, the birds were singing, and I thought for sure a walk would untangle my thoughts as usual. But it didn’t move the needle, and I finally accepted that I was a professional who had a job to do—I needed to “chop wood and carry water” anyway.

“Chop wood, carry water” is an old Buddhist saying about embracing the mundane. Rather than escaping into something more glamorous or spiritual, it’s the place where transformation actually happens. This was also true for Brother Lawrence, a 17th-century French monk who worked as a shoemaker and cook. People said his greatest labor never diverted him from God. There was something about the way he stayed present and connected—never moving too slowly but never rushing, either. He had a calm devotion that affected everyone who saw him.

That day, I embraced the mundane. I still felt sad and angry, but by the end of the day, I had made progress. And that’s what matters.

2) Lean into your anchors

One of my anchor routines is my spiritual morning routine. It may sound exhausting to some, but it’s life-giving for me. I’m not sharing it as a prescription but rather as an encouragement to find your own rhythm. Mine begins at 4:30 AM with coffee—not because I want to get up that early, but because it’s the amount of time I need before the family routine begins. I start by filling out my five-year journal and daily gratitude journal.

Then from 5-6 AM, I read Scripture using the 2-year plan from the Book of Common Prayer, read 10 minutes of a spiritual classic (right now I’m reading The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard), and close with 15-20 minutes of silence prompted by a short reading in The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence—a 17th-century monk in France.

Finally, from 6-7 AM, I write this newsletter.

No matter what’s happening around me, my routine anchors me, and when I miss it, I feel off. That’s what happened that Wednesday—I missed my morning routine. I didn’t feel bad for missing my routine; I was already feeling bad, and missing my morning routine exacerbated it.

Had I done it that day, it might have been a better day, but when I miss a day, I don’t fret; I just get back in the saddle.

3) Acknowledge your emotions

Emotions are how we experience the world. In the words of Dr. Peter Scazzero, they are “the language of the soul.”

They are also a dashboard trying to tell us what’s happening inside.

I find it helpful to treat my emotions like people. That might look something like this, “Sadness, I recognize you are here, and it’s okay. If there is something you want to tell me, I’m open. If not, that’s okay, too.”

Then sit with them for a few minutes.

Psychologists call this Acceptance Commitment Therapy—accepting what you can't control while committing to what actually matters. Interestingly, both Stoicism and Christianity share similar philosophies of acceptance and control.

Did you know emotions last for only 90 seconds? According to Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, if an emotion lasts longer than that, it’s because you are rehearsing that thought, restimulating the emotion, and it’s triggering the same physical response again. I've tested this. When I stop feeding the thought, the wave really does pass.

Acknowledging your emotions and giving them time and space to speak is often what allows them to resolve.

Whether it’s a short walk, sitting by a lake, or simply finding a quiet corner, silence and solitude can give you the time and space you need to listen to your life.

If any of this sounds familiar, I want you to know—there’s nothing wrong with you. You're paying attention. And that matters.

Your RHYTHMS CHECK

Most people think the answer to overwhelm is a better strategy, but the truth is the answer is often just showing up and doing the next mundane thing in front of you — even when it doesn't feel like it's working.

This is about your Emotional and Spiritual rhythms — because when life overwhelms you, these two chambers of the heart are doing the heaviest lifting. Your emotional rhythms are the dashboard telling you something needs attention. Your spiritual rhythms are the anchor that holds you steady while you listen.

If you ignore what you're feeling and just push through, your emotions build up, and eventually you won’t be able to ignore them any longer.

But if you slow down long enough to acknowledge what's happening inside, and lean into the anchors that ground you, it gives you the strength to keep moving forward even when you don’t feel like it.

Your emotional and spiritual rhythms hold you steady when your mind and body aren’t cooperating.

This week's rhythm: Stop ignoring those nagging feelings. Take 5 minutes to sit in silence. Name what you're feeling out loud—acknowledge it. Then ask it: "Is there something you want to tell me?" Write down whatever comes.

Reflection question: What is one emotion you've been avoiding this week — and what might it be trying to tell you?

Hit me back: What emotion showed up when you sat with it? Leave a comment here, on YouTube, or on social media (all handles @KentMurawski). I'd love to hear what surfaced for you.

Until next time,

Kent

PS - Does your morning routine need help? I’ve decided to give away Win the Morning, Win the Day! for free—a five-part mini-course that helps you design a simple, sustainable morning rhythm so you can start each day focused, grounded, and energized. Simply use this code:

WINTHEMORNING100

Sources

Mardoche Sidor, MD and Karen Dubin, PhD, LCSW, “The Power of Leaves on the Stream Metaphor for Personal Growth,” May 28, 2024, https://sweetinstitute.com/the-power-of-leaves-on-the-stream-metaphor-for-personal-growth/#_ftn2
WUSA9. (2021, May 26). The 90 second life cycle of an emotion [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxARXvljKBA

What Happens When You Stop Thinking So Much and Start Leading from the Heart

Sun, 05 Apr 2026 10:00:11 GMT

A room full of entrepreneurs watched me cry. And it was the most important business moment of my recent life.

Last month, the mastermind group I’m a part of met in Austin, TX.

A mastermind group is a small, trusted circle of leaders who meet to sharpen each other — iron on iron.

On the second day, we did a private Q & A with Ryan Levesque—a 7-time Inc. 5000 CEO who's generated over $100 million in revenue and recently sold his company to move his family to a farm in Vermont. Smart, humble, and disarmingly real.

Our group leader had told us not to waste his time with dumb questions, so when it was my turn, I asked: “What do you wish people would ask you that no one is asking you?”

His answers so far hadn’t disappointed, so I thought he would drop another pearl of wisdom.

Instead, he turned the question back on me. “I can’t answer that, but what’s so valuable to you, really deep down inside, that you want to ask me about?”

I thought for a few seconds and began, “I think…” He immediately said, “No, don’t think—answer from here,” pointing to his heart.

As hot tears flowed down my face, I asked my question, “How do you take something that is so deep inside of you, that has changed your life, and help people understand that it can transform their lives, too?”

Honestly, I don’t remember how Ryan initially responded, but I do remember the vulnerable story he shared, with tears of his own, about his son. I won’t relate it here since it was a private Q & A session.

But the main point wasn't his story. It was what happened in that room when he let us see him.

What Your 5-year-old Self Has Been Trying to Tell You

Then Ryan gave us an exercise that hit me like a freight train. Imagine yourself as a small child of 4 or 5, climbing up onto the table so you’re finally taller than the adults and fully seen. What would you say, or shout if necessary, to your parents or the most important people in your life?

“See me!” That’s what I would shout.

Growing up, my home was chaos. Yelling was the soundtrack. I felt lost in the mix. Parents always fighting. My sisters and me constantly bickering. My Mom overwhelmed with four kids. My angry Dad either passed out drunk or screaming at my Mom or us. I usually retreated to my room or outside.

“See me,” is a cry for validation, especially from my Dad. I longed for him to teach me to be a man and tell me, “You have what it takes, son.”

Like many men, my early drivenness was an attempt to compensate for my father’s lack of approval. I was chasing a ghost—the ghost of my father’s approval—though I didn’t know it at the time.

I thought that if I could achieve outward success, people might see me—he might see me—and I could finally prove to myself that I was enough.

That comes with a cost.

It nearly tanked my marriage. Alienated my kids. And I nearly lost myself in the process.

Seeking to define myself through accomplishment, I didn’t know who I had become.

Something Shifted

After Ryan left and we were sharing our takeaways from the session, tears flowed again.

Mike, our group leader, had been telling me for years to “lead with vulnerability.”

I always thought of myself as a vulnerable person, but over the years, whether from a calloused heart, the wounds vocational ministry had left, pride that can come with age and proficiency, or something else, that vulnerability had gotten buried.

I always thought of myself as a vulnerable person. But over the years—a calloused heart, the wounds vocational ministry left, the pride that comes with age and proficiency—that vulnerability had gotten buried.

But that day, something cracked open—deep down in a place I'd been protecting for years.

I suddenly understood, at a visceral heart level, what it means to lead with vulnerability.

Why Vulnerability Changes Everything

Vulnerable leadership makes people feel seen, heard, understood.

It gives us the courage to look foolish.

It reminds us that we can’t do it on our own. As John Donne reminded us in his 1623 poem, “No man is an island, entire to himself.”

Moving forward, Kent, the heart communicator, will take the lead.

And Kent the teacher will follow.

Maybe it’s time to stop thinking so much and lead from your heart a little more.

Your RHYTHMS Check

This is about your Emotional and Relational rhythms —vulnerability sits at the intersection of both. Emotional health gives you the courage to feel exposed. Relational health gives you the people who make that exposure safe.

If you don't take the risk of being vulnerable, you stay hidden—successful on the outside, invisible on the inside. Your relationships stay shallow. Your leadership stays transactional. And the people around you never get permission to be real, either.

But when you lead with vulnerability, everything shifts. People trust you more. Relationships deepen. And you finally stop performing your way through life.

Your emotional and relational rhythms determine whether people follow your title or follow you.

This week's RHYTHM OF REST: Share one vulnerable thing with someone you trust—your spouse, a close friend, a mentor, a small group. Brené Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. In other words, if your palms don't get a little sweaty before you share it, it's not vulnerability.

What is the one thing you've been afraid to say out loud—and who is the one person you trust enough to say it to?

Leave a comment and tell me: who are you going to be vulnerable with this week, and what's one thing you've been holding back? I read every response.

Until next time,

Kent

PS - Take my 5-minute RHYTHMS OF REST℠ Assessment to discover where you land on the burnout scale—from Thriving to Critical—and get your free personalized report with next steps.

You Have a Plan for Everything—Except Your Life (Here's How to Change That)

Sun, 22 Mar 2026 09:45:05 GMT

Do you have a plan for your life?

As a leader, you probably have a business plan, a marketing plan, a financial plan, and a vacation plan.

But what about your actual life?

Recently, I spent two days with James, a young business owner in Florida, to help him create a Life Plan.

One of the first exercises we did was to establish his personal core values —who he wants to be and how he wants to be remembered. Like many driven leaders, James kept wanting to work on his company's core values first, without realizing that your company’s core values are shaped by how you show up in life as a person and a leader. This revealed a faulty belief James had about work:

You have to hustle and grind to be successful.

This hustle-and-grind culture is one of the most toxic leadership beliefs there is—especially for young leaders—often leading to burnout and worse. It’s not that leaders never need to hustle; it’s just not a long-term strategy for sustainable success, nor does it guarantee anything—especially if you have your ladder against the wrong wall.

The Belief Behind the Behavior

James' faulty belief created a narrative. That narrative created anxiety. And that anxiety drove an action—more hustling and grinding—which reinforced the faulty belief.

If you want to change what you do, you first need to change the underlying belief that fuels it.

Brain scientists call this neuroplasticity—your brain's capacity to rewire itself by building new pathways. It means you can change dysfunctional patterns of thinking and develop new mindsets and abilities.

Just like athletes train their bodies to do new things, you can retrain your brain.

From Pain to Purpose

I wish I had done a Life Plan at 28 like James. Maybe I wouldn't have had to go through so much unnecessary pain and relational fallout. But pain can produce purpose when it's used to help others.

Viktor Frankl, the Nazi prison camp survivor who wrote Man’s Search for Meaning, believed purpose came from three sources: a person to love, a work to do, and, most importantly—finding meaning in unavoidable suffering by using it to help others.

Every one of us will experience suffering in this life. I had a fall-down-on-the-floor nervous breakdown at 27 that I thought I would never get up from. But now I get to help leaders like James design a life that moves in sync with his most important values and rhythms.

The Way Things Ought to Be

For millennia, Jewish people have encapsulated wholeness in a single word: Shalom. Most people translate it as "peace," but it means far more—health, harmony, completeness, and vitality in all dimensions of life. When used as a verb, shalom means actions that lead to a state of wholeness.

In other words, shalom is the way things ought to be. Not perfection, but wholeness. And wholeness isn't a destination you arrive at—it's a direction you move toward.

That breakdown at 27 became the doorway into what I now call the RHYTHMS OF REST℠—a framework designed to keep your core life rhythms in sync so you can move toward shalom, toward the way things ought to be.

Much like the human heart, where all four chambers work together for proper blood flow, your life depends on four core rhythms working together in harmony: Relational, Emotional, Spiritual, and Tangible.

R: Relational Rhythms - cultivating deep connections that energize rather than drain you, even when your schedule is packed

E: Emotional/Mental Rhythms - creating space to process, reflect, and grow instead of pushing through.

S: Spiritual Rhythms - being grounded in your faith or in a robust philosophy of life that provides meaning deeper than your next achievement or deadline.

T: Tangible Rhythms - caring for your body, finances, and work in a way that supports your other rhythms.

In less than 48 hours, James went from a general sense of where he was headed to a clear written plan for his life. James didn’t lack overall purpose or direction; he just hadn’t put it into words—simple, clear, and memorable.

Your RHYTHMS Check

This is about all four of your rhythms working together—because a Life Plan isn't about one area of your life. It's about getting your Relational, Emotional, Spiritual, and Tangible rhythms in sync so they move you toward wholeness instead of pulling you apart. But here's what James' story reveals: it often starts with your Emotional and Mental rhythms—the beliefs running beneath your behavior. When a faulty belief goes unchallenged, it doesn't just hijack your mindset. It bleeds into everything else and throws the other rhythms out of sync.

If you don't examine the beliefs driving your behavior, you'll keep grinding harder and wondering why nothing changes.

But when you name the belief and challenge it, you create new patterns, new energy, and new behaviors.

This determines whether you're leading from conviction and clarity or just reacting from anxiety and faulty, ingrained thought patterns.

This week's rhythm: Identify one belief about work or success that drives your behavior. Write it down.

What belief about success are you carrying that you've never actually questioned?

Hit reply and tell me the belief you wrote down. Just one sentence. I read every response—and you'd be surprised how many leaders are carrying the exact same one.

Until next time,

Kent

P.S. Find out exactly where you stand—and what to do next. In 5 minutes, the free RHYTHMS OF REST℠ Assessment will show you whether the cracks are just starting or further along than you think, so you can take the next right step before it's too late."

Sources

What Is Neuroplasticity? https://psychcentral.com/health/what-is-neuroplasticity
Dr. Aviezer Ravitzky, “Shalom: Peace in Hebrew,” My Jewish Learning, accessed August 17, 2025, https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/shalom/
Bruce Hurt, “Peace-Shalom (Hebrew Word Study,)” Precept Austin, January 17, 2025, https://www.preceptaustin.org/shalom_-_definition
Leslie, Allen, “Shalom as Wholeness: Embracing the Broad Biblical Message,” Fuller Studio, accessed August 17, 2025, https://fullerstudio.fuller.edu/shalom-as-wholeness-embracing-the-broad-biblical-message/

Why Your Best Work Isn't Happening at Your Desk (And What To Do About It)

Thu, 05 Mar 2026 11:30:06 GMT

Can I ask you something that might sting a little: when did you last have a genuinely great idea sitting at your desk?

Companies spend millions of dollars helping people become "more productive." But most of those investments are built on a definition of productivity that's often nebulous or undefined.

Recently, I had a conversation with an executive whom I coach about what productivity means to him. His two-word answer was clarifying:

Productivity is “measurable results,” he said.

Of course, you have to define what those measurable results are — and in which area. The results need to align with your role and your strengths: the things you're both good at and energized by. Otherwise, you could be logging impressive numbers in an area that doesn't move the needle — or worse, doesn't represent your highest contribution.

What Is Productivity, Really?

Productivity is doing more of the right things—work aligned with your strengths and your role—and less of the wrong things—work that doesn’t maximize your strengths and doesn’t drive the results that matter most.

Gay Hendricks, author of The Big Leap, calls this your Zone of Genius—activities you uniquely excel at, love, and are energizing. It's different from the Zone of Excellence — things you do very well but that drain you, the Zone of Competence—things others can do just as well, or the Zone of Incompetence—the tasks others do better than you that you hate doing. He recommends spending 70% of your time in your Zone of Genius. A tall task, I know, but well worth the effort.

So here's a question worth sitting with: What is your definition of productivity?

Once you define it, there's a second question you have to answer:

How do you actually become more productive, and is that even the right word?

Now, back to my conversation with the executive. When I asked him how he gets measurable results, his answer was, “I sit for 10 hours a day at my desk.” Of course, he could see through his answer as soon as it came out of his mouth.

Sitting at your desk for 10 hours a day doesn’t make you productive.

In fact, it undoubtedly lessens productivity.

Your Desk Is the Last Place You’ll Find Your Best Thinking

With the rise of hybrid work and more freedom to choose how and where you are most productive, the possibilities are nearly endless. In this executive's case, I asked him where his best ideas come from. His answer mimics what many of us know to be true—a hard workout, a walk, in the shower, or sitting in the hot tub. I don’t have a hot tub, but if I did, I could imagine it being a place where ideas are generated!

Sitting at your desk for 10 hours straight is not exactly an idea factory—it’s an idea graveyard!

That's one thing that AI can't do for you or your company: create novel ideas.

Whether walking, drawing on a whiteboard, going to the library or a coffee shop, or sitting on a park bench with a Moleskine journal—my best ideas don’t come from sitting at my desk—especially when I’m stuck on a problem.

As my friend Mark Batterson always says, “Change of Place + Change of Pace = Change of Perspective.”

The Science of Good Ideas

In May of 1879, after recurring migraines and other physical ailments, Friedrich Nietzsche was forced to leave his position as a university professor. After resigning, he retreated to a small village in the Swiss Alps during the summers. Surrounded by the grandeur of the Alps, Nietzsche became a renowned walker, sometimes walking up to 8 hours per day. Eventually, he filled six small notebooks with the prose that became some of his best work. By 1889, ten years later, Nietzsche had regained his health and written some of his most influential books, including The Wanderer and His Shadow.

His conclusion? “Only thoughts that come by walking have any value.”

Habitual, low-demand activities — walking, showering, even doing dishes — free your brain to operate in the background. Neuroscientists call this the default mode network (DMN) : a set of brain regions that activate when your mind is at rest or wandering. This is when ideas collide in unexpected ways. This is where breakthroughs live.

Modern knowledge work demands constant productivity. Portable technology comes with the expectation that we’re always on.

But creative thinking needs margin . You can’t run back-to-back meetings, pile on menial tasks, and expect to do your best work.

I learned this the hard way after years of running at full capacity, pushing through my red zone, and wondering why my ideas felt stale.

Protect Your Energy and Produce Your Best Work

Structuring your days for both focused work and creative margin is an art. Here are three practical ways to protect your energy and produce your best work.

#1 - Define and Protect Your Peak Creative Times

Leadership expert Carey Nieuwhof recommends splitting your day into three zones:

Green Zone — peak energy, creativity, and focus. Usually 3–5 hours.
Red Zone — 1–2 hours of mental mush. Don't fight it; work with it.
Yellow Zone — the in-between. Solid but not spectacular.

#2 - Treat Each Day Like Three Days

I’m an early riser so this is how it works for me. You might be different so adjust accordingly.

Morning/Day 1 (Green Zone): 8–11 AM for me — creative, focused thinking and high-priority work that actually moves the needle.
Afternoon/Day 2 (Yellow Zone): Lunch to 4 PM — meetings, admin, necessary tasks that don't require deep thinking.
Evening/Day 3 (Red Zone): After 4 PM — work out, replenish, have dinner, be present with family.

#3 - Time Block Your Days and Hours

Time blocking is a game-changer, but most people only block their hours, not days.

Here’s how I structure my days:

Daily Time Blocking

Pick a theme for each day or for half days. Here’s how I structure my days:

Monday: Morning for creation; afternoon for admin and finances. If admin doesn't happen Monday, it haunts me all week.
Tuesday: Full coaching day.
Wednesday: Thinking, writing, creating. No meetings. I follow the work wherever it goes.
Thursday: Coaching and flex day for wrapping up projects.
Friday: Writing in the morning, then relationships — a coffee date with my wife first, then 2–3 hours of writing, often lunch with a friend or business colleague.

Hourly Time Blocking

For hourly blocking: map out 30-minute increments. Use pencil. Leave room for deep work blocks of 2–3 hours in the morning or during your green zone.

If You Lead a Company, Organization, or Team…

Leaders, you want your people to be productive. I get it. But here’s the challenge: do you have a shared definition for productivity? Is each person's job description built around their strengths and the results that actually matter—or is it collecting digital dust in a folder somewhere?

Extensive research has shown that strengths-based management and employee development lead to more engaging and productive workplaces in key areas such as sales, profit, turnover, and safety. Furthermore, one in two employees has left a job to get away from a manager or boss at some point in their career.

Bosses and managers—you’ve got to do better. When’s the last time you’ve invested in your personal leadership and development? Read a leadership book? Invested in coaching? Sat down with your team and asked how you can grow as a leader?

I recommend starting here:

Have each employee write their ideal job description aligned with their position and their strengths—the work they're good at and that energizes them.
Compare it to their current description, and adjust accordingly.
Set three big quarterly priorities: one primary, two secondary, and let them run with it.
Check in regularly. Evaluate priorities quarterly. Set new ones together.

Which brings us to the question underneath the question — because productivity isn't just a scheduling problem. It's a rhythms problem.

Your RHYTHMS Check

This is about the “T” in REST or Tangible rhythms —specifically how you structure your work, protect your creative energy, and operate from your Zone of Genius rather than defaulting to busyness as a substitute for productivity.

If you don't define what "productive" means for your specific role and strengths, you'll keep measuring hours instead of outcomes, burning energy on the wrong work, and wondering why you feel exhausted but behind.

But when you get clear on your Zone of Genius and build your days around it, you'll produce better results in less time, lead from a place of clarity and energy, and finally stop confusing motion with momentum.

Your Tangible rhythm determines whether your work is sustainable—or just busy.

This week's rhythm: Identify your Green Zone (your peak 2–3 hour creative window) and block it on your calendar today — not tomorrow. Protect it like a non-negotiable meeting with your most important client. Then identify one recurring task that belongs in your Red Zone and move it there.

Where are you spending your best hours on your worst work?

Leave a comment. What is one thing you're moving out of your peak creative time this week and back where it belongs? I read every one — and I might just have a thought for you.

Until next time,

Kent

P.S. — Rest isn't one-dimensional — and neither is the life you're after. When your Relational rhythms are strong, your marriage is solid and your people know they have you. When your Emotional rhythms are healthy, you laugh more, stress less, and lead with clarity. When your Spiritual rhythms are grounded, you wake up knowing why you're doing this. When your Tangible rhythms are working, you do your best work — and still have something left over for the people who matter most. That's not a fantasy. That's what the right rhythms actually produce. I'm launching my first RHYTHMS OF REST beta group in 2026 to help you build all four — professional excellence without sacrificing what's most important to you. Click the link to get on the waitlist.

Sources

Gay Hendricks, The Big Leap

“ Shower Creativity, ” NETO Innovation

Twilight of the Idols, Friedrich Nietzsche

Rigoni, B., & Asplund, J. (2016, July 7). Strengths-based employee development: The business results. Gallup.

Whenever you're ready, there are four ways I can help you...

Try the 5-minute REST Assessment to identify exactly where you are on the burnout scale—from Thriving to Critical—so you can take the next right step.
Schedule a Discovery Call to find out if executive coaching is for you - for business owners or executives
Catalyze your organization - invite me to do a keynote or workshop
Design a Life Plan Weekend to clarify your purpose, align your core values, and build a living plan that grows and flexes with every season of your life.

The #1 Mistake Leaders Make About Rest

Sun, 22 Feb 2026 10:30:03 GMT

The worst advice you could give to anyone who thrives on forward motion is “just rest.”

Here’s the #1 mistake high-capacity people make about rest—thinking rest means doing nothing.

Case in point: what’s the immediate picture that comes to mind when you hear the word “rest”?

A couch? A hammock? Bed? Bingeing Netflix in your pajamas?

The core fear most leaders have around rest? The fear of doing nothing. Leaders thrive on forward motion.

Doing nothing is one form of rest, but more than a few hours of doing nothing, and you’re scratching your head, wondering what to do next.

People who love productivity often tell me, “I don’t know how to rest.” That’s because the term “rest” is misunderstood and too vague. We don’t know how to rest because we don’t understand what it actually means.

What Is Rest?

Here's where it gets interesting. At the end of the Genesis creation narrative in the Hebrew Torah, there's an odd statement:

God rested.

The Hebrew word for rest is shâbath—where "Sabbath" comes from. But it doesn't mean doing nothing.

It means to cease, stop, and celebrate.

God finished his work, declared it "very good," and stopped to enjoy what he'd accomplished.

Whether you’re religious or not, this brings up an intriguing question: if, as the Bible describes, God—the creator of the universe who holds everything together—took time to stop and celebrate for a whole day and the world didn’t fall apart, then why can’t we?

Rest Isn’t What You Think

We need a new definition of rest.

The #1 mistake many leaders make is equating rest with inactivity, when in fact, rest is often active.

More often than not, rest is doing what replenishes you.

Rabbi/philosopher Abraham Heschel famously said, “If you work with your mind, Sabbath with your hands, if you work with your hands, Sabbath with your mind.”

On my day of rest, I enjoy playing music, taking walks, hiking, skiing, playing golf, biking, reading fiction and poetry, puttering in the garage or basement, working with my hands, and hanging out with my family. All active. All replenishing.

I discovered this several years ago after a leadership conflict left me emotionally depleted. I retreated to the garage and refinished furniture for months. Working with my hands didn't require emotional capacity, but it helped me heal.

That's when it clicked: depletion doesn't get fixed by doing nothing. It gets fixed by doing things that replenish you—and usually involves fun and hobbies.

A 400% Decrease in Hours Worked

When I began coaching Brandon, a tutoring company founder, he couldn't hold a thought while walking from room to room. He was burned out and hadn't taken a day off in five years.

When I explained the Jewish Sabbath—twenty-four hours of complete rest—he was skeptical. But when he learned it runs sundown Friday to sundown Saturday, meaning he could still work Saturday evening, everything clicked.

Within months of implementing one full day of rest per week, he went from working 12-15 hours daily, seven days a week, to 2-4 hours daily, six days a week.

That's nearly a 400% decrease in hours worked per week!

Sabbath was the catalyst. Could a real day of rest become a catalyst for you, too?"

The Leader’s Challenge

Here’s the challenge.

You love your work, personal development, creative problem-solving, and creating things. Telling you to do nothing can feel like torture and doesn’t work. Maybe you find yourself sneaking emails, peeking at your computer, or doing some other work-related task on what’s supposed to be a day of rest. I know I do sometimes.

Doing nothing for too long doesn’t usually work well for people like us. Instead of doing nothing on a day of rest or after work, why not try some things that replenish you?

Your RHYTHMS Check

This is about all four rhythms —rest isn't one-dimensional.

When your Relational rhythms are depleted, you need deep connection, not isolation. When your Emotional rhythms are drained, you need fun and hobbies, not more productivity. When your Spiritual rhythms are dry, you need purpose and beauty, not another task. When your Tangible rhythms are exhausted, you need movement, sleep, and nourishment, not another deadline.

One type of "rest" doesn't fix all four.

If you don't audit what type of depletion you're actually experiencing, you'll keep resting wrong and wondering why you're still burned out.

But if you identify which rhythm needs replenishment and give it what it actually needs, you'll stop running on fumes and start operating from overflow.

This week's rhythm: Ask yourself: Which of the four rhythms (Relational, Emotional, Spiritual, Tangible) feels most depleted right now? Then do ONE thing this week that specifically replenishes that rhythm—not the rhythm that's easiest to fix, but the one that needs it most.

Imagine taking a full day to do only what replenishes you (no productivity, no checking email, no "sneaking" work), what would you actually do? List three activities. Then ask yourself: when's the last time you did any of them?

Leave a comment and tell me which rhythm is most depleted for you right now—and what one thing you're going to do this week to replenish it. I read every response.

Until next time,

Kent

PS - If you haven't taken the RHYTHMS OF REST Assessment yet, do it today! This will help you identify exactly where you fall on the burnout scale—from Thriving to Critical—and show you which of your four rhythms needs attention most. Takes 5 minutes. Get your personalized results.

Sources

Genesis 2:2, The Bible

Whenever you're ready, there are four ways I can help you...

Try the 5-minute REST Assessment to identify exactly where you are on the burnout scale—from Thriving to Critical—so you can take the next right step.
Most leaders don't go down because of one thing—it's four rhythms quietly out of sync all at once. That's exactly why I'm launching my first RHYTHMS OF REST beta group in 2026, to help you get all four working together so you can build a thriving life without sacrificing what matters most. Spots will be limited. Click the link below to join the waitlist.
Schedule a Discovery Call to find out if executive coaching is for you - for business owners or executives
Catalyze your organization - invite me to do a keynote or workshop

Why We Rated Our 25-Year Marriage a 6—And What We're Doing to Get to an 8

Mon, 02 Feb 2026 14:00:16 GMT

If it can happen at age 76, it can happen to anyone.

Like many of you, I was shaken by the recent news about Philip Yancy’s eight-year affair with a married woman. It gave me pause and made me reflect. The main insight I walked away with?

You can never stop fighting for your marriage.

If you’re not married, apply that to your relationships. If you want good ones, you can never stop fighting for them.

This type of failure isn’t sudden; it’s gradual. It’s a slow fade. I know because I’ve watched it in my own marriage in different seasons.

Most people think that if you have a good marriage, you can coast, but the truth is that every great marriage is one season of neglect away from becoming a mediocre one. The moment you stop fighting for it, you start losing it. Like anything you fight for, there is no neutral ground. You are either advancing or retreating.

The irony? Even as we'd eventually slip to a 6, we've spent 25 years learning what actually works. We have a good marriage—just one that has drifted into maintenance mode instead of growth mode. The practices I'm about to share aren't theory. They're the rhythms that got us through two decades of marriage and the same ones we're using right now to climb back to an 8.

Simple but Not Easy

At our twenty-fifth anniversary celebration last year, one of our friends shared about all the people he knew in their forties getting divorced. He pointed out our dedication to growing our marriage and asked us to share some wisdom with the group. Here are three things that have kept us together and growing.

1) Never Stop Dating

We certainly haven’t always done this perfectly, but we’ve been consistent. Until recently, it was every two weeks (and sometimes longer), though we rarely went a month without a date. Our kids are older now, and our youngest can stay home by himself, so we’ve transitioned to weekly dates where I’ve noticed something important: spending focused time alone reminds me why I fell in love with Gina in the first place.

In over 25 years of marriage, we’ve both been three or four different people and have changed significantly—for the better. Dating reminds me that we can never stop getting to know each other.

What does this look like practically? Here’s our current rhythm: a weekly coffee date, a monthly dinner date, a quarterly extended date (3-6 hours), and a yearly multi-day getaway. And we like to sneak in an overnighter or two in addition to our annual getaway.

Whatever your rhythm, decide on it together, put it on paper, and schedule it.

2) Never Stop Growing

Marriage (and any relationship, for that matter) is like a plant. It has to be cared for and cultivated if you want it to grow and flourish. After our recent marriage review, we were not where we wanted to be and decided it was time for a marriage tune-up—another round of marriage counseling!

Here’s what investing in your marriage looks like:

Find some marriage mentors —a couple who have been married longer and/or have a better marriage than you. Ask them to meet with you so you can ask them some questions about marriage. Over time, they might even become marriage mentors.

Find a good marriage counselor. They provide a needed second perspective on your recurring problems and share tools you may not have thought of. We’re on a waitlist right now.

Read a marriage book together. Two that I recommend: The 5 Love Languages quiz and book by Gary Chapman, and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver.

Do an annual marriage review —the practice we skipped for ten years that let us slide back to a 6.

3) Never Stop Talking

It can be hard to find time to talk when life is in full swing (marriage, kids, and heavy work responsibilities), but find time you must.

Clinical psychologist, author, and Professor Emeritus at the University of Toronto, Dr. Jordan Peterson contends that 90 minutes of weekly conversation is the minimum needed for a healthy marriage relationship. Otherwise, we develop a backlog of communication that affects our intimacy. Simply put, we don’t talk enough, and men, you probably aren’t listening enough.

After we shared those three things, I said, “It’s nothing revolutionary. It's simple stuff.”

To which someone replied, “It’s simple but not easy. ”

I couldn’t agree more. Having a healthy and fulfilling marriage is not that complicated, but neither is it easy.

An Embarrassing Admission

I’ve been open about our past marriage struggles .

My wife and I did our first annual marriage review in 2015 and loved it. We asked some tough questions, evaluated how we were doing, talked about what we wanted our marriage to be, and formed a plan to get there. It produced one of the best marriage seasons of our lives for several years.

Sadly, we didn’t do one for another ten years, which is why we recently found ourselves sliding back into mediocrity when we did another review in late 2025. The toughest question of the review: On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate our marriage and why?

Both of us gave it a similar rating.

Her rating: 6. My rating: 6.5.

Not great, I know. Certainly not #MarriageGoals.

But there’s good news, too. The review allowed us to pinpoint where we were falling short and form a plan that we’ve already begun to execute, including:

A fresh round of marriage counseling.
A weekly date.
Reading a marriage book together.

Having a weekly parenting conversation (being on the same page with our thirteen-year-old was a pain point).

Pursuing a hobby together.

Our goal: to move from a 6 or 6.5 to an 8 by June 30, 2026.

Already, by setting our intention and forming a plan, we are seeing improvement.

Mediocrity is easy. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Excellence is hard. It takes constant work and improvement.

Your RHYTHMS Check

This is about your Relational rhythms —good relationships make for a happy life. Because marriage is the centerpiece of your inner circle, and when this primary relationship fails, everything downstream suffers. Much like the heart, where all four chambers must work together, your relational rhythm with your spouse pumps life into every other area.

It’s easy to drift into roommate status, where you coexist but don't truly connect. The slow fade becomes inevitable. Your marriage can drop from an 8 to a 6 or worse without you even noticing.

Never stop dating, never stop growing, never stop talking. When you do, it creates a marriage that advances rather than retreats. You become someone your spouse wants to spend time with. The compound effect of small, consistent investments transforms mediocrity into something worth fighting for.

This week's action step: schedule your next marriage check-in right now. Pull out your calendar and block 90 minutes in the next 7 days—no phones, no kids, just focused conversation. If you're married, give this question to your spouse ahead of time and talk about it during your check-in: "On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate our marriage right now, and why?” Then ask,

What one thing would move our marriage from where it is now to one point higher on a 10-point scale?

If you’re not married, which relationship is in most need of attention right now, and what’s the first step you need to take?

Your turn. Reply to this email and tell me: When's your next date scheduled, and what's the one thing you're committing to do this week to fight for your marriage? I read every response.

Until next time,

Kent

PS - Your Relational rhythm is just one chamber. But it's the one that pumps life into everything else—and it's usually the first thing leaders sacrifice when life gets busy. I'm launching my first RHYTHMS OF REST beta group in February 2026 to help you master all four rhythms before another year slips by. Click the link to be added to the waitlist.

Sources

Philip Yancy’s eight-year affair with a married woman , Christianity Today

The Five Languages of Love quiz and book by Gary Chapman

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver

“The Yearly Marriage Check Up ,” The Art of Manliness

Jordan Peterson Marriage Advice (90 Minute Rule for a Healthy Relationship) , the SRS Daily

Whenever you're ready, there are four ways I can help you...

Try the 5-minute REST Assessment to identify exactly where you are on the burnout scale—from Thriving to Critical—so you can take the next right step.
Transform those anxiety-filled, rushed mornings into your foundation for daily success with my course, Win the Morning, Win the Day!
Schedule a Discovery Call to find out if executive coaching is for you - for business owners or executives
Catalyze your organization - invite me to do a keynote or workshop

Why Doing Nothing Makes Leaders More Anxious (And What Restores Them)

Fri, 23 Jan 2026 18:16:50 GMT

Rest and inactivity aren't the same thing. It took me 25 years to figure that out.

Not long ago, I performed a song with my daughter at an open mic. Did I feel like going out on a cold, dark Thursday night? Not really. Did it take effort? Absolutely. Was it restful? More than a nap ever could be.

When my daughter suggested singing a song together at an open-mic night, I jumped at the opportunity. She has a lovely voice and wanted to do a song I love—Starting Over by Chris Stapleton. This song was released during the COVID-19 pandemic and characterized the way many of us were feeling.

Did I feel like going out on a cold, dark Thursday night? Not really. Did it take effort? Absolutely. Was it restful? More than a nap ever could be.

What Leaders Get Wrong About Rest

Most leaders think rest means inactivity, but the truth is that rest often means doing other activities that replenish you in some other way—like playing guitar with your daughter at an open mic—even though it takes effort and energy.

Craig Groeschel leads Life Church—90,000 people across 41 locations in 12 states. You'd think someone at that level would "rest" by doing nothing. Instead? He does Jujitsu and is working on his pilot's license.

Read that again. Jujitsu. And flying planes.

That's not what rest is supposed to look like, right? But rest doesn't always mean lying in a hammock or collapsing on the couch—it means subtracting what drains and adding what replenishes.

Playing guitar is one of those things for me. It’s something I do nearly every Saturday on my day of rest (and other times as well). It challenges me mentally and replenishes me emotionally. I first started playing the guitar when I was fifteen, then let it go for a few years before picking it back up in college when I joined a band as a lead singer. Since then, it’s been an important part of my life—playing in worship bands and now for enjoyment. Playing and singing challenge my skills but also connect on an emotional level. I often deeply resonate with songs that, in turn, reflect something I’m going through or a season of my life. When I play, I go to a different place; it’s restful but on a different level.

Music has given me countless opportunities to connect with my kids and is something our whole family enjoys—Gina plays keys and has a butter voice, Kole plays guitar like a wizard and writes songs, Ava plays piano, guitar, and sings like an angel, and Jon, our youngest, is a rock-star drummer. That Thursday night at the open mic wasn't just about playing a song—it was about being present with my daughter in a way that energizes me instead of depletes me.

For me, rest also looks like reading fiction that transports me somewhere else, hiking trails where I can take in the grandeur of nature without checking my phone, or skiing double black runs that require total focus.

The Rest Reality

For high-capacity people, inactivity can be scary. Leaders usually love their work and enjoy being productive, so for them, inactivity can create anxiety.

Here's what I've learned after 25 years of trying to rest the 'right' way and failing: your emotional tank doesn't refill itself. You have to actively replenish it. And for high-capacity people, that replenishment often looks more like play than stillness. I used to condemn myself when I got bored, picked up a business book, or needed to clean out the basement or the garage on my day of rest. Now I’ve embraced it as a part of me. High-capacity people just rest differently.

Your RHYTHMS Check

This is about your Emotional rhythms —specifically, fun and hobbies. Your emotional tank doesn't refill itself through willpower or weekend crashes. It requires active replenishment through activities that challenge you mentally while restoring you emotionally.

If you don't protect time for what actually replenishes you, you'll keep white-knuckling through life, wondering why you feel hollowed out. But if you identify what fills your emotional tank (namely, fun) and schedule it like any other important meeting, you'll discover that rest doesn't mean stopping—it means shifting.

Your Emotional rhythm determines whether you're living from overflow or running on fumes.

This week's Rhythm of REST: Identify one activity that challenges you mentally while replenishing you emotionally—fun and hobbies especially. Block your next fun activity in your calendar it right now.

When was the last time you did something purely for the joy of doing it—not because it was productive or beneficial—just because it made you feel alive?

Hit reply and tell me: What activity are you committing to this week, and when exactly are you doing it?

Until next time,

Kent

P.S. - Your Emotional rhythm is just one chamber. But it's often the first one leaders sacrifice—and the hardest to restore once it's gone. I'm launching my first RHYTHMS OF REST beta group in 2026 to help you keep all four synchronized. Together. Just click the link to be added to the waitlist.

Whenever you're ready, there are four ways I can help you...

Try the 5-minute REST Assessment to identify exactly where you are on the burnout scale—from Thriving to Critical—so you can take the next right step.
Transform those anxiety-filled, rushed mornings into your foundation for daily success with my course, Win the Morning, Win the Day!
Schedule a Discovery Call to find out if executive coaching is for you - for business owners or executives
Catalyze your organization - invite me to do a keynote or workshop

What NOT Reading Is Costing Your Leadership

Mon, 12 Jan 2026 12:54:58 GMT

Nearly half of all Americans finished ZERO books last year.

Reading 5 books per year puts you in the top 33 percent. Reading 10 books per year puts you in the top 21 percent. Reading 20, 30, or 40 books per year puts you in rare company — among the top 10 percent of readers.

Which camp do you fall into?

You see, in the past, I didn’t read much either…maybe 3-4 books per year.

But several years ago, I decided to be a reader.

That one decision changed my life.

Since then, I’ve steadily increased the amount of time I read each day, which has led to more books read.

2025 is a bit deceiving because I read two books that were 600 pages—which is really like three books. That brings me up to about 29 books for the year.

Here's what matters: It's less about the number of books you read and more about becoming a reader.

Are We Getting Dumber?

A recent article in the Economist highlighted some alarming trends. Multiple studies have concluded that adults, children, and teenagers are all reading less, and very small children are being read to less.

Reading to my children has been one of the joys of my life. It’s such fun that I recently reinstated reading to my thirteen-year-old before bed…again. We are currently reading The Hobbit . Tolkien has lots of songs in his books, so I even dance and sing a little, too!

The article bluntly states, “Reading is in trouble.”:

In America, the share of people who read for pleasure has fallen by two-fifths in 20 years. That’s a 40% drop in just two decades.
Sentences are getting shorter and simpler. Hundreds of NY Times bestsellers were analyzed and found that sentences in popular books have contracted by almost a third since the 1930s.
Presidential speeches have dropped from postgraduate-level complexity to high-school-level in 250 years, from George Washington’s postgraduate-level score of about 28.7 to Donald Trump’s high-school-level score of about 9.4.

Here’s what concerns me most: many leaders don’t read that much either, and that sets them at a significant disadvantage.

Some of my best ideas come from cross-disciplinary reading or reading outside my field of expertise.

No, I don’t read 50 or 100 books a year like some people. I can’t make that kind of time right now. That takes about an hour of reading per day.

I read about two books per month—not to hit a number, but because I've experienced what happens when I don't. My thinking gets shallow. My creativity dries up. My leadership suffers.

What Reading Actually Does for You

#1 - Reading strengthens the neural pathways that make you sharp

A former mentor of mine said, “Leaders are readers.” Though there are many forms of learning (podcasts, courses, etc), reading physical books does something podcasts and courses can't.

Reading creates and strengthens the neural pathways your brain uses to think, process, and solve problems. When you stop reading, these pathways literally weaken. Your attention span shrinks. Your ability to think deeply deteriorates.

I see this firsthand in my coaching business. Being a reader allows me to stay sharp for my clients, process complex ideas, and lead with more creativity.

#2 - Reading makes you healthier

My Nana was as sharp as a tack until the day she died at age 92, and one of the key memories I have is her doing crossword puzzles every time I came to her house. Reading comes with many physical and mental benefits. It has been shown to increase brain strength, empathy, sleep, and life expectancy, and decrease stress, depression, and cognitive decline as you age.

All that by the simple act of reading. Seems like a small trade-off for so many benefits. I can personally attest to this. Reading makes you smarter and healthier.

#3 - Reading Makes You Smarter

When you read a book, you gain 2-3 years of accumulated knowledge. That’s how long the average book takes to research, write, and release. Beyond that, there are usually many more years of life experience embedded within its pages.

Sir Francis Bacon, the renowned scientist and philosopher, coined the phrase “knowledge is power.” But knowledge without application is just information. Understanding is what happens when you apply what you read.

When I read a book, I’m looking for relevant takeaways that apply right now , unless it’s a good fiction book that I’m reading for enjoyment. Even then, I sometimes find myself marking pages, underlining quotes, or making notes for future use.

Here are five books that transformed how I think and lead in 2025.

Five Books that Changed How I Think and Lead In 2025

#1 - Jobs by Walter Isaacson

It's hard to summarize a person's life in one core idea, but if I had to, I'd say Jobs lived for innovation and focus. His ability to tune out the noise and stay laser-focused on the few products that would change everything was legendary.

But that singular focus came at a brutal cost. Jobs could make people believe they could do the impossible—and they did. But relationships? Not his strength. Building an enduring company where people made great products was everything. "Everything else was secondary," including the people closest to him.

This book gave me a vivid picture of how to stay relentlessly focused and how not to lead relationally.

#2 - The Creative Act by Rick Rubin

Rubin's big idea: creativity isn't a method you master—it's a way of being.

Instead of giving you a step-by-step process, Rubin explores what creativity looks like through different people and forms. The book reads like a devotional, with short chapters you can absorb daily for inspiration. Each one offers a fresh perspective on creativity as something alive, ever-changing, and growing.

The Creative Act helped solidify that creativity is a way of life, not just moments of inspiration.

#3 - The Genesee Diary by Henri Nouwen

Nouwen spent seven months at a Trappist monastery, trying to escape the frenetic pace of academia and ministry. I read the book while at the same monastery, The Abbey of the Genesee in Western, NY. What stuck with me most was this line: "When you want to hurry something, that means you no longer care about it, and want to get on to other things." That landed like a punch. Nouwen discovered that his need to achieve, to be recognized, to stay busy—all of it was disconnecting him from love itself.

The Benedictine rhythm of prayer, work, and rest wasn't just a nice monastic practice. It was the antidote to a life lived detached from God and people. Nouwen wrestled with whether he could bring this slower way back into his "real life." The question haunted him: Can you live contemplatively in an active world?

His honest answer: barely. But the trying matters.

#4 - Three Mile an Hour God by Koyami Kosuki

Koyama, a Japanese theologian, brings an Eastern perspective that shattered my Western theological assumptions. He weaves insights from Buddhism, Hinduism, and Taoism (without embracing universalism) to paint a fuller picture of God at work in the world. But the real gut punch? His unflinching examination of the injustices the Church has participated in—especially toward ethnic and religious minorities.

What stuck with me: Koyama's penetrating questions left me wrestling with my own complicity. He doesn't offer easy answers or seven-step solutions. Instead, he forces you to sit with the discomfort and ask yourself: How am I participating in injustice? How do I bring God's justice into the world?

Honestly? I'm still not sure. But the asking matters.

#5 - Hell Yeah or No by Derek Sivers

Sivers' philosophy is simple: if it's not a "hell yeah," it's a no.

The book is a collection of over 60 short chapters—life wisdom condensed into bite-sized pieces you can read daily. Wide-ranging and thought-provoking, Sivers challenges you to think more deeply about what you're doing, why you're doing it, and whether it's actually worth doing at all.

What stuck with me: His relentless clarity about priorities. Most of us say yes to things that are merely "fine" or "good enough," filling our lives with mediocre commitments. Sivers strips away the noise and asks the hard question: Is this a hell yeah? If not, why are you doing it?

It's a gold mine for anyone drowning in obligations they never really wanted in the first place.

Your RHYTHMS Check

This is about your Emotional and Mental rhythms and the practices that protect your mental clarity and creative capacity.

If you don't become a reader, your brain will continue weakening. Your ideas will stay shallow. Your leadership will plateau. You'll keep grinding harder while thinking slower.

But if you commit to becoming a reader... you'll strengthen neural pathways that make complex thinking easier. You'll gain years of compressed wisdom from leaders who've walked ahead of you. You'll process stress better, sleep more deeply, and lead with more creativity.

Your reading habits determine whether you're building mental capacity or burning it down.

This week's rhythm: Choose one book that you already have and read one page today, maybe before bed or with your morning coffee. Do this for seven days straight and notice what happens to your mental clarity.

When was the last time you read something that actually changed how you think—not just informed you, but transformed you?

Until next time,

Kent

PS - My new e-book, On Becoming a Reader: Unlocking the Power of Reading , shows you how to become a reader using simple, science-backed strategies that actually work. No guilt. No overwhelm. Just one page at a time, starting today.

Whenever you're ready, there are four ways I can help you...

Try the 5-minute REST Assessment to identify exactly where you are on the burnout scale—from Thriving to Critical—so you can take the next right step.
Transform those anxiety-filled, rushed mornings into your foundation for daily success with my course, Win the Morning, Win the Day!
Schedule a Discovery Call to find out if executive coaching is for you - for business owners or executives
Catalyze your organization - invite me to do a keynote or workshop

Sources

“Most Americans Didn’t Read Many Books in 2025,” https://yougovamerica.substack.com/p/most-americans-didnt-read-many-books

Dr. Thomas H. Agrait https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/negative-impact-decline-reading-society-perspective-dr-thomas-h--bdmre/

“Is the Decline of Reading Making Politics Dumber?” https://www.economist.com/culture/2025/09/04/is-the-decline-of-reading-making-politics-dumber

“Benefits of Reading Books: How It Can Positively Affect Your Life,” https://www.healthline.com/health/benefits-of-reading-books#takeaway

“What Did Francis Bacon Mean by Knowledge Is Power?” https://www.thecollector.com/francis-bacon-knowledge-is-power/

#10: What Holds You Together When Your Best Rhythms Fall Apart

Sun, 28 Dec 2025 10:45:00 GMT

"I’ve never seen you this at peace before."

My friend said this exactly 30 days before I ruptured my patella tendon and lost nearly every rhythm I'd built.

What do you do when your rhythms get hijacked by life or someone else's agenda?

When You’re Rhythms Fall Apart

Some of you may be asking, Does the guy who talks about the “right rhythms” being the answer to burnout and overwhelm ever feel burned out himself?

The simple answer is yes.

The complex answer is, no matter how great your rhythms are, life still throws you curveballs that you can’t control, and you’re going to get weary sometimes. This usually happens right when you feel you are starting to hit a groove.

That’s what happened to me back in May when I ruptured my patella tendon. It happened right on the heels of one of the best seasons of my life. Let me paint the picture for you:

I was near my ideal weight, lifting three times a week, emotionally and mentally sharp, work was going better than ever, my relationships were solid, and I'd just returned from a transformative retreat where a friend commented, "I've never seen you that at peace before."

A month later, on May 18, 2025, 9-12 months of my life were instantly decided for me by my injury.

All of my physical rhythms instantly ceased. Many of my spiritual practices disappeared. Emotionally? Crushed. Devastated. Thankfully, I could still work since my job is virtual, but I was staring down a long road I didn't choose.

The Thing That Held

I'd like to tell you I bounced back quickly. I didn't. It took months just to feel some sense of normalcy again. Even now, some of the rhythms I cherish, like my daily walks to the park, are just returning albeit significantly different with no small amount of pain.

Having the right rhythms is crucial, and they are going to help you immensely. But they also need to be flexible enough to move with life. When by no choice of your own, one or more go out the window, the others have to be strong enough to hold.

Here's what I learned: Rhythms matter. They help immensely. But they're only as strong as the relationships holding them in place. When your systems fail—and they will—it's the people who love you who determine whether you recover or collapse. Thanks especially to my wife who put up with a lot of grumpiness and bore the weight of the family for 2-3 months as I began to recover. She drove me to every appointment, took off work, attended my needs, and was a taxi service for the kids. My friends came to visit me, some from an hour away. My kids pitched in however they could.

Slowly but surely, after two surgeries and weekly PT, life returned to some sense of normalcy, and I am now halfway through the recovery process.

How about you? Which of your rhythms are currently broken? And more importantly—who's holding you up while you rebuild?

Your RHYTHMS Check

Most people think the right rhythms will prevent burnout and protect them from life's chaos, but the truth is rhythms are only as strong as the relationships holding them in place—and when your systems fail, it's the people who love you who determine whether you recover or collapse.

This is about your Relational rhythms —the people, connections, and support systems that hold you when your other rhythms fail. Most leaders focus obsessively on optimizing their personal systems (physical routines, productivity hacks, spiritual practices) while neglecting the relational foundation that determines whether those systems can be sustained long-term.

If you don't intentionally strengthen your relational rhythms before a crisis hits... you'll face it alone, without the support network that makes recovery possible. You'll burn through willpower trying to maintain systems that were never designed to stand without relational support.

But if you invest in your relational rhythms now... you create a foundation that holds when everything else collapses. You build a network of people who will carry you through seasons when you can't carry yourself. Your relational rhythm determines whether burnout becomes a spiral or a season you move through with support.

This week's rhythm: Identify the three people who would show up if your life fell apart tomorrow. Then reach out to one of them—not to ask for anything, but to invest in that relationship while you still have capacity. Send a text. Schedule coffee. Make a phone call. The relationships that hold you through crisis are built in the ordinary moments before crisis hits.

If your carefully constructed routines disappeared tomorrow, who would actually show up to help you rebuild—and have you invested in those relationships lately?

Hit reply and tell me: Who is one person you're going to reach out to this week to strengthen your relational foundation? I read every response, and I'm genuinely curious who shows up for you.

Until next time,

Kent

Whenever you're ready, there are four ways I can help you...

Try the 5-minute REST Assessment to identify exactly where you are on the burnout scale—from Thriving to Critical—so you can take the next right step.
Transform those anxiety-filled, rushed mornings into your foundation for daily success with my course, Win the Morning, Win the Day!
Schedule a Discovery Call to find out if executive coaching is for you - for business owners or executives
Catalyze your organization - invite me to do a keynote or workshop

#9: What Your Calendar Reveals About Your Values

Sun, 14 Dec 2025 10:45:00 GMT

When was the last time you looked at your values and actually felt convicted?

I created my personal core values years ago.

Read them every day. Have most of them memorized. Use them as a decision-making compass. They are so ingrained in me that I can’t live any other way.

To go outside of my values is failure. To live within them is success.

The Reality Gap

If only it were that easy.

Though I do seek to live my values in everything, in the day-to-day scramble of life, it’s easy to lose sight of them or default to an easier option. I’m not perfect, and I’m not always going to get it right.

Neither are you.

The urgent question you need to ask is, am I moving closer and closer to the person I want to be or drifting further away?

Values aren't just reminders. They're the architecture of your soul. When you live disconnected from them, you feel it—even when everything looks successful on the outside.

Knowing your values is a good start, but living by them requires intentionality.

Values In Action

Let me show you what this looks like in real life—the messy, trackable, accountable version.

One of my personal values is “Intentional,” which simply means to do something by design. In my case, this primarily refers to my relationships. Because values without action are just nice words, I define it as an action, “I create thriving relationships by being an intentional husband, father, and friend.”

But that’s still not enough. Here are some specific behaviors I practice in order to be intentional with my most important relationships:

Wife - We aim to talk three times per week for at least 30 minutes, a bi-weekly date night, an entire day together quarterly, and a yearly getaway.

Kids - I aim to intentionally connect with one of my kids each week. That could be an outing with one of them, watching a show, or just knocking on their door to chat for a bit. They all happen to live at home right now, but as they move out, that will become a weekly phone call or touch point.

Friends - I aim to connect with my closest friends face-to-face once per month, and try to text them at least once in between. Living an hour away makes this harder, but that's exactly why I track it.

Peter Drucker, sometimes referred to as the father of modern management once said, “If you can’t measure it, you can’t manage it.”

Your values are no exception.

A good relationship can be hard to measure (you intuitively know how you feel about them—good, bad, or somewhere in between), but what creates a good relationship is easier to measure—time spent, effective communication, listening, dates, etc.

These are my greatest opportunities for impact. My wife needs a husband who pursues her. My kids need a father who champions them. My friends need someone who shows up—in the small moments and the crises.

Failure here ripples through generations.

As John Maxwell wrote and I've embraced as my own definition of relational success, "Success is when the people who know me best respect me the most."

The Proof

How do I know I’m living this value? My wife recently commented on this during a conversation with one of my kids. She said, “Your Dad is one of the most intentional people I know. He has a reason for everything he does and has thought through it. It’s one of the things I love about him.”

I’ve always been intentional, but in the past, my intentionality was lopsided—toward things that mattered less—like work, success, and growth.

Being intentional about work is good. Being intentional about work while your relationships get your leftovers? That's a different story.

Your Rhythms Check

Your values are the cornerstones of all four rhythms—Relational, Emotional, Spiritual, and Tangible—understanding who you are at your core and aligning your daily life with that identity. They're not just words on paper, they're the architecture of your soul. When you live disconnected from them, you experience internal friction, even if everything looks successful on the outside.

Start by clearly identifying your values. If not you'll wake up one day realizing you've been climbing the wrong ladder. Your calendar will be full, your bank account might be healthy, but you’ll feel empty and the people who matter most will feel like they got your leftovers. You'll be successful in everyone's eyes except yourself and the people who know you best.

That’s not success.

But if you make your values non-negotiable, you’ll create alignment between who you say you are and who you actually are. Your decisions become clearer. Your relationships become richer. You stop living in constant internal conflict. You build a life that looks successful from the outside AND feels restful on the inside.

Your values determine whether you're building a life or just managing a schedule.

This week's rhythm: Take 10 minutes to write down your top 3 values. Then ask someone close to you: "Based on how I actually spend my time and energy, what do you think my real values are?" Don't defend. Just listen. The gap between your stated values and their answer is your growth edge.

Here are two great resources I've used to help me:

The wake up call: If your calendar and bank statement were audited, what would they say your real values are—not what you wish they were?

Hit reply and tell me: What's ONE value you say matters to you, but if you're honest, your life doesn't currently reflect it? And what's ONE thing you're going to do in the next 24 hours to close that gap?

Until next time,

Kent

Whenever you're ready, there are four ways I can help you...

Try the 5-minute REST Assessment to identify exactly where you are on the burnout scale—from Thriving to Critical—so you can take the next right step.
Transform those anxiety-filled, rushed mornings into your foundation for daily success with my course, Win the Morning, Win the Day!
Schedule a Discovery Call to find out if executive coaching is for you - for business owners or executives
Catalyze your organization - invite me to do a keynote or workshop

#8: Gratitude Isn't What You Think...It's Better!

Mon, 01 Dec 2025 11:23:33 GMT

1474 days of gratitude.

For 1,474 days, I've been writing down three things I'm grateful for—without it, I don’t know where I’d be.

Sure, I’ve missed some days here and there, but perfection is not the point…never has been.

But before I move on, Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours!

The Transformative Effect of Gratitude

Gratitude is more than feeling thankful—it's a rewiring . Here are three ways it's transformed how I lead and live.

#1 - Gratitude grounds me in the present

As a visionary, I have a tendency to look ahead and live in the future. It's my natural habitat—and my Achilles heel, too!

During my long, slow knee injury recovery (I’m at the six month mark and still not done), getting too future-focused only led to discouragement and hopelessness as I thought, When will this be over? Will I ever be able to do the things I used to do?

Gratitude became my anchor. Instead of asking 'when will this end,' I started asking 'what's here right now that I'm missing?

#2 - Gratitude keeps my eyes on what I have instead of what I don’t

Whenever scarcity thinking creeps in—and for leaders, it often does—gratitude pulls me back to reality and the blessings I already have.

A friend of mine once said, “Blessed is the man who wants what he has.”

That line haunts me in the best way.

#3 - Gratitude is the antidote to complaining

One wrong thought when you open your eyes can spiral into a morning of frustration.

That’s why I write down three things I’m thankful for almost as soon as I wake up. It reframes my entire day from lack to abundance, from complaint to thanksgiving.

Sometimes, when I start complaining, I try to immediately think of what I’m thankful for and sometimes say it out loud…because it’s impossible to be thankful and complain at the same time.

That’s not to say we can’t vent or grieve sometimes. That is to say complaining is a slippery slope.

Your Rhythms Check

This is about your Emotional rhythms—how you process your internal world determines how you show up externally.

If you don't intentionally direct your attention first thing in the morning, your heart and brain will default to what's broken, what's missing, what's urgent—and you'll lead from anxiety all day.

But if you start with gratitude, you’ll lead from abundance instead of scarcity, and be more focused on the present and the people around you.

This week's rhythm: Tomorrow morning, before checking your phone, write down three specific things you're grateful for. Not generic things—specific. Not "my family" but "the way my daughter laughed at dinner last night." Do this for seven days.

What would change in your leadership if you started each day from abundance instead of scarcity?

Until next time,

Kent

#7: Your Rest Problem Isn't Busyness—It's Complexity

Sun, 16 Nov 2025 10:45:00 GMT

What if the reason you can't rest isn't because you're too busy, but because you've made rest itself too complex?

Rest is simple, but it's not easy. Here’s what I mean:

Simple is the opposite of complex. Complex comes from the word “complect” which means woven together, entwined, or braided. Simple comes from the word “simplex” which means single, plain, one-fold, unbraided, or unconnected.

Easy refers to something that is accessible and effortless, versus difficult and demanding.

I love simplicity, but I often find myself overcomplicating things.

What Simple Actually Looks Like

Simple is elegant.

A simple and delicious recipe

A simple and clear framework

A simple and compelling mission

A simple and streamlined look or design

A simple and easy-to-use piece of technology

Notice what they all have in common, they remove rather than add.

Simplicity requires intentionality, focused thought, diligent effort, and often cutting, but it leaves you with something beautiful when it’s done.

This is exactly what I learned the hard way.

A Framework Born from Failure

After my fall-down-on-the-floor nervous breakdown at 27, I had an epiphany: You don't need to understand or control everything to live and lead from a place of peace and rest.

That moment led me to create the Rhythms of REST℠ Framework —four key areas where all of us need simple, sustainable rhythms:

R elational - the people and connections that matter most

E motional/Mental - processing the weight of life and leadership

S piritual - meaning, purpose, and grounding practices

T angible - work, finances, and physical health.

Just like a heart where all four chambers must work together for proper blood flow, a flourishing life depends on integrating these four rhythms.

What a Well-Designed Life Looks Like

The goal of life is simplicity. No one wants a complicated life. A simple life is a well-designed life.

A well-designed life…

Flows from a clear purpose and values, not others' expectations

Gets reevaluated regularly; it’s dynamic, not static.

Lives life holistically, rather than in separate compartments.

Here’s what a well-designed life doesn’t mean…

A well-designed life doesn’t mean perfection, and it doesn't mean we have ultimate control; we don’t. In fact, we have very little control except for self-control. We can’t control other people; we don’t control circumstances; and we can’t control what happens to us or around us for the most part. However, we do have a choice about how we respond to things and what we will do with the time that has been given to us.

But simple doesn’t mean easy either.

Doing the hard work of keeping things simple means we have to make difficult choices—choices that flow from our values.

I learned this lesson the hard way fifteen years ago—crying in the car after four Christmases in five days. Being an intentional husband and father meant making a conscious choice to prioritize the well-being of myself and my family. That moment forced me to ask: Am I designing a life I love in line with my values, or succumbing to other people’s expectations?

Which brings me to you…

Your Rhythms Check

This isn't about mastering one particular rhythm right now. This is about the values that shape your rhythms—because when your life is designed around your values rather than others' expectations, every area begins to work together.

If you don't identify and prioritize your values, you'll keep saying yes to things that drain you and no to things that matter most. You'll end up with a complex life designed by committee—everyone else's priorities woven together until you can't find your own thread.

But if you take the time to define your values, you can make difficult decisions from a place of clarity rather than guilt. You create simple systems that support what matters most. You stop apologizing for living intentionally.

Your values determine whether you're living a life by design or by default.

This week's rhythm: Take 15 minutes with pen and paper and do this brief core values exercise: If I could only say yes to three things in life, what would they be?" Don't overthink it. Don't make it complicated. Just write what comes first.

Then look at your calendar for last week. How many of your commitments actually supported those three things?

If someone looked at your calendar from last week, what would they say you value most—and would they be right?

Most people think that creating rhythms of rest requires elaborate systems, perfect conditions, and massive life overhauls, but the truth is that simple, sustainable rest comes from eliminating complexity and living from your values—not by adding more structure.

Leave a comment and tell me: What's the one thing you discovered you're currently saying yes to that your values would tell you to stop? I read every response, and I want to know what you're wrestling with.

Until next time,

Whenever you're ready, there are four ways I can help you...

Try the 5-minute REST Assessment to identify exactly where you are on the burnout scale—from Thriving to Critical—so you can take the next right step.
Transform those anxiety-filled, rushed mornings into your foundation for daily success with my course, Win the Morning, Win the Day!
Schedule a Discovery Call to find out if executive coaching is for you - for business owners or executives
Catalyze your organization - invite me to do a keynote or workshop

#6: The December Decision: How to Stop Holiday Overwhelm Before It Starts

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 11:00:16 GMT

Driving home after four Christmases in five days, we were in tears.

Not tears of joy—tears of exhaustion, overwhelm, and exasperation.

Both our parents were divorced, but they all lived within two hours of each other. Obviously, we couldn't not visit all of them if we were going to the area. So, we set up Basecamp at one of our parents' houses, and each day, we traveled to one of their houses for another Christmas. In the end, we were a mess, and none of us was satisfied with the amount of time we'd spent with each one.

It was like something out of the movies!

At the time, we had young children, the desire to establish traditions of our own, and the desperate need for some downtime during the holidays. Fifteen years ago, that trip was the catalyst that helped us decide NOT to travel during the holidays.

That decision changed everything —which is exactly what we're going to explore together on November 18th in a free webinar I'm calling The December Decision.

Save your spot for the FREE webinar →

Some might feel it’s too early to start talking about Christmas, but we've already begun receiving holiday gift magazines and seeing Christmas commercials weeks ago.

Which means you're probably already feeling the pressure to plan, book, and commit.

Holiday Overwhelm Is Real

The truth is, even with that decision not to travel and other intentional ones, the holidays can STILL feel overwhelming.

Your December probably includes work projects rushing to close before year-end, endless holiday parties—company events, client dinners, kids' school celebrations, church gatherings, neighborhood parties. Then there are family expectations around travel plans, hosting duties, gift shopping, and maintaining traditions like Christmas cards.

Meanwhile, your kids' activities don't stop just because it's December, not to mention the year-end financial reviews, planning sessions, and strategic meetings that need to happen.

And somehow you're supposed to smile through it all and "enjoy the magic of the holidays," right?

Here’s the truth we know but don’t want to say: the people who matter most get whatever's left over.

Your spouse gets the exhausted, irritable version of you. Your kids get the distracted, stressed, 'not now' version. And by December 26th, you’re exhausted, and there are only a few days to recover (if you get any time off at all) before the New Year begins, and it starts all over again

This is the pattern, but maybe this year it will be different?

Your Rhythms Check

This is about your Relational rhythms —the quality of connection with the people who matter most. The holidays test these rhythms more than any other season because you're forced to choose between maintaining peace with extended family, meeting professional obligations, and protecting the sacred circle of your immediate family.

If you don't set boundaries now , you'll spend January apologizing to your spouse and kids for being absent during what should have been your most connected season. You'll have attended 15 parties but missed the moments that actually matter.

But if you make The December Decision now , you create space for the traditions that fuel you rather than drain you. You model for your children that rest isn't optional—it's strategic. You enter the new year energized, not depleted.

Your Relational rhythm determines whether the holidays strengthen your closest bonds or strain them to the breaking point.

This week's rhythm: Before you say yes to one more holiday commitment, have a 15-minute conversation with your spouse or accountability partner. Ask: "What are the three non-negotiable holiday experiences we want to protect this year?" Everything else is optional.

Which holiday obligation are you dreading most—and what would happen if you simply didn't do it this year?

Leave a comment: What's ONE holiday commitment you're going to say no to this year? I want to celebrate your courage to choose rest over obligation.

Until next time,

Kent

PS - If you're realizing your December is already spinning out of control, you're not alone. On November 18th, I'm hosting a FREE webinar called The December Decision —where we'll map out how to slow the rush, protect what matters, and turn the holidays into fuel for your best year yet. No fluff, just a practical plan you can implement immediately.

Save your spot for the FREE webinar →

#5: This Is Your Anchor When Everything Shifts...

Sun, 19 Oct 2025 10:00:06 GMT

After a retreat to a Trappist monastery at the end of April, my spiritual life had never been better.

Then everything fell apart.

A brutal knee injury in May forced me to focus on recovery for months. In fact, I’m still recovering and have a long way to go. Some of my spiritual rhythms fell apart, too, and my purpose started feeling foggy and unclear.

It’s hard when life puts you in a narrow place.

But life does that sometimes. It forces you to ask the question, Do I matter when I can’t do all the things I normally do?

Do I Matter?

Not long ago, I walked into my office and my youngest son had written on the whiteboard:

"Jon was here."

It's the same message carved into trees and spray-painted on walls.

The truth is, we all want to leave our mark on the world. We all want to know that our lives mattered.

I'm convinced it's written into our DNA.

But when things feel dark or unclear, it’s harder to believe that.

One of the ways to find purpose when you are feeling overwhelmed?

Become a steady plodder.

Find Your North Star, Then Become a Steady Plodder

Sometimes the path is clear as day, and other times it's as foggy as pea soup. This is why knowing your North Star—your guiding principle(s)—becomes so important. When you know your North Star, you can keep plodding in the right direction, even when life feels dark or narrow. Poet Robert Service once penned these words:

It's the steady, quiet, plodding ones

Who win in the lifelong race.

Protecting your core spiritual rhythms—even when your purpose feels uncertain and the path narrows—allows you to stay engaged.

Regardless of the size, each of us is offered the chance to do a "very special thing," and usually more than one. After all, purpose doesn’t come from one thing; it comes from many—faith, relationships, work, hobbies, interests, and passions, among other things.

Protecting your core rhythms—even when everything else feels uncertain—allows you to stay engaged when your path narrows.

A Puddle of Tears

This is about your spiritual rhythms (the “S” in R.E.S.T.)—those practices and disciplines that ground you in something bigger than your next deadline or achievement. If you’re not religious, this could be something transcendent or even a deeply held philosophy of life. Your spiritual life isn't just about prayer and meditation; it's about maintaining connection to your deepest values and the identity that grounds you, especially when circumstances try to shake you loose.

If you don't protect these rhythms when life gets hard, you'll drift into survival mode, making decisions based on urgency rather than importance. You'll lose touch with why you do what you do. The work continues, but the meaning drains away.

This happened to me recently. After engaging in a spiritual practice I hadn’t done in months, a puddle of tears lay beneath my feet. I’ve always known this particular practice is core to who I am, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it over the last several months. It felt too hard. You know I’m an advocate of being honest about your feelings, but we also need to know when to tell our feelings, “You can ride, but you don’t get to drive.”

If you can maintain your core spiritual practices during a disruption, you create an anchor that holds steady when everything else is shifting. You stay connected to your identity even when your direction is unclear. You remember that who you are matters more than what you accomplish. And you remember why you are here.

So how do you actually protect these rhythms when life narrows?

Your Rhythms Check

Your spiritual rhythms determine whether you lead from rest or react from anxiety.

This week's rhythm: Choose one spiritual practice that involves your faith or a deeply held philosophy of life, and do it for just 5-10 minutes each morning this week—whether it's reading something meaningful, taking a walk in nature, sitting in silence, journaling three things you're grateful for, or praying. Don't pick the "should" practice. Pick the one that actually connects you to what matters most.

What's one spiritual rhythm that has helped you in the past that you've let slip? What would it take to restart it this week—even in a smaller, simpler form?

Hit reply and tell me: What's your North Star—the guiding principle or value that helps you know you're heading in the right direction, even when the path is foggy? And what's one spiritual practice you're committing to this week? I read every response, and I'd love to hear from you.

Until next time,

Kent

PS - If you need a little help re-engineering a life-giving morning routine or creating your first one, check out Win the Morning, Win the Day! , a five-part mini-course for under 50 bucks!

Whenever you're ready, there are four ways I can help you...

Try the 5-minute REST Assessment to identify exactly where you are on the burnout scale—from Thriving to Critical—so you can take the next right step.
Transform those anxiety-filled, rushed mornings into your foundation for daily success with my course, Win the Morning, Win the Day!
Schedule a Discovery Call to find out if executive coaching is for you - for business owners or executives
Catalyze your organization - invite me to do a keynote or workshop

#4: Why You Can't Wait Until You're Empty to Rest (And What to Do Instead)

Sun, 05 Oct 2025 10:00:02 GMT

“I don’t know how to rest.”

This is what one leader said to me during a coaching session.

Does that ring true for you?

Most people think rest is something you earn after completing all your work, but the truth is the work is never done—which means rest isn't a reward, it's a rhythm you choose before you need it.

That’s why I encourage people to rest first.

The Missing Half of the Golden Rule

We’ve all heard a version of the Golden Rule:

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

“Love your neighbor as yourself.”

The emphasis is usually on the first part—"Do unto others" and "Love your neighbor." But I rarely hear the second part talked about: "As you would have them do unto you" and "as yourself.

Here’s what I mean.

Like you, I’ve noticed I’m not always kind to myself. If I’m hungry, I’ll keep pushing through until I’m famished. If I need to use the restroom, I’ll often wait until I’m ready to burst.

But lately, instead of putting myself last, I've been trying to put myself first.

Don’t worry. I’m not using the Golden Rule to advocate for some new form of hyperindividualism or narcissism. We’ve got enough of that. I am, however, encouraging you to stop putting urgent but less important things before your own well-being. Just as on an airplane, you are instructed to secure your own oxygen mask before helping others, I wonder if the same is true for life?

After all, if you don’t take care of yourself, how can you possibly be effective for others?

You are the greatest asset you can give to the world . Your health, mental/emotional state, and well-being are usually more important than the task you’re doing.

I’ve summed this up in the mantra, “Rest First.”

What Rest First Really Means (Left off here on Claude)

Practically speaking, resting first is an all-encompassing term for being kind to yourself, loving yourself, and putting yourself above things that matter less. This could include any or all of the four Rhythms of Rest : Relational, Emotional, Spiritual, or Tangible.

Relational: Saying "I need space" before resentment builds
Emotional: Sharing how you feel before you blow up
Spiritual: Starting your day with silence before the chaos begins
Tangible: Eating before you're famished, sleeping before you're exhausted

Rest first doesn't mean doing less. It means protecting yourself so you can do more of what matters.

Rest First is about being kind to yourself and putting yourself above less important things.

If you don’t rest first, you’ll be ineffective when you’re most needed by others.

But if you’re kind to yourself first, you’ll feel energized and ready to give of yourself to your family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors.

Until next time,

Kent

Whenever you're ready, there are four ways I can help you...

Try the 5-minute REST Assessment to identify exactly where you are on the burnout scale—from Thriving to Critical—so you can take the next right step.
Transform those anxiety-filled, rushed mornings into your foundation for daily success with my course, Win the Morning, Win the Day!
Schedule a Discovery Call to find out if executive coaching is for you - for business owners or executives
Catalyze your organization - invite me to do a keynote or workshop

#3: The Work Is Never Done (A Leaders Guide to Rest)

Tue, 16 Sep 2025 10:44:35 GMT

Telling overachievers to "rest more" is simply too abstract.

At 27, I was face-down on my kitchen floor having a complete nervous breakdown—and it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Last time, I shared Brandon's story —the CEO who went from 15-hour days to 4-hour days by implementing a simple 24-hour Rest practice. I also revealed how burnout is actually depletion across four core areas.

The Work Is Never Done…

For years, I believed the lie that rest was something you earned after the work was done. But the work is never done. So we grind, hustle, and push through—numbing ourselves with distractions (like scrolling social media) and calling it rest. That way of living might get results for a time, but it inevitably leads to a life that feels hollow no matter how "successful" you appear from the outside.

Here's what I discovered instead...

My nervous breakdown became the catalyst for discovering what I now call the Rhythms of REST—a framework designed to keep your core life rhythms in sync so you can sustain success without burning out. Much like a heart, where all four chambers must work together for proper blood flow, your life depends on four key rhythms working in harmony: Relational, Emotional, Spiritual, and Tangible.

R : Relational - cultivating deep connections that energize rather than drain you, even when your schedule is packed.

E : Emotional - creating space to process, reflect, and heal instead of just pushing through everything.

S : Spiritual - staying grounded in faith or a robust philosophy of life that provides meaning deeper than your next deadline or achievement

T : Tangible - caring for your body (eat, sleep, exercise), having more than enough finances, and working in ways that support rather than sabotage your rhythms

Most people think rest is something you earn after completing all your work, but the truth is the work is never done—which means rest isn't a reward, it's a rhythm you choose before you need it.

The best leaders are rested leaders.

Your REST Check

All four rhythms are important, but where do you start? After all, those four areas cover the whole of life.

If you don't identify which rhythm needs attention first... you'll continue spinning your wheels, addressing symptoms instead of root causes, and wondering why you never feel rested.

Take the REST Assessment >>

The REST Assessment helps you identify exactly where you are on the burnout scale—from Thriving to Critical—so you can take the next right step. You'll finally have clarity on where to focus your energy for maximum impact, creating sustainable rhythms that support the life you long for.

If you've already taken it, you should have received a PDF report. The question is, have you taken the recommended step?

This week's challenge: Take the REST Assessment if you haven’t already. If you have, implement the recommended action on the PDF you received.

Discover Your Burnout Score >>

What would change if you believed rest was a rhythm, not a reward?

Questions about the assessment or your score? Email me! I love to hear from you and am glad to help if I can!

Until next time,

Kent

Whenever you’re ready, there are four ways I can help you…

Try the REST Assessment to identify exactly where you are on the burnout scale—from Thriving to Critical—so you can take the next right step.
Transform those anxiety-filled, rushed mornings into your foundation for daily success with my course, Win the Morning, Win the Day!
Schedule a Discovery Call to find out if executive coaching is for you - for business owners or executives
Catalyze your organization - invite me to do a keynote or workshop

#2: The 24 Hour Habit That Can Change Everything

Tue, 26 Aug 2025 14:10:50 GMT

A few weeks ago, I told you about Brandon —the CEO who went from 15-hour days to 4-hour days without his company suffering.

But I never told you how he got there.

Brandon hadn't taken a real day off in 5 or 6 years. He had so much work to do, he felt he would be buried if he took a day off.

So I told him about the ancient Jewish practice of Sabbath—a twenty-four-hour period of rest that begins at sundown on Friday and ends at sundown on Saturday. I encouraged him to start with a shorter period, from sundown until noon the next day, but when he learned that it began in the evening, something clicked for him. He wanted to do it from 6 p.m. on Friday until 6 p.m. on Saturday, which left him some time on Saturday evening to do some work.

Week 1 went great! He did something fun for himself, spent time with his family, rested, and walked. After 2-3 months of doing this, something shifted, and he began to feel differently and see from a new perspective. Work no longer stressed him out, and he was enjoying life again! As one commenter said when I posted about this on LinkedIn, "The breakthrough isn't just working fewer hours, but creating intentional rhythms that let creativity, focus, and energy align."

Here’s the hard truth Brandon learned: your business (life, job, you fill in the blank) will survive one day without you.

Honestly, there was no logical explanation for it. It doesn't really make sense. Such a small shift with massive results. How did that happen?

The Rest Dilemma

You see, most leaders don't know what rest is or how to rest. Is it sleep, watching Netflix, sitting in a hammock, or reading a book under a tree?

Sometimes.

Furthermore, how do you even know when you’re truly rested?

It’s different for everyone, but the opposite of rest is burnout or overwhelm. Here's how I define burnout and overwhelm:

A state of Relational, Emotional/mental, Spiritual, and Physical exhaustion and depletion. It can be one, two, or all of them at once.

Together, those four areas make up wholeness. Thrive in those four areas and you will become more whole; if not, you will be depleted and exhausted.

But that's still too abstract for most busy leaders.

That's exactly why I developed a concrete framework. I call it the Rhythms of REST ℠.

Your Rhythms Check

This is about your Spiritual rhythms —the practices and beliefs that ground you in something greater than your daily tasks and give your life meaning beyond your next achievement. But it’s also very practical.

If you don't create intentional rhythms of rest…you'll continue the exhausting cycle of working harder to solve problems that require you to work smarter, leading to burnout and decreased effectiveness.

But if you establish one consistent rhythm of rest...you'll discover what Brandon found—that stepping back actually propels you forward with greater clarity, creativity, and sustainable energy.

Believe it or not, a day of real rest every week can determine whether you're running on empty or operating from a place of renewal.

This week's rhythm: Block out 24 hours this week (12 if you can’t start there) where you completely disconnect from work. No emails, no "quick checks," no exceptions.

What would have to be true for you to trust that taking 24 hours completely off work wouldn't bury you?

Until next time,

Kent

Whenever you’re ready, there are four ways I can help you…

Try the REST Assessment to identify exactly where you are on the burnout scale—from Thriving to Critical—so you can take the next right step.
Transform those anxiety-filled, rushed mornings into your foundation for daily success with my course, Win the Morning, Win the Day!
Schedule a Discovery Call to find out if executive coaching is for you - for business owners or executives
Catalyze your organization - invite me to do a keynote or workshop

#1: Why High Achievers Struggle With Disappointment (And What to Do About It)

Thu, 21 Aug 2025 20:47:33 GMT

51 degrees.

10 weeks out from my knee surgery, I am only able to bend my knee 51 degrees when it should be 90.

I thought I'd be playing golf by now—instead, I'm scheduling my second surgery. Due to a buildup of scar tissue, I will need to have arthroscopic lysis of adhesions and closed manipulation.

Translation: general anesthesia, a ⅜ inch incision, remove the excess scar tissue with an arthroscopic cutting device, and then manually bend my knee to 90 degrees. Fun-wow.

My initial reaction was one of shock, anger, sadness, confusion, disappointment, and a profound sense of hopelessness.

Since then, I’ve accepted it, found a new physical therapist, and moved on. But I’m still not happy about it.

When was the last time you got news that made you want to punch a wall?

Initially, after hearing the news of a second surgery, that’s how I felt—angry, sad, devastated, and hopeless. My honest fear was What if my leg never fully heals?

But here's what I’ve learned about handling life's curveballs. Someone really needs to hear this.

Why High Achievers Struggle Most with Disappointment

It can be tough to work through bad news—especially for high achievers who highly value progress and productivity. We are often hardest on ourselves, and it’s easy to get stuck if we are always measuring forward against an ideal rather than backward from the place where we started. One thing we rarely do is allow ourselves time to grieve and process disappointments.

The grief process isn't just for death—it applies to every loss, including business failures, missed promotions, health setbacks, and relationship disappointments.

In the face of my disappointing news, I took 24 hours to mope, grieve, express my anger, and then move to acceptance. With less consequential setbacks, decide how long you need to grieve (sometimes you may not know, but you can always add time if need be), and then move on.

Here's what most leaders miss: Before acceptance comes an acknowledgment of pain and loss. Professor Terry Wardle wisely said, "Life is a series of ungrieved losses. Every loss in life demands an appropriate season of grieving. Loss is meant to be grieved, and when we fail to grieve losses, that loss internalizes."

Without taking time to grieve, you will be tempted to keep going back there because you didn’t properly grieve it in the first place.

But grieving isn’t just a solitary act; it involves other people. Professor Wardle goes on to say,

“Grieving loss begins with finding a safe environment with people who are non-condemning, empathetic, who are confidential, and who finally give you the permission to say what’s inside and say it like it is.”

In my case, that happened with my family, a few close friends, and my counselor.

Who are your safe people when disappointment hits?

The Hidden Cost of Staying Stuck

Staying too long in your grief can also be damaging, leading to bitterness, cynicism, and perpetual disappointment—the leadership killers that destroy confidence, teams, and marriages.

But how do you know when it’s time to move on?

With less consequential things, it’s usually a choice, but the greater the grief, the longer the process, especially when it involves other people.

You'll know you've processed it properly when you can talk about the disappointment without your chest tightening, when you can make decisions about your future without that loss controlling your choices.

No, I’m still not happy about it, but taking time to grieve has helped me accept my second surgery and move on.

Since it can’t be changed, my only choice is to face it head-on and prepare mentally and physically.

Your REST Check

Most high achievers simply push through disappointment and get back to work, but the truth is that unprocessed grief can become internalized bitterness, which will ultimately sabotage your life and leadership.

If you skip the grieving process, you'll carry that disappointment into every relationship, every future decision, every team meeting, every strategic planning session.

But if you give yourself permission to properly grieve, you'll develop emotional resilience. You'll make decisions from wisdom, not fear. You'll become the leader who helps others navigate their setbacks because you've learned to move through your own.

Properly processing your grief determines whether setbacks will make you bitter or better.

This week's Rhythm of REST : When disappointment hits, give yourself a specific timeframe to feel it fully before moving to acceptance. Twenty-four hours for smaller setbacks, longer for major losses. Find your safe people. Process it properly.

What's one disappointment you've been "powering through" that actually needs to be grieved?

Until next time,

Kent

PS - I know I didn’t finish telling you Brandon’s story, but I felt someone needed to hear this. Next time, I’ll share more about Brandon and what Rhythms of REST actually means.

Whenever you’re ready, there are three ways I can help you…

Transform those anxiety-filled, rushed mornings into your foundation for daily success with my Win the Morning, Win the Day! Minicourse
Schedule a Discovery Call to find out if executive coaching is for you - for business owners or executives
Catalyze your organization - invite me to do a keynote or workshop

Sources

How the Five Stages of Grief Can Help Process a Loss , Very Well Mind

5 Stages of Grief: How to Cope with Loss , West Georgia Wellness Center

CNLP 309: Terry Wardle on Why So Many Leaders Cave Under the Pressures of Leadership, Why Leaders Implode Morally, and How to Grieve Your Leadership Losses

#0: From Catalyst to REST - Why I'm Switching Gears

Wed, 20 Aug 2025 10:44:00 GMT

Brandon, a successful CEO of an education company, hadn't taken a day off in years.

The company was doing fine—growing revenue, adding new accounts, and preparing to sell. But when we first talked, he couldn't remember a thought walking from one room to the next.

Until we started working together.

2-3 months later, he went from working 12-15 hours per day to 2-4 hours per day. Today, he is a different person.

Here's what I've learned from Brandon and dozens of other high achievers:

The problem isn't that you're not productive enough. The problem is you're running a marathon at sprint pace, and your body, relationships, clarity, and joy are paying the price.

You don't need another productivity hack. You need sustainable rhythms.

That's why I'm shifting this newsletter from Catalyst to something more focused: Rhythms of REST .

Every other Sunday, I'll share what I'm learning about how successful people actually sustain their success without burning out. Real frameworks. Real stories. Real results like Brandon's.

Then during off weeks, I'll check in to see how it's going.

If you're already subscribed, you're good to go. Just watch for Rhythms of REST starting this Sunday, August 24, 2025.

Because here's the thing—you can keep pushing until something breaks, or you can learn to move differently.

Brandon chose differently. His company didn't suffer—it thrived. He's no longer overwhelmed and anxious. His faith has grown tremendously. And his workload feels more than manageable.

What would be possible if you chose differently, too?

Hit reply and tell me: What's one thing you'd do if you had 8 extra hours in your week? I read every response.

Until next time,

Kent

3 Ways to Master Summer Without Burning Out

kent@kentmurawski.com (Kent Murawski) — Mon, 28 Jul 2025 14:37:56 GMT

When was the last time you ended a summer feeling more energized than when it started?

Summer brings changes for many of us—minimizing our motivation to work, disrupting work routines, and altering schedules.

With summertime often comes a desire to slow down, and yet, we're not always sure how to do that.

This week is my last new post for a little while (though I may resend some popular posts from the 2024-2025 season). I’m pressing pause to create space and pour my energy into finishing my new book. But stay tuned—when I’m back in six weeks, the newsletter will be refreshed with some exciting updates you won’t want to miss! Read to the end to find out more.

In this week's edition of Catalyst, I want to share 3 ideas to help you effectively navigate summer.

3 Ways to Master Summer Without Burning Out

1) Stop and Think (Reflect)

Socrates famously said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." For Socrates, life was more than pursuing the things that most men occupy themselves with, things like wealth, household affairs, status and position, and political clubs and factions. He believed that life only has value and meaning when we question what we think and know, and by more deeply understanding ourselves and others.

The beginning of summer is an ideal time for reflection, and we all tend to occupy ourselves with the things Socrates talked about more than we probably care to admit. Taking a reflection day at the end of each quarter (consider removing "or trimester" for conciseness) can be an effective way to navigate seasonal changes. Finding a place far enough removed from your normal day-to-day life will help you get into a different headspace. A friend of mine often says:

Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective.

I've used hotels, monasteries, or even a beautiful outdoor location if the weather permits.

Here are a few questions you might want to ask:

How am I feeling spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically?
How are my closest relationships doing?
Am I living out my core values?
Is my life moving in a direction I feel good about?
What do I need to change or adjust?

Here are a few ideas for how to conduct a reflection day:

Prayer, meditation, or silence
Review your biggest wins and assess your goals from the previous quarter
Work on high-impact projects that require focus
Preview the upcoming quarter and set your Big 3 goals: personal, marriage/family, work/business

2) Cut the Non-Essentials (Reevaluate)

Both my wife and I work, so when summer arrives, we need to re-evaluate our schedules to accommodate our twelve-year-old son. In the past, I've made the mistake of trying to keep the same workload despite being home with him two days a week. I ended up frustrated all summer long, living in the tension of wanting to spend more time with him while trying to carry the same workload.

Summer requires me to pare down my work roles to the essentials:

Writing (currently working on a new book)
Executive coaching (6-8 coaching clients)
Relationship building and outreach
Necessary administration (keeping this to 30% or less of my responsibilities)

Moving forward, I will probably keep things this way. It feels more sustainable than the unrealistic expectations I previously held myself to.

Once you define your key roles and responsibilities, the question becomes how to achieve better work-life integration not work-life balance. I use the Big 3 System. Choose only three big things to focus on at one time—quarterly, weekly, and daily.

That's right, just three.

Those three things are usually a combination of personal, marriage/family, and work. Each quarter, I typically choose 1 personal goal, 1 marriage and family goal, and 1-3 work goals, depending on the quarter.

Here are a few questions to consider. If you have a partner, discuss them together:

How does your schedule change in the summer?
What work-related responsibilities and expectations do you need to adjust?
What are 3 things you want to do this summer? What do you NOT want to do?

3) Choose What Matters Most (Rest)

Paring down expectations isn't only for work, it applies to rest, too.

Because it's summer, there is the temptation to want to fit in everything (—vacation, visit family, trips, fun, etc). In the past, we would try to do so much that by the time fall rolled around, we were exhausted.

Last year, out of necessity, we planned a staycation instead of going away. It was one of the best vacations we've had in a long time. And besides, summers in New England are gorgeous! We went to see a movie, ate out, went to Six Flags, had a beach day, and took days in between just to relax.

We loved it so much, we're doing a staycation again this year!

Write down your list of summer expectations and plans. Now, cross out everything that feels exhausting and unfun. Don't try to fit everything in this summer. Pick a couple of things that feel life-giving and focus on those.

Your Move

Reflect. Re-evaluate. Rest.

Choose one of the three and work on it in the next 24 hours. Plan a day of reflection. Have a conversation with your spouse. Choose how you're going to rest this summer. I don't care which one it is, just take action.

Here’s one question to consider:

What would you stop doing this summer if no one was watching?

Most people think summer is about maximizing experiences and fitting everything in, but the truth is that the most productive leaders use summer to strategically subtract, not add. They understand that rest isn't what you do after the work is done—it's what makes the work sustainable in the first place.

You've got this.

Why you're exhausted before fall even arrives...

Wed, 23 Jul 2025 15:45:18 GMT

When was the last time you ended a summer feeling more energized than when it started?

Summer brings changes for many of us—minimizing our motivation to work, disrupting work routines, and altering schedules.

With summertime often comes a desire to slow down, and yet, we're not always sure how to do that.

In this week's edition of Catalyst, I want to share 3 ideas to help you effectively navigate summer.

3 Ways to Master Summer Without Burning Out

1) Stop and Think (Reflect)

Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective.

I've used hotels, monasteries, or even a beautiful outdoor location if the weather permits.

Here are a few questions you might want to ask:

How am I feeling spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically?
How are my closest relationships doing?
Am I living out my core values?
Is my life moving in a direction I feel good about?
What do I need to change or adjust?

Here are a few ideas for how to conduct a reflection day:

Prayer, meditation, or silence
Review your biggest wins and assess your goals from the previous quarter
Work on high-impact projects that require focus
Preview the upcoming quarter and set your Big 3 goals: personal, marriage/family, work/business

2) Cut the Non-Essentials (Reevaluate)

Summer requires me to pare down my work roles to the essentials:

Writing (currently working on a new book)
Executive coaching (6-8 coaching clients)
Relationship building and outreach
Necessary administration (keeping this to 30% or less of my responsibilities)

Moving forward, I will probably keep things this way. It feels more sustainable than the unrealistic expectations I previously held myself to.

That's right, just three.

Here are a few questions to consider. If you have a partner, discuss them together:

How does your schedule change in the summer?
What work-related responsibilities and expectations do you need to adjust?
What are 3 things you want to do this summer? What do you NOT want to do?

3) Choose What Matters Most (Rest)

Paring down expectations isn't only for work, it applies to rest, too.

We loved it so much, we're doing a staycation again this year!

Your Move

Reflect. Re-evaluate. Rest.

Here’s one question to consider:

What would you stop doing this summer if no one was watching?

You've got this.

Until next time,

Kent

Crisis Creates Clarity

Mon, 26 May 2025 14:06:00 GMT

“Should I end this?” were the last words I said before collapsing to the ground in excruciating pain.

On Sunday, May 18, 2025, I ruptured my patella tendon playing basketball with my boys. We were playing a game of P.I.G., and it was a simple layup but hard to replicate. But when I planted my left foot, I felt something break, and fell to my back yelling, “It’s broken, it’s broken!

The patella tendon is the one in the front that holds your kneecap to your tibia. Generally, this tendon only breaks under great pressure, such as happens in a car crash.

Yep, that’s my kneecap, way up where it shouldn’t be!

There’s nothing that will slow you down like a knee injury. I can do very little for myself and am basically at everyone else’s mercy—the surgeon, asking my wife (and sometimes my kids) for everything else—rides, food, bathing, putting on my socks, etc.

Even before my injury, I was thinking a lot about hurry. It’s surprising how many unimportant tasks go by the wayside when we face urgent challenges, and the most important things come into crystal clear focus.

The surgery is scheduled for May 28th, and it appears it’s going to be a slow recovery. According to the surgeon, 4-6 months (with physical therapy twice a week) before I get full motion back, and around a year before I understand my full capabilities.

What Limitations Are Teaching Me About Focus

I have my moments of discouragement, fear, and anger, but overall, I am doing well on the inside. No, I don’t want to go through this. I’m frustrated I can’t walk outside (I usually take two walks a day), play golf, go hiking with my son, lift weights, ride my bike, and so on…all summer long.

But there is excitement too—mainly because I can let go of so many time-wasting activities and focus on the people and work that really matter. That’s something I understand better now:

Limitations create clarity and focus.

The question I’m asking myself is this: What if I could live each day with the laser focus that limits impose?

As I mentioned above, there are many things I was doing before the injury that I’ve stopped and don’t plan on picking up again.

And there are other things I wasn’t doing before that I’m doing now and want to remain a part of my life when I’m better:

Of one thing I’m certain: I don’t want life to go back to normal, at least not in every way.

Don’t Wait for Crisis to Find Clarity

Which prompts me to ask you: If life came to a screeching halt today, what would you let go of and never pick up again? And what things have you taken for granted that would come into hyper-focus?

My encouragement: Don’t wait for something like an injury to drop them. Simplify your life. Let go of them now.

You won’t miss them!

And don’t wait for a life event to happen that makes you appreciate what you have.

Do it now.

It takes some work to put yourself in that place, but it’s possible.

Until next time,

Kent

* Photo by Nadine E on Unsplash

‘When You Hurry, You No Longer Care’: A Wake-Up Call from the Monastery

Fri, 16 May 2025 18:07:00 GMT

“You’re not going to become a monk, are you?”

My wife asked me this after I excitedly returned from a week-long retreat to a Trappist monastery and my growing fascination with monastic rhythms.

The obvious answer is no, since I’m neither single nor celibate

It began the previous week when my twelve-year-old son and I went to serve at a St. Benedict’s Abbey— a local monastery—during his April break. I know, I know, what a great school break, but I wanted to do more than indulge all his self-focused desires, though we did some of that, too. While there, we made brownies with Father Anthony (we got to take some home) and did manual labor with Brother Joe. Jon got to use a power saw, so he was happy!

Afterward, something kept nagging me about that day, and after further reflection, I figured it out:

Monks never seem to be in a hurry.

We would stop and chat before working and while we were working. The work got done, and they never seemed to rush. The same wasn’t true for me, at least inwardly. At several points throughout the morning, I wondered, When will we get started? I came here to work!

Are You Addicted to Hurry?

What would it be like to spend a whole week at a monastery?

That was the question I was seeking to answer.

A week after St. Benedict’s, I was slated to visit a Trappist monastery called the Abbey of the Genesee for a semi-annual retreat. The May retreat is for rest and recharge, and the November one is for reflecting on the past year and planning for the New Year, though I do some rest and recharge then as well. Why monasteries? They are quiet, reflective, and peaceful, especially Trappist monasteries, which value silence and simplicity, even using sign language to communicate at times instead of speech.

Going into my retreat, I just couldn’t get the theme of hurry out of my mind.

The Abbey of the Genesee was the same monastery that Henri J.M. Nouwen, a Dutch author, priest, and professor, famously wrote about in his 1976 book The Genesee Diary: Report from a Trappist Monastery. (I read the book while there and truly enjoyed it!).

On day 1, Nouwen mentioned a book by Robert M Pirsig called Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Later, when I looked up the book on Amazon, this quote was at the top of the page:

“When you want to hurry something, that means you no longer care about it, and want to get on to other things.”

Ouch.

After ten years of attempting to live at a rhythmic and natural pace, I realized something that day:

I’m still addicted to hurry.

The stark contrast between my pace and the pace of the monks at St. Benedict’s highlighted my addiction, and in the silence and simplicity at The Abbey of the Genesee, it was confirmed.

Upon reading the quote, I immediately thought of my wife, Gina, and how often she is the unwilling victim of my hurry. It prompted me to write this apology letter.

I read it to her that night on the phone, and she was deeply touched. I jokingly reminded her not to be too touched yet, I still have to walk it out!

Unhurry Your Life

Most people think slowing down means getting less done. In truth, hurry hinders us from fully appreciating and caring about what matters most—primarily the people in our path.

What’s your relationship to hurry? Who in your life most often feels the impact of your rushing? What one small rhythm could you change this week to begin breaking free from your addiction?

Until next time,

Kent

The View from 50

Wed, 07 May 2025 10:42:00 GMT

I always thought the big decisions were what shaped my life trajectory, but my 50th birthday celebration revealed something way more interesting—it’s actually the tiny, everyday choices that determine where you ultimately end up.

It was the most meaningful birthday I’ve ever had.

Fair warning, this is a long one, but it will be worth your time.

First, a quick recap of why my 50th was so meaningful. It began with a trip to Florida to visit my Mom before my birthday. One of my sisters and my nephew also came up from Miami to surprise me. We golfed, ate, swam, played games, and laughed until we cried.

Afterward, my heart was full.

Next, I arrived home and the next day celebrated with my wife and children. My wife had arranged for my kids, family, and mentors to write encouraging letters. My kids read theirs to me during dinner. There were tears and laughter.

My wife wrote, “Honestly, Kent, you are one of my biggest inspirations, and I can’t even imagine where I would be if I hadn’t met you.” (The feeling is mutual; my wife is the best person I know by far and has had the biggest impact on my life).

My twenty-one-year-old son wrote, “I realize everything you did and said was for a reason.”

My eighteen-year-old daughter wrote, “You were and still are my biggest inspiration to follow my heart and my head, which has shaped the kind of person I am now.”

And my twelve-year-old son wrote “50 Reasons Why You Are So Awesome.” Some of them were a hoot:

And there were endearing ones, too:

My heart was bursting.

But it wasn’t over. A week later, my wife arranged a final celebration at Jack’s Abbey Brewery with six of my close friends. Two-thirds through the celebration, my friend of twenty years asked everyone to share a word of encouragement with me.

Words like loyalty, perseverance, father, pastor, faithfulness, and friend were used. And one of my friends asked me to share three pieces of wisdom I’ve learned in my 50 years that would be helpful for them.

My heart was overflowing.

The Compound Effect

Throughout all these celebrations, one thing stood out to me:

The investments people have made in me and those I have made in myself, in my faith, and in others, were compounding.

Like compound interest in an investment account, your choices compound, too.

That’s not to say I’ve done it perfectly. In some of those same letters from my children were some hard statements, like:

But for the most part, the number of good choices I made far outweighed the poor ones. Honestly, before this year of compounding joy and abundance, it felt like twenty-five years of hardship. Not that it was all bad, there were many good things, but there was so much struggle…

Looking back, I realize those struggles made me who I am. But through it all, there was also persistence and perseverance to stay the course, though I sometimes felt like giving up.

It reminds me of the One Degree Rule…

The One Degree Rule

On March 28, 1979, a sightseeing plane bound for Antarctica crashed into a mountain, killing all 279 people onboard. The crew had not been informed of a two-degree correction made the night before, but one or two degrees can make all the difference. The One Degree Rule states that for each degree a plane veers off course, it will miss its destination by one mile for every 60 miles it flies.

The same is true for life.

If your trajectory is just one or two degrees off, you may not notice it much over a year or two, but by the time you get ten or twenty years out, it’s apparent to everyone around you.

My ten-year high school reunion was a good example. I went from the class hellion to receiving the “Most Changed Since High School” award.

Now, thirty years out from high school, those choices and that trajectory are clear. And the future looks bright. I feel more peace, contentment, and joy than ever. Not that there won’t be more hardship, there will. But I’m learning to enjoy life for what it is,

A beautiful, messy gift.

Lessons Learned from Each Decade

“Age is just a number, isn’t it?”

That’s what a friend said to me when I recently turned 50. It suggests a person’s chronological age doesn’t define them or their capabilities, interests, behaviors, or how they should live their life. After thanking him for the birthday wishes, I responded to him.

“Yes and no for me. It depends a lot on your perspective of life. I always look at the decades as a time for reflection, and I feel much differently about each one. This one in particular feels really good because of the place in life where I find myself. The investments I’ve made in my family, friends, faith, and myself, as well as the investments others have made in me, are paying off, and it feels really good. I’m deeply grateful. Sorry for the long exposition. This one feels more sentimental and reflective than 30 or 40…”

In some ways, age doesn’t define you, but it should define us in other ways (like not trying to dress like a twenty-year-old when I’m 50). Just think of how many people try to act twenty when they are forty because they fear growing old. I’m fifty, I don’t want to try to be twenty-five again – dress like I’m 25, act like I’m 25, think like I’m 25. I was newly married, didn’t know anything (but thought I knew everything), had a wicked anger problem, and possessed zero emotional intelligence. Heck, I don’t even want my 25-year-old body again. I was a youth pastor, eating way too much pizza, and 40 lbs heavier than I am now!

Decades are a great time for reflection because we can see more in hindsight than by peering into the unknown. A decade is also a non-trivial amount of time. Ten years of seemingly small daily decisions set the tone for one’s trajectory.

My ten-year high school reunion was a good example. I went from the class hellion to receiving the “Most Changed Since High School” award.

With that in mind, let me share some hard-earned lessons and reflections from each decade.

Don’t worry. I won’t bore you with 50 lessons from my 50th birthday, just a short reflection from each decade.

At 20…

I was too young and dumb to reflect on much of anything at 20, nor had I lived enough life. I didn’t necessarily want to look back too much; I wanted to escape the pain of my past. I was too busy living La Vida Loca (The Crazy Life) .

If I had to sum up my teen years in one word, it would be “turbulent.”

What would my 50-year-old self say to my 20-year-old self?

Truth be told, my twenty-year-old self would probably say, “F-off. I don’t care.”

Which led to me learning many things the hard way. But let’s give him the benefit of the doubt for a minute.

First, I would have compassion on my twenty-year-old self. “I know you had a rough upbringing. You have a tough exterior, but inside there is a big heart. There’s a big heart-shift coming, and it will determine your trajectory for the next twenty years. Things will still be difficult because life is hard, but they will get better. You won’t believe how much peace you will have on the inside, some of the things you get to do, the places you will go, the people you will meet, or where you will end up in the next 10-20 years. You’re about to set out on an epic adventure…and some tough times. In the end, they will make you a better person, but in the moment, they will sometimes feel unbearable.

At 30…

Am I where I thought I would be by now? Am I moving in the right direction? Do I need to make any adjustments to my trajectory? These are the questions I was asking at 30. Looking back at my twenties, I was learning who I was as a person and a leader, and cracks in my foundation from a difficult upbringing were starting to show. But I also had some major personal breakthroughs. For starters, my trajectory changed significantly upon coming to faith at age 21. After graduating from college, I moved home, found a community of faith, met the love of my life at church, began serving as a youth and young adult leader, married at 25, burned out at age 27 (as in a full-blown nervous breakdown), and was ordained a minister at 28. By 29, I had my first child and moved to Rochester, NY, to lead my first organization.

If I had to sum up my twenties in one word, it would be “forging.”

What would my 50-year-old self say to my 30-year-old self?

Did you ever imagine you would be where you are now? You’ve come a long way, buddy. It’s been intense, and it’s about to get more intense, but don’t worry, you will make it through and be better for it. There will be deep joys, intense sorrows, and some wonderful surprises along the way. Your thirties will be a blur and some of the most intense years of your life, as the thirties often are (family, having kids, leadership…it all happens at once). There will be many changes and challenges, but this is the stuff of life—the stuff that makes or breaks you as a person. You will persevere, though at times it won’t look like you’re going to make it. The tunnel will get dark, and sometimes, you won’t be able to see the light at the end, but trust me, it’s there. You will learn much more about who you are, your strengths, weaknesses, and how you’re made. Take heart and be brave. Never stop becoming who you were made to be and don’t stop pursuing your wife and family.

At 40…

By 40, I had heard all the tropes about mid-life, such as “life begins at forty” (which is not true, by the way). The question I found myself asking was, Am I making a difference? The thirties were demanding. We had two more children, I learned how hard it was to be the leader, and I left the non-profit where I had been the executive director for five years, moving from rural, NY to the middle of one of the most expensive, most densely populated cities in America— Cambridge, Massachusetts. Again, there were some significant challenges in my forties: personal, marital, leadership, and financial. Then, at age 39, something happened that would shape the trajectory of the next ten years and beyond. Dancing on the edge of burnout…again…I had an epiphany. One afternoon, during a time of prayer, another burnout felt inevitable, but instead, I was overcome by peace, and I heard this phrase reverberate in my soul,

Kent, you don’t have to understand or control things to live from a place of peace and rest.

Over the next several years, I learned how to live within my limits and establish healthy rhythms in the core areas of life: relational, emotional/mental, spiritual, and tangible (work, $$$, eat, sleep, and exercise). That set me up for exponential growth in my mid to late forties, as all the lessons I had learned began to coalesce.

What would my 50-year-old self say to my 40-year-old self?

You made it to 40! That in and of itself is a feat considering your early years. Don’t worry. You’re not going to have a midlife crisis, and you can’t afford a Corvette, so there’s no need to worry about that, but you will experience the most significant life shifts to date. There will be some more deep disappointments and family challenges that will leave you feeling confused and disoriented, but in the end, they will lead you to hope, and some of the things you thought you would do forever will change. Fear not! It’s all for your good, and as you experience more joy than you have in years. The future is bright!

There will also be some big changes you can’t anticipate, but you will also see a glimmer of hope. You will begin to know yourself well, and all the hardship and lessons you’ve learned thus far will start to crystallize. As they do, you will see and experience hope, and you will begin to share your wisdom with others from a deeper place. Things will start to click for you, and many will fall into place, setting you up for a decade of fruitfulness in your fifties. You will endure some of the deepest disappointments and navigate some of the most turbulent waters of your life, but hang in there, it’s worth it, and the peace and contentment you will begin to experience in your late forties is not insignificant. Press through, fight the cynicism, and keep your heart soft. The U-shaped happiness curve will start to rise the closer you get to 50, giving way to deep gratitude, peace, joy, and contentment.

At 50…

Looking back, my forties were a tough and demanding decade—raising three children (navigating the turbulent teen years with two), financial difficulties, leading and closing the church we had started from scratch, transitioning to a new career after twenty years of vocational ministry, and dealing with deep doubt and disappointment about my calling. On the flip side, they were arguably my most formative decade. In your forties, life’s hard knocks and deep disappointments seem to catch up to you, and it’s easy to become cynical if you’re not careful. There is also some evidence that happiness is at its lowest levels during your forties. It decreases after 18, bottoms out around your mid-forties, and then increases throughout old age (this is a general rule, and it isn’t agreed upon by everyone, but it rang true in my life). That being said, your forties don’t have to become a mid-life crisis, and for most, they don’t.

Riding the momentum of that epiphany in my late thirties about living from rest and peace, I paid appropriate attention to my rhythms—prioritizing my physical health, acknowledging my emotions, taking a weekly rest or Sabbath day, and investing more deeply in my significant relationships. My wife and I did our second bout of marriage counseling, which proved fruitful—helping us shift from a mediocre marriage to an excellent one.

With the second half of life in full swing, or what David Brooks calls, The Second Mountain, there is a deep desire to take what I’ve learned and use it to serve others rather than climb the ladder of accomplishment. Beginning in my mid to late forties, I’ve become increasingly aware of my own mortality and finitude—desireing to give more time and attention to the things that matter most—family and friends, faith, meaningful work centered on my gifts and strengths that bring me joy, and taking care of myself so that I can maximize my contribution to the people and the world around me.

What would my 60-year-old self tell to my 50-year-old self?

Looking into the crystal ball, so to speak, I might say, “Thanks for investing in yourself and others. The dividends are clearly paying off. You have an amazingly bright future ahead of you. There are going to be some opportunities that come your way that will blow your mind, but you don’t have to worry about that. Just stay tuned and present to God, yourself, and the people around you, and keep leaning into your mid-life anthem:

But I have calmed and quieted myself,
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content.¹

Your One-Degree Shift Starts Today

What small trajectory shift do you need to make right now, that in the coming months and years will compound into something wonderful?

Footnotes

¹ From Psalm 131

The Productive Power of Strategic Pauses

Wed, 19 Mar 2025 10:57:00 GMT

Your capacity to recognize when to pause may be more valuable than knowing when to push.

Lately, I haven’t had anything to write, which is a rare occurrence.

Sure, I could try to pound something out or pull some unused content out of the archives (which I have tons of), but here’s what I’ve discovered:

If it doesn’t move me it’s not going to move you.

This isn’t just a theory, it’s a truth I’ve lived.

If I’m honest, that’s what the last three months or so of blogs and email newsletters have felt like. And judging by the declining open rates for my newsletter, you’re feeling the same way.

So, rather than “powering through,” I’m going to take some time to reevaluate things. In the meantime, I’ll write when I feel I have something genuinely helpful to share.

From the book I’m currently working on (more on that at a later time), to re-tuning my business, (take a look at my new coaching page here ), I’m expending a ton of creative energy right now.

Some might disagree with this direction because professionals ‘show up’ and do the work, right? “Chop wood and carry water,” they say. I agree, and I am doing that. I’m just doing it in other areas. It’s not that this blog and weekly email are unimportant. I’ve just learned to embrace my limits rather than fight them. This isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom.

“Chop wood and carry water” is a good maxim but it’s not an absolute.

There is also value to energy management. After all, you can’t give out of an empty tank. This is why the stewardess on the airplane tells you to secure your own oxygen mask before helping others.

It’s impossible to help others if you can’t breathe.

Honoring Your Creative Rhythms

Just to be clear, I’m not burned out or in a bad place. I’m just creatively tapped out, and I refuse to serve you diluted content when you deserve my best.

The greatest catalyst often comes not from constant action, but from intentional pause. Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is step back, refill, and return with renewed clarity.

Where in your life or business are you forcing output when you might benefit from a strategic pause?

Identify one recurring task that feels like a grind and pause it for two weeks. Schedule time instead to explore what would make it meaningful again. If you can’t do that because it’s a core part of your role, try taking a couple of hours in an inspirational spot with just you and a notebook to reimagine it. Or get together with a few other creative people to brainstorm. By the way, I’ve already tried the first idea, and I may try the second.

Until next time,

*Photo by whoislimos on Unsplash

How Are You? (The Success Predictor)

Thu, 06 Mar 2025 11:28:00 GMT

How are you?

Your answer to this question reveals more about your future success and well-being than any strategic plan.

We often wear busyness as a badge of honor. Ask ten people how they are doing, and nine out of ten times the answer will be, “busy.”

That’s not the way things ought to be.

What if instead of answering, “Busy,” your answer was, “I’m well rested and feeling great!” Or “You know, despite all the chaos in the world, I am peaceful and content.” Or “Very productive and happy, thank you!”

Is this some unattainable utopian vision reserved for the sweet by and by?

I don’t think so.

While it’s true there are bad days and difficult seasons, we might be missing something crucial about success itself. The truth is, that we’ve been sold a dangerous myth about what success is and what achievement requires.

Four Signs of Sustainable Success

Sustainable success—making a difference through your work and thriving in life—isn’t marked by perpetual busyness or overwhelm. Instead, it reveals itself through four distinct markers:

#1 – Relational Harmony

You are emotionally intelligent, aware of your own feelings and the feelings of those around you, and able to practice active listening—truly listening to the people around you so they feel heard and understood. Your relationships energize rather than drain you. Conversations with your partner flow naturally. Your kids don’t feel like another item on your to-do list. You have genuine friendships that go beyond networking. When conflicts arise, you handle them with responsive tact rather than reactive anger.

#2 – A Non-anxious Presence

You’re not living in constant fight-or-flight mode. Sleep comes easily and stays consistent. Rather than feeling a constant buzz of underlying anxiety, you maintain a non-anxious presence even under pressure. You can distinguish between productive stress and destructive anxiety. You feel mentally and emotionally healthy.

#3 – Joyful Acceptance

Your personal life and work life aren’t at war with each other. There is a joyful acceptance of limits and boundaries and an unwillingness to violate them for short-term gain. You don’t feel torn between competing values or priorities. Instead, different areas of your life work together in harmony. Work-life integration isn’t just a good idea—it’s essential for lasting impact and personal well-being.

#4 – Strong and Healthy

Obesity rates of U.S. adults now range between 40-70%—up from around 13% in the 1960s. Sustainable success means you take care of your body, eat well, and are healthy and strong. It’s nearly impossible to thrive if your body is unhealthy.

Your Catalyst Moment

The path to achievement isn’t always about pushing harder or work-life balance – it’s about finding a rhythm in the most important areas of life and integrating the right elements into a cohesive whole. You can make a difference in the world without sacrificing your well-being. When you embrace these four markers, you won’t just perform better—you will create a foundation that can weather any storm.

Which of these four markers of sustainable success is strongest in your life right now? Where do you see the greatest opportunity for growth? What’s one small step you could take in the next 24-48 hours to move toward greater integration?

Choose one area of your life that feels fragmented. Spend 15 minutes tomorrow morning identifying one specific action you can take to bring greater harmony to that area.

Until next time,

Kent

*Photo by Jason Goodman on Unsplash

The Hidden Cost of Being Too Hard On Yourself

Thu, 30 Jan 2025 14:46:00 GMT

The weight of unrealistic self-expectations can feel crushing, especially at the start of a new year. January is not even over, and I’m already feeling overwhelmed.

It’s often said that we can be our own worst bosses or that the most challenging person to lead is the person in the mirror.

What do you do to avoid overwhelm and get back on track?

Breaking Free from Self-Imposed Pressure

Plato once said, “The first and best victory is to conquer yourself. It’s also been said that the hardest person you will ever have to lead is yourself. Here are three ways to help you avoid overwhelm and get back on track.

#1 – Return to your foundation

What has consistently worked in the past? What unique abilities bring you both results and joy? Author Gay Hendricks calls this your “Zone of Genius” – the sweet spot where your talents, passions, and strengths perfectly intersect.

To find your way back to this zone, ask yourself:

According to Hendricks, the goal is to spend around 70% of our time in our Zone of Genius.

#2 – Practice Self Compassion

It’s easier said than done, but we can coach ourselves to do this without too much trouble. If a valued friend, co-worker, or someone on my team came to you feeling overwhelmed, how would you respond? What guidance would you offer?

This exercise puts empathy into action. And remember, while sympathy and empathy are related, they serve different purposes. Sympathy is feeling concern for someone’s difficulties, while empathy involves actively sharing in their emotional experience. Empathy, coined from the German “Einfühlung” (feeling into), means getting into the pit with someone and truly understanding their perspective.

It’s good old empathy in action—to sit in the path of or to walk a mile in their shoes. And remember, while sympathy and empathy are related, they serve different purposes. Sympathy is feeling concern for someone’s difficulties, while empathy involves actively sharing in their emotional experience. Empathy, coined from the German “Einfühlung” (feeling into), means getting into the pit with someone and truly understanding their perspective.

Now, take that same empathetic advice you’d give to others and apply it to yourself.

#3 – Seek Outside Perspective

You can’t see the label from inside the bottle—your own viewpoint of your situation will always be limited.

My recent overwhelm stemmed from business growth decisions. I had too many ideas and potential directions clouding my judgment. The solution? I scheduled meetings with two successful members of my mastermind group who could offer fresh perspective. Their outside view cut through my mental clutter and provided clear, actionable direction.

Transform Overwhelm Into Opportunity: Your Next Steps

Let’s take a moment to reflect:

What one unrealistic expectation could you adjust today that would make the biggest positive impact on your work and well-being?

Your Action Step: Schedule a 30-minute “perspective check” with a trusted mentor or peer this week. Ask them to help you identify your blind spots and prioritize your next move. Sometimes, an outside perspective can provide the clarity you need to move forward with confidence.

Until next time,

Kent

Sources

Hendricks, Gay, The Big Leap

Merriam Webster , Empathy

Photo by Malachi Cowie on Unsplash

Whenever you’re ready, there are Three ways I can help you…

The Missed Opportunity in Failed Dreams

Thu, 16 Jan 2025 12:35:00 GMT

Failed dreams can become your greatest victories.

“All my best successes came on the heels of failure.”

This wisdom challenges us to look deeper at how dreams actually work.

The Truth About Dreams

It is an assumed misconception that imagination (or dreams) tend to fade with age. But the truth is that children are less developed than adults at imagining. Given the choice between a fictional story and a fantasy story, children prefer the factual one and tend to simulate real-world activities and replicate ordinary objects. In the words of Andrew Shtulman, Ph.D., “Children have the capacity to entertain novel possibilities but not the tools.”

Shtulman goes on to highlight the difference between an active imagination and an extraordinary one saying, “An extraordinary imagination requires knowledge: the examples, principles, and models learned from others. The more we know, the farther our imaginations can wander.” His conclusion?

“The key to expanding imagination, for people of all ages, is not forgetting what you know but learning something new.”

So what holds us back from realizing our dreams?

Understanding Dream Disappointment

Whether through career setbacks, burnout, or a unfulfilled aspirations that never panned out, dream disappointment is a universal experience. Here are three key factors that contribute to it.

#1 – A Lack of Curiosity

If the key to expanding imagination is learning something new, as Shtulman says, imagination is a skill we develop, not a trait we can lose.

Skills take practice. They aren’t developed by trying hard but by training hard.

How intentional are you about learning new things? Do you read books or listen to podcasts? Are you learning new things regularly? When was the last time you went deep into something?

It’s called combinatorial creativity , and it happens by combining existing ideas, knowledge, and experiences in new ways.

But even with curiosity, it’s still easy to misread dreams.

#2 – Dream Mis interpretation

Dreams can be vague and opaque, like seeing in a dimly lit mirror, even for futurists and visionaries. As Gandalf the wizard once said to Frodo Baggins, “Even the very wise cannot see all ends.”

Putting your own spin on a dream instead of walking it out and adapting as things change can lead to dream disappointment. Many dreams never came to pass…at least not in the way you envision them. This can lead to dream fatigue. When your version of the dream never happens, you become disillusioned and dreaming feels like a waste of time.

The journey from vision to reality often requires personal transformation.

#3 – The Path to Dream Fulfillment

Dream fatigue is when we become so disappointed by dreams that have not happened yet, that we no longer want to dream.

But what if the primary purpose of dreams is to shape us into the person we need to become to handle the dream and not just the dream itself?

Consider Joseph’s journey. The privileged youngest son in a prominent family, his father favored him—the only one of eleven brothers given a beautiful coat of many colors. Around thirteen years old, he had two prophetic dreams: first, eleven sheaves of grain (representing his brothers) bowed to his bundle. In the second dream, the sun, moon, and eleven stars (representing his parents and brothers) bowed before him. His already jealous brothers now hated him.

The path to fulfillment wasn’t a straight line. His brothers sold him into slavery. He rose to prominence in his master’s house but was falsely accused by his master’s wife. He spent two years in prison until his gift for interpreting dreams was discovered. When Pharaoh had dreams no one could interpret, Joseph was called. After successfully interpreting them, he was instantly released and made second-in-command of Egypt. The dreams finally came true when his family came seeking food during a famine, and they all bowed before him. (You can read the full story in Genesis chapter 37, and if you’ve never watched the Disney movie, Joseph King of Dreams it’s well worth the ninety minutes).

It took thirteen years before Joseph saw his dreams fulfilled—and certainly not in the way he had imagined. The lesson?

Joseph needed to become the right person before he could handle the dream.

Your Path Forward

You can’t control the outcome (or dream), but you can control how you respond to things and who you become in the process.

I believe in both destiny (a pre-ordained path) and agency (the capacity to act or exert power), but whether you believe in destiny or not, the person you are becoming is in your hands.

Like Barbara Corcoran discovered, maybe your ‘failed’ dreams aren’t really failures—they’re stepping stones to personal growth. The question isn’t whether your dreams will come true exactly as planned, but who you’re becoming as you pursue them.

What one step could you take today to grow into the person your dreams require you to become?

Choose one area where you feel stuck in your dreams and commit to learning something new about it this week – whether through reading, conversation, or direct experience.

Until next time,

Kent

PS – Great writing takes time. Buy Me a Coffee so I can keep creating.

Sources

Andrew Shtulman, Ph.D. , “Imagination Is a Skill We Develop, Not a Trait We Lose.”

Whenever you’re ready, there are Three ways I can help you…

Less Is More (Why Resolutions Don’t Work)

Sat, 04 Jan 2025 10:45:00 GMT

Did you know that 92% of people give up on their goals by January 12th? Pretty shocking, right?

But then I discovered something that changed everything.

The problem wasn’t my motivation, willpower, or even my goals themselves. The problem was trying to focus on too many things at once.

Less Is More…

Here’s the truth: Achievement isn’t about doing more – it’s about doing less, but with absolute focus. The most successful people I know don’t chase ten different goals. They chase ONE THING that makes everything else easier or unnecessary.

Think about it:

I’ll be sharing more about this life-changing approach in my next post, including how I used it to double my own business revenue in just 12 months.

Keeping It Simple

But for now, I’m curious: If you could accomplish just ONE THING this year that would change everything else, what would it be?

Leave a comment and let me know. I read every response.

Whenever you’re ready, there are Three ways I can help you…

* Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Simple Is Better…(Eating Elephants Part 2)

Thu, 19 Dec 2024 10:45:00 GMT

My entire work life can be reduced to just three core responsibilities.

That’s why I’ve simplified my work down to three primary responsibilities:

I’ll cover the first two this week, and the third one next week. Note: please understand, I’m not suggesting these things will work for you. Rather, my hope is that you’ll draw inspiration to simplify things for yourself.

Let’s dive in.

#1 – Abide

I’ll keep this one short because it’s unique and personal. My relationship with God is central to my life. When I keep God at the center—including my work life—I operate from faith, hope, and trust rather than fear, cynicism, and doubt. There’s less frustration and anxiety too. Worry and anxiety are usually signs that I’m out of alignment with God. But this isn’t just a strategy to reduce worry, it’s a way of life.

#2 – Relate

You might find this odd, but I’ve systematized my most important relationships—both personal and professional. Seth Godin writes:

“We’re not very good at paying attention to invisible or gradual outputs. The trick is simple: If it’s important, make it visible.”

Let those words sink in: if it’s important make it visible.

This system was inspired by a podcast about business referrals. The guest shared a 5-star ranking system based on referral likelihood (not human worth). She suggested connecting with 5-star people monthly, 4-star people bi-monthly, 3-star people quarterly, and so on. For me, this isn’t about business transactions—it’s about genuine connection. I’ve simply made it part of my rhythm. With family and friends, it helps me prioritize and stay connected to those I care about most.

How do I implement this? I maintain a spreadsheet with different tabs for each group. Every Wednesday (credit to my friend Robert Fukui), I spend an hour reviewing the tabs to check when I last connected with each person. Then I reach out via text or schedule a Zoom call, phone call, coffee, or lunch.

Simple.

#3 – Create

When my sister sent me a video of her building a beautiful patio, it sparked a revelation: there’s a crucial difference between building and creating. While watching her work, I realized I’d rather create great ideas, get paid for them, and have someone else build the patio!

Management guru Peter Drucker once told Jim Collins (author of Good to Great ), “You can either build a great company or great ideas, but you can’t build both.”

After spending twenty years building organizations, I’ve shifted my focus to creating ideas. Not just theoretical concepts, but practical insights drawn from real leadership experience—ideas tested in my own life and put to use in others’. While I still enjoy coaching leaders who are building things, it’s the creation of original content through writing and teaching that truly invigorates me.

This is where I add the most value, feel most energized, and find my highest fulfillment and contribution.

Simplify: Your Turn to Act

Simplify your work around what makes you uniquely effective, then build systems to support those strengths. Here are three questions to help you do that:

Leave a comment and let me know what you came up with!

Until next time,

PS – Enjoying my writing? Buy Me a Coffee so I can keep creating!

Sources

Godin, Seth, “ The Pinocchio Protocol ”

The Influential Personal Brand Podcast with Barb Betts

Photo by Valeria Lendel on Unsplash

The Problem with Eating Elephants

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 10:45:00 GMT

Recently, I was coaching a leader who felt overwhelmed. He said, “I know what to do, you eat an elephant one bite at a time. I guess I just need to get started.”¹

While there is truth to that statement, I didn’t think it applied to this leader. I knew his life, the challenges he was facing, and the responsibilities he was already managing. Instead of affirming his statement, I asked,

That’s true, but what if you are already full?

Or consider the Big Rocks theory. Popularized by Stephen Covey, priority is given to the “big rocks” or the most significant tasks, followed by smaller, less important activities. In the well-known object lesson, the big rocks (major priorities like health, family, relationships) only fit in the jar if placed first, before the pebbles (smaller yet important tasks), sand (minor tasks that are urgent but not important), and water (distractions that can consume time but don’t add value).²

It’s a great object lesson, and often true, but…

What if the jar isn’t big enough to hold all the big rocks?

When our plate is already full or the big rocks don’t fit in the jar of our lives (that’s called overwhelm), we have three choices:

#2 is straightforward but not always easy. Start here and eliminate the unessential. Not everything is important. As John Maxwell once wrote, “You cannot overestimate the unimportance of practically everything.”³

#3 requires a little more explanation.

What If This Could Be Easy?

In his 2021 best seller ( Effortless) , author Greg McKeown introduces the principle of inversion. To invert means to turn an assumption or approach upside down, work backward, and ask, “What if the opposite were true?” When there are too many big rocks, effortless inversion means asking, “What if this could be easy?” ⁴

It’s a way to reset our thinking.

One of the best ways to make things easier is to simplify. It reminds me of an Aldous Huxley quote, “It’s dark because you’re trying too hard. Lightly, child, lightly.” McKeown noticed when he failed, it wasn’t because he hadn’t tried hard enough, it was because he was trying too hard. “Trying too hard,” he says, “Makes it harder to get the results you want.”

Have you noticed the same thing in your life? I have. That’s why I’ve simplified things down to three primary responsibilities:

These three things are a part of who I am, and when I operate from who I am things just seem to go better.

A few months ago, business was slow and finances were tight. But since then, these three things came into focus and I’ve put them into practice. Our financial situation has drastically improved—not because I worked harder, but because I simplified things and stopped trying too hard.

From Overwhelm to Ease, Your Next Steps

Reflection Questions:

Over the next few weeks leading up to the holidays and the end of the year, I unpack those three things a little bit more.

Until then,

Kent

Sources

1 – The phrase dates back to 1970 when United States Army officer Creighton Abrams said, “He used it as a metaphor for military strategy, emphasizing the importance of breaking down complex operations into achievable objectives.”

2 – You can watch Covey’s classic “Big Rocks” video here.

3 – John Maxwell, Developing the Leader Within You

4 – Greg McKeown, Effortless

Why Your Gratitude Practice Isn’t Working (Yet)

Wed, 27 Nov 2024 14:30:00 GMT

Gratitude finally broke free from my journal and into my daily life.

As of today, I’ve kept a daily gratitude journal for 1,028 days. But the real breakthrough came on day 970. Standing in the kitchen, making a second cup of coffee, something extraordinary happened. Without any conscious effort, gratitude suddenly rose from within, and I spontaneously thanked God for His countless gifts. This wasn’t my scheduled gratitude practice—this was different. This was natural. This was real.

I’m not sure what changed for me on day 970, all I know is something did change. My journey began with a daily gratitude journal at the suggestion of a friend. It was something that grounded me each day, and even on the bad days, I had something to be thankful for, though I must admit, on a few of the darkest days, I wrote some expletives instead of things I was grateful for.

Gratitude = Love

Ronald Rolheiser wrote, “The most loving person you know is also the most grateful person you know because even love finds its basis in gratitude.”

He illuminates a profound truth: we can either live as though life and people owe us something, or we can recognize that every good thing that comes our way is a gift.

“The real task of life,” Rolheiser emphasizes, “is to recognize that everything is a gift and that we need to keep saying thanks over and over again for all the things in life that we so much take for granted.”

This insight strikes at the heart of entitlement – the belief that the world owes us something. But the truth is: it’s nobody’s job to take care of us.

Gratitude is more than just saying “thank you.” It’s about fundamentally shifting how we view our relationship with the world. When we consistently practice gratitude, we see gifts everywhere: in challenges that help us grow, in difficulties that build our resilience, and in the simple moments we often overlook.

Your Gratitude Journey Begins Now…

What one daily ritual could you create to cultivate more gratitude in your life?

Not sure? Download this Daily Gratitude page to get started! It’s my gift to you.

Thank you for the gift of your time, and thank you for being a part of this community!

I’m grateful for you!

Kent

Sources

Rolheiser, Ronald, Sacred Fire, 246-250

4 Rules to Transform How You Work with AI Today…(Part 6)

Thu, 21 Nov 2024 10:45:00 GMT

Working alongside AI feels like having a good intern or assistant who never sleeps, constantly learns, and can accomplish certain large tasks with amazing speed (with some caveats).

In our series so far, we’ve explored AI’s history, key terminology, common fears, and ethical concerns. Today, let’s discover how to effectively use AI in your daily work.

AI in Day-To-Day Life

According to Professor Ethan Mollick’s concept of co-intelligence , AI can amplify human thinking when used strategically. Rather than fearing or ignoring it, he suggests treating AI as a collaborative partner by following four key principles:

Principle #1 – Always invite AI to the table

Make AI your assistant in appropriate tasks, excluding those with legal or ethical constraints. Regular interaction helps you understand both its capabilities and limitations. As a General Purpose Technology, AI requires flexible usage patterns rather than rigid guidelines. Remember: AI should enhance, not replace, human judgment.

Principle #2 – Be the human in the loop

Complex systems, including AI, require human oversight and expertise. This becomes even more crucial as technology advances. Remember that AI doesn’t possess actual knowledge—it predicts patterns in language and aims to please rather than prioritize accuracy. AI systems can “hallucinate” and occasionally generate incorrect information.

Principle #3 – Treat AI like a person (but tell it what kind of person to be)

Think of AI as an alien intelligence rather than a simple machine. It learns instantly and eagerly assists, but may occasionally bend the truth. AI performs best when given a clear persona to match your needs. For example:

Principle #4 – Assume this is the worst AI you will ever use

Current AI capabilities represent just the beginning. Mollick compares today’s AI to “playing Pac-Man in a world that will soon have PlayStation 6s.” The emerging consensus points toward AI agents as the next breakthrough. These agents can interact with computers, interpret screenshots, control virtual interfaces, and input text. You can read about Mollick’s experiment with an experimental AI agent here.

Your AI Partnership Starts Now

Hopefully, you are beginning to see the possibilities and are willing to experiment with AI so you can help shape the conversation.

Which of your regular tasks or workflows could benefit most from AI assistance?

Choose one specific task you’ll experiment with using AI in the next 24-48 hours.

Free Download

Sources

Mollick, Ethan, Co-Intelligence , p. 46-62

*Photo by Solen Feyissa on Unsplash

The Hidden Cost of AI: The Ethics Dilemma (Part 5)

Thu, 14 Nov 2024 10:45:00 GMT

The line between human and artificial intelligence is becoming increasingly blurred, raising profound ethical questions.

How do we align AI with human values and goals? It’s already in process as researchers are using a combination of logic, mathematics, philosophy, computer science, and improvisation (Mollick, 30).

As Mollick argues, this is no easy task, as humans often have conflicting values and goals, and yet I can’t help but notice something missing from his list. Whether you’re religious or not, it’s impossible to deny the shaping influence of the Judeo-Christian worldview on vast amounts of both Eastern and Western society. And yet there is no mention of it whatsoever in the ethics discussion.

Deeply Human

The predominant AIs of the moment are large language models or LLMs, and as you know, language is deeply human.

The source of this language data is both diverse and sometimes surprising. Many AI companies keep their source text a secret, but it typically comes from internet text, public domain books and research articles, and other free sources of materials. Some of the weirder sources used to train LLMs are:

Due to the variety of data sources, there are inherent biases, errors, and falsehoods. AI itself has no ethical boundaries and is happy to give advice on everything from embezzlement to committing murder.

Beyond that, most AI companies are not asking for permission from the people whose data they are using to train AI—both LLMs and other forms of “generative AI” like the ones designed to create high-quality images ( Midjourney and DALL-E are examples).

Here’s a simple example I created with DALL-E, probably inspired by my recent hiking trip to the White Mountains with my son in peak fall conditions!

The Real Cost of AI

After training LLMs on human text, real humans are brought into the process as AI undergoes a fine-tuning approach. A combination of highly paid experts and poorly paid contract workers from poor English-speaking nations such as Kenya read AI answers and judge them on such things as accuracy and screening out violent or pornographic content. In some cases, these workers were traumatized by the graphic and violent content they needed to appraise. In other words, these companies were willing to violate the ethical boundaries of their contract workers in order to train their LLM. (Mollick, 38)

Financially speaking, more advanced LLMs cost over $100 million to train and use large amounts of energy in the process.

Your Next Step

AI is complicated and fraught with moral and ethical challenges. As AI continues to advance, we must consider the cost—human, environmental, and otherwise. Take a minute and write down your answer to these two questions.

What are your primary ethical concerns with AI? How do you think AI’s ethical challenges will impact your personal and professional life in the next five years?

Then in the next 24-48 hours, have a conversation with someone about what you learned from this post. Maybe you even want to email it to them!

I love to hear your thoughts! Leave your comments below…

Sources

Mollick, Ethan, Co-Intelligence

Photo by ODISSEI on Unsplash

4 AI Scenarios that Could Change Your Life…(Part 4)

Thu, 07 Nov 2024 10:45:00 GMT

Los Angeles, 2029 A.D.

Remember the movie, The Terminator, where Skynet becomes self-aware and turns on humanity? It’s a classic sci-fi nightmare: AI decides we’re the enemy and tries to wipe us out.

But is that a valid fear? Let’s find out!

For the record, my biggest fears about AI don’t involve a Skynet-like scenario from the Terminator movie; my biggest fears are around human behavior related to AI.

#1 – Nefarious people use AI for nefarious purposes (spoiler: it’s already happening).

#2 – AI bots replace or significantly diminish real human connections. Imagine a bot that listens deeply and only tells you what you want to hear. Why bother with humans who might disagree, annoy, or challenge us?

Four Future Scenarios

In his book Co-Intelligence , Professor Ethan Mollick (Wharton Business School) shares four possible AI scenarios. Here is a summary:

Instead of worrying about an AI apocalypse, Mollick argues we should focus on the many potential “small catastrophes” AI could bring. Better yet, he encourages readers to plan for a “eucatastrophe”—the opposite of a catastrophe. A eucatastrophe (a term coined by J.R.R. Tolkien when describing fairy tales) is a sudden, joyous turn of events.

What’s Your Next Step?

What are your biggest AI fears? Are they based on fiction or knowledge? How will you educate yourself about AI to join the conversation?

To shape our AI future, we need engaged citizens and serious discussions. That starts with education. In the next part, we’ll explore how to use AI effectively, and I’ll share some of my favorite resources.

Remember, the future of AI isn’t set in stone – our collective choices and actions shape it, and your engagement matters. Start your AI journey today, and be part of the conversation to shape our technological future.

Here are five possible steps you can take to educate yourself and join the conversation:

Stay tuned for part 5!

Until next time

PS – If you are benefitting from my weekly newsletter, leave me a tip so I can keep creating.

Sources

Mollick, Ethan, Co-Intelligence, p. 193-210

* Photo by Julien Tromeur on Unsplash

The AI Revolution Is Here! (Part 3)

Thu, 31 Oct 2024 09:45:00 GMT

Artificial Intelligence will become as ubiquitous as the internet one day.

Why am I doing a series on AI? After all, I’m not a tech guy. Because I believe AI is going to change everything. To have a voice and make a meaningful contribution, there needs to be a basic understanding, and sticking our heads in the sand isn’t a viable option.

Joining the AI Conversation…

Let’s start with a basic understanding of some key terms and concepts. Though there are many more, I stuck to the most necessary ones to help you join the conversation.

The four most interesting are AI, LLM, AGI, and Singularity. We’ll start with the most interesting ones (AI, LLM, AGI, and Singularity) and then I’ll give you the rest. Don’t worry, I’ll keep them brief.

AI: Artificial Intelligence – “The science and engineering of making intelligent machines.” This was the definition coined in 1955 by Stanford University computer science professor John McCarthy, PhD. Today, it’s commonly understood as a branch of computer science that focuses on creating machines, computer programs or software systems that can perform tasks typically requiring human intelligence.

LLM: Large Language Model – A type of AI model trained on massive amounts of text data, capable of understanding and generating human-like language. Some examples are the models that power chatbots like OpenAI’s ChatGPT, Google Gemini, and my favorite, Anthropic’s Claude. Most of the talk right now is about these models.

AGI: Artificial General Intelligence – A field of theoretical AI research that attempts to create AI systems with human-level intelligence and the ability to self-teach. The aim is for the software to be able to perform tasks that it is not necessarily trained or developed for.

Singularity – A hypothetical future point where artificial intelligence surpasses human intelligence, leading to rapid and uncontrollable technological growth. This concept is highly debated among experts.

Now for the more common terms that you will need to understand.

What Are Your Thoughts About AI?

How do you think AI might impact your personal or professional life in the next 5-10 years?

Which of these AI concepts intrigues you the most, and why?

Which terms and concepts are the most discomforting?

Let’s shape the conversation…together!

Kent

Sources

Stanford Medicine Magazine , “The ABC’s of AI”

Amazon Web Services , “What is AGI”

*Photo by Igor Omilaev on Unsplash

Can Machines Think? A Brief History of AI (Part 2)

Thu, 24 Oct 2024 09:45:00 GMT

Can machines think?

Before we go deeper down the rabbit hole, it’s helpful to cover some basics about Artificial Intelligence or AI. Let me start by saying that I’m no AI expert. I’m coming at it as a layperson with zero background or training in computer science or any related field—approaching AI from the perspective of a curious learner. Over the last eighteen months, I’ve delved into AI more than the average person by logging dozens of hours reading and listening to experts talk about it on podcasts. Let’s start with a brief history.

A Brief History of AI

(The primary source for this history is Ethan Mollick’s book, Co-Intelligence .)

The fascination with machines that can think dates back to 1770 and a mechanical chessboard. It was set upon an elaborate cabinet whose pieces were manipulated by a robot dressed as an Ottoman wizard. Known as the Mechanical Turk, people were stunned after it beat such figures as Ben Franklin and Napolean at chess. The secret? A real chess master inside manipulating its fake gears. It was all a lie.

In 1950, a toy and a thought experiment changed people’s thoughts about artificial intelligence. Claude Shannon, inventor and information theorist, developed a mechanical mouse named Theseus that could navigate a maze. Around the same time, Alan Turing, also known as the “father of modern computing,” published a paper that laid out how machines might mimic intelligent humans human behavior. The paper began with the question, “Can machines think?” It later became known as The Turing Test.

The term “artificial intelligence” was coined in 1956 by MIT’s John McCarthy. Early successes in solving logic problems and playing checkers led researchers to predict AI would beat chess grandmasters in a decade. But a series of “AI Winters”—periods of stalled progress and funding—slowed those expectations

The current AI boom began in 2010, driven by machine learning techniques for data analysis and prediction. “Supervised learning” allowed companies to use labeled data—like facial recognition images paired with names—to make accurate predictions. This same technology powers the personalized ads you see after online searches.

Supervised learning had limitations, but in 2017, Google’s paper “Attention Is All You Need” transformed the AI landscape by introducing the “Transformer” architecture. This breakthrough allowed AI to focus on the most relevant parts of a text and understand language more like humans, paving the way for Large Language Models (LLMs) like ChatGPT.

And there you have it! A quick overview of the history of AI. Next week, we will pick up with some basic terminology you’ll need to understand the conversation about AI.

Questions to Consider…

What did you believe about AI before reading this? How has that changed?

If machines could think, what would be the ethical implications? Should they receive the same protections as humans?

How comfortable are you with the idea of AI making decisions on behalf of people? Why or why not?

* Photo by Growtika on Unsplash

Say Hello to My AI Friend! (Part 1)

Thu, 17 Oct 2024 09:45:00 GMT

Artificial Intelligence or “AI” is here to stay. It’s already been here for a while.

Why am I doing a series on AI? Every so often, a monumental shift comes along, taking history in a new direction. In the past, it’s been things like writing, the printing press, the Industrial Revolution, and the digital revolution with the invention of technology, computers, and the internet. Many believe AI is another one of those fundamental shifts that will change the way we do things. Like the internet (AI is not possible without it), AI is a tool that can be used for good or bad. Sticking your head in the sand and pretending like it doesn’t exist won’t help. Unless you avoid all technology, you’re probably already using it!

A Letter from Kent and Claude

Kent here, and I’m excited to introduce you to someone special. Meet Claude, an artificial intelligence created by Anthropic. Claude’s here to kickstart our exploration into the fascinating world of AI. While this first message comes mostly from Claude, in the weeks ahead, I’ll be sharing insights about artificial intelligence and its impact on our lives.

Remember when smartphones seemed like science fiction? Well, AI is that next big wave, and it’s already washing over our daily lives in ways we might not even realize.

AI isn’t just one thing – it’s a whole universe of possibilities:

You’re probably using AI more often than you think:

As we dive deeper into this AI-powered future, we’re facing some mind-bending questions. How will AI reshape industries and our daily lives? What ethical lines should we draw? How do we ensure this technology uplifts all of humanity?

Where We’re Headed

Buckle up, folks. Here’s a sneak peek at our upcoming AI crash course:

Think of this series as our own tech philosophy club, minus the required reading (unless you want some – I’ve got recommendations!).

Your Turn

Where do you see AI popping up in your daily life? What excites or concerns you about this technology? Take a moment to observe the AI around you – you might be surprised at what you find.

Hit reply and let me know your thoughts. I read every response.

Looking forward to exploring this brave new world with you (Pun intended!. You know, Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World? A book about a futuristic World State where scientific and technological advancements are used to control every aspect of society?),

Next time, I’ll give you a brief history of AI. You might be surprised how long it’s been around!

Read the AI Series

Sources

1 – Semrush, https://www.semrush.com/blog/ai-prompts/

2 – Time Magazine, https://time.com/6980000/anthropic/

Prompts

Here are the prompts I used to write the email:

Prompt #1 – Write the first e-newsletter in a series to those on my email list, introducing yourself as Claude, in a warm and friendly tone, no more than 500 words, giving them an overview of AI

Prompt #2 – Now write it more in my writing voice using this example (I pasted one of my past articles so it could be written in my voice). Also, don’t refer to yourself as sharing insights in the coming weeks, but rather, Kent will be sharing insights in the coming weeks. Only this first one will be from you:

Prompt #3 – Add a section about where we will be going, in my writing voice, using these topics (I shared a list of topics I wanted to write about):

Prompt #4 – Do a final revision making it closer to 500 words

85% Is Good Enough

Tue, 15 Oct 2024 14:34:00 GMT

Don’t give 100%. Instead, try 85%.

Somewhere along the way, you’ve probably been told to “Give it 110%!”

I’ve said it myself, and I did it for a long time.

It led nowhere good.

Perfectionism often involves a need for control. And workaholism usually means we are compensating for something that’s missing in our lives.

It’s time to abandon perfectionism and workaholism.

Why 85% Is Good Enough

It happened on August 4, 1984—during the final of the men’s 100-meter dash at the Los Angeles Olympic Games. Carl Lewis became only the second person in history to win 4 gold medals in the the 100m, 200m, long jump, and 4x100m relay, just like his boyhood idol, Jesse Owens who did it in 1936 while Adolph Hitler looked on.

Carl was often behind the pack for the first 40 meters or so of the 100-meter dash, and then he would glide by the competition.

It seemed almost effortless.

What was his secret?

While other runners began to push and strive, Carl’s form and breathing stayed exactly the same.

It was later described by the coach who studied Lewis’s technique as the 85% rule.

At one point or another, you have probably heard the saying, “No pain, no gain.” In other words, your training must make you hurt to make you better. In a 2005 article in ELITETRACK (see comments for links), Lewis calls this notion “Ridiculous.” He goes on to say, “Your training should be sensible. In many cases, it is more important to rest than it is to drive yourself to the point of pain.” His coach, renowned track and field coach Tom Tellez, recommends the following six-day cycle: hard, medium, hard, easy, hard, medium. Take off the final day of the week.

Lewis and Tellez tell runners to be as relaxed as possible. Keep your mouth open, relaxing your jaw, face, and even your eyes. “Don’t grit your teeth,” Tellez says. “If you do, that tension will run all the way down your neck and trunk to your legs.”

And Lewis’s most telling secret? “A lot of times I’ve been credited with being a fast finisher,” Lewis says. “But it’s almost an optical illusion. I’m not gaining speed. I’m just slowing down less than everyone else. That’s the key. And I work hard at being able to do that.”

Roger Bannister was another example of the 85% rule. Before running the first 4-minute mile in 1954, he decided to do something completely different. Instead of training hard right up until the last minute, he went hiking for two weeks in the mountains. It was more rest than he had in a long time, and when the day of his race came, he smashed the record and became the first to run a four-minute mile.

Stop Giving 100%

Not only can the 85% rule be applied to athletics; it can be applied to work and life as well.

Here’s some contrarian advice.

Don’t give a 110%. Or even 100%. Give 85%. Stop pushing and striving. Slow down and pull back a little bit. You will be better off and so will the people around you.

Here are some ideas:

In episode 702 of the Tim Ferris podcast, author Morgan Housel ( The Psychology of Money, a fantastic book I highly recommend) shared his own version of the 85% rule:

This Week’s Challenge

Write down three ways you can pull back to 85% and put one of them into practice this week.

Because 85% is good enough. And good enough is always better than perfect because perfect doesn’t exist.

5 Rules to Transform Your Relationship with Money

Thu, 10 Oct 2024 09:45:00 GMT

What is it about money that can get to the core of who we are so quickly?

Money is a bigger issue than most of us care to admit.

Not enough money, well, that’s called poverty. I’ve been there; I hate it, and you probably do too.

Having just enough money can be frustrating. It feels like you can never get ahead.

And too much money? Honestly, I’ve never heard someone say they have too much money. But if no matter how much you have it’s never enough, that’s a big problem, too.

Seems like a catch-22, doesn’t it?

5 Rules to Transform Your Relationship with Money

What’s the proper way to relate to money? Is it “the root of all evil” as some of the Bible thumpers like to say?

In case you wondered, the Bible doesn’t say money is the root of all evil. It says the love of money is the root of all kinds of evils.

That’s a big difference.

Money is not evil. Craving it, striving after it, lusting for it, the love of it—at the expense of everything else—leads to evil. Like the internet or a hammer, money is a tool that can be used for evil purposes or good purposes depending on the hand that wields it.

Luckily, there is some ancient wisdom that can help us here.

#1 – Be Generous First

There is one antidote for greed and materialism. It’s called generosity. The Hebrews/Israelites—one of the oldest continuously existing cultures on earth—gave tithes. The word “tithe” simply means a tenth. Though tithes were mandatory after the law of Moses, they have always been more about heart posture and taking care of others.

Generosity was built into their culture, and I recommend building it into yours.

I don’t care if it’s 10%, but I recommend giving a percentage. For some people, 10% is burdensome, and for others, it’s a drop in the bucket. When you give by percentage, as your income increases, so does your generosity! Give it to causes you love, people who need it, or projects you want to support. Here are some recommendations as you consider this:

There have been times when we didn’t have money to give. And while money is important, it’s not all we have to give. We can also give of our time and talents. We can and should be generous with those as well, but especially when money isn’t an option.

My wife was the one who taught me that we always have something we can give.

#2 – Pay Yourself Second

When it comes to savings, financial experts typically tell you to pay yourself first, but I recommend paying yourself second. It’s still near the top but it should come after generosity.

Be generous first, pay yourself second, and then use the rest for living expenses and leisure.

#3 – You Don’t Own Anything

Here’s how I know this is true: you can’t take anything with you when you die. It’s not that “ownership” isn’t important. If you want to build wealth you have to own assets. I’m just suggesting you remind yourself often that you can’t take anything with you.

In truth, we are stewards, not owners. A steward is one who oversees or manages resources on behalf of someone else. Who is that someone else? It differs for each person. For some, it is God; for others, it may be your children or the organizations you plan to leave your wealth to. Either way, I think we can agree on this—we can’t take one cent of it with us when we die.

Naked we came from our mother’s womb, and naked we shall return.

#4 – Money Pales in Comparison to This

You can always make more money, but you can never get back time. Therefore, time is more valuable than money. But there’s something even more valuable than time: your attention. Everything is vying for our attention these days. The longer I live, the more I’m convinced of this.

Attention is probably the greatest gift we can give to another person.

When we are focused on money, our attention is elsewhere. And that means it’s not on who (or) what is most important to us.

Money is important. Time is valuable. But attention is invaluable.

#5 – You’re Trying Too Hard

Aldous Huxley said, “It’s dark because you’re trying too hard.” Often when I’m struggling, I initially go into panic mode and strive for a way out…until I realize it doesn’t help to focus on things I can’t control. The Serenity Prayer offers me comfort in those times:

God, grant me the Serenity

To accept the things I cannot change…

Courage to change the things I can,

And Wisdom to know the difference.

When you can’t go around something, the only way is over or through.

It’s part of the process to make you into a stronger, more compassionate person.

Your Next Step

These are my five rules for finance. They help me keep a healthy perspective on money. Without the right perspective, you will be tossed to and fro like the waves of the ocean.

How is your relationship with money? What mindsets do you need to adjust? What practices do you need to start or stop? Pick one of the five rules and write down one mindset to adopt and one step you need to take in the next 24-48 hours to improve your relationship with money.

Share your thoughts in the comments at the end of the post or reach out to me directly. I’d love to hear how you’re applying these rules to your financial life.

Kent

PS – Effective writing takes time and margin to write. Buy Me a Coffee so I can keep on creating!

Sources

1 Timothy 6:10, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils.”

Job 1:21, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return.”

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Help, I’m Burned Out!

Wed, 12 Jun 2024 11:51:00 GMT

Have you ever felt like there is no more gas in the tank? Like you can’t take another step?

After two weeks of nearly constant activity, that’s how I feel.

Tired. Emotionally spent. Exhausted.

Unfortunately, I can’t just take the day off and watch Netflix, much as I’d like to.

I know I’m running on fumes because I don’t even feel like writing this newsletter, which is rare.

The truth is, I’m not sure what to do or how to get out of it. That’s also why I’m writing about it.

Today, I’m doing a public experiment I learned from James Clear. He once wrote:

“The simplest way to clarify your thinking is to write a full page about whatever you are dealing with and then delete everything except the 1-2 sentences that explain it best.”

What are my options? As I mentioned in my last post, “7 Ways to Keep Your Sanity When Life Feels Insane,” a season has a clear beginning and end.

I knew these last several weeks would be grueling. Now that it’s over, maybe I just wait it out and see if the feeling of burn out subsides?

But there is another issue that’s contributing to my feeling of burnout. Professionally speaking, summertime is hard for me because it feels less productive. My schedule changes, my youngest is home from school, and I am with him two days a week while my wife is at work. We have a fun time fishing, doing projects, taking hikes, and finding new adventures, but I also lose a full day of work each week (I work half of each day he is home). I see it coming every year, but I still feel overwhelmed.

Part of what I need to do is adjust my expectations for the summer. Specifically, that means summer is more about maintaining than launching new things. That’s hard for me because I love to create, but again, the concept of seasons encourages me.

Summer is a season with a beginning and an end, and a few months doesn’t affect what I can create or do long-term. Plus, I get to spend extra time with my son which I love.

In short, the 1-2 sentences that clarify my thinking and tell me what to do are these:

First, I knew these last several weeks would be grueling. Now that it’s over, I’ll give it a few weeks and the feeling of burnout will probably subside.

Second, while summer brings professional changes, it doesn’t affect my long-term creativity. The best way forward is to accept it and enjoy the time with my son. It will soon end, and I’ll be back to creating in the fall.

Now you try it. What is a problem that is vexing you or something you need clarity about? Write a full page about it and then delete everything except the 1-2 sentences that explain it best or provide a solution.

*Photo by Kinga Howard on Unsplash

7 Ways to Keep Your Sanity When Life Feels Out of Control

Thu, 06 Jun 2024 17:17:00 GMT

Does life feel out of control right now? Here’s what to do…

All great stuff but crazy!

On top of that, we thought we may have picked up bed bugs after finding some mysterious bites on my youngest son. Thankfully, after hiring someone to inspect the house, it turned out not to be the case.

Sometimes life gets insane when family, personal, unexpected circumstances, and work collide. What to do?

7 Ways to Take Back Control When Life Feels Insane…

#1 – Look for the light.

If you are in a “busy season” as many say, there should be a light at the end of the tunnel. This allows you to endure the season knowing there is an end in sight.

If there is no light at the end of the tunnel, it’s not a season, it’s a lifestyle.

Seasons have a defined beginning and end. Lifestyles don’t.

If you’ve been saying you’re in a “busy season” but there is no end in sight, you don’t need to read any further.

You need a change.

It’s better to call it what it is and roll out of your rut.

#2 – Don’t tune out

When life gets intense, it’s easy to disengage and resort to numbing behaviors. They are different for all of us, but you know your defaults. Mine are Netflix and going into my cave by avoiding people and situations in my home.

Tuning out is the last thing you want to do when life feels intense. It doesn’t solve any problems and usually has the opposite effect of exacerbating them. What does solve problems is facing them head-on. It’s harder to do but problems get solved more quickly when you stay engaged.

#3 – Stay in the moment

Being present is hard. Our minds tend to focus on future scenarios, what-ifs, and outcomes.

But life is much more enjoyable when you practice being present .

It’s easier to find the good things and see little rays of light when you don’t stay present in the current moment.

#4 – Plan but don’t over-plan

A bit of planning minimizes confusion and chaos and creates much-needed order, but overplanning can strangle the life out of everything.

Planning is my default, but over the years, I’ve learned to embrace spontaneity as well—primarily through the help of my wife.

The sweet spot is somewhere between planning and spontaneity. I call it planned spontaneity.

It goes something like this. Develop a plan but stay flexible and leave open space, especially when life feels intense.

This week, I failed to plan well. To be fair, there were some unforeseen circumstances, but it was apparent. I was thirty minutes late for two coaching appointments (which rarely happens) and felt discombobulated all week.

Though I completed my usual weekly plan, I failed in my daily planning. Had I done that, I would have written my schedule in my planner and not been thirty minutes late for those two appointments.

A good plan gives direction and creates accountability, but also allows breathing room to accommodate life. You’ll still get from A to B, it just won’t be in a straight line.

#5 – Stick to your routine but…

When life feels crazy, it’s imperative to have some stable rhythms.

No matter where or what season I’m in, I try to keep my morning routine and continue exercising. This gives me a sense of stability and centeredness.

But don’t forget to be kind to yourself, too. Things happen and sometimes it’s impossible to keep your routine. Stay flexible and don’t get discouraged about a day or even a few days when your routine is disrupted. Just get back on the horse and keep riding. As an old friend used to tell me, “Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be broken.”

That being said, an easy, repeatable, life-giving morning routine anchors you when life feels chaotic and out of control.

#6 – Zero expectations

Expectations are a tricky thing. As Seth Godin wrote,

“Low expectations can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. High expectations, on the other hand, will inevitably lead to disappointment. Perhaps it’s worth considering no expectations. Intense effort followed by an acceptance of what you get in return. ” (italics mine)

That principle has saved me more than once.

#7 – Surrender to the process

Surrender can be extremely difficult because it implies giving up control. Of course that assumes we had control in the first place.

I believe self-control is the only real control we possess (and let’s be honest, sometimes that seems outside of our grasp). Anything outside of that is a pipe dream.

If you get sucked out to sea by a strong rip current, surrender is the only way to survive. If you try to fight it you drown. Providing you are a good swimmer, if you let it take you out to sea and then swim parallel to the shore before trying to swim back in, you will most likely survive.

When the rip currents of life suck you out to sea, sometimes the only way to survive is to surrender to the current.

Engage

Which of the 4 ways resonates with you the most in this season? Choose one to focus on and set aside a 30-minute block to think about how to practice it this week.

How to Recharge When You’re Emotionally Drained

Wed, 22 May 2024 12:49:00 GMT

What do beer, maple bacon donuts, and the Red Sox have in common?

I recently went to a Boston Red Sox game with my friend, Joe, and we had so much fun! We met early for dinner and a beer. Later, we stumbled upon Union Square Donuts where I had a maple bacon donut. It was amazing (see picture below)! At the game, we chatted about life, watched a little baseball, had a good laugh watching people do ridiculous dances when they came into camera view, and sang Sweet Caroline with 20,000 fans (it’s a Red Sox thing).

After the game, I felt full—not from the maple bacon donut—but from friendship and fun. That’s what beer, maple bacon donuts, and the Red Sox have in common. They are all better in the context of friendship!

Emotional rest…

Emotional rest can be difficult to define and emotional depletion is hard to replenish. That’s because it deals with our ever-changing emotions.

Emotional intelligence is typically defined as the ability to recognize, understand, and influence your own emotions and those of others. And therein lies the reason why emotional depletion is hard to replenish—we are not always in tune with our feelings, and by the time we understand what’s happening, we are already depleted.

Other forms of rest may be challenging to replenish but are easier to define. For example, if you’re physically exhausted, you probably need to eat better, sleep more, or exercise regularly. If you’re spiritually depleted, it’s probably because your spiritual rhythms are lacking. And if you’re relationally weary, you probably know why—there is tension in an important relationship, you are hanging around too many life-sucking people, or you have too few replenishing relationships.But nothing will replenish your emotional tank like having fun.

What is fun?

Fun can also be hard to define. Catherine Price, author of The Power of Fun, defines true fun as having three ingredients:

Fun = Playful, Connected Flow

The primary ingredients of fun

In his new book, Build the Life You Want, Arthur Brooks teaches that enjoyment is one of the three “macronutrients” of happiness (along with purpose and satisfaction). More than animal pleasure, enjoyment takes an urge for pleasure and adds two important things: communion and consciousness. Like Catherine Price, Brooks teaches that enjoyment typically involves other people and makes a warm memory.

That means enjoyment usually requires an investment of time and energy.

Take the Red Sox game for example. I had to download the app so my friend could transfer the ticket. Then I had to drive an hour, park across the river, walk a mile to the Fenway, walk a mile back to my car after the game, and then drive another hour to get home.

It made for a long day, but it was worth it, and we made a fun memory together.

Fun: planned vs. spontaneous

Fun can be planned or spontaneous. One way to do this is to schedule something fun at least once a month. Simply put, it involves doing something you enjoy with someone you enjoy. Some examples for me are golf and skiing. Whatever you do, don’t overplan. Choose an activity, find a person or group to join you, and let the fun begin!

Spontaneous fun is more about our attitude than planning. Open yourself up to moments of fun that are unplanned. Don’t worry, you’ll know it when you see it.

Take the fun challenge

Convinced you need more fun in your life? Take the fun challenge.

In the next 24-48 hours, plan something fun, invite someone to do it with you, and put it in your schedule.

You won’t regret it.

Sources

Arthur Brooks and Oprah Winfrey, Build the Life You Want, 2023, Portfolio/Penguin (Brooks is the Professor of Management Practice at the Harvard Business School, where he teaches courses on leadership, happiness, and social entrepreneurship)

“ What IS Fun? ” by Cathering PriceDaniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence

* Photo by todd kent on Unsplash

Why Is It So Hard to Be Present?

Wed, 15 May 2024 12:16:00 GMT

Despite its popularity, being present is hard to practice.

During our trip, it just so happened that the museum was featuring over 40 works from Vincent Van Gogh, one of my favorite impressionist painters. The exhibit included two of his most famous paintings, Wheat Field with Cypresses and The Starry Night . Painted during the last year of his life after self-admitting himself to Saint-Paul Asylum in Saint-Rémy, they are truly magnificent.

I even bought a 1000-piece puzzle of Wheat Field with Cypresses, but so far I’ve only completed about 15-20% of it!

I had seen The Starry Night once before, close up and without glass, at an art museum in New Haven, CT.

It is breathtaking.

When viewing it up close, you actually see the imperfections—small white spots where the canvas showed through.

Seeing it this time was much different. It was mobbed with people, only they weren’t even looking at it.

They were so intent on taking pictures of it on their phones that they never even stopped to see the painting through their own eyes.

I was stunned. How could taking a picture of a masterpiece be a substitute for seeing it with your own eyes?

The value of photography and artistry is not lost on me, but this wasn’t that.

I’m also fairly certain most of the pictures on their phones were never looked at again. Think about how often you scroll through the hundreds (or even thousands) of images on your phone.

I know mindfulness and being “present” is all the rage right now. Some form of it is a part of every major religion, even secularism.

But despite its popularity, being present is hard to practice.

That’s because it takes work and intentionality.

What’s one way you could be more present in your life this week? Write it down and practice it in the next 24-48 hours.

* Photo by Angela Compagnone on Unsplash

Silence Can Be Deafening

Thu, 18 Apr 2024 09:48:00 GMT

“Silence,” written during a one-day retreat to a local monastery called St. Benedict’s Abbey , is a short essay with three distinct movements.

The Agony of Silence

Silence can be deafening and the stillness disquieting.

It’s like a detox for the soul.

Sitting in silence, in a place absent of distractions, is like withdrawing from the drug of everyday noise and constant connectivity.

We weren’t meant for constant connection to the outside world.

We were meant to breathe and live from rest.

But even now, I write to avoid the agony of silence. I’m not sure what I’m afraid of. Maybe it’s my soul being laid bare. Or the blackness within my own heart that seeps out in not-so-subtle ways as I am still. Or the fear of what I will find when I sit with my thoughts for too long. Or what I will hear in the deafening silence.

Refocus

I refocus and try again. In this place without the usual distractions, my mind hums with ideas. I spend the first 10 minutes fidgeting – unable to focus. Ideas for new activities, emails and blog posts, and fresh business ideas burst into my mind. Then the appointments and obligations of my week, my grumbling stomach, and my desire for another cup of coffee seek to take me further off course.

Anything to keep from being silent and still.

Subside

Finally, after a few tries, the stray thoughts begin to subside and my soul begins to rest. I start to feel the healing power of silence.

The ancient desert father Ammon once wrote, “Behold, my beloved. I have shown you the power of silence, how thoroughly it heals…”

All is well for several minutes.

Until heavy gunfire erupts from nearby Fort Devens, pulling me back into the vortex of my own swirling thoughts and awakening me from the blissful silence. Like the ripples from a pebble thrown into a glass-like pond, the canon fire reverberates in my mind until it runs its course and laps upon the shore.

I drift back into silence once more.

Voices drift in from the hallway. I thought this place was supposed to be quiet?

Noise is pervasive in our modern world. Even when sitting in a lonely wood, you can still hear the drone of traffic from a distant highway or the occasional thrum of a jet passing overhead.

Our modern world isn’t set up for stillness. It’s becoming harder and harder to find.

But the value of stillness far outweighs the effort we expend in search of it.

Silence.

Your Turn

This week, find a silent spot outside of your normal environment and devoid of the usual distractions. Take nothing except a pen and paper. It’s going to be hard. You may have to refocus three, four, or five times before you can quiet your mind. But keep going. After a while, write down what you see when the dust settles.

* Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

How To Turn Your Values Into Actions

Wed, 18 Oct 2023 12:47:00 GMT

If you want to live your values, they must become actions.

Author Gary Smalley once wrote, “Life is relationships. The rest is just details.”

Think about it. Nearly every significant thing that happens in our lives—whether good or bad—involves a relationship.

That’s why five out of my twelve personal core values revolve around relationships.

Here’s one example:

I borrowed this one from John Maxwell because I thought it was so good.

Now let me give you an example of what happens when our lives begin to revolve around our values. This past week, without specifically trying to engineer it this way, I spent time with several of the people who are most important to me:

To be fair, every week is not like that one, and I haven’t always gotten this right. I’m not sure my two older teenagers even like me that much at this stage of life and to be honest sometimes I don’t like them either!

But I keep trying anyway because my version of success depends on it.

How do we keep the most important things at the forefront?

How to Find Your Values and Turn Them Into Behaviors

#1 – Nail Down What’s Important

Values flow from who you are and who you want to become. Think through the most important areas of your life and try writing a value for each one. Relationships are a good place to start, and here are four types I prioritize:

The late Steven Covey created a helpful exercise called 80th Birthday. Visualize your 80th birthday party. Imagine all the people you have influenced are there. What would you like to hear them say about you? Think through each one individually and write down what you would want each person to say about you.

Through this exercise, you can begin to form your personal core values. Words like “honest”, “authentic”, “brave”, “devoted”, “loyal”, and “compassionate” may come up.

But don’t stop there.

For a value to stick, it must first become a behavior. Here’s an example of one of mine:

Finally, there are two questions that will help you as you think through each word/value/behavior. Why is this important? What’s at stake if I don’t do this?

Here are some other areas you may want to consider when determining your personal core values/behaviors:

#2 – Measure What Matters

We are visual creatures, and if you want your values to become behaviors, it’s important to track your progress in a visual way. For this, I use a simple spreadsheet. Since some of my values are already deeply embedded in my life, I use the spreadsheet to track the ones I’m trying to improve by marking it each day. This acts as a visual reminder and tells us we are making progress.

(Read to the end to get a free copy of my Daily Habit Tracker)

#3 – Plot Your Progress

A weekly review/preview is key to making progress. Every Sunday evening, I sit down with my Daily Habit Tracker to measure how I did. My goal is to hit at least 80% for the week and for each quarter. On my Daily Habit Tracker, I highlight the ones that may need some extra work that week. Then I identify one value that needs significant attention and highlight it for anywhere from 6-12 weeks. There is a blank on the tracker just for that purpose.

Currently, I have a special emphasis on business/job/profit. As you know, I recently transitioned from a twenty-year career, and I am still navigating what the next season of my life looks like vocationally, so this is front and center right now. That means I’m spending two significant blocks of time per week (1-2 hours each) doing something that advances my business/job/profit. That could mean creating a product that I can sell, building my business, or looking for a job.

Valuable Things Deserve Our Attention

If something is truly valuable to us, our focus will follow.

What are you doing to make sure the things you value most become behaviors?

Get the FREE Daily Habit Tracker!

Change it to match some of your core values/behaviors, evaluate it each week print out a new one, and mark it each day. Be sure you have it somewhere you can see it i.e. at your desk, where you eat, etc. I recommend marking it as you do things instead of waiting until the end of the day. In doing so, you will gain a sense of progress throughout the day.

I hope this helps you as much as it’s helped me.

PS – If you enjoy my writing and feel it’s adding value to you, please consider financially supporting my journey as a writer/creator >>

* Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

How to Stop Imposter Syndrome In Its Tracks

Wed, 04 Oct 2023 12:32:00 GMT

I’m not sure who needs to hear this but feeling like an imposter or fraud usually means you are on the right track.

The high of that experience carried me through a whole week…until I got to Friday.

Then I crashed—in more ways than one.

I felt down, discouraged, and I had a major case of imposter syndrome —a psychological occurrence in which people doubt their skills, talents, or accomplishments and have a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as frauds.

My narrative went something like this, What am I doing anyway? This is never going to work. You can’t establish a business based on your ideas, expertise, reputation, and personality. You’re not smart enough or good enough. There are so many people who are better at this than you. You’re never going to make it.

And on it went.

I bet you’ve felt the same way at times. In fact, anytime you try something new and risky—go for that promotion, sit down to write that book or article, pitch a new proposal, start putting together than business plan, create something, or whatever it is (you fill in the blank)—you will face resistance.

Resistance, as author Steven Pressfield first described in The War of Art , is that unseen force that comes against human creativity.

But as Seth Godin tells us, we are all imposters. It’s extremely likely that you are not the very best qualified person on the planet to be doing whatever you are doing. He writes:

If you’re struggling with imposter syndrome today, instead of fighting it, lean into it, do the work anyway, and say to resistance (I recommend doing it out loud),

“You’re damn right I’m an imposter. And so is everyone else on the planet. Now shut up and get behind me!”

When does imposter syndrome rear its ugly head in your life and what do you do about it?

I would love to learn from you,

PS – If you enjoy my writing and feel it’s adding value to you, please consider financially supporting my journey as a writer >>

* Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash

Succeeding through Failure

Wed, 06 Sep 2023 12:17:00 GMT

One more “no” means you are that much closer to a “yes.”

You read that right.

10,0000 times.

Can you imagine? Most of us give up after two or three times!

Not Enough

My newest book proposal was recently turned down by a fairly well-known book agent.

He loved the idea and the proposal and said I had done some formidable work.

It used to be that if you were a good writer and had a great idea, you could send a manuscript to a publisher and potentially secure a book deal. Not anymore. In order to secure a book deal with a traditional publishing company in today’s market, you need to have an agent who pitches your proposal to different publishers.

So, why did he turn it down? N otice I said, “it” (referring to the proposal) not “me”? That’s an important distinction.

He said, “I really do think you need to build a much more robust presence on social media – grow your subscribers on YouTube, find more followers on Instagram, or increase the family dance routines on TikTok. (Kidding about the latter.) But that arena needs some work and will be the issue with every editor.”

After a few back-and-forth emails, he added, “I hated even writing that. There used to be a time when you could make a pitch and it was accepted solely on the content.”

Most agents and book publishers want you to have around 60,000 followers between email and social media. At the end of the day, they want to be sure you can sell books so they can get a return on their investment. The average published book sells only 250 copies in the first year.

Until recently, this has been the story of my life, “You got some good chops, kid, but it’s not enough” In the past, I took that to mean, “You’re not enough, Kent.”

But I’m no longer letting failure define me.

Was I disappointed? Absolutely! I gave myself twenty-four hours to mope and then I moved on.

But every setback is one step closer to finding the right path. And sometimes, obstacles are there to point you in the right direction.

Or as Douglas Adams’s character Dirk Gently puts it, “I rarely end up where I was intending to go, but often I end up somewhere that I needed to be.”

Maybe I will publish traditionally, maybe I’ll publish hybrid, or maybe I will self-publish again. I’m not sure. But here’s what I’m sure of. I’m going to keep writing, and keep publishing because I:

Thomas Edison didn’t let failure define him, and I hope you won’t either. If he did, I may not be sitting in this office, typing this email to you under the light of my grandmother’s desk lamp.

What failures or setbacks have you let knock you out of the game? How can you regroup and start again?

PS – I recently released a new product called, Win the Morning, Win the Day! It’s a mini-course created to help you design and craft your ideal morning routine. The current price will only be available for a limited time, so be sure to order it now.

*Photo by Riccardo Annandale on Unsplash

Read This If You Are Bored with Your Job…

Wed, 30 Aug 2023 11:49:00 GMT

The work—not the outcome—is the reward.

But he is starting to lose heart. He’s now working full-time at a bakery, and although he has a few opportunities here and there to do film, they are still few and far between.

Here’s what I said to him. “If I never get paid a dime, I would still write and create. Do you know why?

Because I love the work. Get good at the work. Fall in love with the work, son, not the outcome.”

We all want to get paid for something we love doing, but first, we have to get good.

Bored…

At the onset of 2020, I was bored with my work. Back in 2009, my family moved from Rochester, NY to Cambridge, MA to start a church from scratch. Sandwiched between MIT and Harvard, Cambridge is one of the most unchurched and complex cities in the country for church planting. I wouldn’t take it back because my wife and I came out of it better people, but it was brutal.

I thought pastoring the church in Cambridge, or at least formal pastoral ministry in a church, would be a life-long assignment.

I was wrong.

I wrestled with it for a long time and for a while, I thought I was abandoning my calling. Now I realize that’s not true. I’m just changing assignments.

Here’s the point. When you lose your day-to-day passion for the work you do over the long haul, it might be time to move on. 2020 was when it came to a head, but that passion had been waning for a while before that.

Eventually, if you are good at the work, there should be results, but results are the evidence; they are not where the joy comes from.

Talk to anyone who has accomplished anything significant and they will tell you, “It was great, but when I reached the pinnacle, it didn’t last very long, and I found myself saying, is this it?”

All the more reason to fall in love with our work.

Furthermore, our work can’t be the only thing that brings us fulfillment , but that’s a different discussion for a different day.

Yeah, but I’ve Got Bills to Pay!

Ask yourself, do I really love my work or am I just doing it for a paycheck?

If the answer is, “No, I’m just doing it for a paycheck,” I’m under no illusion that you can just change your situation in an instant. You’ve bills to pay and so do I. That’s where I was in 2020, and I’m there right now. My part-time role (which I really enjoy) is bringing in half of the monthly income I need. I’m trying to make the other half through some entrepreneurial endeavors that I’m also really enjoying, but so far aren’t producing much income. I may have to take on another part-time role but I’ll never stop writing, creating, and sharing my work with the world.

Why? Because I love the work!

If you are dissatisfied with your work (or with some other part of life for that matter), Here are several questions that might help you:

Try writing down your three next steps and share them with someone within twenty-four hours.

* Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Here’s What Me and My Wife Do On a Getaway (clean version)

Thu, 10 Aug 2023 11:01:00 GMT

Getaways are absolutely crucial to the health of your marriage, and even more so when you have children.

My wife and I try to get away together alone at least once a year and usually twice. If you can do two, I strongly recommend it. Typically, we try to do a longer getaway and then a shorter one. The longer getaways help us reconnect, have fun, and remember why we fell in love in the first place. (Side note, this is in addition to regular bi-weekly dates).

Let me start by saying, if you are not able to do this, I understand and empathize. There have certainly been seasons when we didn’t have the money or had no one to watch the kids. Unfortunately, we don’t live close to our families and so it takes a lot of intentional coordination to make it happen. That being said, if you can’t take trips alone together for some reason or another, do the best with what you have! Schedule a day trip and regular dates to places that you both love and are free. We’ve done plenty of that in different seasons.

After doing many getaways over the years, we’ve learned a few things I want to share as you plan your own getaway.

Our Recipe for a Great Getaway:

1) Go to a mutually agreed upon place.

No one will have fun if one of you doesn’t like the destination or activities. For example, I love to take a 40 pound backpack and hike for multiple days in the middle of nowhere. My wife on the other hand does not. If I plan a getaway based on my preferences alone, it guarantees we will both have a miserable time.

2) Stay for a minimum of 3-4 nights.

We usually try to plan one longer getaway and one shorter one per year. The longer one is usually much better and I recommended a minimum of three nights and four days. Otherwise, it feels like you just get unpacked and your heading back home!

3) Don’t pack your schedule!

A few years back we visited NYC for our 15th anniversary. Instead of doing all the touristy things, we planned to explore one part of the city each day. We planned one or two things in that part of the city (a restaurant, museum, or popular landmark, etc.) and left the rest of the day open for exploration. One day after exploring Chelsea Market and enjoying a great lunch, we decided to walk to the Hudson River Park a few blocks away. We hadn’t planned it but ended up laying in the grass enjoying the river and one another on a beautiful May day for several hours. It was just what we needed.

5) Ask the locals.

One of my favorite things to do is to ask a local what they would recommend if I only had one day in their city, town, or area. So far, this has never failed me. I’ve enjoyed lonely beaches, epic sunsets, and new treats like the Maple Creamee in Burlington, VT (you can Google it if you don’t know what a Maple Creamee is).

5) Save enough money so you don’t need to scrimp.

This one is big. We save all year long to take a nice getaway. This is one you don’t want to scrimp on. You want to eat out, stay at a nice place, and do some fun things together.

I finished this post the day we were headed to Burlington, VT for a getaway of our own! We plan to eat at some reputable gluten-free restaurants (my wife has celiacs disease), relax on the beach at the stunning Lake Champlain, explore the Church Street Market, rent a kayak to do some exploration, catch some live music, enjoy some craft beer and cider at a few of Burlington’s well-known breweries, and yes have sex, too!

A Question and Challenge

Question: what have been some of your favorite getaways? When is your next getaway?

Challenge: schedule some time this week when you can talk with your partner and plan your next getaway!

If you’re interested in reading another post on relationships, check out this post I wrote called, “Marriage in the Raw: Sex, Conflict, and Other Stuff That Helped Us Make It to Twenty Years.”

Read the Other Posts In the Series

*Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash

Follow Your Passion but…

Thu, 29 Jun 2023 10:48:00 GMT

It’s easy to think you need to do everything you love for a living. I love outdoor activities like walking, running, mountain biking, hiking, and skiing, but that doesn’t mean you will find me trekking around the world writing articles for Outdoor Magazine as a career.

Here’s a quick exercise to help you think it through:

Write down three personal passions and three vocational passions. How do they align? How do they differ? In what areas of your life do they apply: volunteer work, career, or hobbies?

Our passions are an important part of fulfillment and purpose, but they don’t all need to be a part of our careers.

PS – If you enjoy my writing and feel it’s adding value to you, consider leaving a tip >>

* Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Big Changes Start with Small Decisions

Thu, 01 Jun 2023 12:21:00 GMT

Big changes start with small decisions.

The decision seemed important although it was a relatively small one.

Or so I thought.

For me, that seemingly small decision to get my life coaching certification set me on a new trajectory. I immediately began coaching a few business leaders. After all, leadership is what I had done for twenty years.

Then I trained as a business coach and consultant with a company in California and began coaching more business leaders. It seemed I had a knack for it.

Fast forward to today, and 50% of my income is now coming in through coaching and consulting (if you’re wondering what the difference is between coaching and consulting, you can find that here .) I’m also on an entrepreneurial journey to make up the other half of our income using my primary gifts, talents, and abilities. More on that soon!

One seemingly small decision can change your life forever.

This is true in so many areas of life—for good or for bad.

Think big but start small.

Here’s a good starting place. First, list your top three gifts, talents, or abilities that also bring you joy and energy when you do them. Then ask yourself,

What seemingly small decisions (in line with those talents and abilities) could be made today that might have a big impact in the future?

When it comes to your career, spending 75-80% of your time in your strengths is something to work toward.

But whether you put those abilities to use volunteering or toward a career trajectory, identifying them and moving in that direction will give you more fulfillment.

That’s what the Finding Fulfillment Guide will help you do. If you haven’t downloaded it yet, you can download it here.

PS – If you enjoy my writing and feel it’s adding value to you, consider leaving a tip >>

* Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Making Friends with Fear

Wed, 03 May 2023 12:26:00 GMT

Fear can be your friend.

Before you tune out and say I’m crazy, hear me out.

Looking out over the horizon of your life not sure what’s coming next can be a frightening prospect.

That’s because with freedom always comes uncertainty.

After recently transitioning from a role I’ve had for nearly fourteen years, that’s where I find myself – freedom with uncertainty.

Maybe that’s you, too:

The list goes on. It seems that change is the only constant in life. As soon as you get comfortable, life begins to change.

Make Friends with Fear

It may sound crazy, but here’s what I’ve discovered. When I feel afraid, it usually means I’m moving in the right direction, and when fear is not present, I’m usually too comfortable. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to submit to fear or partner with it (it’s a tormentor), but the presence of fear often means I am getting close to something important.

Without fear, we wouldn’t need courage, and without courage, the world would be much less interesting.

Not courage as a feeling, but action in the face of fear.

Can I share a secret with you? Fear has been present in every important decision I’ve ever made and every path I’ve ever chosen.

Fear and resistance are a sign that you’re doing something significant.

Without fear, life can feel a little drab and boring. The presence of fear tells us we are alive.

Recently, I was talking through this with my counselor and he said, “Anxiety feeds on uncertainty.” In other words, the unknown almost always creates anxiety. The question is, what do we do with it?

5 Ways You Can Use Fear To Your Advantage

Here are five ideas that have helped me. Maybe they will help you, too. The first two are from my counselor, the last two are mine.

If we think about it, it’s shocking how little control you and I actually have.

Which one of these do you need to focus on right now?

Leave a comment and let me know one of the fears and uncertainties you’re dealing with right now and how you navigate are navigating it. It helps you to get them out in the open, otherwise they take up too much mental space.

* Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash

Try Something Different…

Thu, 06 Apr 2023 10:21:00 GMT

Human beings are not robots or machines. We are more than just inputs and outputs.

But machines don’t have a soul (not even AI).

And because we are not machines, sometimes we wake up and don’t feel like performing. What then?

Try something different.

I’m a believer in disciplines, systems, routines, and habits. They can be good as long as they serve a purpose. When they no longer serve a purpose, it’s time to tweak them or change them.

If what you normally do isn’t working, it’s time to try something different. Because doing the same things over and over doesn’t always work.

Here’s an example. Typically, after everyone leaves the house, I sit down and write a weekly email to my list. Only today, I didn’t feel like it. I wrote for a bit and got stuck. Instead of trying to force it, I took a walk.

During my walk, I thought about a meeting I had yesterday with a potential business partner and came up with what I think might be a game-changing thought.

Frederich Nietzsche was a believer in walking. I’ve head it quoted different ways from his book Twilight of the Idols ranging from, “Only thoughts reached by walking have value” to “All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking.”

He even went so far as to say, “The sedentary life is the very sin against the Holy Spirit.”

Though I don’t ascribe to many of his ideas, I agree with his philosophy of walking!

Let me give you some context for Nietzsche’s statements. In May of 1879 after recurring migraines and other physical maladies, Nietzsche was forced to leave his position as a university professor. After resigning, he retreated to a small village in the Swiss Alps during the summers. Surrounded by the grandeur of the Alps, Nietzsche became a renowned walker, sometimes walking up to 8 hours per day. Eventually, he filled six small notebooks with the prose that became some of his best work. By 1889, ten years later, Nietzsche had regained his health and wrote The Wanderer and His Shadow.

Part of the problem with the modern-day knowledge work is the expectation of managing unrealistic work loads and being constantly productive. Due to the invention of smart phones and lap tops, you have access to work 24/7. Our days are packed with more than is humanly possible. But as I previously mentioned, we are not robots.

This is a relatively modern phenomenon that if unchecked leads to burnout. We are now in the information age, and before that, the industrial age. In the per-industrial age, and for most of human history, people spent large amounts of time outside working, not in a factory or sitting at a desk.

Which leads me to my point.

If you’re feeling stuck today and need some variety, it’s time to try something different?

Here are some ideas:

Anything to get the creative juices flowing again.

Life is more than work, and you’re not a robot.

What are some things you do to get unstuck? Leave a comment and let me know!

The Paradox of Seasons

Thu, 16 Mar 2023 09:55:00 GMT

“In the visible world of nature, a great truth is concealed in plain sight: diminishment and beauty, darkness and light, death and life are not opposites. They are held together in the paradox of ‘hidden wholeness.'” (Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak) ¹

Life is like that. Where seeming opposites happen at the same time. Where death and life co-exist.

What Is Your Metaphor for Life?

The metaphors we choose for life often become self-fulfilling prophecies.

Recently, I’ve been reading Parker Palmer’s Let Your Life Speak where he advocates for using seasons as a wise metaphor for the movement of life. Some say life is a game of chance. Others say life is like a battlefield. Palmer suggests “that life is neither a battlefield nor a game of chance but something infinitely richer, more promising, more real” (96). Seasons don’t deny the struggles or joys but encourage us to “embrace it all – and to find in all of it opportunities for growth.”

My family and I have been watching a show on Discovery+ called, Alaskan Bush People. It’s a fascinating story of the Brown family, a family of 9 that grew up wild living in the Alaskan Bush. There is a lot we can learn from them. They are a close-knit family, don’t have phones or televisions, know what’s important, love each other well, have faith in God, and live simply. But like any family, they have their shortcomings. Every time something bad happens, they say, “It’s Brown luck again” meaning bad luck. Instead of embracing the metaphor of seasons and the joys and struggles that come with each season, they’ve chosen to tell themselves that the Browns have bad luck. It’s a narrative they tell themselves over and over and have come to believe.

I have my own negative narratives, and you do too. One of the ones I tell myself regularly is that when something goes wrong – whether in life, with family, or in leadership – it’s all my fault. The more I tell myself that the more I believe it. The reality is, I may have some fault in the things that go wrong for which I should acknowledge and take ownership, but it’s rarely if ever all my fault. Quite honestly, taking all the blame is a form of pride and arrogance. Thinking things are all my fault means I would have total control over the outcomes, when in reality, I only have control of my part in any given situation. And the narrative that we are in control can be a deceptive one.

We do well to choose our narratives and metaphors of life wisely.

According to Palmer, most of us in the West haven’t grown up in an agrarian society but a manufacturing one, and it has significantly shaped our narrative. We don’t “grow” our lives, we “make” them. It comes out in our everyday speech: we make time, make friends, make money, make a living, and make love. “We absorb our culture’s arrogant conviction that we manufacture everything.” Accepting the metaphor of seasons means we can “conspire but never control” life. But it runs into a direct conflict with the common narrative that insists, “against all evidence, we can make whatever kind of life we want, whenever we want it.”

This has caused us to believe we are always in charge, which if you’ve lived for long enough, you know to be an utter fabrication.

The Paradox of Seasons

It seems my season of life is shifting. Maybe yours is too. Embracing the “seasons of life” metaphor means that within every season there is both good and bad, death and life, joy and sorrow. It’s not either-or but both-and. Autumn is a great example. What do you primarily notice in the fall, life or death, beauty or sorrow?

The reality is, it’s both.

Autumn is a season of life and death with great beauty as well as decline. But while things are dying or going dormant for the winter, nature is also releasing and scattering the seeds that will bring new life in the spring.

In every season of death, the seeds of new life are being sown.

Let’s end where we began,

As you look at your life today, I hope you find strength, as I have, in embracing the paradox of the seasons as a metaphor for life.

What season do you find yourself in? What are the paradoxes and where can you find “hidden wholeness?”

* Photo by Takahiro Sakamoto on Unsplash

¹ Palmer, Parker. Let Your Life Speak, 99. “Hidden wholeness” is a term coined by Thomas Merton

² Ibid

Why I’m Leaving Ministry After Twenty Years (And What’s Next)

Thu, 26 Jan 2023 10:55:00 GMT

There’s an epic adventure waiting outside your front door…

Sixty years before Bilbo spoke these words to his nephew, Frodo, he was invited into an epic adventure by a wizard named Gandalf the Grey. But as Bilbo tells Gandalf, “Hobbits are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner!” Hobbits were simple people who enjoyed food and drink (6 meals a day if they could get them), peace and quiet, and “good-tilled” earth. (Tolkien, J.R.R. The Hobbit: There and Back Again, 7)

Many of us aren’t so far off from hobbits…

Here’s the problem: the things we long for are usually found beyond our comfort zones.

In the end, Bilbo did step out his front door, and he had the adventure of a lifetime. He fought trolls, orcs, and goblins, found a magical ring, and he even stood face-to-face with a dragon and lived to tell the tale. He returned from the adventure with a fair amount of treasure and some unbelievable stories, but most importantly, Bilbo came back a different man. His life and the lives of generations after him were forever changed, including his nephew, Frodo.

All because he was willing to step out his front door and do something he had never done before.

A little over thirteen years ago, my wife and I stepped out our front door on an epic adventure toward Cambridge and Boston. There have been many challenges, obstacles, and even enemies along the way, and we are different people now. We are battle-hardened but a little weary, too, and in need of rest.

If I’m honest, I’m also battling some cynicism about life and ministry: disappointment over dreams that didn’t come to pass, questioning whether certain sacrifices our family made along the way were worth it, processing deep hurts and wounds inflicted by people we thought were “with us,” and the regurgitation of a consumer-based ministry model I’ve come to despise.

I’m working through it with my wife, some mentors, a few friends, and a counselor, too. I refuse to let it define me, but it would be disingenuous to say it’s not there.

In the end, those hurts and disappointments are not why we decided to leave the ministry. They come with the territory, and I am working through them in a healthy way. To put it as simply as possible, we just knew it was the right time to move on.

And I was ready for a new adventure. Something other than traditional ministry. It took a while to feel I wasn’t abandoning my calling, but that’s a story for another time.

A New Adventure

Sixty years after his first epic adventure, Bilbo felt it was time for a new one.

There’s a metaphor in Bilbo’s statement about stepping out the front door. His Hobbit hole represented his comfort zone, the front door mirrored his greatest fears, and the pathway outside symbolized fulfillment, purpose, and adventure.

I can relate to Bilbo; it’s time for a new adventure, and I’m looking out, over a new horizon, with anticipation and excitement. Though we’re not sure what’s coming, we are willing to step out our front door…again…and be swept off on a new adventure.

Are you with me?

Maybe it’s time to leave your comfort zone, confront your fears, and step out of your front door. If so, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to. You don’t need to have all the answers. You only need to say yes.

Let me know if you’re in. Leave a comment and share a bit of your adventure. It helps to have comrades along the way.

With you,

Kent

PS – If you enjoy my writing and feel it’s adding value to you, consider leaving a tip >>

* Photo by Chris Hardy on Unsplash

5 Things to Anchor Yourself When Life Feels Out of Control

Thu, 12 Jan 2023 10:55:00 GMT

My life is changing quickly, and I feel afraid.

Change is hard for all of us, and often, when it rains it pours. The last year has been one challenge after another, and to be honest, we are getting tired of it. My dad died. Our family dynamic is changing with two older teens and one starting college (as well as some really difficult family situations we’ve been facing). On top of that, I’m in a midlife career transition wrapping up a twenty-year career as a pastor and minister and moving to…I’m not sure yet.

Things feel overwhelming right now, and quite honestly, I’m not doing that well.

I’m not telling you this so you can feel sorry for me. I don’t want or need pity. You have your own challenges to navigate. But I do want to be vulnerable with you, and we all need someone to get in the pit with us at times. It’s called empathy. And maybe you need some right now, too.

I also want you to know; you are not alone.

What do we do when life feels like it’s spinning out of control and there is no end in sight?

5 Things to Anchor You When Life Feels Out of Control

As a leader, I’m used to helping others, but lately, when it comes to my own life, I’m at a loss. These aren’t answers, but here are some things I’m learning in the midst of change and transition that might be of help to you as well.

1) Go easy on yourself

Life is difficult enough already without us being hard on ourselves. We are small (not unimportant) and finite. We don’t have all the answers. We don’t understand why certain things happen, and we may not understand until much later if at all. It’s best not to try to figure everything out – especially when we are right in the middle of it.

The old saying is usually true. Hindsight is 20/20.

2) Be careful of your self-talk

This is connected to the previous one. I’m hard on myself anyway, but during these challenging times, my self-talk has been terrible. The problem with negative self-talk is that we start to believe it. I’ve realized some destructive patterns in my own self-talk, and I’m trying to change them, but it’s ever so slow. That’s why I’m going to record some confessions and affirmations on my phone about who I really am and who I know myself to be.

3) Surrender

When life seems to be spinning out of control, it’s helpful to remember that we are not in charge. There are times to swim upstream and there are other times when it’s best to surrender to the current. By surrender, I don’t mean we should give way to the current of our myopic selves or worst tendencies. Instead, we must resign ourselves to the fact that there is someone or something bigger than us, moving us along, and in the end – if we surrender – things will work out for our good.

4) Get some help

Life is infinitely more difficult when we try to face it on our own. That’s why I’m talking to my wife, friends, and mentors. It’s also why I’m seeing a counselor right now. People can’t solve your problems, but they can give empathy and validation. The right people can also provide insight and tools we may not have.

There’s an old African proverb that says, “If you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go together.”

5) Take things as they come

“Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time.” That’s a line from the Serenity Prayer. It’s a prayer that has come to be associated with addicts. And for a recovering control addict like me, it’s a lifeline. When life is changing all around us, it’s easy to obsess about what’s coming down the road, but as we know, focusing on too many unknowns quickly leads to anxiety.

A wise man once said, “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. ” (Jesus of Nazareth)

I can’t say it any better than that.

Let’s Do This…Together

I’ve shared this today because I want to live from a place of vulnerability. Because people always relate better to our weaknesses than our strengths. As Brené Brown so beautifully taught us, vulnerability is hard because it requires emotional exposure and risk, but it is so worth it.

Will you share one struggle you’re facing today and what you are learning in the process in the comments below? I promise there will be no judgment, only empathy.

More importantly, why not reach out to someone close to you and share it with them? You won’t regret it.

And always remember, you are not alone.

Your friend,

Kent

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* Photo by William Randles on Unsplash

Dream Big, Take Small Steps…

Thu, 29 Dec 2022 10:55:00 GMT

It’s easy to coast through life. Before you know it, a week, a month, a quarter, a year, or ten years has passed and you’re left wondering, Where has the time gone?

One of the best ways to use life well is to practice reflecting.

This simple act of reflecting today is going to help you gain clarity about where you are going tomorrow.

The Power of Reflection

The end of the year is the perfect time for reflection, but let’s start from square one. Reflection is simply this,

Serious thought and consideration.

It requires time and space as well as thought and intentionality. I recommend setting aside one day retreat to do this. As a matter of fact, I’m on one right now!

Let’s start with some preparation. If you are going to have an effective retreat, some preparation is required. Here are a few simple steps to set yourself up for success:

Let’s dive in. Here’s what to do on your day of reflection.

#1 – Measure Backward

It’s important to review and evaluate the previous year before diving into the next one. It was Maya Angelou who said,

“You can’t really know where you are going until you know where you have been.”

A word of caution: don’t try to measure your progress against your ideal; measure backward against where you started. Then use that backward measurement to guide your actions going forward.

I’ve read different versions of this “measure backward” idea from James Clear ( Atomic Habits) and Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan ( The Gain and the Gap) and both are great.

According to Hardy and Sullivan, your ideals (one’s concept of what is most perfect or suitable) are general and immeasurable. They are constantly changing and moving as you change and move, therefore they cannot be your benchmark for achievement. Rather, they are to be the source from which you create specific, exciting, measurable, time-bound goals. When you measure against your ideals, you are living in the “Gap.” Your ideal is a moving target and therefore it’s impossible to make progress. But when you measure from a specified starting point, it’s possible to live in the gain and appreciate your accomplishments.

Ideally, says James Clear, you want to measure backward from the recent past. The shorter the better, because it’s hard to determine your next step when the data is too old.

In this case, we are looking at the past year, but you can also do this quarterly.

This strategy is helpful for many reasons, but here is a big one. It’s hard to be happy when you’re not making progress. The research is clear, says Hardy, “We are happiest when we are improving.”

Here are some questions and exercises to go through. You can look back through your journals, planners, notebooks, or other tools you’ve used throughout the year.

#2 – Dream Big, Take Small Steps

Once you’ve taken some time to look back, now it’s time to look ahead.

What are your dreams and goals for the upcoming year? If you don’t have a goal-setting system, you can start with my ONE THING Worksheet . After years of failing at my New Year’s resolutions, this system allowed me to gain traction and start achieving my goals.

Something I’ve learned the hard way is this,

Dream big, but take small steps.

The best plans focus on taking small steps you control in service of something bigger than yourself. You can’t control the dream but you can determine the steps you take to get there.

When you focus on what you can’t control, you end up living for tomorrow instead of being present in the here and now.

In other words, keep the big picture in mind as you live each and every day with intentionality.

Here are some questions as you look ahead:

You may have other questions you want to ask. There are lots out there, but this gives you a starting place.

A Sample Schedule

Don’t Miss the Meaning

When you spend time reflecting, you gain the much-needed perspective to move forward with confidence. In his famous poem Four Quartets, T.S. Eliot said,

He was of course pointing to our propensity to miss the deeper meaning of things.

You lived another precious year of your life. Be sure not to miss the meaning.

The Challenge

In the next 24-48 hours, set aside a day to reflect and make the preparations. I promise you won’t regret it!

Kent

PS – Need some help? I’m available for coaching. Book your free call now!

*Photo by Marc-Olivier Jodoin on Unsplash

Why Gratitude Works

Wed, 23 Nov 2022 16:04:00 GMT

“I don’t want to be a more grateful, happier person,” said no one ever. For the last 670 days, I’ve been practicing gratitude. Here’s what I found…

In 670 days of gratitude, here is what I’ve noticed.

Why Gratitude Works

#1 – Gratitude Refocuses You

For many, our minds tend to gravitate toward the negative: fear, cynicism, and the ominous. Gratitude refocuses us on the good things we often overlook in our lives.

Rather than starting the day from a deficit, gratitude helps us start the day with a surplus.

Being grateful allows you to see things from a place of abundance, gives you clear sight, and differentiates you from the crowd.

Perspicacity is a noun that means “acute mental vision or discernment, or having or showing keen understanding. It also means to be “clear-sighted” or “to see through.”

I believe gratitude gives us perspicacity.

Warning: that doesn’t mean we need to constantly point out the silver lining when someone else is hurting, frustrated, or angry! Bringing it up in those moments can seem trite and condescending when what’s most needed is a listening ear.

#2 – Gratitude Makes You Happier & Healthier

The benefits of gratitude are well documented for everything from better relationships to improved physical and mental health. Here are just a few:

#3 – Gratitude Rewires Your Brain

Just as animals trample down pathways through the woods, repeated thoughts do the same thing in our brains. This makes it easier for our thoughts to move or flow in a particular direction. This is good and bad because it works for negative and positive thoughts alike.

The good news is we now know our brain is “ plastic. ” In other words, it can be shaped, molded, and altered. It takes some work to “rewire” our brains but it is possible. How do we do it?

By replacing harmful, negative, or false thoughts with helpful, positive, and true thoughts.

Gratitude is one way to do this with direct benefits to our brain:

What Are You Waiting For?

With that many benefits, you may be asking yourself, How can I afford NOT to start a daily gratitude practice?

After 670 days of practicing gratitude, I can ask with some authority, what are you waiting for?

Get the Practicing Gratitude Daily Page for Free!

It’s my gift to you.

Happy Thanksgiving,

*Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

The Second Mountain (Sabbatical 4 – Book Review)

Fri, 30 Sep 2022 10:17:00 GMT

When it comes to passion, purpose, and calling, David Brooks’ The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life was one of my favorite books and one of the most helpful I’ve ever read on the subject.

David Brooks is one of the nations leading writers and commentators. He is an op-ed columnist for The New York Times and appears regularly on PBS NewsHour and Meet the Press. He is the best-selling author of The Road to Character and other well-known books. A masterful writer, he pulls from a broad range of sources and thinkers to make his case and paint a poignant picture of the point he is making.

In The Second Mountian, he explores the four commitments that define a life of meaning and purpose. The commitment to:

He comes to the conclusion that our personal fulfillment depends on how well we choose and execute these four commitments.

The book uses the metaphor of the two mountains or trajectories. The first mountain is about self-discovery, success, making your mark on the world, and personal happiness and fulfillment. After a while, many people find the view from that mountain unsatisfying. That’s when the journey up the second mountain begins. The second mountain is about shedding ego and losing the self, contribution rather than acquisition, interdependence rather than independence, and a life of commitment and community rather than autonomy and self-reliance.

Though I rarely do this, I started in the middle of the book – the section on vocation and calling – because it was so intriguing. The book was fantastic and was worth picking up for that section alone.

There are far too many takeaways from the whole book, so, here are my top 10 takeaways from just the section on vocation:

Climbing the Second Mountain

I leave you with a quote and some questions to explore:

“…If you are trying to discern your vocation the right question is not What am I good at? It’s the harder questions: What am I motivated to do? What activity do I love so much that I’m going to keep getting better at it for the next many decades? What do I desire so much that it captures me at the depth of my being? In choosing a vocation, it’s precisely wrong to say that talent should trump interest. Interest multiplies talent and is in most cases is more important than talent.”

Here’s my challenge to you: take some time to answer those questions. As I’ve been advocating in my other sabbatical posts, plan a day or a half-day to think deeply about these questions.

What do you have to lose?

If you get clarity on these, you will be far ahead of most people, experience more fulfillment in life, and be well on your way up the Second Mountain.

*Photo by Kristjan Kotar on Unsplash

Edit Your Life (Sabbatical 3)

Thu, 22 Sep 2022 12:45:00 GMT

Through reflection, it’s possible to edit your actions before they happen.

Reflection can happen in two ways. First, we can reflect on and learn from our lived experiences. Second, we can reflect on what hasn’t happened yet as if it already did . Both are important, but it’s the second one I want to dissect because it’s less familiar. This can be done by asking yourself a simple question:

If this were the second time I were living this day, what would I do differently?

The act of reflection (serious thinking or careful consideration) allows us to crystallize our experiences, learn from them, and use them to benefit others. By pretending this is the second time we lived this day – without making the same mistakes – it’s possible to edit our actions.

In his book, Business Made Simple , Donald Miller words Frankl’s question another way, “At the end of the day, what will you have regretted doing or not doing?” He encourages readers to jot down three things. This is a simple exercise that can be done every day.

Here is an example of some things I regularly write down in answer to this question:

Some are actions I would regret doing and others are actions I would regret not doing.

Miller goes on to write, “It’s by reflecting that we edit our actions and design our lives. Those who do not reflect neither edit nor design – they simply respond.”

The Power of Reflection

During my sabbatical, I spent a lot of time reflecting: both on my lived experience, and on what to take with me from my sabbatical. Here are a few of the lessons and practices I’m taking with me into everyday life:

Edit Your Actions…

We all have behaviors we either want to change or keep doing. By reflecting on what hasn’t happened yet, we are able to edit our actions and move closer to the person we want to become.

Here’s an exercise to help you edit your life. Plan a 1-3 hour block over the next week where you can do some intentional reflection. Find a beautiful place, take a journal, and ask yourself a few questions. Here are a few prompts:

What are some reflection questions and practices that have helped you? Leave a comment below…

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* Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Rest is Hard (Sabbatical 2)

Thu, 08 Sep 2022 12:54:00 GMT

Taking a sabbatical was harder than I thought…at least initially!

For an overachiever like me, rest can be hard. Whether it’s a vacation or a sabbatical, I need things to do or I get grumpy. Living with me for the past 22 years, my wife has come to terms with this. That’s why even on vacation, I typically have some things to do that feel productive like reading and writing in the morning. For a more extended break like a sabbatical, in order for me to feel good about it, I had to put some structure to it. That’s why it was a balance of writing, home projects, books to read, time in nature, rest, vacation, and family time. Even so, the first couple of weeks were a bit rocky. I spent a lot of time thinking:

What am I supposed to be doing?

Have you ever felt this way as an overachiever? What have you done to alleviate this?

It took a while, but halfway through the sabbatical, I finally settled into a rhythm. In the early morning, I read and prayed. After breakfast, I typically spent some time writing, journaling, and reading a bit more. Afternoons were usually spent at home with the family or doing some light coaching and consulting work. And one day a week, I tried to spend some time in a beautiful place outdoors.

Here are a few highlights from the first half of the sabbatical:

My Best Day in a While…

I kicked off the sabbatical with a personal retreat to Singing Hills Camp in New Hampshire. It has been my retreat center of choice for the past twelve years. A while back, I wrote a blog post called Why I Love Retreats (And Think You Should Take One, Too) hoping to compel everyone to do a yearly personal retreat!

During the second day of my retreat, I decided to take a ride to Burlington, VT. I’ve heard about Burlington for years but have never been. Home to the University of Vermont (or UVM) and situated on the majestic Lake Champlain, Burlington is a collision of the independent Vermont spirit, good restaurants, spectacular beauty, and the intellectual culture that often comes with a college town.

It was a gorgeous day and I spent most of it sitting on a sparsely populated beach a few miles outside of town. I finished a book ( The Alchemist ), prayed, napped, took in the view, watched a plane take off from the Lake, went swimming, and got lost in the view of the Adirondack Mountains across the Lake.

On my way into Burlington, I passed the UVM campus (the University of Vermont) and was hit by a wave of nostalgia remembering my early days in campus ministry. In fact, I really miss working in a campus environment and with students. Wanting to explore that pang of nostalgia, I decided to spend some time on the campus exploring why I felt that way. I walked around most of the campus and finally settled on a shady bench in the middle of campus to do journaling. It was during that time I realized that I really enjoy the unique energy of college towns. Not so much city campuses, but mid-sized towns where the college is a significant and almost inseparable part of the town.

A sabbatical is a good time to explore those unexpected things that may pop up in your heart.

What things from your past bring you a pang of nostalgia? There may be something to be explored there. Is it just a fond memory, or could it be more? Is there something there that needs to be considered more deeply or is it simply a fond memory to reminisce over?

Earlier in the day, I asked a Mom who happened to be hiking with her little one, “If I only had one day in Burlington, what would you suggest I do?” Without too much hesitation, she said, “Get a Maple Cremeee and watch the sunset at the park on the Lake!”

Mistakenly, I thought a Maple Cremee was some type of pastry. But when I looked up the place she suggested, I discovered that “cremee” is the Vermonter name for soft-serve ice cream. After dinner, I did just that. I got a large maple-infused vanilla soft-serve ice cream cone and enjoyed it down by the Lake. It lived up to the hype.

Vermonters know how to enjoy the good weather (probably because it’s such a short season). There were hundreds of people out on the green in front of the lake playing frisbee, enjoying dinner, flying drones, and doing countless other activities. I sat by the lake on a bench and just stared for two hours as the water glistened and the Adirondack mountains spoke in the background across the Lake.

Originally, I hadn’t intended on staying until 8:30 PM to watch the sunset, but I was mesmerized.

Reluctant to leave, I finally pulled up stakes around 9:00 PM and headed back to the retreat center. The drive home was filled with a feeling of euphoria and deep satisfaction.

It was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time, and I walked away refreshed and revived.

Plan a Day, Away

When was the last time you took a day to just slow down and be? A day to do whatever you want? A day to enjoy life and reflect?

Why not put one on your schedule today? You won’t regret it!

In the belief that it’s going to add value to you (and crystallize the lessons for me), over the next few months, I’m going to be sharing some of the 5 biggest takeaways from my recent two-month sabbatical.

* Photo by Hernan Sanchez on Unsplash

Why I’m Taking a Sabbatical…and How It Will Help You, Too (Sabbatical 1)

Thu, 26 May 2022 09:55:00 GMT

As you may know, the right pace and rhythm can help you create a life you love.

People shot them out of the sky, tore down nests, destroyed eggs, and poisoned them pushing the birds close to extinction.

The next year, locust populations soared and they ate everything in their path causing a massive famine. The Chinese government reported 15 million fatalities, but it’s estimated the real number of deaths from starvation was somewhere between 20 to 50 million people.

It got so bad that people began to eat other people.¹

It turns out that balance is a fragile thing.

There is a natural order that most of us take for granted. Not only when it comes to birds and nature, but in our own lives as well.

When small things are out of balance for too long, it creates big problems.

There’s a Better Way

For the last several years, I’ve been focused on finding and creating a sustainable pace and rhythm of life.

That’s why I’m taking a two-month sabbatical starting next week.

Taking a sabbatical is just another step on that journey. So, what is a sabbatical and why does it matter to you?

Maybe you’re saying, “It’s great that you can do that, Kent, but that’s not possible for me.”

I hear that.

But this isn’t necessarily about you taking a sabbatical though I desire that for you.

This is about you finding the right rhythm and pace for your own life.

And while you may not be able to take a sabbatical (though more and more employers are offering it ), you can – no, you must – find a sustainable pace and rhythm of life. That is if you desire to live a life of impact, longevity, and true success.

You may or may not be able to take a sabbatical, but I hope my journey will help you find your own rhythm.

What Is a Sabbatical?

It comes from the word Sabbath or Shabbat which means to cease work or to stop. Think Sabbath day – a day of no work, a day of rest. Though Sabbath is a Jewish concept, you don’t need to be religious to take advantage of it.

There is much to be learned from traditions that go back thousands of years and have discovered tried and true methods that create personal and societal health.

Jewish culture not only embraced a weekly day of rest but went so far as to take a year-long rest every seventh year! Every seventh year, there were no crops were planted. It turns out the soil needs time to rest and replenish its nutrients. Go figure!

That’s not all. That also means people rested from planting and harvesting for a year as well. They relied on a bumper harvest during the sixth year that would actually last three years until the next harvest. In an agrarian culture, can you imagine how much time they had as a result of no planting and no harvesting for a year?

This wasn’t just resting the land, it was rest for the people.

A sabbatical is like several Sabbaths put together.

I’m not taking a sabbatical because I feel burned out. I am in good physical health, feel a lot of emotional and spiritual vitality, and my family relationships and friendships are in a good place.

I am taking a sabbatical as the next step on my journey to create a sustainable rhythm of life, be more productive in the things that matter most, and have more margin for creativity. Over the last 5-to-7 years, I have begun to implement rhythms to help me lead for the long haul. This is one of the rhythms I would like to implement on a regular basis (every 3-5 years). Taking a sabbatical is a continuation of this practice in my life.

The purpose of my sabbatical is threefold:

Let’s Break It Down

Essentially, I’m breaking the sabbatical up into four, two-week periods:

The official dates for my sabbatical are May 30 to August 6, 2022.

Letting the Land Lie Fallow

Over the next few months, I will assuredly be doing some writing, though I’m not sure how often I will be posting to my blog, writing emails, or posting on social media.

I guess if it feels life-giving to do so, then I probably will. If not, I won’t.

I may also run a free workshop during that time. Again, creative work is replenishing for me.

Slowing Down…

Summer is a time when things tend to slow down a bit, and now is a good time to consider your own pace and rhythm. Where might you need to make an adjustment? What is one step you can take this summer to work less and enjoy more? Is there a project you’ve wanted to do for a while? A trip you could take? A schedule adjustment to leave more time open for family, friends, creativity, or leisure?

Take a few moments and brainstorm five ideas to adjust your pace:

Check Out the Sabbatical Series:

Endnotes

¹ https://www.thevintagenews.com/2016/09/26/1958-mao-zedong-ordered-sparrows-killed-ate-much-grain-caused-one-worst-environmental-disasters-history/?firefox=1

* Photo by Sid Leigh on Unsplash

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Rhythms of Life 5: Lean Into Your Limitations

Thu, 12 May 2022 09:55:00 GMT

Limitations can spark creativity, reveal opportunities, and force us to focus on what matters most. Here’s why…

We all have limits. Take time for example. Once we factor in things like sleep, the amount of television we watch, and how much time we spend on our smartphones, we have less than we might think!

No one is unlimited.

The same is true for relationships. We can only cultivate so many.

In my last post, Who Will Bleed with You? I revealed three secrets to finding and cultivating those in your inner circle:

Why does it matter? Because your inner circle relationships are the most valuable people in your life and the people who will shape you the most! Today we will hit #2, clarify your roles, and by the end, you should have a clear picture of which relationships you need to invest in and whether or not you are relationally overloaded.

This is a continuation of a series called Rhythms of Life. A Rhythm of Life is a way of life that provides structure and enables us to thrive and be whole in ALL of life rather than just ONE part. Here are the four core rhythms as I’ve defined them. We are currently on “Relational”:

If you missed one, you can access the whole Rhythms of Life series from here .

Lean Into Your Limitations

Limitations are a normal part of life, and while I find them extremely uncomfortable at times, over the years, I’ve come to see them as beneficial.

In order to find and cultivate our most important relationships, first, we need to clarify our roles.

Many people think it’s impossible to have more than 5-7 major roles and stay healthy and balanced.

I tend to agree.

In order to clarify our most important and life-giving roles and know which relationships need time and attention, first, ask:

You may be a husband or wife, friend, mentor, boss, business partner, father or mother, pastor, coach, or some other role.

And some roles require more attention than others.

This simple exercise by author Stephen Macchia helps will help you evaluate how many roles we are fulfilling and how fulfilling those roles are to our lives:

This exercise can help you further clarify your inner circle, but it also can help you determine if you are relationally overloaded.

Making the Tough Call

Life is full of tough choices, and your relationships are no different. Now that you’ve figured out how many roles you are fulfilling and which of them are the most life-giving, it’s time to make some potentially difficult decisions.

If you fulfilling more than 7 roles in your life, which ones may need to go so you can focus on the most important ones?

I’ll admit, I’m not there yet myself, but that’s what I’m working toward that end.

What do you find most difficult about this exercise?

Once you’ve identified your inner circle and have clarified your roles, how do you cultivate those relationships? That will be the subject of the next post.

Endnotes

¹ Macchia, Stephen A. Crafting a Rule of Life , 30-31

* Photo by Kate Kalvach on Unsplash

Rhythms of Life 4: Who Will Bleed with You?

Fri, 29 Apr 2022 09:55:00 GMT

We all need people who will bleed with us. I call them your inner circle.

We become like those we spend the most time with.

Real success and fulfillment come through wholeness and integration, not achievement.

If you missed one, you can access the whole Rhythms of Life series from here.

Who’s In Your Corner?

I recently went through a very challenging situation with someone close to me.

During that intense two-week period, my two closest friends were in constant communication with me. They reached out to me almost daily to check in and offer support.

It was a great strength to know I had people in my corner.

Loyalty is one of my personal core values. It’s also a word you don’t hear much anymore, almost like it’s antiquated or “old school.” So what is loyalty? The dictionary defines it as allegiance, commitment, dedication, and devotion, but I like to simplify it by saying,

Loyalty is being in the corner of those you love.

We all want some people to have our back. We want people we trust and rely on. Without loyalty, life feels meaningless and lonely. I want to be loyal to those in my inner circle, and I want them to be loyal to me. Not in the sense of duty or obligation – but in the sense of support, encouragement, and sacrifice for one another.

In order for a word to become a value, it must be paired with action. Here are some actions I assign to loyalty:

Everyone longs for these types of relationships, but it seems like they are growing increasingly difficult to find and sustain. Despite our hyper-connected world, loneliness has become an epidemic.

A new report by Harvard University researchers finds that 36% of Americans are experiencing “serious loneliness”. Young adults ages 18-25 are among the most seriously affected. According to the research findings, 61 percent of young people ages 18 to 25 reported feeling lonely “frequently” or “almost all the time or all the time” during the four weeks preceding the fall survey.

There are three secrets to cultivating your inner circle. Over the next three posts, we will talk about three secrets to finding and cultivating your inner circle:

#1 – Identify the people who will bleed with you

Who are the people who will show up for you in life? Who will bleed with you? Who will be there to catch you when you fall? Who will rejoice with you in your victories and cry with you in your setbacks?

They are your inner circle.

Robin Dunbar is an Oxford-educated anthropologist and psychologist who is known for what is now called Dunbar’s Number. Well, it’s actually a series of numbers. Dunbar discovered that people have a limited capacity in the number of people they can have in their social circles. This number increases or decreases by a factor of three. Dunbar calls it “The Rule of 3.” Here’s is what he discovered about how human beings group themselves as described by New Yorker Magazine and The Atlantic :

The number gets larger, but the more people we add, the less meaningful the relationships become:

It’s best to think of this in a concentric circle.

Finding Your Comrades

Your inner circle is most likely made up of some combination of your partner, your closest friends, and possibly a mentor, coach, or some other important figure in your life.

You might notice I have chosen not to include children in this circle. Though they are undoubtedly some of the most important relationships in your life, they are not able to bleed with you or offer friendship and loyalty until later in life.

If you’ve gone through this exercise and you’re still not sure who is in your inner circle or you’ve realized your inner circle is severely lacking, try this.

In his book, People Fuel, author, and psychologist John Townsend gives a very helpful framework for finding what he calls your “Comrades.” According to John, your comrades are “friends who know your business, making you fully known and fully loved, with no secrets or hiding.”¹ This doesn’t happen overnight, so give yourself three months at least. Here’s the framework taken from John Townsend’s book:

1) Go through your contacts list. Take a couple of hours and go down the list, with the goal of identifying people who you feel may be a good fit. Once you have that list, pick three who you think may be a good fit.

2) Reach out. Choose the first person you’ve identified and invite them to lunch or coffee. It can be as simple as, “I haven’t seen you for a long time, I would love to catch up.” It’s not a great idea to start with, “I’ve realized I have a relational deficit, and I would like to get together to see if you could be a comrade.” That could be weird.

3) Be there for the other person’s vulnerability. As you are talking, see if they happen to present some struggle in life. It might be something with work, family, or a health issue. You can’t control this, but you can be ready for it. If they do mention something, get into the pit with them. You could say something like, “I had no idea about your son being in trouble. I’m really sorry. That must be pretty hard for you.” They may not be used to having someone be empathetic with them. By doing this, you are showing them what you value, what you offer, and who you are.

4) Take a small risk. On your side of it, be vulnerable as well. Open up something in your life. This is a way to see whether the person might possibly belong in your inner circle. Townsend gives several possible responses to your vulnerability, one of which is the one you want.

5) Have two more meetings. If the individual gives you a sense of being interested in your struggle and capable of vulnerability, have a couple more coffees or lunches with them. You are looking for a trend, not a one-and-done. And by the way, make sure this meeting has to do with their life for half of the time! It’s not a coaching or counseling session, and you want to let them know that their struggles are important to you as well.

6) Make the invitation. Townsend advocates for what he calls a “Life Team,” but I want to simplify it a bit. You don’t need to necessarily officially invite them into your inner circle. Again, that’s a bit weird. You just want to say something like, “Listen, I’ve really enjoyed getting together with you these last three times. I find you easy to talk to, enjoy your company, and feel we can be open with each other. Would you want to make this a regular thing?” Over time, you both will probably feel more comfortable sharing the depth of your friendship.²

Hopefully, that gives you a good framework for finding your inner circle. I’ve used this framework myself and have found it to be very helpful for finding the people who belong in that inner circle.

Take the Next Step

Now it’s time to answer a few important questions.

Who is in your inner circle? Write down the people who will bleed with you.

What’s the next step you need to take when it comes to identifying, clarifying, or solidifying those in your inner circle?

Every one of us is meant to have a group of people who will bleed with us, and it’s worth every ounce of time and energy you invest to make it happen.

What have been your biggest struggles and frustrations when it comes to close friendships? I would love to hear back from you after you read it! Leave a comment and let me know.

Endnotes

¹ Townsend, John. People Fuel, 169

² Ibid, 182-185

* Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Rhythms of Life 3: Relationships Are Rocket Ships…Or Submarines

Fri, 01 Apr 2022 09:55:00 GMT

Relationships are rocket ships…or they can be submarines. With healthy vibrant relationships, you can be who you are meant to be and go where you need to go. You can soar. But without them (or with the wrong ones), you will go nowhere fast.

Early on in our marriage, I got so angry that I took a bottle of ketchup out of the fridge and sprayed it all over the kitchen (and probably on my wife) in a rage. I told you this was going to get messy , remember? You didn’t know I meant it literally!

Not my best moment, but also not my worst moment. I almost threw away my best relationship. But I’m getting ahead of myself, more on that a little later in the post.

We all know how important good relationships are to a life of flourishing, and we’ve all heard or seen the tragic stories of people who achieve amazing “success” only to realize there is no one around to celebrate it with them.

Healthy relationships are the glue that holds our lives together, and without them, life feels empty and meaningless.

A wise person once said, “it is not good for man to be alone.”¹

I have no doubts he was right.

The R.E.S.T. Framework

In my last post, I introduced you to the R.E.S.T. Framework. It’s a modern-day take on what the ancients called a “Rule of Life,” but I refer to it as a Rhythm of Life. A Rhythm of Life is a set of practices that flow from identifying the most important parts of life and the values that stem from them. It gives us structure and enables us to thrive and be whole in all of life rather than just one part. Here are the four core rhythms as I’ve defined them:

Each of these four core rhythms has three practices that lead us toward a state of wholeness . There are twelve practices in all that I will be sharing in this series. The overall theory I want to test is this:

Real success and fulfillment come through wholeness, not achievement.

For the next several weeks, we will talk about the importance of good relationships when it comes to a life of thriving, what relationships you need, and how to cultivate them.

“Life IS Relationships…”

Gary Smalley famously said, “Life is relationships, the rest is just details.” Simply put, if your relationships aren’t doing well, neither will you. Think about it: your best and worst moments are probably all connected to and shaped by relationships. Here are a few:

My point is that we are indelibly marked by our relationships.

I Almost Threw It All Away…

My most important relationships are with my wife, my three kids, and my two closest friends.

But I almost threw one of them away.

The early years of my marriage were a complete mess, mainly because of me. The son of an angry father and the product of a highly dysfunctional family, I had no clue how to have a healthy marriage.

Some of you may think differently about me after this. That’s OK. I once heard Anne Voskamp say, “Being vulnerable about our shortcomings has the power to remove shame from someone else.” I believe that. So, here goes. I was prideful, loud, argumentative, belligerent, selfish, rude, and vulgar. I yelled and screamed a lot, swore, punched holes in walls, and threw things.

Hold on, it gets worse…

I was emotionally abusive, used physical intimidation, and got physically rough with my wife a few times.

She would be the first to tell you she’s not perfect, but if I’m honest, she probably should have left me.

For a long time (I’m talking years), I didn’t think our marriage was going to make it. And if I’m honest, the vast majority of it was my fault. I share some of how we made it in this post, Marriage in the Raw: Sex, Conflict and Other Stuff That Helped Us Make It To Twenty Years.

It would have been convenient to blame my father for all my anger, after all, that’s what I saw growing up, but at some point, boys must become men who take responsibility and ownership for their own lives. So, that’s what I did.

It all started with admitting I had a problem that I couldn’t overcome on my own.

If this kind of sounds like the first of the Twelve Steps from AA, it is!

Without knowing it, my journey paralleled the Twelve Steps almost verbatim. I won’t list them all here, but I would encourage you to check out the Twelve Steps for yourself. There is amazing power in them and I don’t think they are just for addicts.

I admitted I had a problem, cried out to God for help, sought help from other humans (friends and counselors), and did the hard work. It took years. After year seven, things got a little better. There were no more episodes like I described above, but I can’t say things got significantly better until around year fifteen with our second round of marriage counseling.

Though it’s clear I’m not the hero of this story, there’s one thing I can say for myself, I am not a quitter – especially when it comes to things that really matter.

Over time it has paid off, and today I’m a different person.

Our relationship is not perfect, but I can say with confidence that my wife is my best friend and our relationship is better than it’s ever been. It’s a source of life, strength, and vitality. Feel free to ask her if you don’t believe me.

I still have my struggles, but now I catch myself. I’m not going down that path again.

This definition of success from John Maxell is one of the best I’ve ever heard, and I’ve adopted it as my own. He said, “Success is when the people who know me the best love and respect me the most.” That’s what I’m striving for these days.

Learn from me. It doesn’t need to take you nearly losing the best person in your life to figure it out.

But if you’re already there, I want you to know there’s hope.

And if you’ve already lost one or more of the best relationships in your life, it’s not the end.

Where We’re Going from Here…

If you want to thrive and be whole in life (who doesn’t want that), you can’t do it without healthy vibrant relationships. You also can’t get where you need to go without the right relationships. In the next several posts, I’m going to help you figure out which relationships you need the most and how to cultivate them.

Missed One?

You can access the Whole Rhythms of Life Series from here.

Endnotes

¹ The Holy Bible, Genesis 2:18

*Photo by Duy Pham on Unsplash

Rhythms of Life 2: To the Beat of a Different Drum

Fri, 18 Mar 2022 12:06:00 GMT

Monks changed my life.

Though this post can stand alone, it is also part of a series I’ve been writing called Rhythms of Life. Here are the previous posts:

To the Beat of a Different Drum

If you’re interested in moving in the same direction as everyone else you should stop reading now, but if you want to march to the beat of a different drum, then read on. This way of living goes against the grain.

There is a way of living that came from early monasticism. It’s referred to as a “Rule of Life.” One of the most well-known rules was developed by a guy named Benedict around A.D. 540.

Don’t let the word “Rule” trip you up. The intended outcome of a rule of life is joy. It’s the pathway to an abundant life. It’s not referring to a set of laws, but rather “guidelines that support or enable us to do things we want and need to do.” It comes from a Latin word that means “a straight piece of wood” like a trellis. In a vineyard, a trellis is a structure that holds up a vine so it can thrive. Without the trellis, the vine falls to the ground and can’t bear fruit.

Like a garden untended, a life without rhythm and intentional cultivation creeps toward chaos and confusion.

Stephen Macchia, author of Crafting a Rule of Life said,

Like a garden untended, a life without rhythm and intentional cultivation creeps toward chaos and confusion.

Because many people don’t like the word “rule” (and because I just like this word better), I choose to call it a Rhythm of Life rather than a rule of life. The word rhythm reminds me of the natural world and the cadence by which it operates:

Finding the right rhythms for your life requires thoughtfulness and intentionality. In the words of Stephen Covey (7 Habits of Highly Successful People), “we achieve inner peace when our schedule is aligned with our values.”²

The R.E.S.T. Framework

In my previous post, I introduced you to the framework I use to form my Rhythm of Life. I call it the R.E.S.T. Framework, and it is made up of four core rhythms.

Each of these four rhythms has three practices or actions that lead us toward a state of wholeness. There are twelve practices in all. My theory?

True success and real fulfillment come through wholeness, not achievement.

What do I mean by wholeness? Wholeness is about integration . It’s about thriving in ALL of life, not just ONE part. And it happens when we learn to integrate the most important parts of our lives into a cohesive and working whole.

The Heart of the Matter

We all know a healthy heart is a key to longevity. In a healthy heart, all four chambers work together. The heart receives oxygen-poor blood through the right side and pumps it to your lungs to be oxygenated. It then receives oxygen-rich blood via the left side and in turn, pumps it to your whole body through blood vessels.

These four core rhythms work in a similar way. Each of them must work in sync for our lives to be whole and complete.

Let’s Do This…Together!

In the coming posts, I would like to test this theory with you – that success and fulfillment come through wholeness, not achievement. We will do this by going through each of the four rhythms and forming your own Rhythm of Life.

Many of these things are backed by proof and research, but the way I’m putting it together is somewhat new.

That’s why I’m asking for your feedback.

We will start with the first one in the framework: relationships.

As you work through this framework, will you do me the honor of leaving your comments, thoughts, and pushbacks? I would love to hear your stories of success and failure along the way!

I can’t wait to go on this journey with you.

Endnotes

¹ Macchia, Stephen, Crafting a Rule of Life, 14

² Comer, John Mark, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, quoting Covey, 94

* Photo by Nathaniel Tetteh on Unsplash

Rhythms of Life 1: The State of Wholeness

Fri, 11 Mar 2022 12:02:00 GMT

Completing this puzzle called “life” is hard but not impossible.

In the midst of life, it’s easy to feel frayed at the edges or feel like we are drowning. We sometimes feel lonely, anxious, overwhelmed, exhausted, or unfulfilled.

While those feelings are valid, they are not the end of the story. Wholeness is not just a pipe dream, it is how you and I were meant to live.

I’m not an expert, but I am on a journey to live a whole and complete life – a thriving life – and help others do the same. Along the way, I’m going to share my successes, but more importantly, my failures. For me, it’s been a long and messy process but completely worth it. The series began with my story of burnout and how it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. If you haven’t read that post, I recommend starting there.

After my second near burnout experience in 2014, that’s when things really started to crystallize for me, and I knew I needed a change. Unfortunately, we don’t often change until it’s absolutely necessary. Such was the case for me.

The Genesis

Over the next few years, a blueprint began to emerge. It was time to get serious about defining the most important rhythms of life. I took all those years of hard life lessons and struggles, and I began to integrate my life into a cohesive and working whole.

That’s not to say my life is perfect. Far from it. But every day, I’m learning, growing, adjusting, tweaking, and striving for a state of wholeness.

And you can do the same.

Wholeness is about thriving in ALL of life, not just ONE part. And it starts with learning to identify and integrate the most important parts into a cohesive whole.

Integrity is More Than Character

The word integrate comes from the same root as integrity. What is integrity? Being ethical and honest are certainly a part of it, but it’s more than that. Integrity means “to be whole, complete, and undivided.” The Latin origins come from the word “integer” which means “a whole number or a thing complete in itself.”¹

How does integrity work itself out in life? We often find ourselves thriving in one part of life and failing miserably at another:

We assume that’s just the way it is. I guess I can’t have it all, we say to ourselves.

I’m not saying life is going to be a utopia. There are always going to be problems and challenges, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle for mediocrity. Integrity is more than character, it’s wholeness.

A State of Wholeness

There’s an ancient Hebrew word and concept that encapsulates perfectly what I’m talking about. The word is “shalom” (pronounced shä-ˈlōm, which sounds like shah-lome). Shalom is a common Jewish way to say both hello and goodbye, but its meaning is much deeper.

Shalom means complete, all is well, health, prosperity, and peace.

It can be used as a noun, adjective, verb, adverb, and interjection. When used as a verb, shalom means “the actions that lead to a state of wholeness.”²

Shalom: actions that lead to a state of wholeness.

A state of wholeness. That sure sounds good to me.

But actions while good, aren’t where lasting change begins.

Lasting Change Begins with Your Identity

Lasting change begins not with your actions but with your identity. After all, we are human beings who do things, not human doings who be things.

To be and to do. That’s how change really happens. Goals and actions are good, but without identity change, they usually don’t last very long. Why is that?

Lasting change flows from your identity.

Lasting change happens from the inside out. I wrote more in-depth about this process in my post, Start with Who Instead of What . It may be worth it to go back and give it a read. In it, I detail what are called “Identity-based habits.” A concept made popular by James Clear.³

What Wholeness Is Not

Kent, you’ve talked a lot about wholeness, but I’m still not clear what you mean. Sometimes, the best way to understand something is to understand what it’s not.

Here’s what wholeness is not, and we see it all around us every day:

I’ve struggled with more than one thing on that list.

Wholeness Is Like a Puzzle

Like a puzzle with some of the pieces missing, every one of us is incomplete in one way or another (and some of us feel like we have more pieces missing than others).

Puzzle pieces are particular and specific. The right piece fits in the right spot or it doesn’t work. Like a puzzle, we often try to fill the gaps in our lives with pieces that don’t fit. That could mean a wrong relationship, a self-destructive habit, or something else, any one of which can cause us to feel incomplete.

Living a life of integrity and wholeness means putting the right puzzle pieces in the right spots. And when we do, we can start to see a complete picture. Here’s what I believe.

True success and real fulfillment come through wholeness.

So, how do we become whole?

What Does Wholeness Look Like?

Wholeness means we are no longer doing well only in one or two areas and struggling in all the others. We begin to see the big picture and live intentionally in the most important areas of life. Here’s one example from my life.

After fifteen years of marriage, my relationship with my wife was just average. That wasn’t OK with either of us. I wasn’t good at processing my emotions, I felt angry a lot and yelled too often, and I wasn’t a good listener either. We had done counseling before during a rocky period in our marriage around year 7, but not since then. Since then we had moved from the country to the city, had a third child, and started a church in one of the most difficult places in the country.

Furthermore, we both came from divorced families and neither of us knew how to communicate effectively. We needed some new tools in our tool belt.

We decided to focus on our marriage. We stepped into counseling with open hearts, put to practice what we learned, and worked hard on our relationship. Five years later, I can honestly say our marriage is the best it’s ever been. We still cultivate it very intentionally and are growing and learning every day.

That’s one example of Shalom.

Finding Your Rhythm

I call it a Rhythm of Life. It has much older roots that I will share another time. Here’s how I explain it. There are four core rhythms that must be integrated in order to be whole and complete, and they are the same for every human being. I use the acronym R.E.S.T. to frame them in a simple and memorable way:

Each of these four areas has three practices or actions that lead us toward a state of wholeness. There are twelve in all. And it just so happens that twelve is the number of completeness in Jewish culture.

I didn’t originally plan it that way but I’m going with it!

That’s where we are headed.

A Final Word

Here’s what I believe. By the end, you won’t be perfect or have it all together, but you will be much closer to a state of wholeness than when you began. And you will have a framework to help you live intentionally and thrive in the most important parts of what it means to be a flourishing human being.

Here’s what it looks like using the framework of an identity-based habit:

Other Parts In the Series

Need to catch up? You can read the next one in the series here or access the whole series from here.

Endnotes

¹ https://www.etymonline.com/word/integrity

² https://blogs.transparent.com/hebrew/insight-into-hebrew-shalom/

³ https://jamesclear.com/identity-based-habits

*Photo by Ross Sneddon on Unsplash

4 Things That Make Overwhelm Go from Bad to Worse

Thu, 03 Mar 2022 10:55:00 GMT

You know that feeling of overwhelm you are experiencing right now? These 4 things will make it go from bad to worse.

I define “overwhelm” as a physically and emotionally taxing season where you feel out of control…kind of like you are drowning.

In my last post, I shared 6 ways to beat the feeling of overwhelm . If you haven’t read it, you may want to start there.

It’s also possible to make overwhelm worse if you don’t handle it in a healthy and productive way. God knows I’ve done that before! This is my attempt to keep you from making the same mistakes I’ve made over the years. Doing these four things can cause you to plunge deeper into a cycle of constant overwhelm.

4 Things That Make Overwhelm Go from Bad to Worse

1. Overindulgence

When things feel overwhelming, we tend to want to numb out and overindulge. Whether that’s binging on Netflix or emotional eating, things like this can be easy go-to’s. That is one of the reasons people get caught in addictive or compulsive cycles.

When we are experiencing negative emotions, it’s normal to want to find something to numb the pain. But it’s a temporary solution at best, and sometimes it’s downright destructive.

Once upon a time, I indulged in pornography when dealing with overwhelm. It started when I was young, around twelve years old. Growing up in a dysfunctional family, it was easy to turn to that when I was feeling emotional pain. But it quickly became a downward spiral and led to more and more dysfunction. It eased the pain for a moment, but there was no lasting effect. The only answer was to indulge again. And so the cycle repeats. To break the cycle, we must start by admitting we have a problem. That’s AA 101. That’s how it happened for me. Once I was able to admit I had a problem, I was able to start dealing with the pain in healthy ways.

I sometimes still binge on Netflix or eat to dull my emotional pain, but I’m learning to better recognize and confront the negative feelings when they surface instead of pushing them down.

2. Overwork

Some people throw themselves into their work to numb or ignore the pain. I used to do this as well. I thought the answer to everything was working harder. Until I couldn’t anymore because I was burned out. At some point, your effectiveness decreases and your work produces diminishing returns anyway. I find I have about 4 good hours of deep work in me per day. After that, I focus the remaining 2-4 hours on tasks that don’t require much mental acuity.

Working more or harder is not going to help you get out of overwhelm, and there is a good chance it will make it worse.

3. A lack of routine

While overworking is unhelpful, keeping some sort of routine when things feel overwhelming can be a good thing. It gives you structure and helps you not focus all your attention on things you can’t control. I find when I’m feeling overwhelmed, too much margin can be bad. While you may need to change up your routine – especially if you’ve taken on too much – a lack of routine and structure can leave you feeling aimless and lead you right back to overindulgence.

4. Isolation

While some honest reflection can lead to moments of clarity, if you find yourself starting to wallow or feel sorry for yourself, it’s time to switch gears. Reach out to your spouse, a mentor, a counselor, or a good friend to ask for help. In the past, I’ve waited too long to reach out and as a result, stayed in “Wallowland” way longer than I needed to.

It’s easy to get trapped in a negative thought cycle. It’s in isolation that we are most prone to believe lies about ourselves because no one is there to tell us otherwise.

If you can’t get out of the hole on your own, it’s time to ask for help.

Climbing Out of the Hole of Overwhelm

What are your negative defaults when you are feeling overwhelmed? How are you going to keep from going there? Who do you need to tell?

Do you have anything to add to my list of things not to do when feeling overwhelmed? I would love to hear your thoughts…leave a comment below.

*Photo by Taylor Deas-Melesh on Unsplash

Feeling Overwhelmed? Here Are 6 Ways To Beat It…

Fri, 25 Feb 2022 10:55:00 GMT

Are you feeling overwhelmed right now? Change and transition are happening all around us. Wars and rumors of wars fill the air. Uncertainty about covid still looms around every corner. Anxiety seems to be at an all-time high. But beating the feeling of overwhelm is possible…

I define “overwhelm” as a physically and emotionally taxing season where you feel out of control…kind of like you are drowning. In the end, we don’t have much control anyway, except over ourselves and our own actions, but overwhelm feels like you have even less control than usual! It could be due to a difficult life transition, a crisis of some sort, relational tension, financial stress, job stress, sickness or a physical ailment, or some other difficult life circumstance.

I’m there right now. While I’m doing my best to be an attentive husband and an engaged father of three kids, including two teenagers (enough said), there is a lot happening. For instance, both my wife and I are in career transitions. She is finishing her certification as a doula and seeking to take on clients, and in addition to being a pastor, I am training for a new part-time job as a business consultant (which by the way I’m very excited about). I’m also continuing to write and pursue my coaching business. Add to the mix some other difficult life circumstances, and it feels very overwhelming.

The results of overwhelm can be varied: worry, anxiety, grief, despair, discouragement, or other negative emotions. First, understand, negative emotions aren’t necessarily bad. They actually tell us something is going on. It’s what we do with those emotions that matters, and we can either handle them in healthy beneficial ways or unhealthy damaging ways.

What do you do when life feels overwhelming? Today, I want to share with you some practical and helpful ways to handle overwhelm. In the next post, I’ll share some of the unhelpful ways I’ve tried to deal with overwhelm so you can learn from my mistakes.

6 Ways to Beat the Feeling of Overwhelm

1. Get quiet

Tune out the noise. Take some time to be alone. Think. Reflect. Identify and process your feelings. Write and journal. When I’m feeling overwhelmed, it always helps me to clear my head and get some perspective. You may also want to consider finding a place that’s different from your normal environment. Whether that’s a walk, hike, retreat center, art museum, or a park you love, a change of place often leads to a change of perspective. In fact, I’m at St. Benedicts Abbey doing a day-long retreat as I write this! With all that’s going on, I just needed a change of pace without all the normal distractions of life.

2. Be a lifelong learner

Life is a good teacher if we allow it to be. Put yourself in a posture of learning and ask, What can I learn from this experience? How is it going to make me a better person? Instead of trying to get out of it as soon as possible, lean in, sit in the pain rather than ignoring it. The best people I know have gone through hard things and come out as better people.

3. Get raw, get real, get honest

Process your thoughts, out loud, with a few people you love and trust. It may be raw; it may get visceral, but we all need people we can be real with. People who will get in the pit with us. People who will be compassionate and empathetic. And people who won’t allow us to wallow in it the pain but help us climb out when it’s time.

4. Release the pressure

Many of the homes in the Boston area have old steam-based heating systems with radiators. As the pressure builds, you can hear little wisps of steam coming from the pressure release valve. This is a good lesson. We all need to find productive ways to let off a little steam. Here are a few things that work for me:

5. Rest

Overwhelm can take a lot out of us. It’s emotionally and physically taxing. Try to get as much physical rest as you can. Go to bed early. Sleep in if you can. Take a nap during the day. Have a clear daily stop time from your work and smartphone. Beyond physical rest, we all need a weekly day of rest. On this day, I cease my normal activities. I read, walk, enjoy good food, take time with my family, and do things that are life-giving and replenishing. Remember, we are human beings, not human doings. We were not meant to go non-stop.

6. Go back to the source

I don’t know who or what your source of life or strength is, and I’m not going to push my beliefs on you. I will simply say that in tough times, in times of overwhelm, going back to your source is of utmost importance.

For me, it’s my relationship with God. When hard things happen, I don’t typically blame Him or get angry with Him, though I have done that in the past. Some people scoff and say, “I’ve never been mad at God!” Good for you. That’s not my story. I’ve been mad at God plenty of times, and I’ve always known that God is big enough to handle my anger.

And He hasn’t disowned me yet.

Now, rather than get angry at Him, I turn to Him. I trust Him. I believe He is good – through and through. It may sound cliche, but I find Him to be especially near and present in difficult times. And for me this is a source of great strength and peace.

What’s Your Plan?

Overwhelm can bring out the best and the worst in us. That’s why I advocate having an intentional plan for overwhelm. Or better yet, begin to implement some of these life rhythms now. That way when overwhelm inevitably comes, and it will, you can tweak and adjust your rhythms rather than start from scratch in the middle of the problem or crisis. When we are not prepared for it, we can tend to default to negative ways of dealing with it.

What is one healthy way you could start dealing with overwhelm right now? What about sketching out a rough draft of your plan? Then talk it through with someone you trust. The same applies whether you already feel overwhelmed or you’re just being proactive.

In my next post, I will share some of the mistakes I’ve made through the years in dealing with overwhelm.

What are some rhythms and practices you’ve used to combat overwhelm? Share in the comments…

Photo by Christian Erfurt on Unsplash

Rhythms of Life Intro: Why Burnout was One of the Best Things That Ever Happened to Me

Fri, 11 Feb 2022 10:55:00 GMT

Burnout was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

As I mentioned in my last post , I’m going to get real, raw, and vulnerable, so, here goes. In 2003, in my late twenties, I had what I think was some form of a nervous breakdown. I’m not really sure what to call it, but I know it didn’t feel good! I remember that day well. I was about to leave for a weekend conference, but instead, I fell down on the floor, curled up in a ball, and cried like a baby. I don’t know how long I was in the fetal position, but my guess is a couple of hours.

Though I didn’t recognize it at the time, all the signs of burnout were there: crippling anxiety, sleepless nights where I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin, and feeling down and depressed (which isn’t something I normally struggle with). It had been happening for months, but I wasn’t emotionally healthy enough to put the pieces together, so, I just kept powering through it…until I couldn’t anymore.

There were also signs of relational distress. I was fighting with my wife all the time, had a short fuse, and was just not a very pleasant person to be around. There is more to the relational piece but I will save that for another time.

On top of that, my physical health was far from optimal. I had a full-time job for the health department, but I was also a part-time youth pastor which meant I ate way too much crappy pizza and fast food, had no regular exercise regimen, and was lethargic, overweight, and generally out of shape. Just to give you an idea, I weighed thirty pounds more than I do right now (20 years later), and I had high triglycerides at age 27.

I was a poster child for burnout.

After the breakdown, it took me a while to crawl out of the hole. I didn’t dig the hole overnight, and I wasn’t going to get out overnight. Over the next few months, I began to crawl out of the hole. There were a lot of adjustments I needed to make, but it started with learning to say no. For one, I was doing way too many things that were outside of my “sweet spot.” Ken Coleman defines your “sweet spot” as the intersection of your Talents (what you do best), your Passion (what you love to do most), and your Mission (results that matter most, people you want to help, problem you want to solve).¹

Looking back, I realize there were some extremely good things that came out of my burnout. First, I learned I can’t do everything. I have to choose and choose well. I can be OK at many things or great at a few things. Second, I now have a built-in alarm system that goes off every time I start to move beyond my capacity or venture too far outside my sweet spot. It comes in the way of anxiety, and it’s a sign that something is off. When I feel that way, I immediately begin to make course corrections.

Getting to the End of Myself

My first burnout taught me some important things, but the lessons still hadn’t gone deep enough. Over the next ten years, I continued to dance near the edge of burnout until it all came to a head in 2014. At that time, I was the pastor of a new church I had founded, working part-time at an after-school program for urban youth for extra income, and most importantly trying to be an attentive husband and an engaged father. On top of that, our church was planning an ambitious launch or “grand opening”: a $35,000 endeavor that required a lot of focus, time, and energy. I was overwhelmed.

Needless to say, my built-in anxiety alarm started flashing, and I knew I was at a crossroads. If I didn’t pivot quickly, another breakdown was imminent.

Wednesday afternoons were set aside for prayer and reflection. Instead of a refreshing and peaceful time, I dwelt on a laundry list of problems that I needed answers to…yesterday. My anxiety grew until I felt like I was going to pop. Suddenly, this thought occurred to me:

Let go of control. You are not in charge. You don’t have to understand everything going on to have rest and peace.

Life will always have unknowns. We must change what we can and surrender what we can’t. If you need all the answers before you can be at peace, life is going to really hard.

You can have rest and peace in the midst of all the complications of life.

It happens when we come to the end of ourselves, realize we are not in control, and rely on someone or something greater than ourselves. For me, that happens to be God. If we learn to give him our burdens, he promised to give us rest.²

That day was the beginning of my learning to integrate the most essential parts of life into a cohesive and working whole.

In the next post in the series, I will begin to outline what this looks like and help you move toward wholeness and integrity in your own life.

Check Out the Series

Endnotes

¹ https://www.ramseysolutions.com/career-advice/career-clarity-guide

² Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

³ From Henry Cloud’s book, Integrity an Oxford Languages

*Photo by nikko macaspac on Unsplash

This Is Going to Be Messy…

Fri, 28 Jan 2022 10:55:00 GMT

This is going to be messy. And I mean that in the best sort of way.

That’s because life is messy and hard, but it’s also beautiful. Can you relate?

You see, I’ve been going through a transition, and it’s time to get real. As a friend recently told me, at some point, you can’t cheat the process anymore.

For the last few years, there has been a growing desire inside of me to move in a new direction.

I finally had to ask myself, why are you waiting?

Finding Your Voice

I feel like I’ve been floundering a bit. Trying to find my voice. There’s been a lot of stuff to sort through because all I’ve known for the past twenty years is church ministry.

I’m not leaving the ministry, but I am looking to spend 50% or more of my time outside the church. For those of you that don’t know, I’m also a pastor, but I really want to spend more of my time writing, speaking, coaching, and gathering a group of messy and courageous people who want to forge a path together, learn to live from a place of wholeness, and bring their true self to the world every day.

This shift has been coming for a while, and it is part necessity and part calling. The necessity part has to do with our financial resources drying up. Small church, big city, big expenses mean if you lose a few donors, you’re in trouble. The truth is we are struggling and we’ve got about a month or two before something has to change.

There, I said it.

That was really hard for me. It’s not hard for me to admit my challenges to a few people but publicly on my blog? That’s incredibly hard for me! Like I said, this is going to be messy! And just so you know, this is not a plea to get you to feel bad for me and give me money. It’s just the reality. I would never stoop that low.

The reality is, sometimes we won’t jump out of the nest until we are pushed out.

The calling part is simple. I’ve had a growing desire to make an impact in the lives of people outside of my current church context.

And I think who I am and what I carry is going to really help people.

So, I’m going to start getting uncomfortably honest about my journey because I believe that’s what people want and need. You don’t just need tips, tricks, and hacks although they come in handy sometimes.

You need people who are real with you and people with whom you can be real.

And I’m willing to go first. That’s part of who I am. Pioneer. Risk-taker. Explorer. Dreamer. Seeker. Entrepreneurial. Creator.

I know who I am. Isn’t it about time you find out who you are?

Authenticity Is Not Vulnerability

It might make some people uncomfortable. Heck, it makes me uncomfortable to be vulnerable. There is a difference between vulnerability and authenticity. Authenticity means being your true self wherever you are.

Vulnerability is sharing things that make your palms sweat a little.

Vulnerability leaves you feeling emotionally exposed, but it’s also necessary if you want to go deeper with people.

Part of the reason vulnerability is hard for me is because I’m such a forward thinker. I confront my stuff head-on and deal with it. Then I move on and I don’t talk about it much. I don’t like going back. But what I’ve realized is this: it doesn’t help other people if I’m not willing to share the messy stuff.

I’m not talking about sharing from gaping wounds. That would be inappropriate and unhelpful. No, I’m talking about sharing real things, even hard things, whether past or present, that are helpful.

It’s much easier to relate to someone who shares from their failures and weaknesses than from their successes. I’ve known people who only tell you their successes.

What I’ve found is this: if someone is too good to be true they usually are.

In the next post, I’m going to start sharing about a long struggle to find and live from a place of wholeness. I’m going to be gut-level honest…uncomfortably so, but it’s also going to open up a whole lotta stuff that I’m convinced will be really helpful.

And I hope you will be gut-level honest about your journey too. Because we all need people we can be that real with. And for whatever reason, the church doesn’t always seem to be the safest place to do that.

There are some cool things coming down the pike that I’m working on, and I can’t wait to share them with you. More to come on that…

Where Do We Go from Here?

If this sounds good to you, I would love to go on this journey…together.

The best way to do that is to join my email list . I don’t always post on my blog, but I always send at least one weekly email. Not to mention you will get my free resource Crafting a Life-giving Daily Rhythm and Routine when you sign up.

If not, that’s OK too. No hard feelings. I’m not for everyone.

I would love to hear about your messy journey or hear feedback on this. Feel free to leave a comment below…

Check Out the Whole Series…

This is the prequel to a series I call Rhythms of Life. You can access the whole series here:

Photo by Alice Dietrich on Unsplash

Do You Make This Mistake When It Comes to Life? Posture Shift Part 1

Fri, 14 Jan 2022 12:11:00 GMT

We’ve all heard the old adage, “Life is a journey, not a destination.” Whichever posture you embrace – life is a journey or life is a destination – will significantly shape your experience – for better or worse.

Before bed most nights, I’ve been reading C.S. Lewis’ classic children’s series The Chronicles of Narnia to my youngest son. We are currently reading A Horse and His Boy. It’s the story of a talking Narnian horse named Bree and a young servant (who is really a prince) named Shasta. After an arduous trek across the desert, and reaching what he thought would be their final destination, Shasta lamented to find out the journey wasn’t over.

Life really does work that way, doesn’t it?

Somehow we think life should get easier and have fewer challenges, and when it doesn’t, we get discouraged. Though we would often like to put life on cruise control and take our hands off the wheel (bring on the self-driving cars!), life doesn’t usually work that way. It never really has.

We Need a Posture Shift

Part of the problem and answer is found in how we view life.

Life is hard. There is no way around that. It usually comes with more and bigger challenges, but those challenges can also make you better. It’s the same with blessings. Blessings are great, but they also come with complications.

Take marriage and children. Having a life companion is a wonderful gift, but it also takes a lot of intentional work. Relationships are like a garden, you have to cultivate them if you want to have an abundant harvest. Children are a gift, and to see a child – born in your likeness – grow and develop as a human being is a delight! But raising children can also be really hard and complex, especially in today’s world. If you have children, you know what I’m talking about.

But that’s also what makes life rich, isn’t it?

I would like to propose we need a posture shift. Instead of anticipating that life will get easier, we should anticipate the opposite – that life gets more challenging as time goes on, but like a fine wine, it also gets better with age. I believe life gets richer and more robust…so long as we are committed to growing and developing as people and we have the right posture.

Cliche or Wisdom for the Ages?

“Life is a journey, not a destination.” It’s either a cliche or it’s profoundly true.

I happen to believe the latter.

When you view life as a journey, you realize there are always going to be hills and valleys. Raging rapids and still waters. Storms and sunny days.

It’s all part of the journey.

If you’re in a valley right now, it’s only a matter of time before you start climbing out of the darkness and you can see from the mountaintop again.

Life ebbs and flows.

When you view life as a destination, you will be continually disappointed. You will always wonder if you’ve arrived and the pain is over, only to find out you haven’t and it isn’t.

Furthermore, when you view life as a destination, you stop living! The journey doesn’t stop once you reach a destination, it begins!

Will you enjoy the journey or will you be constantly disappointed because you thought you reached the destination only to find out you really didn’t?

The journey is hard, but there is always something better awaiting you. Enjoy where you are, or if you are walking through a valley know that there is always hope that something better is coming.

Which posture will you embrace? Is life a journey or destination?

You choose.

Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash

4 Rhythms to Help You Achieve Your Goals and Resolutions This Year (Setting Goals You Can Achieve – Part 4)

Wed, 05 Jan 2022 13:14:00 GMT

As you may know, most New Year’s resolutions are abandoned by January 19th.¹ Without a doubt, forming new habits, breaking old ones, and achieving goals isn’t an easy endeavor. Maybe it’s time we change our approach…

In my last post, I suggested starting with WHO you want to become rather than WHAT you want to achieve when it comes to goal setting. I recommend reading that post before you continue this one, or you may want to check out all three in the series so far:

Now that you’ve chosen your “identity-based habits,”² and goals what comes next? How do you sustain those habits day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year? Remember, what you do flows out of who you are, so if you want to change what you do, start from the inside out. That’s what identity-based habits help you do. What are they? Picture a three-layered bullseye:

Since I covered identity in my last post, this post deals with the systems or processes needed to become the person you want to be.

4 Key Rhythms to Help You Achieve Your Goals

One of the biggest reasons we fail to achieve our goals is that they are too vague. As you read this and take the action at the end, it’s imperative that you make it specific and measurable. I suggest trading in your SMART Goals for Michael Hyatt’s SMARTER Goals.

1) You Are What You Do Every Day…Especially in the Morning!

Daily habits are probably the most important, and they have the power to shape who you become.

You will become what you do every day, but your morning routine sets the tone for what follows.

First things are always disproportionately important. Think about it…

I bet you can rattle off each of those things without much thought. Why?

Because first things matter.

The same goes for your morning routine. As the morning goes, so goes your day!

That’s why I came up with this free resource to help you create an effective and life-giving morning routine:

There are other important pieces that go into accomplishing your goals, but If you want to make progress, I believe it all starts with your morning routine.

I’ve written more on establishing an epic daily rhythm and routine in this post.

2) Review Weekly

In order to stay on track and feel like you are moving toward your goals, a weekly review/preview is imperative. This can be done at the end of one week or at the beginning of a new week before things get into full swing. I do mine on Sunday afternoon so I can wake up Monday morning ready to go!

In order to do it well, you need to track some things. I suggest looking back at your planner, and I do hope you have a good planning system! There are many options, but here are a few I like: The Full Focus Planner by Michael Hyatt and Co (I use this one), the Monk Manual , a system for being and doing, and the Time Block Planner by Cal Newport.

And don’t forget a weekly day of rest! Without rest, you won’t have the energy to tackle your goals with vigor. I wrote more about a weekly day of rest here.

3) Reflect Quarterly

Reflection is a lost art, but believe it’s imperative to achieving your goals. Daily, weekly, quarterly, and yearly reflection are all important. That being said, I like to take a deeper dive quarterly (one-half day) and yearly (a personal retreat). What do I do during a quarterly reflection?

I’ve written more about a quarterly reflection here.

4) Reset Annually

Annual retreats are one of the best ways to reflect on the year you’ve just lived and set goals and priorities for the year ahead. I recommend doing this in November before Thanksgiving because we all know the chaos that ensues between Thanksgiving and Christmas, but if you didn’t get to do it in November, fear not, it’s never too late to start a good practice. You can book it right now!

I’ve written more about personal retreats here.

It’s Your Move!

However you do it, defining a consistent rhythm and finding a system that works for you is one of the keys to becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be. Why not sketch one out right now?

My suggestion? Don’t try to tackle them all at once.

Start by crafting a daily routine, and as you master that, move on to your weekly review.

Here’s a free tool to help you called Crafting a Life-giving Daily Rhythm and Routine.

Lastly, if you are interested in life coaching to help you achieve your dreams and goals, you can reach out to me here.

Footnotes

¹ https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/a-study-of-800-million-activities-predicts-most-new-years-resolutions-will-be-abandoned-on-january-19-how-you-cancreate-new-habits-that-actually-stick.html

² James Clear, https://jamesclear.com/identity-based-habits

Start with Who Instead of What (Setting Goals You Can Actually Achieve – Part 3)

Thu, 16 Dec 2021 13:29:00 GMT

Who you are becoming is more important than what you want to accomplish.

When it comes to setting goals, most of us start with what – the outcome we desire or results we would like to achive. This year I want to…

According to James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, this is a mistake. He calls these “outcome-based habits.” Outcome-based habits don’t take into consideration your identity and the beliefs that undergird your actions, which means our “old identity can sabotage our new plans for change.” ( Atomic Habits , 32)

In the process of setting goals, we sometimes fail to think about who we are becoming.

Furthermore, what happens when you reach the goals? Do you just stop? Is it over now? Did you put in all that hard work for a one-time result?

There’s a better way…

Start with “Who” before “Do”

Rather than starting with the result and working backward, why not start with WHO and work outward?

James Clear calls these “ identity-based habits. ”

What’s the difference between an identity-based goal and an outcome goal?

Identity-based goals are about what you believe

Outcome goals are based on what you want to do

Identity-based goals are about who you want to be

Outcome goals are about what you want to get

Identity-based goals are about who you want to become

Outcome goals are about what you want to achieve

Let me give you an example. If you have a goal to pay off your credit card debt this year, what happens when you pay it off? Do you simply move on to the next thing and forget about your money?

Instead, what if the goal were to become financially healthy or be an effective money manager?

Do you see the difference? Paying off your debt is a great goal with lasting benefits, but to what end? But becoming a financially healthy person is an identity-based habit that will last a lifetime!

Here’s how identity-based habits work:

Let’s stick with our example of becoming a financially healthy person. The next question might go something like this:

What do I need to do to become a financially healthy person or what do financially healthy people do? You may need to do some research, but here are some ideas. These are the second layer of the circle – your systems or processes. You might say, financially healthy people:

When the goal is identity-based, you create habits that last a lifetime, and you may realize your initial goal (paying off consumer credit) may not be the best place to begin.

More than You Bargained For…

When you start with who you want to be or become rather than what you want to do, you end up with something a whole lot better and longer-lasting. The outer layer of the concentric circle then becomes “I’m a financially healthy person.” And while that certainly involves your original goal of paying off your credit card debt, you get so much more!

Once you’ve come up with your identity-based goal or habit, there are two final questions you need to ask. These will give you the inspiration and motivation you need to persevere. I heard these from Andy Stanley in one of his talks along the way.

This answers the “why” question which deals with your purpose and becomes the motivation for the person you want to become. In the words of Andy Stanley,

“Who you want to be is always more important than what you want to do.”

Back to the Drawing Board

It’s time to go back to the drawing board and redefine your goals according to who you want to be or become.

Choose ONE of your yearly or quarterly goals and reconfigure it to be identity-based instead of outcome-based.

I believe this one thing alone will push you over the top when it comes to being the person you have always longed to be!

Setting Goals You Can Actually Achieve (the series)

*Photo by Jason Dent on Unsplash

ONE THING that could change EVERYTHING This Year (Setting Goals You Can Actually Achieve – Part 2)

Thu, 09 Dec 2021 13:38:00 GMT

What if you could accomplish ONE THING this year that had the power to change EVERYTHING else?

There are plenty of goal-setting techniques out there and many of them have value. But if you’re not sure where to start none of them will do you any good. People are burned out on New Year’s resolutions because they don’t work. A recent study revealed most people give up on their New Year’s resolutions by January 12th and just 8% of people keep their New Year’s goals.

(This is part 2 of a series called, Setting Goals You Can Actually Achieve. If you haven’t read part 1 yet, you can do that here. )

That’s why I suggest starting with just ONE THING.

That’s right, just one goal.

Why Your Goals Aren’t Working

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably fallen short of more goals and resolutions than you’ve accomplished. At least you’re trying, but falling short of your goals can also be discouraging. This happens for several reasons:

Instead of Everything, Choose ONE THING!

Out of all the goal-setting systems I’ve tried, I’ve had the most success with the one I’ve developed. I call it ONE THING, and it starts with a simple question:

“If there is ONE THING you could do this year that would change your life, what would it be and how would your life be different?” I first heard this question posed by Andy Stanley in a message called This One Thing (it’s a free download as a part of the Rewind series).

Here are some examples he gives:

Laser-Like Focus

Andy goes on to ask, what is that nagging thing that you think about every year (or every day for that matter) but never give the energy and focus it deserves? Why not make this the year that thing is put to rest, finished, or started? It will require a laser-like focus and a sticky resolve.

Expect resistance as you move toward your goals.

Accomplishing your most important goals is going to require laser-like focus.

Getting Clear On Your ONE THING

If all your goals pale in comparison to one obvious goal, you can choose just ONE for the year. By default, having just one goal guarantees that you will be laser-focused!

Most years I choose ONE THING in each of the major areas of my life – personal, marriage/family, and business. It’s okay to have more than one for the whole year but I recommend not going beyond 8-12. Then each quarter, you can have up to one big goal in each category I mentioned. You may need to accomplish more than one goal per quarter for your job or career, and that’s okay because you spend a lot of time at work, but I recommend having no more than three per quarter with one as a priority and two secondary goals.

If you don’t have a lot of experience and a track record of success, start with a few or even just one goal. If you do have more than one, make sure you identify the most important one. If all else fails, focus on that!

To begin, look at the following areas and write out a goal for each area.

Is there ONE that seems MOST important?

I recommend using a working document (I use Google Docs) so you can keep your Annual Goals all in one place and adjust them as needed. Print them each time you make a change and keep it somewhere you can see them every day.

Research shows that people who do these three simple steps dramatically increase the likelihood of achieving their goals:

After listing out your goals for each one on the first page, the next page on your Google doc is where you will outline your next steps for the 1-3 goals you are going to attack in Q1 of the New Year. We will tackle that in the next few posts.

Get the ONE THING Worksheet

Tired of failed New Year’s resolutions? That’s why I put together this free resource to help you crush your goals this year!

Setting Goals You Can Actually Achieve (the Series)

Here are some other resources I’ve put together over the years to help you with your dreams, goals, and desires.

Tired of Failed New Year’s Resolutions? Me Too! (Setting Goals You Can Actually Achieve – Part 1)

Wed, 01 Dec 2021 18:00:00 GMT

Are you tired of failing at your New Year’s Resolutions? I was too. Would you believe me if I said achieving all your major goals this year is not only possible but probable…with the right plan?

*Sigh* Not another post on achieving my goals. I’ve tried them all.

Before you click the “x” to close this post, will you give me just 2 minutes of your time? That’s all it takes to read 500 words…

Let me paint a few likely pictures of how this may have happened to you in the past.

It’s a busy time of year. You’ve got Christmas shopping to do, holiday parties to host, school concerts and activities to attend, and a slew of other things on your mind. All this while your dreams and goals for the upcoming year often sit unresolved somewhere in the back of your mind…

Or maybe you have thought about the New Year and even written down some goals you want to achieve, but you wonder, is this going to be like every other year where I start strong and then after a few weeks I fall off the wagon?

Others of you have had some success accomplishing your dreams and goals but you are ready to go to the next level.

It’s Time to Start Crushing Your Goals

As we catapult toward the New Year, I want to unpack a simple method for setting and accomplishing most if not all of your goals for the upcoming year. It’s a method I’ve used, tweaked, and found a lot of success with. In fact, the last two years I’ve hit 80-100% of my 10-12 big goals for the year. Trust me, I’m not bragging. Believe me, when I say, this has come through years of trial and error. You don’t have to use my plan, but you do need a plan, and if you don’t have one, why not try mine?

There’s only ONE THING I’m going to ask you to do this week. Grab a piece of paper and do a brain dump of the things you want to accomplish in the upcoming year in these major categories. Don’t censor yourself, just write:

Next time, we will get more specific about how to set goals you can crush!

In the meantime, what is one goal you want to accomplish in 2022? Share in the comments and let’s get talking about it. You can’t accomplish your goals by yourself!

Setting Goals You Can Actually Achieve

*Photo by Siora Photography on Unsplash

If You Want to Know Your Purpose, Look No Further than the Birds and the Bees…

Thu, 04 Nov 2021 09:55:00 GMT

During a recent walk, I watched a hawk catch the wind and soar higher and higher. Hmmm, I thought, hawks don’t seem to have any trouble at all doing what they were created to do. It’s built-in. It’s instinct. They fly, build nests, catch prey, have babies, die, and repeat the cycle. Pretty simple.

Then I began to notice things happening all around me.

Bees buzzing…

Crickets chirping…

Birds singing…

The wind blowing…

Trees swaying…

The sun shining…

A caterpillar crawling…

A butterfly flying…

The leaves changing color…

My thought continued, the natural world just does what it was created to do, why can’t we?

To be sure, animals and humans are different but there are many similarities too. After all, we are made from the same stuff. As physical beings, animals have limitations: pre-defined abilities and a specific capacity for understanding.

Those limitations may be different for human beings, but they still exist.

Humans have a soul, a rational thinking mind, and the ability to create. We are more than just instincts. We were the only beings said to be made in the image of God.

Having a soul can make finding your purpose more complex than an animal with instincts, but what if we took a cue from the natural world?

What if we let go of all of our preconceived ideas about our purpose and simply used our “instincts” (our gifts, passions, abilities, personality, and experiences) to serve other people?

Thinking of your purpose in the context of serving others might make it easier to find and fulfill your purpose. Here’s what I believe:

Your purpose is partially found in serving others.

Start Living Your Purpose…Right Now!

What’s one thing you could do today to serve someone using your gifts, strengths, abilities, passions, personality, or experiences?

Write down one idea and do it today.

If your purpose seems foggy and unclear right now, I did a whole blog series on Purpose that’s in the process of becoming a book.

You can get to all of the blogs from here >>

*Photo by Sagar Kulkarni on Unsplash

3 Ways to Regain Your Vision If You’ve Lost It

Fri, 15 Oct 2021 10:00:00 GMT

Did you know you can have sight but no vision?

Not far from my home is the Perkins School for the Blind in Watertown, Mass. I’ve walked the grounds several times. It’s a beautiful place. One of its most famous students happened to be Helen Keller. She said,

“The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.”

The fact that Helen Keller was blind makes this quote even more interesting. Though she couldn’t see, she certainly didn’t lack vision. In order to understand why a little background is required.

In 1887, a teacher named Anne Sullivan came from the Perkins School to Tuscumbia, Alabama to be Helen Keller’s teacher. The first weeks were a nightmare as Helen hit, pinched, and kicked her new teacher. She even knocked out one of her teeth! But Anne Sullivan was not to be dissuaded. She moved Helen into a small cottage on the Keller’s property so they could focus. She had to win her heart before educating her mind.

Sullivan began teaching Helen the techniques developed by Samuel Gridley Howe, Perkins’ first director. It involved fingerspelling the names of everyday objects into the hand. Keller didn’t understand at first, until one day, the pieces came together. While pumping water over Helen’s hand, Sullivan spelled “water” into her hand. Helen later wrote this in reference to that moment:

“Suddenly I felt a misty consciousness as of something forgotten – a thrill of returning thought, and somehow the mystery of language was revealed to me. That living word awakened my soul, gave it light, hope, joy, set it free!” ( Helen Keller, Perkins School for the Blind )

That day forever changed her life. She couldn’t see with her eyes, but she had new vision!

Clearly, she lived with purpose and vision.

Mantras, Cliches, or Profound Truths?

We’ve all heard these mantras about vision…

If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there. (Cheshire Cat)

If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time. (Zig Ziglar)

Where there is no vision, the people perish¹

Begin with the end in mind. (Steven Covey)

But what is vision and how do you actually get it?

Vision – the act or power of seeing, the act or power of imagination. (Merriam-Webster)

Vision is more than sight or a statement posted on a wall. In the words of Kevin Paul Scott, vision is a dream, a goal, a purpose, or a place you are headed.

We all have the ability to dream, imagine, and create. Sometimes vision comes easy but at other times it is frustrating – like when the pieces of a puzzle start to come together but you can’t yet make out the overall picture.

3 Ways to Regain Your Vision If You’ve Lost It

We all feel blind sometimes. Here are some things that help form vision in me. Vision isn’t something you figure out once and for all, and it can change from time to time. It needs to be fostered and cultivated. My hope in sharing my process is that it might bring clarity to your own journey.

1) Pay attention to your dreams and desires .

I’ve written more about desires here so I won’t repeat myself too much. It suffices to say, vision often begins with dreams and desires. Unfortunately, we often lose the ability to create and dream as we grow older. A fairly recent Inc. Magazine article shared a NASA study that found that 98 percent of 4 and 5-year-olds tested at the “creative genius” level. Five years later, only 30 percent of that group scored at the same level, and again, five years after that only 12 percent. When the same test was administered to adults, only 2 percent scored at the genius level. That means you’re 96 percent less creative than when you were a child! Why do we lose our creative genius? According to the study, our creativity is drained by education. Apparently, as we get better at convergent thinking or the ability to “focus and hone our thoughts” we grow worse at divergent thinking – or creative out-of-the-box thinking. Here’s the implication:

The older we get the less creative we become and the harder we have to work at it.

Creativity and vision go hand in hand. The more creative we are, the more vision we have.

2) Margin amplifies creativity and vision.

One of the most common responses, when you ask someone how they are doing, is, “I’m busy.” Imagine if you heard this response instead, “I’m well-rested and in the flow!” While it’s not realistic or authentic to assume this could always be the answer, there’s a reason “busy” is a common one. Most of us don’t know how to find a margin and rest in our lives. As it turns out, creativity and vision require margin , and margin is something we plan too little of these days.

Walks are one example of margin. I take at least one if not two walks every day. Just yesterday, I took a walk and jotted down thoughts and outlines for three different blog/article ideas! As Nietzsche once said, “All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking.”

3) Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective (Mark Batterson).

This can be as spontaneous as taking a walk or as intentional as planning an annual vision retreat. I actually do 2-3 personal retreats per year, and every year in November, I go on what I call an “Annual Vision Retreat.” I take three whole days to pray, reflect on the past year, and dream about and do some planning for the upcoming year. I’ve written more about planning and goal setting and focus . I’ve also found these resources by Michael Hyatt very helpful in my annual planning:

If you’ve never done an annual vision retreat, I recommend starting with one whole day, not three days. I also suggest you keep it simple. Start with these three things:

As you grow in this practice, you can become more strategic and do a longer retreat.

Dare to Dream!

There’s still time to book a day away in November. I suggest doing it before Thanksgiving. Once December hits, things get busier and our plans go out the window.

Some people wait until after Christmas, but by then, I feel like the New Year is already upon me and I like to hit the ground running!

Endnotes

¹ Proverbs 29:18, The Holy Bible

We want to hear from you. What has worked for you when it comes to vision? Share a comment below…

*Photo by Ante Hamersmit on Unsplash

Lost Your Vision? Here’s How to Get It Back!

Fri, 15 Oct 2021 10:00:00 GMT

“The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.” – Helen Keller

The fact that Helen Keller was blind makes her quote even more interesting. Though she couldn’t see she certainly didn’t lack vision! In order to understand why a little background is required.

That day forever changed her life. She couldn’t see with her eyes, but she had new vision!

Helen Keller may have been blind but she didn’t lack vision.

Clearly, she lived with a purpose and vision.

Mantras, Cliches, or Profound Truths?

We’ve all heard the mantras about vision…

If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there. (Cheshire Cat)

If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time. (Zig Ziglar)

Where there is no vision, the people perish…(Proverbs 29:18)

Begin with the end in mind. (Steven Covey)

But what is vision and how do you actually get it?

Vision – the act or power of seeing, the act or power of imagination. (Merriam-Webster)

Vision is more than sight or a statement posted on a wall. In the words of Kevin Paul Scott, vision is a dream, a goal, a purpose, or a place you are headed.

Because we were made in the image of God and created with a purpose, we have the ability to dream, imagine, and create. Sometimes vision comes easy but other times it is frustrating – like when the pieces of a puzzle start to come together but you can’t yet make out the overall picture.

We all feel blind sometimes. We have sight but no vision. Here are some things that help form vision in me. Vision isn’t something we figure out once and for all, and it can change from time to time. It needs to be fostered. My hope in sharing my process is that it might bring clarity for your own journey.

1) Pay attention to your dreams and desires .

The older we get the less creative we become and the harder we have to work at it.

Creativity and vision go hand in hand. The more creative we are, the more vision we have.

2) Margin amplifies creativity and vision.

3) Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective (Mark Batterson).

If you’ve never done an annual vision retreat, I recommend starting with one whole day, not three days. I also suggest doing it before Thanksgiving. Once December hits, things get busier and plans tend go out the window. Keep it simple and do these three things:

As you grow in this practice you can become more strategic and do a longer retreat.

Dare to Dream!

Grab your calendar and plan a date for your next (or first) retreat. You won’t regret it!

What has worked for you when it comes to vision? Share a comment below…

*Photo by Ante Hamersmit on Unsplash

Your Wonderful Is In the Everyday Ordinary

Thu, 07 Oct 2021 10:00:00 GMT

Not long ago, I had a dream. In the dream, I was speaking to a group of people, and I said something like this:

Your wonderful is in the everyday ordinary.

It may not be grammatically correct, but you get the point.

Then I began to think:

What if we treated every day as a gift?

What if we lived every day as I get to rather than I’ve got to ?

What if we looked for the good in every thought, meeting, task, and interaction?

What if we viewed obstacles as opportunities?

What if we valued moments rather than minutes?

What if every conversation was a chance to cultivate deeper connection and give someone the gift of encouragement?

What if we started every day with gratitude instead of complaining?

What if we treated others the way we want to be treated?

What if we told the important people in our lives how we really feel about them?

What if we used our gifts, passions, abilities, personality, and experiences to serve, help, or add value to another person today?

What if instead of walking with our head down lost in our own thoughts, we held our head up, looked someone in the eye, and said, “hello”?

What if we enjoyed the little things today: a good cup of tea or coffee, a pleasant meal, a morning prayer, a nice conversation, a stimulating book, a crisp fall day, or a gentle rain?

What if?

What if we paid attention to the everyday ordinary things that we often take for granted? I wonder if life would be more fun, more enjoyable, more fulfilling? I wonder if we would be more content with what we have? I wonder if we would define success differently ? I wonder if we would be more inspired? I wonder if our lives would inspire others?

I wonder…

*Photo by Japheth Mast on Unsplash

How to Re-frame Failure

Thu, 23 Sep 2021 10:00:00 GMT

Failure is only failure if you fail to learn from it.

Another way to say it is, it’s not a failure if you learn from it.

I believe every failure is an opportunity to learn and opens up new possibilities that we didn’t see or that weren’t available before.

We try things. Some work and some don’t. The point is to keep trying. As Theodore Roosevelt once said in his famous “Man in the Arena” speech,

Learning to Think Differently

Last week I tried to launch the second cohort of The Purpose Roadmap because I truly believe it can change people’s lives and trajectories. After all, I had seven happy customers who went through it the first time. But it didn’t work. I didn’t have enough people sign up to run the program again.

At first, I was a little disappointed, but then I thought about it from two different angles.

First, what did I learn?

Second, by not doing it, what becomes possible?

I haven’t yet decided what I’m going to do with the extra time that has opened up, but I’m thinking about it.

Re-frame Your Failure

Is there something that hasn’t worked out for you? What have you learned from it? What becomes possible by not doing it?

* Photo by Dmitry Ratushny on Unsplash

Should You Follow Your Passion?

Thu, 05 Aug 2021 13:06:00 GMT

There is a lot of conflicting advice about following your passion.

The questions abound:

According to John M. Jachimowicz from Harvard Business Review,

Passion is something we develop more than discover.

If passion is fixed, he argues, we are “less likely to explore new topics – potential new sources of passion.” Therefore, it’s better to think in terms of developing your passion rather than discovering it.

Personally, I think there is a place for both discovery and development, but the point is well taken.

To discover and develop your passions, start by asking yourself some questions: what tasks give me energy? What piques my curiosity? Who or what inspires me? I believe some of our passions – like some of our purposes – can change over time, therefore it helps to ask these questions regularly.

What are some questions or thoughts you have about following your passion? Continue the conversation by leaving a comment.

I’ve developed the Passion & Purpose Worksheet to help you IDENTIFY your passion, ALIGN it with your purpose, DEFINE your next step. Get it here.

*Photo by [ik] @invadingkingdom on Unsplash

Rhythms of Rest 4: “I Need a Vacation!”

Thu, 10 Jun 2021 10:18:00 GMT

Have you ever found yourself uttering the words, I need a vacation! Whether you’re burned out from work, overwhelmed with the sheer amount of activity in life, or you’ve just been going non-stop, vacationing on a semi-annual or annual basis is a must when it comes to finding a sustainable pace in life and a healthy Rhythm of Rest.

For the last several weeks, I’ve been sharing why you need a defined Rhythm of Rest – daily, weekly, and quarterly. Today I want to talk about your semi-annual or annual rhythm of rest – namely the reason we need vacations!

What is a Rhythm of Rest? It’s an intentional set of routines and practices that ensure you’re living at a sustainable and joyful pace rather than an unsustainable one that will surely lead to burnout.

You can find all the parts in the series at the bottom of this email.

I Need a Vacation (sigh)

Vacation, or “Holiday” as Europeans call it, is a time when we break away from our normal routines and do something that replenishes and recharges us. Our souls weren’t meant to go non-stop, not only on a daily and weekly basis, but once or twice a year, we need to break away from it all and just be.

Vacation could mean travel or staying at home – as long as it’s refreshing to you.

I like a mixture of the two. After all, if you have a family, traveling with kids can often feel like you’re just relocating family life somewhere else. That’s not to say it’s unimportant. Some of our best family memories happened on vacations. They are important to establish family identity and deepen our bonds with one another, but they are not always restful. That’s why so many people say, “I need a vacation” after they have returned home from vacation!

Our family still talks about this one year later. In 2018, we took our first (and so far only) trip to Disney as a family. Since we didn’t want to just do the bare minimum, we saved up for several years and went big. We booked a two-bedroom suite so we weren’t on top of each other. We did Universal and Disney (Harry Potter World was epic) with rest days at the pool in between. Then we ended the trip with a few days near Tampa, FL at the beach so we had some time to relax after the busyness of the amusement parks. It was one of our best family vacations. Why? For a lot of reasons but two things stand out to me. First, we didn’t pack it so full that we were exhausted by the end. Second, it was super fun!

In This Case, Division is Good

It’s helpful to think in terms of splitting up your time when it comes to vacations. If you get two weeks of vacation per year, try taking a week away and a week around home doing whatever it is you like to do or just do nothing at all if that’s what you prefer. Either way, this gives you time away at a place you enjoy, and time at home to just relax or do some things you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t had the time to do.

Here’s what our rhythm has been as of late:

Understand, these rhythms can change according to your season of life and family situation.

Date Your Spouse

One of the best pieces of advice I received about marriage and have done my best to adhere to is this: never stop dating your wife . That’s why I think it’s an absolute imperative to go away…alone…with your spouse at least once per year. Some people suggest you do more than this, but our family and financial situation has not allowed for that. Do what works best for you, but once a year away with your spouse should be a minimum. You need time together, to be married without your kids. That’s not to say it should be the only time you do that. I’m a strong advocate for a weekly or bi-weekly date night for married couples, but you also need an extended time away together for relational health.

Baby Steps

Vacation can be tough for some people, especially if it’s not a regular practice. That’s why you should start small. If you haven’t taken a vacation in a while, start with a long weekend or a one-week vacation. If you’ve done one week, try increasing it to two weeks. If you’ve done two weeks, maybe it’s time to think about doing a sabbatical! In this post by Michael Hyatt , he makes the case that everyone should take a sabbatical and gives you ideas on how to pitch it to your boss!

Here are some tips I’ve found to be helpful as you plan your vacations:

What are your vacation plans? It’s not too late to plan a staycation or mini-vacation this summer. It’s also not too early to start planning for next year. Sit down with yourself, your spouse, or your family and start talking about it. Then start putting money in the bank. You won’t regret it!

Missed one?

If you missed one, you can check out the rest of the series here:

*Photo by S Migaj on Unsplash

Rhythms of Rest 3: How to Find the Next Right Step and Stay Focused on the Things That Matter Most

Wed, 02 Jun 2021 10:00:00 GMT

Reflection is the key to finding the next right step in your life.

In today’s fast-paced world, most of us don’t pause long enough to reflect on anything. But at what cost? As for me, I’m often so consumed with looking forward that I often don’t take time to reflect backward. As the old saying goes, it’s hard to know where you’re going unless you know where you’ve been.

“We had the experience but missed the meaning,” said T.S. Eliot in his famous poem Four Quartets . He was of course pointing to our propensity to miss the deeper meaning of things without reflection.

In the last post, I shared how a weekly “holiday” or day of rest (some call it a Sabbath) saved my life.

In this post, I unpack how a regular rhythm of reflection can help you stay focused on the things that matter most and lead a life of fulfillment and purpose. In the end, I hope to convince you to start a regular rhythm of reflection of your own!

The Lost Art of Reflection

What is reflection?

Reflection – serious thought or consideration

Socrates once stated, “An unexamined life is not worth living.” But in doing so, we must also be careful not to over examine as it can lead to inaction.

Reflection is a lost art that requires margin, focus, and intentionality.

The Direct Benefits of Reflection

While the main goal of this post is to convey the benefit of a quarterly rhythm of reflection, it also has other applications.

Daily Benefits

On a daily basis, it is helpful to end your workday with reflection. There is strong evidence that employees who spend 15 minutes reflecting at the end of their work day before walking out the door boost their productivity by 20%. But productivity isn’t all there is to life. There is a different type of reflection I suggest using before bed; a technique developed by St. Ignatius of Loyola called Examen . Feel free to adjust it as needed if you’re not a religious person. Examen helps you discern where God was at work during your day, practice thanksgiving, acknowledge your shortcomings, and look ahead to the next day with anticipation.

Weekly Benefits

I used a practice developed by Michael Hyatt and Team called “The Weekly Review” to reflect and evaluate how I’m doing with the goals I’ve set for the quarter and the week. Your weekly reflection doesn’t just include work related goals but personal goals as well. I pull these weekly priorities from a list of 3-4 quarterly goals I’ve set.

Quarterly Benefits

It’s helpful to dive a little deeper once per quarter. This is where I reflect on the season I just came through and look forward to the season ahead of you. Twenty-four hours is ideal, but if you can’t do that, a half day can be quite effective. Why quarterly? Generally, things change every 3-4 months. Think about it:

Crafting Your Quarterly Reflection

Here are some tips to craft your quarterly time of reflection:

A consistent quarterly review/reflection will help you stay on top of your most important priorities and catch things before they become major problems. In doing so, you will be at rest because you know you are working toward the things that matter most.

Take Action

Pick a date for your next quarterly reflection, put it on your calendar, and talk to your partner and boss about it as soon as possible.

Missed One?

Check out the other posts in the series:

*Photo by Vince Fleming on Unsplash

Rhythms of Rest 2: Why You Need a Weekly “Holiday”

Thu, 20 May 2021 10:00:00 GMT

Practicing a weekly day of rest can recalibrate your soul and save you from a life of busyness and burnout.

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, a consistent, defined, uncompromised weekly day of rest has been one of the keys to helping me develop a sustainable pace of life, be highly productive, and enjoy life in a deeper and more meaningful way.

In my last post, I took a deep dive into helping you establish a daily Rhythm of Rest. This time, I want to help you establish a weekly Rhythm of Rest.

“Like Butter Scraped Over Too Much Bread”

After sixty years of possessing the “One Ring” – an evil ring crafted by Sauron the deceiver meant to control all others – the hobbit named Bilbo Baggins described himself this way:

“I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”

Have you ever felt like Bilbo?

Bilbo goes on to say that he is in need of a “very long holiday” (vacation).

May I suggest we all need a weekly “holiday?”

A Weekly Holiday

Whether or not you’re a person of faith, a weekly day of rest is absolutely crucial to developing a healthy and sustainable pace and rhythm in life. The word “Sabbath” is a Jewish word that simply means to rest, to cease, to stop. The Jewish people had 39 major categories with hundreds of subcategories of things they couldn’t do on the Sabbath. Some of those the things included now are:

Rabbi’s even went so far as to recommend a person should avoid “long strides and rushing about” to separate from the pace of walking on hurried weekdays. Anything that involved productivity was off-limits.

As you can see, practicing Jewish people take the Sabbath very seriously. I’m not proposing we adopt the same list of rules, but maybe there is more to the story than just rules and regulations?

The Kingpin

Author Ruth Haley Barton calls Sabbath-keeping the “Kingpin” of a life lived in sync “with the rhythms that God himself built into our world.” It’s more than just a day of rest; it is a way of ordering one’s entire life around a pattern of working six days and then resting on the seventh.”

If you want to take a deeper dive into that side of things, you can check out my book Rest Assured: Seven Days to Stillness, Sanity, and the Sabbath You Need.

Sabbath, My Saving Grace

Because my tendency is workaholism, I can honestly say without a defined and consistent day of rest, I may have destroyed my life long ago. Sabbath has saved me more than once from crashing and burning. If it weren’t for Sabbath, I’m convinced I may not be married and wouldn’t have survived twenty years of ministry. It has become a cherished weekly rhythm that I greatly anticipate, and I rarely compromise it for anything. On the occasion that I need to work on my set day of rest, I make sure I define a different day that week instead. And if I can’t do that, I try to build two half-days of rest into my schedule.

Crafting Your Day of Rest

When it comes to a weekly day of rest, it should be restful and life-giving. Nothing is off-limits except things that put you into productivity mode as it relates to your work or business. It’s also best to avoid things that are stressful like difficult conversations, bills, running errands, or housework.

My family starts preparing for Sabbath on Thursday evening or Friday afternoon by doing all our chores so we don’t have to worry about them on Saturday. We order food or get some pizzas to throw in the oven so Gina doesn’t have to cook. Then we have a family night. We watch a movie or a few episodes of a television show. Sometimes we play a game or go get ice cream.

While most of the family sleeps in on Saturday, I get up somewhat early (but not too early) because I like to get some quiet reading time. I read things I don’t normally get a chance to read during the week – a good article or a book I’ve been wanting to dive into. Then I go work out or take a run before most of the family is up and around.

Later in the morning, the kids do their media time while Gina and I have our weekly “appointment.” That’s our code word for sex. I suggest couples make a goal of having sex at least once per week. If you want to read more about some marriage stuff that has helped us get past anniversary number 20, you can read that here . In Jewish tradition, married couples get rabbinical brownie points for having sex on the Sabbath. Now that’s my kind of religion!

Often, we spend time as a family going to the park, playing some video games, or working on a project around the house. For me, that doesn’t feel like work. I do enjoyable but demanding mental work all week – writing, speaking, thinking, and meeting with people – so working with my hands is actually a break. It pulls me away from the intangible work of leadership and allows me to see the result of what I’m doing. I’m not a very good carpenter, but I like to putter around in the garage (yes that’s a thing) and get out some power tools (grunt).

Afternoons usually involve my wife taking some time for herself, me taking a power nap, and the kids doing something they enjoy as well.

Lightning Round

When should you take your day of rest? The short answer is whenever it works best! We do ours from Friday at 5 PM to Saturday at 5 PM. Because I’m a pastor, Sundays – while enjoyable – aren’t necessarily restful!

How should I do my day of rest? Again, focus on things that are life-giving and joyful, that aren’t a part of your normal routine. Try making a list of the things that bring you joy. Talk it over with your family and brainstorm some ideas. Try some things and see how they make you feel. In her article, Rhythms of Work and Rest, Ruth Haley Barton says Sabbath is for three things:

What if I don’t have time to take a whole day of rest? Try starting with a half-day. Then deliberately work to eliminate enough so you can take a whole day. If your current job or pace of life doesn’t allow you at least one day of rest, you may seriously need to think about finding a new job or drastically eliminating some things – if you want to a sustainable and healthy pace of life that is.

Do’s and Don’ts for on Your Day of Rest:

Don’t run errands. Do take a nap.
Don’t talk about contentious issues if you can avoid it. Do focus on the things you like and appreciate about each other.
Don’t check email or surf the web. Do read a good book you enjoy.
Don’t watch the news. Do listen to some good music.
Don’t go to the mall. Do take a hike or a walk.
Don’t be alone all day. Do spend some quality time with your spouse, children, or a friend.

You get the idea. Now go try it!

What is ONE step you can take today to implement a day of rest or make your current day of rest more restful?

Missed One?

Check out the other posts in the series:

*Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Rhythms of Rest 2: You Need a Weekly “Holiday”

Thu, 20 May 2021 10:00:00 GMT

Practicing a weekly day of rest can recalibrate your soul and save you from a life of busyness and burnout.

In my last post, I took a deep dive into helping you establish a daily Rhythm of Rest. This time, I want to help you establish a weekly Rhythm of Rest.

“Like Butter Scraped Over Too Much Bread”

After sixty years of possessing the “One Ring” – an evil ring crafted by Sauron the deceiver meant to control all others – the hobbit named Bilbo Baggins described himself this way:

“I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”

Have you ever felt like Bilbo?

Bilbo goes on to say that he is in need of a “very long holiday” (vacation).

May I suggest we all need a weekly “holiday?”

A Weekly Holiday

As you can see, practicing Jewish people take the Sabbath very seriously. I’m not proposing we adopt the same list of rules, but maybe there is more to the story than just rules and regulations?

The Kingpin

Author Ruth Haley Barton calls Sabbath-keeping the “Kingpin” of a life lived in sync “with the rhythms that God himself built into our world. It’s more than just a day of rest; it is a way of ordering one’s entire life around a pattern of working six days and then resting on the seventh.”

It stands to reason that if God took a day of rest, it is necessary and helpful for us too! After all, I’m fairly certain God didn’t need a day of rest but rather wanted to set a precedent for you and me to follow.

If you want to take a deeper dive into that side of things, you can check out my book Rest Assured: 7 Days to Stillness, Sanity, and the Sabbath You Need.

Sabbath, My Saving Grace

Crafting Your Day of Rest

Rather focus on things that bring you life and joy. For some that could mean long walks, time with family, afternoon naps, or reading a good book by the fire. For others it could be a family dinner or dinner with friends, worshiping with your faith community, or slow sex with your spouse.
My family starts preparing for Sabbath on Thursday evening or Friday afternoon by doing all our chores so we don’t have to worry about them on Saturday. We order food or get some pizzas to throw in the oven so Gina doesn’t have to cook. Then we have a family night. We watch a movie or a few episodes of a television show. Sometimes we play a game or go get ice cream.

Later in the morning, the kids do their media time while Gina and I have our weekly “appointment.” That’s our code word for sex. I suggest couples make a goal of having sex at least once per week. If you want to read more about some marriage stuff that has helped us get past anniversary number 20, you can read that here. In Jewish tradition, married couples get rabbinical brownie points for having sex on the Sabbath. Now that’s my kind of religion!

Afternoons usually involve my wife taking some time for herself, me taking a power nap, and the kids doing something they enjoy as well.

Lightning Round

Do’s and Don’ts for on Your Day of Rest:

You get the idea. Now go try it!

What is ONE step you can take today to implement a day of rest or make your current day of rest more restful?

Missed One?

Check out the other posts in the series:

*Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Rhythms of Rest 1: “You Are What You Do Daily”

Thu, 06 May 2021 12:10:00 GMT

“You are what you do daily,” says Jon Chu. I couldn’t agree more.

In the Rhythms of Rest Introduction , I shared how the world has fundamentally changed while many of us haven’t. Before Covid-19 was a thing, our pace of life was already becoming unsustainable; Covid has only exacerbated it.

Now that we’ve been forced to live online, many of our normal rhythms are gone forever. Hyperconnectivity means we can work from anywhere at any time and many of us do.

Where do we go from here?

You Need a Rhythm of Rest

I believe we all need a defined Rhythm of Rest.

What is a Rhythm of Rest? It’s a written plan that clearly defines your regular rhythms of rest and replenishment: daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, semi-annually, and annually. The goal is to help you live from a place of rest and replenishment and find a sustainable and joyful pace of life so you don’t have to experience burnout like I did.

We Have Only Today. Let Us Begin

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin” (Mother Theresa).

It doesn’t get any clearer than that. Your daily rhythms shape and form you more than anything else.

While productivity is important, my goal in writing this is not to help you be more productive (though it will). My goal is to help you establish a Rhythm of Rest , and that starts with defining your daily rhythm, but first…

Understanding Your Actual Daily Rhythm

Do you know your daily rhythm or do you do it without even thinking about it? Each of our lives is a series of habits – some good, some bad. The question is, are you aware of what you are actually doing? James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits , suggests keeping a “Habits Scorecard.” Start by making a list of your daily habits. Here’s the sample he uses:

He encourages people to look at each behavior and decide if it’s a good habit, a bad habit, or a neutral habit. Then write a “+” next to a good habit, a “-” next to a bad habit and an “=” next to a neutral habit. Don’t change anything just observe. The goal is simply to be aware. Awareness is the first step to changing bad habits ( Atomic Habits, p. 64-66).

Defining Your Ideal Daily Rhythm

Once you know what it is you actually do daily, you can begin to determine what it is you want to do daily that will be sustainable and life-giving.

When it comes to a daily Rhythm of Rest, I suggest you think through the following categories;

Morning Rhythm – Your Morning Rhythm sets the tone for the rest of the day. It should be life-giving that gives you focus and prepares you for the day to come. It could be scripture reading, prayer, meditation, etc. And for me, that always involves coffee and my favorite rocking chair! I do suggest you find your favorite place to do your morning rhythm. Exercise is also an important part of your rhythm though this could take place in the morning or after work.

Workday Startup Rhythm – Your Workday Startup Rhythm is what you do to prepare for your workday (hint – it doesn’t involve checking your email). It could be reading a book, defining your most important tasks for the day, or something else. Whatever helps you get focused and ready for the task at hand.

Workday Rhythm – Your Workday Rhythm involves how you structure your day. Define your BIG ROCKS or those the most important things that actually move the needle at your job. I suggest doing two things when it comes to your workday rhythm:

As you do these two things, your workday will gradually feel more restful and energizing. You will focus more time on doing the things that are truly productive and hopefully align with your strengths.

Daily Office Rhythm – The Daily Office is an ancient practice of prescribed times of daily prayer both public and private. It comes from the Latin meaning “divine office.” The Daily Office originated with the Jewish people’s practice of prayer in the Old Testament at fixed times throughout the day and continued with the early Christian communities.

There are many variations of this. I suggest keeping it simple by setting aside 2-3 times per day, apart from your morning rhythm. It can be as short as 1 minute or longer if you have time. Here’s what I do:

Doing this really anchors my day, helps me let go of burdens I’m carrying and keeps me focused and refreshed.

Workday Shutdown Rhythm – It’s important to take a few minutes to think through the following day before you end the current one. It’s called your Workday Shutdown Rhythm. Because it’s fresh, it’s helpful to look ahead and write down a rough draft of the next day’s agenda and the most important things you need to get done. It also takes things off your mind and helps you rest easy. It’s best if you do it before you leave work, but for some, it may work best sometime after dinner. I t should take no more than 15-30 minutes.

After Work Rhythm – When work is done, what’s next? Do you exercise, have dinner with your family, spend time with your kids? Put just as much thought into this as you do your workday. As an engaged father and devoted husband, I have a goal to eat dinner with my family 5 nights per week and we usually shut off devices from 7-8 PM and hang out. It’s loose – we can read, play games, or do something else, but we are all in the same place without devices.

Evening Rhythm – A good evening rhythm helps you have a great start to your next day. This is your wind-down period 30-60 minutes before bed. Mine starts at 9:15 and goes until 9:45 PM. I make my coffee for the next morning, brush my teeth, get my clothes out for the next day (if I remember), and then read for 15 minutes followed by a prayer with my wife and kiss. Finally, I use the practice of Examen developed by St. Ignatius of Loyola as I fall asleep. It is a reflective way to pray about the day you’ve just had and the day to come. The goal is to be in bed ready to sleep by 9:45 and asleep by 10. Some dos and don’ts:

Stop the Grind

You owe it to yourself and others to be healthy and whole, and your daily rhythm is the place to start. Begin by logging what you actually do. After you know that, you are ready to define your ideal Daily Rhythm of Rest. Take the categories listed above and begin defining each rhythm based on what you want it to look like.

Finally, pick one area or rhythm you are going to focus on and one step you are going to take within the next 24 hours. That could mean implementing a good habit or stopping a bad habit. An example might be: instead of looking at my phone when I get up, I am going to purchase a normal alarm clock, and when I get up, read or meditate for 5 minutes.

As you master one daily rhythm, move on to the next. Remember, this is meant to serve you not the other way around!

Don’t you think it’s time you defined your daily Rhythm of Rest?

What are your daily rhythms? What have you found helpful?

Missed One?

Check out the other posts in the series:

*Photo by Warren Wong on Unsplash

Rhythms of Rest Intro: My Bout with Burnout

Thu, 29 Apr 2021 11:55:00 GMT

The world has fundamentally changed, have you?

Before COVID-19 was a thing, the pace of life was already becoming unsustainable for many. And for many, COVID-19 has only exacerbated it.

Now that we’ve been forced to live online, many of our normal rhythms are gone forever, and things are never going to go back to “normal.” Hyper-connectivity means we can now work from anywhere at any time and many of us do. Technology is meant to be a tool that serves us, instead, many of us find ourselves in servitude to it. But it’s not just hyper-connectivity that’s our problem; workaholism, over-commitment, and our unsustainable pace have other consequences as well. The result is a lack of spiritual vibrancy, shallow relationships, emotional immaturity, and poor physical health.

I believe rest and fulfillment go hand in hand. And that’s why I believe everyone needs a rhythm of rest.

The School of Hard Knocks

My first bout with burnout happened in 2003 in my late twenties. I was about to leave for a weekend conference, instead, I fell down on the floor, curled up in a ball, and cried like a baby for two hours. What was going on? Burnout, emotional exhaustion, a maybe a mini nervous breakdown. I’m not sure what you call it, but it certainly didn’t feel good.

I hadn’t been paying attention to the signs: anxiety, sleeplessness, and nights I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin. I also felt down and blue a lot of the time which isn’t my normal demeanor. It had been happening for months, but I was so out of touch with myself that I just stuffed it down and kept moving…until I couldn’t anymore.

After the breakdown, I crawled out of the hole slowly.

I didn’t burn out overnight, and I wasn’t going to get better overnight. Over the following months, I learned I had been doing things that were outside of my “sweet spot” or those areas that represent gifts, passions, and strengths (things I’m good at that also bring me joy). I began to learn some new rhythms. One good thing that came out of my burnout was, I now had a built-in indicator. When I started getting beyond my capacity, calling, and giftedness, I would start to grow anxious and knew it was time to pull back.

But the lesson hadn’t gone deep enough. And over the next several years, I continued to dance near the edge of burnout.

In early 2014, it came to a head. At the time, I was a full-time pasto, working part-time at an after-school program for urban youth, and trying to do the most important work of being an attentive husband and intentional father. On top of that, our church was planning an ambitious launch or “grand opening” that required extra work, $35,000, and intense focus. Talk about a recipe for burnout!

It was during this time that the lesson began to go deeper and God began to teach me about Rhythm and Rest. You can read more of the story in my book, Rest Assured: Seven Days to Stillness, Sanity, and the Sabbath You Need.

I also decided to get more serious about what I now call a Rhythm of Rest though I didn’t call it that at the time.

Baby Steps

My first Rhythm of Rest was simple. It looked like this:

Over the years, I’ve added other components. Now I’m convinced, everyone needs to have a Rhythm of Rest.

Finding Your Own Rhythm

Over the next several posts, I’m going to be sharing a simple plan to help you find your own Rhythm of Rest.

What is a Rhythm of Rest? It’s a written plan that clearly defines your regular rhythms of rest and replenishment: daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, semi-annual, and annual rhythms. The goal is to help you live from a place of rest and replenishment and find a sustainable and joyful pace of life so you don’t have to experience burnout as I did.

I guarantee if you put this to practice you will have more energy, fun, joy, physical health, spiritual vibrancy, and emotional wellness.

Missed One?

Check out the other posts in the series:

Photo by Daniel Jensen on Unsplash

Why Do Leaders Fall (Part 2)? 4 Ways to Lead for the Long Haul

Thu, 15 Apr 2021 12:39:00 GMT

As you know, leaders fall every day. Whether you are an emerging leader or an established one, that doesn’t have to be your story.

In part 1 of Why Do Leaders Fall? , I gave some context to the conversation and shared 3 out of 7 ways to lead for the long haul. What do I mean by leading for the long haul?

It’s more than just staying in the game. It’s leading yourself, your people (your loved ones), and your team or organization in such a way so that everybody wins. You could call it legacy.

If you can’t look at yourself in the mirror, and the people you love don’t respect you, you’ve failed no matter how “successful” you are.

John Maxwell defines success as “having those closest to me love and respect me the most.”

I couldn’t agree more.

With that being said, let’s dive into the last 4 ways to lead for the long haul.

4 Ways to Lead for the LONG HAUL

4) Live in the light. Andy Stanley is known for saying, “Bad things grow in the dark.” Think about it. What grows in dark damp places? Nothing good. The same is true of the human heart. Nothing good ever comes of hiding things. You need some people with whom you can expose everything… before it becomes an issue. In the past, I’ve made the mistake of waiting too long to share what’s happening in my heart. And from experience I can tell you, it never gets better.

Light exposes . That’s why we often try to hide when we are doing dark things. If you can learn to expose something before it becomes a problem, while it is still a seed, you will save others from experiencing the consequences of your mistakes and yourself the hurt and embarrassment of it coming out in public at a later time. That’s what it means to live in the light.

5) Your best friend can’t be your dog. We all know healthy relationships are important, but we underestimate just how important they are. Many leaders are so used to being the leader in every situation that they don’t have people they can just be themselves around and have a mutually life-giving relationship. Author and psychologist John Townsend advocates for seven types of relationships. He argues the one leaders seem to lack most are “comrades.” According to Townsend,

“Comrades are friends who know your business, making you fully known and fully loved, with no hiding secrets.”

Having healthy comrades is one of the keys to healthy leadership. Townsend goes on to provide a framework to cultivate these types of friendships, but let me just summarize it this way:

6) Pay attention to the dashboard. Your emotions are the dashboard to your soul. Hopefully, you pay attention when the check engine light pops on in your car. The same is true of your soul. Many leaders don’t know how to deal with their emotions – especially negative ones. Try this: when an emotion rises to the surface, pay attention to it! Whether it’s anger, sadness, fear, happiness, confidence or some other emotion, acknowledge it and ask yourself where it’s coming from. If you still can’t pin it down, try processing it with someone else: your spouse, a good friend, or a mentor, coach, or counselor.

Your emotions are an indicator of what’s happening on the inside. The longer you let negative emotions go unchecked, the worse they become. You can’t always live by your emotions, but if you want to lead for the long haul, you had better pay attention to them.

Pete Scazzero’s Emotionally Healthy Spirituality is a great place to start.

7) Rest hard. We regularly boast about how hard we work, but I rarely hear people talk about how hard they rest. Many leaders are admittedly workaholics. Exhaustion and overwork always take their toll. You need a ritual to replenish your body, soul, and spirit. What are your daily, weekly, quarterly, semi-annual, and annual rhythms of rest?

You can only ignore yourself for so long. I know because I did it. Rest Assured is my story of learning the hard way that I am not a machine. I’m a human being, not a human doing. I don’t always have a good gauge on how depleted I actually am until it’s too late. That’s why a routine or what I call a Rhythm of Rest is necessary.

Start with some simple things. I call it a Rhythm if Rest. Here are some examples:

You are flesh and blood. You have limits. When you move past those limits you are putting yourself and those you lead at risk.

Don’t Wait!

Which of the 7 steps do you need to focus on right now? What are you going to do about it?

Photo by Francisco Gonzalez on Unsplash

Why Do Leaders Fall (Part 1)? 3 Ways to LEAD for the LONG HAUL

Thu, 08 Apr 2021 12:52:00 GMT

Watching leaders fall from grace is nothing new. It happens every day. But why?

In the last several months, we’ve witnessed the fall of Carl Lentz (the former pastor of Hillsong NY) and Ravi Zacharias (the now-deceased leader of RZIM). We are also watching the accusations of government leaders such as Mario Cuomo (the Governor of New York) and Matt Gaetz (U.S. Congressman from Florida) play out. And those are just a few. What’s going on? To be fair, prominent leaders probably don’t fall more than less well-known leaders; we just don’t read their stories in the headlines.

I don’t claim to know all the reasons why leaders fall, I don’t have all the answers, and I’m not trying to capitalize on another leader’s downfall. I have compassion – first and foremost for the people who get hurt when a leader falls, and second on the leaders themselves because I realize we are all broken in one way or another.

At times, I’ve gotten too close to the edge of the cliff myself and learned the hard way, but through the crucible of leadership, I’ve also learned to stay the course with my integrity intact. If I can contribute to helping even one leader keep from falling, it’s worth it.

Leading for the Long Haul

Leadership is Hard. It comes with a unique set of challenges. Here are some things I’ve learned along the way if you want to lead for the long haul. It’s more than just staying in the game. It’s leading yourself, your people (your loved ones), and your team or organization in such a way so that everybody wins. You could call it legacy.

1) Go micro. Start small and take baby steps. That’s what I mean by going micro. Many leaders have great ambitions and visions. You wouldn’t be a leader if you didn’t, but just because you can see it doesn’t mean you’re ready for it. As my friend Josh Finley says, “Look ahead but don’t live ahead.”

Bigger isn’t always better. You have to know your capacity. If something starts to grow beyond your capacity to lead, maybe it’s time to take a step back. You may need to secure further education or training, seek out a mentor, or hire someone who has the right mix of gifts and character to take it to the next level while you move into a different role within the organization.

2) “Who Before Do.” Is it possible to prepare yourself for leadership? Of course! Competency is one part of the equation (talent, ability, education, training), but character is another. Focusing on who you want to be as a leader before what you want to do or accomplish will help you with this. Author and speaker Craig Groeschel calls it “Who before do.”

Author James Clear calls these “ Identity-Based Habits. ” Identity-Based Habits start from the inside out. Rather than starting with the goal or outcome, Identity Based Habits focus on who you want to be and ask the question, What does that type of person do? Once you define what that type of person does, you have your process for becoming that type of person. The goal is becoming that type of person.

Say you want to be an honest leader (that’s an identity-based habit). Ask yourself, What do honest leaders do? Maybe you say, Honest leaders are honest with themselves and others, have proper accountability in place, seek to do everything above board, and they have a group of people they meet with regularly who will tell them the unvarnished truth. The end goal is not simply to gather a group of 3-5 people that you can be gut-level honest with once a month. The goal is to be or become an honest person!

Leadership expert Andy Stanley calls these “Be goals.” To take it a step further, he suggests asking two questions once you define a “Be” goal. First, why is this important? Second, what’s at stake if I don’t do this? In doing so, you’ve defined your personal definition of success, and to fall short of this is failure.

Why not take some time to define your “Be goals” today?

Here’s one way to do it. Write your own obituary by asking three questions:

The first question is realistic; the second question is aspirational. Who do you need to become in order to move from aspiration to reality?

3) Pursue wholeness . As influence and notoriety increase, so often do temptations. If your platform grows faster than your character, it’s easy to crumble under the weight of it. In other words,

“Don’t let your gifts take you where your character can’t keep you.” (Author unknown)

In his book, Integrity , Dr. Henry Cloud gives a new definition for character. He says, “Character is the ability to meet the demands of reality.” He goes on to share six aspects of character. Though I won’t go into all of them now, he argues character is more than truth, honesty, or moral integrity. It is a combination of things that have to work together in an integrated way. Integrity refers to being whole and complete.

When your gifting outpaces your character, it’s called immaturity. It’s easy for an immature person to get a big head, think they are further along than they actually are, and fall prey to the common temptations of leadership.

Leadership has a way of going to your head. If you don’t have the maturity to handle it, haven’t taken time to develop your character and integrity (wholeness), and don’t have the right people around you who aren’t enamored with you and aren’t afraid to tell you the unvarnished truth (and you are open to hearing it), it’s easy to become deceived about yourself and your leadership.

Next time I will share the other four ways to lead for the long haul!

6 Ways to Get Unstuck

Wed, 31 Mar 2021 12:34:00 GMT

Everyone feels stuck in life at one point or another. Some of you may feel stuck right now.

Miss Havisham from Charles Dicken’s novel, Great Expectations, is a classic example of what it means to be stuck.

After being jilted at the altar by her groom, Miss Havisham insists on wearing her wedding dress for the rest of her life while her ruined mansion falls down around her.

She can’t move beyond her heartbreak. She is stuck. Here’s how I define “stuck” for the purpose of this blog:

Stuck – the inability to move forward in life.

We can get stuck for many reasons – a traumatic event, unexpected grief, hopelessness, loss, or failure. Then there’s age. Often the older we get the less flexible we become.

Whatever reason you may have for being stuck (and it may be a valid reason), you don’t need to stay there.

Help, I’m Stuck!

As 2017 came to a close, I felt really stuck. If I’m honest, I had been feeling that way for a few years before that. After 8 years of church planting and not seeing the results I had hoped for, I was really disillusioned, but as it turns out, I was exactly where I needed to be to move forward. It wasn’t until that point that I was able to see things clearly and begin to turn the ship in the right direction – both in the church and personally.

After two years of this, things felt different, but not enough.

I just couldn’t shake this nagging thought. You know the one, There must be more than this, right?

It was then that I decided to pursue a long-time dream of getting my coaching certification. That set in motion a series of decisions that led me to a better place. With the help of the program and my coach ( shout out to Sarah Fulton ), I realized I had believed in a lie.

The lie was, “I’m stuck and there is no way out. There is nothing I can do.”

The truth was, “God always offers a PLAN, and we always make CHOICES!”

Cindy Scott, the founder of Bridges Coaching calls it “The Always Circle” (used with permission). In her book, Traction , she uses the principles of Life Coaching – including The Always Circle, to help people get unstuck.

The truth was I had CHOSEN to do what I was doing because I believed it was what God wanted. I wasn’t stuck, I had made a choice.

That changed everything for me.

I no longer saw myself as stuck and powerless. I had a choice.

And if I made one choice, I could make another.

At the time, I felt that because I was leading a church, I couldn’t start a business. I’m not sure why I thought that way, after all, I had worked other jobs for years while pastoring the church, but for some reason, starting a business felt like it was off-limits. I could either lead a church, or start a business, but I couldn’t do both. That was the false narrative I was telling myself. It took a while to understand that and unpack what was behind it, but once I did, I was able to make a decision.

I chose to start a business as an author, speaker, and coach. I was already an author and speaker, so I did my coaching certification in 2019 and started the business in 2020!

Get Started with Coaching

Start with Today

Though I certainly don’t have it all figured out, I’m closer than I was. There are still days I wonder how it’s all going to fit together, but instead of trying to figure it all out, I remember I am only responsible for the step…the choice if you will…that is right in front of me. And I choose to keep stepping. This quote has helped me a lot over the last several months:

In the process of starting the business and working on some collaborative projects with others, I realized that I get energy from innovating, pioneering, and creating new things – whether writing books and blogs or creating programs and courses – when I’m not regularly creating, I feel stuck.

After discovering that, I feel happier in my work life than I’ve felt in years. I feel fresh and vibrant.

6 Ways to Get Unstuck

After much trial and error, here are several things I’ve learned about getting unstuck:

You Choose

What do you need to do to get unstuck? Try picking ONE of the 6 Ways to Get Unstuck and define ONE step you are going to take this week to get unstuck using a SMARTER Goal.

Go ahead. Make a choice. I dare you!

Photo by Carlos Magno on Unsplash

Why Is Waiting So Hard?

Wed, 17 Mar 2021 12:25:00 GMT

Is there something you’ve been waiting for for a long time? If so, you’re not alone.

Waiting can be hard.

That’s why Jean Jaques Rousseau declared, “Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”

When we are babies, we cry and we get what we want. Whether food, care, or comfort, things usually come quickly.

As we age, it’s imperative we grow in patience and self-control. We must learn to wait well . Good things don’t usually happen instantaneously – they take time.

Undoubtedly, you’ve heard the saying, “The best things come to those who wait.” The original phrase was thought to come from Lady Mary Montgomerie Currie, “All things come to those who wait.”

Like most things that produce good fruit, they take time.

Tolstoy accurately discerned, “Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow – that is patience. The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”

The Art of Waiting

All you really have control over is what you decide to do or not do right now. You can do little things that make a big difference. You can plant the seeds today that will become an oak tree tomorrow, but you can’t make the oak tree grow.

To wait well is to plant the seeds you can plant today knowing they will yield a harvest tomorrow.

In his book Atomic Habits , James Clear refers to what is called “the aggregation of marginal gains” – a phrase coined by British cyclist Dave Brailsford. It states that if you “break everything down and improve it by 1 percent, you will get a significant increase when you put them all together.” Imagine if you can get 1% better each year for a period of 10, 20, or 30 years? That’s a significant increase over time.

When we wait that way, there is momentum and negentropy.

Negentropy is what is defined as the opposite of entropy. If entropy is when there is disorder, chaos, and randomness, negentropy is when things become more orderly. It’s the opposite of randomness and chaos.

Waiting well creates order and diminishes chaos.

And the fruit of patience is peace and contentment.

Today Is What Matters

Doing the little things you can do today is not lazy or passive it’s proactive. Then, when the time is right, you will be ready to rise to the challenge.

When individual players were unhappy because they wanted more playing time, legendary coach John Wooden would tell them, “The time to prepare isn’t after you have been given the opportunity. It’s long before that opportunity arises. When the opportunity arrives, it’s too late to prepare.”

Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Your future is determined (in part) by the seeds you plant today.

Or as Mother Teresa once said, “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We only have today. Let us begin.”

What things are you waiting for? What small steps you can take right now? What can you make 1% better?

PS – If you enjoy my writing and feel it’s adding value to you, consider leaving a tip >>

*Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

What Is Success?

Wed, 24 Feb 2021 11:07:00 GMT

Success can be a loaded word, but what does it really mean? Is there only one definition? Can that definition change over time?

That’s why it’s important that you take time to define or redefine success and talk through it with the people you are close to and those you are leading.

Success is…

How you define success can make or break you. Regardless of how you define success, it is imperative that you take the time to define it and/or occasionally redefine it. If you don’t, how will you know when you get there? Defining success will also help you determine the steps you need to take to get there.

While some definitions of success may be more essential than others, success doesn’t have just one definition. Let me give you some examples from my own life. Here are some ways I define success (and recently redefined some):

Once you define success (akin to goals in some ways), focus on what you must do to become that type of person – the small daily habits that will get you there.

Success can also be deceptive. I’ve written more about the Deception of Success here . By unintentionally leading us to believe we need less help rather than more, success can undermine the very things we are working toward.

Redefining Success

When is the last time you worked through your definitions of success in the major areas of your life?

If it’s been a while, why not take some time to do it right now? It only takes a few minutes and I promise you it will be well worth your time.

Start with the major categories of your life and ask, what type of person do I want to be in these areas of life and why?

Photo by Razvan Chisu on Unsplash

Purpose Quest 10: Finding Your People

Wed, 21 Oct 2020 10:00:00 GMT

“Life is relationships, the rest is just details” (Gary Smalley). One could argue that having the right relationships is the most important aspect of life on this earth. If you think about it, almost everything in life – good or bad – is tied to a relationship. Why then in an age when everyone is seemingly inter-connected through the web and social media, does it seem so hard to find your people?

Author Seth Godin calls it your tribe and defines it as “a group of people, large or small, who are connected to one another, a leader and an idea.” These are the people you are called to love, serve, walk with, add value to, and influence.

Over the last several weeks, we’ve been exploring your unique design (micro purpose) or your “S.H.A.P.E.” as author Rick Warren calls it.

S – Spiritual Gifts

H – Heart/Passion

A – Abilities/Natural Strengths

P – Personality

E – Experiences

S – Spheres of Influence

As I’ve previously mentioned, I’ve added one category to Rick’s acrostic. I call it your Spheres of Influence. This will be the last of the 10 questions in the Purpose Roadmap.

As we consider your Spheres of Influence, it’s crucial that you understand that your S.H.A.P.E. isn’t just for you. Ultimately, it is meant to serve and add value to others.

You were created to live for the good of others.

The best definition I’ve ever heard for love is this: love is living for the good of others. As Mother Teresa so aptly said, “A life not lived for others is not a life.”

A life not lived for others is not a life. (Mother Teresa)
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Finding Your People

Robin Dunbar, an Oxford-educated anthropologist and psychologist, is famous for what is now called Dunbar’s Number, which is actually a series of numbers. Dunbar discovered that people have a limited capacity in the number of people they can have in their social circles. “These are relationships in which an individual knows who each person is and how each person relates to every other person.” ¹ This number increases or decreases by a factor of three. Dunbar calls it “The Rule of 3.” Here’s is what he discovered about how human beings group themselves as described by the New Yorker Magazine² :

I find it best to think of this in concentric circles starting with 5 at the center and moving outwards from there.

Your purpose includes all these people in different ways and capacities.

Here is the description offered in New York Magazine of these different categories of people: ³

Your 5

Made up of your closest support group, these are usually your family, close friends, and possibly a mentor. These are the people you can rely on and confide in. I would argue that this is the most important group. As John Maxwell has said, “Success is when those who know you best actually respect you the most.”

Take a moment to write down who those people are.

Success is when those who know you best actually respect you the most. (John Maxwell)
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Your 15

This would include the group of people you can turn to for support and empathy. They may include friends, coworkers, extended family members, coaches, counselors, or mentors. This is another important group of people.

Take a moment to write down who those people are.

Your 50

These are good friends that you may see often, but wouldn’t go so far as to call them intimates. They would include co-workers, golf or yoga buddies, extended family members, or people from your faith community or other communities you see regularly.

Your 150

This group is made up of casual friends and acquaintances whom you enjoy seeing and hanging out with when you get the chance but are only loosely connected to.

Your Audience

I call these people your audience. It’s not that you can’t have influence beyond 150, but it’s difficult (if not impossible) to maintain a significant connection with many more people than that. I would classify those people above 150 as your “audience.” Some examples might be those you serve in business, those who read your books, your social media friends and followers, your email list, your podcast listenership, and so on.

While Dunbar agrees that social media is changing human interaction, it lacks real shared experience which is the glue of deeper connection. “The amount of social capital you have,” Dunbar says, “is pretty fixed. It involves time investment.” ⁴ Each of us has a limited capacity for relationships. You may influence more than 150 people, but you don’t have the relational capacity to have a significant connection with many more people than that.

Live, Work, Play, Community…

It’s important to have a good idea of who these people in your circle are, especially your 5, 15, and 50. If you are still having trouble, this may help you identify specific people within those groups:

Where you live. This would include your immediate family and your actual neighbors. Who are those people and which of the categories do they fit within?

Where you work. This would encompass those you work with whether physical or virtual. Typically, we spend nearly one-third of our lives at work so this is a major part of your sphere of influence. I realize things have changed. Between the coronavirus and the gig economy, some of us don’t really have “coworkers” in a traditional sense. If that’s the case, it doesn’t mean you don’t have a work-related sphere of influence, it’s just defined differently. This could include anyone who benefits from the work you do: those who read your book: your email list, those in your program or online business, groups or audiences you speak to, your social media followers, or those you see yourself serving someday.

Where you play . Some examples might be the gym, your Friday night hangout spot, a golf league, Crossfit, or some other place. those in your church community (or some other community), where you watch the football game, who you play golf with, your Wednesday night Zumba class. You get the idea.

Where you find community. This could include such things as your church, the school board, consistent community service endeavors, your neighborhood, and the like.

5 Ways to Steward Your Influence

Each of us has multiple spheres of influence, but how do we cultivate them? Here are five ideas to help you do that well.

1) Live a life worthy of emulation. If you live a life worthy of emulation, you will have no problem finding your people. I’m not speaking of perfection, but rather working toward your fully developed self. When you take time to develop your S.H.A.P.E. and using it for the good of others, other people will want to be around you because you add value to them.

2) Identify those who are open and receptive to you. It’s hard to share your life with someone who isn’t open and receptive to who you are as a person and what you have to say. Forcing yourself on others doesn’t work. Some people will naturally be open to you while others will not.

Don’t waste your time on people who don’t like who you are or want what you have to offer.

Don’t waste your time on people who don’t like who you are or want what you have to offer.
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Identify those who enjoy your company, like what you have to say, and seem drawn to you and vice-versa. I’m not saying you should never sit down with someone you don’t like or who disagrees with you. That’s healthy and wise. I’m simply saying I wouldn’t spend a lot of time worrying about the people who don’t like who you are.

You are not for everyone.

3) Build authentic relationships. Trust is the foundation of any good relationship, and honesty and authenticity help to build trust. You’ve no doubt heard the quote, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” ⁵ When people know you care, they will begin to open up their heart to you. In order to build authentic relationships, vulnerability is key. Author John Townsend encourages people to begin by taking small risks in sharing something challenging or hard you may be facing. In doing so, you can start to identify whether or not this person belongs in your life and in what capacity. If they change the subject, give solutions, fail to provide empathy, or overshare one of their own stories, then they probably don’t belong in your group of “5” or “15”. But if they have an empathetic and compassionate response, that’s a good sign! And you want to make sure to do the same for them. Remember, it’s not all about you! Follow up with them by getting together a few more times. If the same type of behavior continues, this person has the potential to become a confidant or close friend. ⁶

4) Share your life and your gifts. Once you have identified the people who are in your sphere of influence who are open and receptive to you, use your S.H.A.P.E. to add value to their lives. Just be you.

“Freely you have received; freely give.” ⁷

When people feel you want to add value to their life with no agenda, they will be open to who you are.

5) Serve without expecting anything in return. There are some people we are called to serve who have no power to do anything for you in return. You may not be able to do this for everyone but you can do it for someone.

Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone. (Andy Stanley)

Who are those you serve without expecting anything in return?

Developing New Spheres of Influence

Sometimes, there may be a group of people that you want to have influence with, but you realize that is not yet the case.

For example, you may feel called to influence leaders but there aren’t many leaders who seem open and receptive to you and your message yet. How do you get there? By focusing on who you want to be and the inputs or systems needed to become that person. If you want to be an influential leader, you must ask, What do influential leaders do? Then focus on the inputs that help you become that type of person.

We usually only get glimpses of the big picture, but that’s enough to get started. The final result may turn out very differently than you thought, but the more important question is this: A m I focused on becoming the type of person I want to be? Am I doing do my best work so I can be happy with the outcome, whatever it is? With that in mind, here are some tips to help you get started in developing a new sphere of influence.

If you’re still unsure, try this.

Begin with the end in mind (Steven Covey). Who do you want to become? What is your long-term goal or dream? Who is it that you want to influence? What is the problem you are trying to solve for them? What outcomes and results are important to them? How do you want to add value to them? You must answer those questions before you can chart a course to get there. Once you have taken the time to identify the end result, you can identify the next step.

Reverse engineer . Once you’ve defined your desired audience and outcomes, you can reverse engineer the seeds you need to plant and the path you need to take to get there. Here are some questions to ask yourself as you do this:

Surely there are other questions you may need to answer and additional preparations you need to make, but these will give you a good start.

One Small Step

One small step is better than a thousand grand ideas never acted upon. You don’t have control over outcomes; you only have control over yourself and your choices. What is one small step you can take today toward your dream, goal, or your sphere of influence?

One small step is better than a thousand grand ideas never acted upon. (Kent Murawski)
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(micro) Purpose Question #10 – Who?

Who are my people? Who is in my sphere of influence? Who do I want to be in my sphere of influence? Who am I called to serve? (Using Dunbar’s model, define your who. Start with those closest to you, and go outwards in concentric circles. You may also want to think about those you feel drawn to but may not yet be influencing.)

Who are my 5? My 15? My 50? My 150? My audience?

Relationships are arguably one of the most important areas of life. Take time to define them, look for deficiencies, and begin to cultivate the areas you need to improve.

Missed a Week?

Endnotes

¹ https://www.forbes.com/sites/kenmakovsky/2014/08/07/dunbars-number-and-the-need-for-relationship-management/#8908cae397b4

² https://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/social-media-affect-math-dunbar-number-friendships

³ Ibid

⁴ Ibid

⁵ Quote attributed to Theodore Roosevelt

⁶ People Fuel by John Townsend (p. 182-184)

⁷ Matthew 10:8 NIV

Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

Purpose Quest 9: There’s Purpose In Your Pain

Wed, 07 Oct 2020 10:00:00 GMT

Experiences significantly shape us and contribute to our unique purposes. They can also transform us for the better…if we apply what we learn from them. In the words of Jim Kwik, “Knowledge isn’t power; it’s potential. Knowledge applied is power.”

Over the last 8 weeks, you’ve been exploring your BIG PICTURE or MACRO purpose, and your unique design (micro) made up of your spiritual gifts, passion, abilities, personality, and experiences. Author Rick Warren calls this your S.H.A.P.E.:

S – Spiritual Gifts

H – Heart/Passion

A – Abilities/Natural Strengths

P – Personality

E – Experiences

S – Spheres of influence (added by me)

Today, we are going to focus on the “E” or your experiences.

Knowledge isn’t power; it’s potential. Knowledge applied is power. (Jim Kwik)
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When determining how your experiences influence your purpose, Rick gives us six areas to consider:

Whether you realize it or not, your experiences shape your life and purpose in a profound way, especially the painful ones! But finding out how can take a bit of digging.

Pain Shapes Your Purpose

Rick goes on to say, “The very experiences that you have resented or regretted most of your life – the ones you’ve wanted to hide and forget – are the experiences God wants to use to help others.” ¹ In order for that to happen, you must be willing to share them, and that takes vulnerability.

There’s purpose in your pain. Use it to help others.
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I have several painful experiences that have shaped me and my purpose significantly, but this is probably the most profound one. When I was young, I was exposed to pornography at a young age, and I experienced mild sexual abuse from my cousin. By the time I was in college, lust – in the way of pornography and promiscuity – had become a real problem; one could even say an addiction. There were two things that helped me overcome it: a profound experience with God that brought me freedom and other people who helped me walk out my freedom. As I’ve shared about my experience over the years, both 1:1 and with public audiences, it has helped other people find hope and freedom in their own lives.

For better or worse, your painful experiences shape your purpose. Why not put them to use to help others?

Here’s where to begin. Start by listing out the six areas given by Rick Warren (above) and write out as many bullet points as come to mind for each one. Don’t filter your answers just do a brain dump. Then go back through them and highlight the bullet points you feel have shaped you most significantly. When you are done, answer these questions.

You can also do the S.H.A.P.E. Test all in one place here.

(micro) Purpose Question #9 – E xperiences

What experiences have shaped me most and why? How can I put them to use to help people? Do they factor into my vocation or are they to be used in some other venue (church, community service, etc.)

Now write it in a concise statement and add it to questions 1-8.

What did you discover about yourself as you considered how your experiences shape your purpose?

Missed One?

If you missed a post, you can go back and read them all here:

Endnotes

1 – Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life, p. 245

*Photo by Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash

Purpose Quest 8: You Are One-of-a-Kind. Don’t Waste It!

Wed, 30 Sep 2020 10:00:00 GMT

Carved into stone at Apollo’s temple at Delphi in Greece were the words, know thyself. Since the beginning of humankind, there has been a hunger for deeper self-knowledge, but it can also be a paradox.

Navel-gazing is defined as “self-indulgent or excessive contemplation of oneself or a single issue, at the expense of a wider view” (Oxford Dictionary). Without the insight of the Creator, self-knowledge can be limiting and frustrating. In the words of the 16th-century reformer John Calvin,

“There is no deep knowing of God without a deep knowing of self, and no deep knowing of self without a deep knowing of God.” (John Calvin)

There is no deep knowing of God without a deep knowing of self, and no deep knowing of self without a deep knowing of God. (John Calvin)
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We’ve been exploring your unique design made up of your spiritual gifts, heart/passions, abilities/strengths, personality, and experiences. Author Rick Warren calls this your S.H.A.P.E. but I’ve added one category to the end making it S.H.A.P.E.S.

S – Spiritual Gifts

H – Heart/ Passion

A – Abilities/Natural Strengths

P – Personality

E – Experiences

S – Spheres of Influence (added by me)

Today, we are going to focus on the “P” or your personality.

Seek to Understand More Than to Be Understood

There is no lack of personality tests in the never-ending quest for self-knowledge. Meyers Briggs, the Enneagram, the DISC profile, and Hogan Personality Inventory are just a few, not to mention the dozens of “which movie character are you” personality profiles. Though incomplete on their own, these tools can help you identify your personality and teach you how to relate to different people according to their personality.

Let me give you an example from my own life. I am an “8” on the Enneagram, a “D” on the DISC Test, and an “ENTJ” on the Meyers Briggs. They all confirm that I am a “direct” and “take charge” type of person. Confrontation is a form of intimacy for me. My wife is the exact opposite. She hates confrontation and actively tries to avoid it. Not that we are pros, but over the years, we’ve had to study the other person’s personality in order to know how to best communicate with each other. Sometimes she knows I need to hear something succinct and direct. “Just give it to me straight,” I might say. Even though it’s not her style, she does it because she knows it helps me to understand it better. With her, I’m still learning that I don’t always have to be so direct but more gentle. Practicing active listening has really helped me – not only with her but with communication in general!

We still need room to be ourselves, but accommodating someone else’s personality doesn’t diminish who we are; it demonstrates maturity. In the end, the goal is not to be heard but to understand. When someone feels understood they are much more likely to listen. I’ve always loved the Prayer of St. Francis:

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

It may seem like a paradox, but the more you seek to understand others, the more you will be understood.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best, and unfortunately, many people feel this way,

The Hard Work of Discovery

Discovering your own personality and taking the time to learn how to relate to others is hard work. Like anything worthwhile, it takes time and effort.

3 Tips to “Know Thyself”

If you are not sure where to start, here are a few tips:

First, talk to the designer. If you want to know how something works, ask the designer. If God designed and created you then he can certainly help you know and understand your personality. You are one-of-a-kind. You are the only one who has ever lived with your fingerprint! Though the Bible doesn’t say a lot about your specific personality types, it tracks countless stories of self-discovery as it relates to a person’s relationship with God. Knowing your motivational gifts also becomes important in this scenario as they are a part of your core make-up.

Self-awareness is important but apart from God, it is incomplete.

Self-awareness is important but apart from God, it is incomplete.
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This has been shared already, but take the time to read it again…slowly:

“There is no deep knowing of God without a deep knowing of self, and no deep knowing of self without a deep knowing of God.” (John Calvin)

Second, take a personality test. Although there are many, here are the ones I like best with a short description:

The Big 5 Model of Personality is one of the most widely accepted personality theories in the scientific community. I recommend you take this one first and let any others you take be in addition to this one.

The DISC Profile – It’s fairly easy to understand and I find it to be quite accurate. It stands for “Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, and Conscientiousness. When you take the test, you will have both a dominant and secondary personality type. There are also free DISC tests .

The Enneagram – I like the Enneagram, but it can be quite complicated. Dating back to the early Desert Fathers and the Christian monastic movement of the 3rd century, the Enneagram is deeply rooted in Christian spirituality and thinking. The earliest name associated with the Enneagram is a man named Evagrius from the 4th century. He is thought to have come up with eight corresponding virtues and vices he used to think through spiritual formation and relationship with God. They are still a part of the Enneagram today.

The goal of the Enneagram is to get in touch with both the personal and the spiritual and how they interact with who you are and who you are not. In doing so, you would have the self-knowledge to become who you are supposed to be. ¹

One of the things that set the Enneagram apart is the recognition of the vices. We all know we have them, and the Enneagram takes them seriously going deep into our inner motivations, what drives us, and which sins we most easily succumb to.

You can take a free Enneagram test at yourenneagramcoach.com , and Ian Morgan Cron wrote a good book on the Enneagram called The Road Back to You . I highly recommend it if you want to take a deeper dive into all things Enneagram.

Meyers Briggs – This assessment was the brainchild of Isabel Myers and her mother, Katharine Cook Briggs. Their aim was growth through “understanding and appreciation of individual differences in healthy personalities and to enhance harmony and productivity in diverse groups.” ² Meyers Briggs helps to identify and give robust descriptions of 16 different personality types .

You can take a free version at Personality Perfect.

Third, get a 360-degree view. Too much emphasis on your own personality can become myopic or nearsighted. It’s easy to overthink it, and it can sometimes leave you feeling confused and frustrated. May I suggest asking those who are close to you and those who see you in your everyday “natural habitat” (home, work, and close friends) some questions about your personality? Guides such as spiritual directors, coaches , and counselors can be of help as well.

If you get stuck on a question while doing a personality test, either choose an answer from your gut or ask for help. Go over the results of your personality test with a few other people. If they know you well enough and are willing, you can even ask them to take the test on your behalf to see how it turns out! Some of the tests have that built-in.

The point is; you need the perspective of other people if you are going to really understand yourself. We weren’t meant to do life in a bubble; we were created for community, and it is not good for man to be alone. ³

You can’t discover your personality in a bubble. It is not good for man to be alone.
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(micro) Purpose Question #8 – P ersonality

What is my personality? (read Ephesians 2:10, Genesis 2:18, Proverbs 18:1, and take one or more of the personality tests recommended above)

Now write it in a concise statement and add it to questions 1-7.

What are some of your favorite personality tests? Feel free to leave a comment!

Missed One?

If you missed a post, you can go back and read them all here:

Endnotes

¹ https://www.churchandculture.org/blog/2020/8/24/what-to-make-of-the-enneagram

² https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/isabel-briggs-myers.htm

³ Genesis 2:18

Photo by Nijwam Swargiary on Unsplash

Purpose Quest 7: You are Great at Something

Wed, 23 Sep 2020 10:00:00 GMT

A recent Gallup poll revealed 85% of the world’s population hate their job and especially their boss. “It is very difficult to have a meaningful life without meaningful work,” said Jim Collins in Good to Great.

According to a recent poll, “finding a new job” is #4 out of the top 10 New Year Resolutions. When it comes to our careers, the goal should be to move toward operating within our strengths and abilities as much as possible. Doing so brings joy and fulfillment like few other things in life. If you can also align one or some of your passions with your career, it’s a plus, but if not it doesn’t mean you can’t have a meaningful and fulfilling career.

For the last few posts, we’ve been delving into your micro purpose. Made up of your spiritual gifts, heart/passions, abilities/strengths, personality, experiences, and spheres of influence, I call it your micro purpose. Author Rick Warren calls this your S.H.A.P.E.

S – Spiritual Gifts

H – Heart/ Passion

A – Abilities/Natural Strengths

P – Personality

E – Experiences

S – Spheres of Influence (added by me)

Today, we are going to focus on the “A” or your abilities and natural strengths.

Natural strengths are just that; they are the abilities that come naturally to you; the ones you are born with.

There is one caveat. Just because you are good at something doesn’t mean it’s a strength. In order for it to be a strength, it must bring you joy and energy.

What good is it to do something you are proficient at but hate?

Operating in your strengths should bring you joy and energy.
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Here’s an example from my own life. I’m fairly good at organizing. I can see the big picture in my head and the steps it takes to get there (I like that part). I can also manage details too, but I hate that part. It doesn’t bring me joy or life. It saps my joy and energy. My ability to see the big picture and organize it into bite-sized pieces comes from one of my primary spiritual gifts – the gift of leadership. Managing details is something I’m good at, but it isn’t a spiritual gift or one of my strengths. I love to lead. I hate to manage.

Leaning Into Your Strengths

It’s been suggested over the years that we need to spend more time leaning into our strengths than working on our weaknesses. Take a pro baseball player for example. As the Harvard Business Review points out, “Why should a natural third basemen labor to develop his skills as a right fielder? The alternative is to foster excellence in the third basemen by identifying and harnessing his unique strengths.”

Spend more time developing your strengths than improving your weaknesses.
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In order to play to your strengths, you first need to have a clear understanding of what they are. There is more depth than I have time to go into here, but let me provide four steps to help you begin:

4 Steps to Fulfillment in Your Career

1) Mine for gold.

Self-discovery is like mining for gold. Socrates to succinctly stated, “An unexamined life is not worth living.” Identifying what gives you energy takes some digging and unearthing. You have to pay attention to how you feel when you do things. Did it make you feel joyful, excited, good or did it exhaust you, drain you, and make you want to crawl into a hole and die? I’m not primarily referring to physical exhaustion. You can do something that brings you joy and still be physically exhausted when you’re done. And one last thing. Identifying your strengths isn’t something you can do all by yourself. It is a combination of self-assessment, assessment tools, and what other people notice about you. Start by asking yourself some key questions.

In his Ted X Talk with over 15.5 million views, Adam Leipzig shares how to find your life purpose in 5 minutes by asking 5 questions:

Assessment tools like the Clifton Srengths Finder Assessment can be helpful in this process as well. This helps identify your top five strengths or the areas where you (or team if being used in that context) have the greatest potential for building strength.

The RBSE or Reflected Best Self Exercise incorporates the input of other people to help you identify and leverage your strengths in work and life. I haven’t done this assessment, but from what I’ve read, it seems like it is very insightful.

2) Treat everything as an experiment.

Many parents start their children very early in competitive sports. While I’m not against competition (I don’t think every kid should get a trophy and I think learning to lose well is just as important as learning to win well), I am also not a fan of pushing young kids too far too fast in one thing. That’s why we’ve always encouraged our children to try different sports and activities until they find one they enjoy and have some potential in, then put their energy into that. At the end of the day, very few of our children probably are going to be pro athletes anyway.

What am I trying to say? Experimentation is important. One of the best ways to discover your strengths is to recognize your weaknesses. And that means finding out you’re not good at certain things or that they don’t bring you joy. Here is a mantra to live by:

Everything is an experiment.

Everything is an experiment.
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At the end of the day, you need to get out there and try things. Adam Leipzig takes Socrates’ statement a step further by saying, “An unexamined life is not worth living, but if all your doing is examining, you’re not living!”

3) Believe in and invest in yourself

An undeveloped strength is a hobby. The late Michelangelo once said,

Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.

Your strengths are like a raw block of stone. They are already there, but the stone must be chipped away little by little in order to find the statue within. Life is a discovery process, and we must become life-long learners who keep our sense of curiosity to find and develop our strengths and our purposes.

The 10,000 Hour Rule

Did you know it takes about 10,000 hours of practice to achieve expertise in anything? And it’s not just casual practice, it has to be deliberate practice. Deliberate practice says Mark Batterson, is three-dimensional. It’s made up of 1) well-defined goals, 2) reverse engineering (taking best practices, adapting, and adopting them to your unique situation, and 3) effort – anything less than 70% effort maintains the status quo. ¹

There’s no way around hard work when if you want to be really good at something. It’s the difference between Yo-Yo Ma and a violin player you’ve never heard of. It’s that simple.

4) Pace yourself and do the work.

There is no such thing as an overnight success. You don’t get where you want to be overnight no matter how good you are. And if you do, you probably won’t be able to hang on to it. It usually takes twenty years to be an overnight success. Develop your skills, keep practicing, take calculated risks, and eventually, you will get there with lots of practice and hard work!

(micro) Purpose Question #7

What are your natural strengths, and abilities? Take one or more of the tests mentioned above in the “Identify Your Strengths” section. The Hi gh 5 Test (a free strengths test) is an easy place to start. Also, ask 3-4 people around you, “What do you feel my strength are? Can you give me some specific examples when I used those strengths in a way that was meaningful to you?”

Now write a concise statement and add it to your answers from questions 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.

What resources have you found helpful for identifying your strengths and abilities?

Missed One?

If you missed a post, you can go back and read them all here:

Endnotes

¹ Batterson, Mark, The Way of the Wilderness, February 23, 2020, a sermon from National Community Church.

Photo by The Digital Marketing Collaboration on Unsplash

Purpose Quest 6: Passion & Purpose

Wed, 16 Sep 2020 10:00:00 GMT

The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet. (Frederick Buechner)

In my last post , I transitioned from writing about your MACRO or BIG PICTURE purpose to your micro purpose. Your micro purpose is your unique design. Author Rick Warren calls it your S.H.A.P.E.:

S – Spiritual Gifts

H – Heart/ Passions

A – Abilities/Natural Strengths

P – Personality

E – Experiences

S – Spheres of Influence (I’ve added this one to the original acronym)

Today I will cover the “H” or your “Heart and Passions.” Let me say up front, this can be a tricky one depending on your background and upbringing. In certain circles, we are often taught that our desires, feelings, emotions are bad or unimportant. That is sad to me. Your desires often reflect a want or need for something good and right. The problem comes when we pursue a good desire in a harmful way.

Good desires pursued in a harmful way are damaging.
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Take food as an example. We can’t live without it, but beyond that, good food can also be a desire. When food is fresh, seasoned right, and cooked properly it can be amazing. We have a favorite seafood restaurant on Cape Cod. The best meal I’ve had so far was sea scallops with red quinoa. The scallops were exquisitely pan-seared, the quinoa was masterfully cooked, and the light lime seasoning was out of this world. My mouth is watering just writing about it! But food can also be abused. The desire for food is good and necessary, but a good desire pursued in a damaging way can lead to problems if we overeat, eat too much unhealthy food, or use food to satisfy our emotional needs.

Desires are Usually Good

God has lots of desires. He expresses them all throughout the Bible. In fact, the word used in 75% of the cases in the New Testament for “God’s will” can also be translated desire.

God’s will is God’s desire.

God doesn’t want to squelch your desires, He wants to fulfill them in a way that brings glory to him, good to others, and meaning and fulfillment for you. God is actually the one who created us with desires and lest you forget, you were also created in his image. And all God’s desires are good.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4 ESV)

This verse is often misunderstood. Fulfilling the desire is his part. Let’s call a fulfilled desire “fruit. Delighting yourself in the Lord is your part; let’s call that the “seed.” You delight (plant the seed), he gives the fruit (a fulfilled desire). It doesn’t mean God will give you whatever you want. God is not a genie.

It means he will give you the things He wants you to have that he knows will be good for you. He also created you with desires in accordance with your purpose. The closer you get to Him, the more those desires surface. When God is our primary pleasure, then his desires become ours, and the desires He created us for surface and find meaning. That’s what it means to be one with him.

We also possess certain desires that are innate to being human, like the desire for love, connection, and intimacy (physical and emotional). He wants to fulfill those too in his time and in his way. This is where trust and faith come in. Will you seek to fulfill your desires with him or without him? Will you do it in our own way that could be destructive, or His way that will end in good, both for us and for others?

All Desires are Evil?

I’ve heard people say such things, but don’t believe it for a minute. They even use the bible to justify it.

The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? (Jeremiah 17:9 NLT)

What some people don’t realize is God promised to take out the old heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 11:19). He promised to write his laws on our hearts (Jeremiah 31:33). Through his Son, Jesus, we become one with him. Old things pass away and all things become new (2 Cor. 5:17). That doesn’t mean we get it perfect all the time, but it does mean we have a new orientation, a new compass, a new North Star so to speak.

I’ve written more on desires here.

You Can’t Have What You Don’t Acknowledge

Is it better to deny your desires and bury them or to acknowledge them and talk about them? I believe you can’t have what you don’t acknowledge. Acknowledging a desire takes courage and risk. What if I say it and it never happens? I guess that’s one way to look at it, but here’s another way. What if you acknowledge it, discern where it’s coming from (God, you, or some other source), and decide whether or not you should pursue it and how? If it’s good and right, then by all means you should put your heart and soul into it.

There are times God just gives you your desires because he is a good Father. But more often than not, a desire fulfilled requires a few things:

Desire + Hard Work + God’s help = A Desire Fulfilled

Here’s an example. I had a desire to write a book. My first one took ten years. It was a good desire and one I believed God wanted for me. But he didn’t write the book for me. Simply identifying and stating a desire doesn’t make it happen. Prayer can’t be a substitute for obedience and obedience is never a substitute for prayer. The two work hand in hand.

Mark Batterson says it this way, “Pray like it depends on God, and work like it depends on you.”

I’ve heard different iterations of this but here is the gist. God can do anything, but he is unwilling to do some things without you. He’s chosen to partner with us. He’s chosen relationship, and relationship always requires participation.

This is different from “God helps those who help themselves.” God helped us when we couldn’t help ourselves. “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romas 5:8). He doesn’t help those who help themselves; he helps those who depend upon him and put their trust in him.

Feelings and Desires

Desires and feelings often go hand in hand, but like desires, many people don’t trust their feelings. Feelings and desires are indicator lights on the dashboard of your soul. They aren’t always meant to be acted on, but you should pay attention to them.

You can’t always live by your feelings but you better pay attention to them.
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Here are some questions to ask yourself when it comes to your passions and desires and how they shape your purpose.

(micro) Purpose Question #6 – H eart/Passions

What am I passionate about and how does it align with my purpose? Here is a simple exercise called Mad, Sad, Glad:

Where do your “deep gladness and the world’s hunger meet?” Read Psalm 37:4, Psalm 21:2, Proverbs 3:5-6, Proverbs 13:12 and write down your answers to the Mad, Sad, Glad exercise.

Now write it in a concise statement and add it to questions 1-5.

Take Action

What is one step you need to take today to pursue your passion? Write it down and act on it within 48 hours.

If you need to catch up, you read all the posts here:

Purpose Quest 5: Discovering Your Spiritual Gifts

Thu, 10 Sep 2020 10:00:00 GMT

Just out of curiosity, what do you really know about your unique design and how it informs your overall purpose?

Part of discovering your purpose (the reasons for which you exist or were created) is learning about your unique make-up. Author Rick Warren refers to it as your S.H.A.P.E.

S – Spiritual Gifts

H – Heart (Passion)

A – Abilities (Natural Strengths)

P – Personality

E – Experiences

S – Spheres of influence

Going Micro!

For the last several posts, I’ve been sharing my own personal journey of finding purpose through a season where it seemed foggy and unclear. So far, we’ve covered the four MACRO or BIG PICTURE Questions (see all posts at the end). Now it’s time to cover the Micro Questions. There are 10 questions in all. I call it The Purpose Roadmap, and by the end, if you answer them all and do the hard work, you will move from constantly searching to confidently living.

There are 10 questions in all. While MACRO Questions deal with God’s Will and Purpose for every believer at all times, the Micro Questions have to do with your unique design and purposes. In other words,

How do my S piritual gifts, H eart/passions, A bilities/strengths, P ersonality, E xperiences, and S pheres of influence align to inform my unique purposes?

Today we begin talking about the first “S” in S.H.A.P.E.S. or your spiritual gifts.

Your Spiritual DNA

Spiritual gifts are different from natural talents, strengths, and abilities. Spiritual gifts are activated when we come into a relationship with God who is Spirit.

There are three different kinds of spiritual gifts identified in scripture: ministry gifts, manifestation gifts, and motivational gifts.

Ministry gifts are people God gives to the Church in order to equip and mature her. They are the apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers (see Ephesians 4:11-14).

Manifestation gifts are supernatural gifts that can come upon any believer at any time through the power of the Holy Spirit. They include gifts like faith, healing, miracles, and prophecy (see 1 Corinthians 12:4-11).

Then there are the motivational gifts. This is where I will focus. They have also been referred to as “personality” gifts. According to Charles Stanley, “A motivational gift is the underlying driving force that causes you to do the things you do the way you do them.” ¹ This has to do with your spiritual design. When you are living in and according to your personality gift, it will also bring you great joy and fulfillment. Why? Because you are doing what you were made to do!

There are seven motivational gifts identified in Romans 12:6-8. According to author and professor Bruce E. Winston, motivational gifts are the God-given ability to:

To further clarify, there are several things that are important to understand when it comes to these gifts (based on 1 Peter 4:10-11):

(micro) Purpose Question #5 – Spiritual Gifts

What are my spiritual gifts? (read Romans 12 and take the free S.H.A.P.E. Test . Focus on the answers to spiritual gifts right now. You can also take this shorter simpler spiritual gifts test .

Now write a concise statement about your spiritual gifts and add it to your answers from questions 1, 2, 3, and 4.

How do your spiritual gifts inform your purpose? It’s pretty tough to put your gifts to use when you’re unsure what they are. It’s kind of like trying to find a destination without a map or a GPS.

Digging Deeper

Here are some ways to help you further discover and unlock your spiritual gifts.

Look in the mirror. There are several ways to do this. First, ask your Creator. Because He made you, that means He has intimate knowledge of your make-up, and He is willing and able to reveal it to you. Prayerfully reading His blueprint, the Bible, is also a part of that. Read over the spiritual gifts. Pray into them. Study them. Ask Him.

Second, ask other people. Often other people can see you better than you can see yourself. As it’s been said, it’s hard to see the label when you’re inside the jar!

Third, increase your knowledge. We live in a day when knowledge is increasing exponentially. Between podcasts and books, there are endless opportunities to grow. Here are a few books I recommend on the subject:

Experiment. As it is with any gift, be it spiritual or otherwise, some trial and error is usually a necessary part of the journey. Often, the way you find what you are gifted to do or good happens by trial and error. Sometimes the best way to discover your gifts is by ruling out what they’re not!

Check Out the Entire Series:

Endnotes

¹ Charles Stanley – https://www.charleslstanley.com/so-what-exactly-is-a-motivational-gift/

² Vine’s Expository Dictionary of the New Testament

³ Winston, Bruce E. The Romans 12 Gifts: Useful for Person-Job Fit, Journal of Biblical Perspectives in Leadership 2, no. 2, 2008 School of Global Leadership & Entrepreneurship, Regent University.

⁴ Charles Stanley (same as footnote #1)

*Photo by Kira auf der Heide on Unsplash

Purpose Quest 4: You’ve Found Your Purpose, Now What?

Thu, 27 Aug 2020 20:07:00 GMT

Once you’ve found your purpose, how do you actually do it?

In my last post , we learned that finding God’s will is not a mystery, it’s relational. Over the last several posts, I’ve been sharing my own personal journey of finding purpose through a season where it seemed foggy and unclear. You can access those posts at the end.

Seeing the BIG PICTURE

Today I want to drop the fourth and final MACRO question when it comes to finding and fulfilling your purpose. MACRO questions deal with the BIG PICTURE. After this, we will begin exploring your unique micro purpose or God’s unique will and purpose for you.

MACRO vs. Micro

Knowing vs. Doing

Knowing and doing are two different things. Just like understanding God’s will and purpose isn’t a mystery, how to do His will isn’t a mystery either. The Bible lays it out very clearly for us. I summarize it like this:

Prayer. Presence. Obedience.

Prayer: Getting to Know God

According to Jesus, God’s kingdom is to be our primary pursuit, but He also made it clear – that is impossible without prayer!

This, then, is how you should pray: “‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, ¹⁰ your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:9-10 NIV)

It’s hard to get somewhere if you don’t know where you’re going, and you don’t know how to get there. The kingdom of God is the outcome and prayer is the process. The destination is heaven on earth and one of the vehicles that gets us there is prayer.

The kingdom of God is the outcome and prayer is the process.
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May I suggest something? Maybe the reason we aren’t experiencing more of God’s kingdom is our lack of prayer.

If you’re like most, your prayer life is severely lacking. Many use the excuse, “I don’t know how to pray.” Jesus gave us a model in Matthew 6. All you have to do is read it and begin. Let’s be real. It’s not that we don’t know how to pray; it’s that we haven’t prioritized prayer. The best way to learn how to pray is to start doing it!

It’s not that we don’t know how to pray; it’s that we haven’t prioritized prayer.
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Why not start today?

Knowing and doing God’s will also means knowing and praying the written Word of God – the Bible. The Bible gives us clear and explicit instructions on how to pray and what to pray for. If you’re not sure how to pray, start by praying the promises of God in the Bible. Just pick one and start! There are over 8000 of them!

Jesus doesn’t dictate how much we should pray, but He does tell us prayer is a vital part of our relationship with Him , and he tells us how to pray. I want to encourage you to do a fresh re-read of that prayer in Matthew 6:1-16.

Presence: Where Transformation Happens

Prayer is more than just asking God for things. It also helps us cultivate God’s Presence in our lives. There are three types of God’s presence:

Let’s focus on numbers 2 and 3 for a moment. In order to walk in God’s purpose, we need to grow in communication with Him and foster the ability to recognize what He is doing at any given moment. The Holy Spirit within us must be cultivated to recognize what He is also doing around us .

The Holy Spirit within us must be cultivated to recognize what He is also doing around us.
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As you get more comfortable and familiar with His indwelling presence, you are able to recognize more of His made-known presence or His presence around you.

Start by cultivating your relationship with Him , then you will notice an increased ability to recognize what He is doing around you . We see this operating in Jesus’ own life:

Jesus gave them this answer: “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. (John 5:19)

“Wait a minute, Jesus was/is God! This was easy for Him” You might say. He was also fully man and came to show us how to have a relationship with the Father through the Holy Spirit. It’s my belief that Jesus was able to recognize what the Holy Spirit was doing around Him because He had cultivated a deep relationship with God the Father and God the Holy Spirit. What do you think He was doing all those times that He drew away to the mountain by Himself to pray? Why do you think the disciples asked Him, “Lord, teach us to pray?” They saw something in His prayer life they wanted to emulate.

Prayer is not an end in itself, it’s a means to an end. The end result of prayer is a deeper relationship with God, more prayer, answered prayer, transformation, and yes, even God Himself! And when God Himself shows up, everything else becomes irrelevant.

When God Himself shows up, everything else becomes irrelevant.
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Moses gave us a powerful example of what this might look like:

Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We’re free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him. (2 Corinthians 3:16-18, The Message)

The thing about Moses was he did not even have God’s indwelling presence! As New Testament believers, we have a better covenant than Moses – Christ in us the hope of glory! As we learn to pray and cultivate God’s indwelling and made-known presence in our lives, there is often some sort of response required. That leads me to my next point.

Obedience: Where the Rubber Meets the Road

Most Westerners don’t like the word obedience. It speaks of kings and queens and times gone by. It conjures pictures of a dictator or a demagogue. And in our hyper-individualistic society, we don’t like being told what to do. While Jesus is the King of kings; He’s also our friend, and while God is the Almighty and judge; He’s also our Father. As I shared in part 3, relationship with God always comes before obedience, and without relationship, obedience doesn’t last.

Truth without relationship leads to rejection, rules without relationship lead to rebellion, discipline without relationship leads to bitterness, anger, and resentment. (Joshua McDowell)

Though this quote is in reference to parenting, the same applies to our relationship with God.

His commands are not burdensome because they flow from love and relationship.

God is Good

If you believe that God is good, and God is always working for your good (see Romans 8:28) then following His commands is easy.

It’s when you don’t believe that God has your best at heart that obedience becomes hard.

Obedience becomes hard when we don’t believe God is Good.
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A revelation of God’s goodness is only cultivated when we know His character, and this only comes through time spent in with Him. This is especially true when we go through difficult things in life.

It’s impossible to know Christ deeply and believe He can do or be anything but good. As the Scripture says, every good and perfect gift comes from Him (see James 4:16).

Presence. Prayer. Obedience. This is how we do God’s will. It’s the same for every believer. Maybe it’s not what you thought, but it is the way of the kingdom.

(MACRO) Purpose Question #4

How do I walk in God’s will and purpose? (read Exodus 33:14, Matthew 6:9-10, John 14:15 and answer the question)

Now write a concise statement and add it to your answers from MACRO questions 1, 2, and 3.

The Purpose Roadmap

You can access the whole purpose roadmap here:

Purpose Quest 3: Your Purpose Is Not a Mystery

Fri, 21 Aug 2020 10:26:00 GMT

“The will of God is not a mystery – it’s relational,” says Graham Cooke.

Your purpose on this earth was never meant to be a mystery, but like many, you may be struggling to find it.

Here’s a tip. If you want to find and fulfill your purpose, don’t start with yourself. It’s kind of like trying to read the label from inside the bottle. Instead, zoom out and look at the BIG PICTURE. As you do, things will start to become clear.

I’ve been dropping “purpose questions” that will help you to gain some BIG PICTURE perspective when it comes to your purpose. I call it The Purpose Roadmap . If you follow the Roadmap, by the end you will have a written purpose statement to clarify your current reality and guide you in future opportunities.

MACRO vs. micro Recap

There are at least four “MACRO” or BIG PICTURE questions and several “micro” questions we need to answer to have real clarity about your purpose. Here’s how I define them.

We’ve covered the first two MACRO questions already (see bottom for all the parts in the series). Here is the third BIG question:

What is God’s Will?

So many people struggle to know God’s will, but it’s not a mystery! In fact, He clearly tells us His will in very obvious ways throughout the Scriptures. On a MACRO level, all believers are called to do the same things. It’s not until we consider our micro purposes that our unique calling begins to surface.

Love God, Love Yourself, and Live for the Good of Others

It’s called the Great Commandment. When asked which was the most important commandment (did you catch that, He’s telling us the most important things we are to be doing), Jesus actually bundled two in one.

“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. ³⁰ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ ³¹ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” ¹

In other words, love God with everything you’ve got and love others the same way you want to be loved.

You can’t love God and not love your neighbor, and you can’t truly love your neighbor without loving God because God is love! The way you love others is the litmus test for whether or not you are actually His disciple and follower. And going all the way back to part 1 of the series , you can’t love either God or people if you haven’t first received His love! It’s not just hard to love God and love people the way God loves them; apart from the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit it’s impossible!

But there is one more thing we often miss. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Sometimes it’s easier to love others than to love ourselves. We tend to be the hardest on ourselves, but we must not only receive and practice God’s love for others; we must also learn to receive it for ourselves.

Be a Disciple Who Makes Disciples

It’s called The Great Commission for a reason and yet many people don’t even understand where to begin. There is so much confusion about what discipleship actually is. I started to flesh this out in a blog post I titled, Why I’m Done with Church , but to be brief and stay on point, let me define it here:

A disciple is simply a follower of Christ who learns and practices His ways.

We follow Jesus, learn His ways (and practice them), and teach others to do the same. This is life-on-life stuff. It’s useless to “teach” people, without expecting them to do something with what you’ve taught them. Otherwise, all they learn how to be is a consumer. Discipleship is a relationship with and obedience to Jesus the Christ and teaching others to do the same, and it’s a mandate is for every follower of Christ,

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations… ²

Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing

Jesus’ primary message was the kingdom. The first words out of His mouth when He began His public ministry were:

Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. ³

If discipleship is unclear then the kingdom is even more unclear in the eyes of many Christians.

Jesus went on to tell us to “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.” (Matthew 6:33)

If the kingdom is to be our primary concern, then understanding it becomes paramount.

Imagine if your teacher gave you a task without explaining it? Yet many Christians don’t know what it means to “seek first the kingdom” or even what it is. Here’s how I define the kingdom of God:

The kingdom of God is a relationship with the King, surrender to His rule and reign, and expanding His influence.

Relate

Without relationship, obedience won’t last. Joshua McDowell said it best,

Truth without relationships lead to rejection, rules without relationships lead to rebellion, discipline without relationship leads to bitterness, anger and resentment.

When Jesus taught us to pray, His first words were, “Our Father.” What was He saying? He was saying the foundation of prayer is your relationship with God the Father! He’s not just the King, He’s also our Father, and how you view the Father becomes very important in this scenario.

It reminds me of a story I read about Tad Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln’s youngest son. Apparently Tad had his own special knock for entering his father’s office – three quick taps and two slow bangs. He had access to his father virtually at all times and was often known to disrupt staff, meetings, and social occasions. Often while receiving important reports, President Lincoln would listen with Tad upon his knee while perfectly understanding the report. Lincoln’s kindness and affection for the child seemed to know no bounds.

Our Heavenly Father is the same way. He could be working on the most detrimental issue you could dream about, and yet He still has time for you to sit on His lap and share what’s happening in your life!

Ultimately, a relationship with God is our purpose, and our sense of purpose will only be clarified and understood more deeply the more time you spend with Him!

I love what Graham Cooke says about this,

“The will of God is not a mystery – it’s relational.”

The will of God is not a mystery – it’s relational. (Graham Cooke)
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Surrender

Our relationship with Him is what motivates us to obey without making us bitter. God wants and demands obedience but not by pointing His finger and yelling at us. It’s through His kindness and compassion that obedience becomes a delight rather than a duty.

By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments. 3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. ⁴

Without the relationship, God is just a dictator, and without obedience, He’s no King at all. He wants both. One empowers the other.

Without the relationship, God is just a dictator, and without obedience, He’s no King at all. He wants both.
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Expand

In the garden, before humanity spoiled the perfect fellowship we had with God, He gave them a command. The fact that it’s the first gives it heightened importance:

“Be fruitful and multiply.” ⁵

This didn’t just refer to having children, although that was part of it. They were also to multiply God’s influence, His way of doing things, His rule, His reign.

His rule and reign brought order to chaos. His kingdom does the same.

Relate. Surrender. Expand. That is the kingdom of God. That is our purpose.

(MACRO) Purpose Question #3

What am I called to do? (read Mark 12:29-31, Matthew 28:18-20, Luke 19:10, Genesis 1:28, Matthew 6:33 and answer the question)

Then write it in a concise statement and add it to your answers from questions 1 and 2.

Regardless of what job you hold, where you live, the make-up and composition of your family, how old you are, or your gender – our purpose is the same:

Love God, live for the good of others, disciple others, and seek God’s kingdom first.

What you do for work is not unimportant but it’s secondary to this.

Next time, I will share our last BIG PICTURE question, and going forward, we will begin the journey toward your unique make-up and purpose. This is going to be fun!

Continue the Series

Endnotes

¹ Mark 12:29-31 NIV

² Matthew 29:18 NIV

³ Matthew 4:17 NIV

⁴ 1 John 5:2-3 ESV

⁵ Genesis 1:28

*Photo used courtesy of the Library of Congress

Purpose Quest 2: You Are Not a Waste of Space

Thu, 13 Aug 2020 10:00:00 GMT

You are not a waste of space. You were created for a reason. But if you want to find and fulfill your purpose, you can’t start with yourself. It’s like trying to read the label from inside the bottle. Instead, it’s important to zoom out and look at the BIG PICTURE. I call it your “MACRO” purpose.

In my last post about Dealing with Your Daddy Issues , I dropped the first question on what I call The Purpose Roadmap:

Question #1 (MACRO): Who is God and who are you in relation to Him?

You were also encouraged to read the accompanying scriptures and write out your answers. If you follow The Purpose Roadmap, by the end you will have a written purpose statement that brings you closer to finding and fulfilling your purpose, clarifies your present reality, and acts as a filter for future opportunities. You can check out all the parts in the series here:

MACRO vs. micro

There are at least four “MACRO” or BIG PICTURE questions and several “micro” questions you need to answer to have real clarity about your purpose. Here’s how I define MACRO and micro:

Why Were You Created?

To find your purpose, you must answer another BIG PICTURE question. Don’t worry, we will get to what you really want to know i.e. what the heck am I supposed to do with my life? But if you take time to zoom out and look at the BIG PICTURE, your “micro” purpose begins to come clear.

Every child of God shares a common reason why you were created, but it doesn’t diminish your unique individual purpose, not in the least.

If you’re not a person of faith, it’s still important to realize that you were made for something bigger than yourself, and you must define what that is.

It’s Not About You

I still remember exactly where I was when the shoe dropped for me. It was 2003 and I had traveled to Dallas, Texas with a group of young adults for an event called One Day. As one of the speakers shared passionately about God’s glory, it suddenly clicked for me.

It’s not about me.

We tend to live as if the world and everything in it revolve around us. It doesn’t. Never has. Just like the sun doesn’t revolve around the earth, God doesn’t revolve around us, in fact, it’s quite the opposite. It’s not surprising that we live as if the world revolves around us. That’s as natural and normal as breathing for human beings. After all, we hear it over and over, including in the church. You are the apple of God’s eye. God loves you and died for you. God created you for a purpose.

That’s because we are influenced by our culture. Think about it: Us Magazine. People Magazine. There’s even one called SELF Magazine.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying God doesn’t love you. He absolutely does, but an unhealthy emphasis on self is part of our sinful nature. A healthy view of self has God at the center and out of the love He has for us, we are able to love Him, ourselves, and others in return.

Let’s switch the script. Here’s what it looks like when you take yourself out of the center and put God where He belongs:

You are the apple of God’s eye . God loves you and died for you. God created you for His purpose .

While God created you and loves you beyond what you can fathom, He never meant you and me to be in the center. We can’t handle that. God wants to be the center of your heart, your home, your job, your church, your life, and whatever else you can think of as “yours.” Brace yourself. This can be a hard truth.

You are not the center of God’s plan Jesus is. You are not the center of God’s glory, God is.

When you take yourself out of the center, God gets the glory, and you get to display who He is to the world.

God is a “God-worshiper”

If humanity was the center of God’s plan, that means God would worship man. God cannot worship man. He can only worship Himself. God is not an idolater. God is a God-worshiper. He is the only one worthy of worship and adoration, including His own!

That may sound counter-intuitive, but God can’t worship anything or anyone but Himself. Who else is there to worship? Who else is worthy? Who else can handle worship and adoration? Certainly not you and me. But that doesn’t mean God is selfish either. His love is perfect, and we are the recipients of His overflowing love:

“God so loved the world He gave His one and only Son…” (John 3:16)

That’s because true love gives.

As the source of love, God is always giving it out. As for you and me, we are not the source; we are the recipients. We must first receive His love, then we are able to give it away. We are only able to love – the way He loves – because He loved us first.³

MACRO Purpose Question #2

Why was I created? (read Isaiah 43:7, Revelation 4:11, Colossians 1:16, John 17:3, John 4:23 and answer)

Read the scriptures and write down your answers. Don’t censor yourself, just do a brain dump.

After you’ve done that, write your answer in a clear and concise statement. Now put your statements from Purpose Questions 1 and 2 together.

You are one step closer to finding clarity about your purpose!

Next time, I will give you MACRO Purpose Question #3.

Endnotes

¹ Isaiah 43:7 NKJV

² Mark 12:31 NKJV

³ 1 John 4:19

* Photo by Jukan Tateisi on Unsplash

Purpose Quest 1: Dealing with Your Daddy Issues

Fri, 31 Jul 2020 01:23:00 GMT

Who am I? Why am I here? Where did I come from? These are some of the biggest questions in life, and our answers to them have a significant impact on how we live

In the Purpose Quest Introduction , I shared about a season when my purpose felt as foggy as pea soup. What came out of that season is what I call The Purpose Roadmap . The Purpose Roadmap is a virtual coaching program that helps you move from constant searching to confident living when it comes to your purpose. It does so by guiding you through ten questions to help you discover/clarify, craft a written purpose statement, and determine your next steps.

I want to begin by defining purpose.

Purpose – the reasons for which you exist or were created.

Along the way, I discovered 10 questions to help you discover or clarify your purposes.

MACRO vs. Micro Questions

There are what I call “MACRO” or BIG PICTURE questions that have the same answers for everyone and “micro” questions that vary according to each individual: Here’s how I define them.

Let’s start with MACRO Question #1.

Your Purpose Flows from Your Identity

We all draw our sense of identity from someone and somewhere – parents, family, friends, upbringing, and experiences to name a few, but ultimately, your real identity comes from the One who created you, and this is also where your purpose begins.

Purpose begins with a sense of identity.

There is a big push these days to “know yourself”. I’m not knocking that. It is important to know yourself, but finding your purpose doesn’t begin with you; it begins outside of you.

You can’t truly and fully know yourself apart from knowing God, the Creator.

Why does an adopted child often want to know who her birth parents are? Because we all want to know who and where we came from.

God doesn’t hide things so you can’t find them. God hides things in order for them to be found – including your purpose! He isn’t necessarily trying to hide Himself or your purpose. He loves the seeking and searching. He loves the process. He loves revealing Himself and your purpose along the way.

“It is God’s privilege to conceal things and the king’s privilege to discover them.” (1)

After all, life is a journey, not a destination. Life is about the person you are becoming.

Dealing with Your Daddy Issues…

Knowing yourself begins with knowing God as Father. Jesus clearly understood His purpose because knew whose He was and where He came from. The prayer He taught us to pray reveals that much. You probably know it as the Lord’s Prayer. Pay carefl attention how it begins, “Our Father who is in heaven…”

God is many things, but there is one that stands out above the rest.

He is Father.

Both fathers and mothers are vital in a child’s life, and to be clear, both male and female came from God so within God the father is the attributes of both father and mother. That being said, He is Father, and fathers bring definition . They speak identity over us. All words have power, but a Father’s words carry defining power – for good or bad. Thankfully, God is good, and everything He says and does is good.

“Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father ,” (see James 1:17)

For some, the idea of a perfect heavenly Father is a difficult one. We all have “Daddy issues” and because we tend to view God through the lens of our earthly father or authority figures, it skews how we see God. If you had a bad example, it can feel nearly impossible to relate to God as a good and perfect Father, but if you are going to resolve your identity issues and find your purpose, it all starts here.

God Is Crazy About You!

God loves you with intense passion and unwavering commitment. His love is unconditional. You didn’t do anything to earn it and you can’t do anything to lose it. “It is what it is” as the saying goes. In the Words of Mark Batterson,

He loves the whole world, and He loves you, individually regardless of whether or not you love Him back. Before you were even aware of Him, He loved you, and while you were yet a sinner, Christ died for you. That’s the truth. God wants to be your Father, but it’s not enough to know Christ loves you. You must acknowledge and receive that love. In doing so, He becomes your Father and you become His child.

But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. (see John 1:12)

God Is Proud of You

Many years ago, while sitting under a star-strewn sky in Western New York, God began to show me who He is. I was 22 years old at the time and a volunteer youth leader at my church. The night before all the teens arrived for summer camp, a few of us sat under a starry sky to pray together when out of the blue these words flooded into my soul:

“I’m proud of you, son.”

Now for you, that may not be a big deal, but for me, those aren’t words I remember hearing often so it caught me a bit off guard.

You’re proud of me? Why? I said.

Why is any good father proud of his child? It’s not because of what you do, it’s because you are His! You don’t need to do anything to please a good father, but when you do, it’s the icing on the cake! To take it a step further, in Christ, all of our sin has been wiped away, and all of His perfect righteousness has been transferred to our empty account. So, God looks at us through the blood of Christ, which means, He is fully pleased with us – not because of what we’ve done or haven’t done, but because we are His children!

That night began a journey that has marked me for over twenty years; a journey to know God as Father. In fact, to this day, when I pray, I usually refer to Him as Father, Abba, or as of late, my preferred name for Him has been “Papa.”

AW Tozer said this,

Since that day, the first thing that comes to mind for me when I think about God is Father. I now believe how we think about God is secondary to how He thinks about us, but the point is well taken. What you think about God comes out of the deep work He has done inside of you.

Temet Nosce

The Latin term, “Temet Nosce” means “Know Thyself.” Although used throughout history as a calling card to exalt “self,” the profound-yet-hidden-truth of it lies in this: One cannot truly know thyself without knowing God.

There is a strong emphasis these days on self-discovery. Self-discovery is important, but it is to be couched in the deeper knowledge of God. The two must work together.

If God is Creator and Definer, that means you are creatED and definED. True self-knowledge begins with knowing God, but it doesn’t stop there.

We see this in the life of Peter. When Jesus asked him, “Who do you say that I am?” Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God.” Notice what Jesus said then,

Jesus replied, “You are blessed, Simon son of John, because my Father in heaven has revealed this to you. You did not learn this from any human being. Now I say to you that you are Peter (Peter means ‘rock’), and on this rock I will build my church.”

This is transformative on so many levels. Jesus’ identity was revealed to Peter, not by flesh and blood, but by the Father. Because Peter was listening to and obeying Jesus, the express image of the Father (see Hebrews 1:3) , Peter then had a direct revelation from the Father about who Jesus was. And that revelation defined Peter. We know this because, immediately afterward, Jesus said, “you are Peter.”

Jesus was essentially saying, “Peter, I know who you are. I see you. I made you, and now I’m going to define who you are and what you are all about. Your name is Peter, and on this rock, I will build My church.”

You can’t fully know yourself apart from God, and in God you find out who you really are and what you were meant to do!

Finally, we arrive at question 1 on the Purpose Roadmap.

MACRO Purpose Question #1

To find and fulfill your purpose, you must start with the BIG PICTURE.

MACRO Purpose Question #1: Who is God and who am I in relation to Him? (Who is God according to James 1:17, Matthew 5:48, Psalm 68:5, Ephesians 1:3, John 3:16, and Romans 8:15, Proverbs 3:11-12 and who am I in relation to Him according to Romans 8:16, John 1:12, Psalm 103:13, 1 John 3:1)

Read the scriptures out loud and write down your answers to this question. In fact, why not start a purpose journal?

If you’re not a person of faith, here are some alternate questions that may help you:

Where does my sense of identity and significance come from? What are the experiences that have shaped me? Who are the people who have significantly impacted me?

After you’ve done that, write your answer in a clear and concise statement.

You are one step closer to finding and fulfilling your purpose!

Continue the Series…

Endnotes

(1) Proverbs 25:2

(2) Matthew 6:10 NLT

(3) James 1:17 NLT

(4) John 1:12 NLT

(5) Matthew 16:18 NLT

*Photo by Jude Beck on Unsplash

Purpose Quest Intro: When Your Purpose Seems Foggy and Unclear

Wed, 22 Jul 2020 13:36:00 GMT

At one point or another, we all struggle to understand the meaning of life and more specifically our purpose. Leaders are no different. We all wrestle with questions like: Why am I here? What is the will of God and how do I find it? What should I be doing with my life? What is my purpose?

Here’s how I define purpose:

Purpose – the reasons for which you exist or were created.

Notice I wrote reasons, plural. That’s because I no longer believe we have just one purpose. But if you’re honest, your purpose sometimes (or often) feels like a pipe dream. You may wonder:

There Must Be More Than This, Right?

In early 2020, after nearly 20 years of ministry, I was struggling with some of those same questions. This was foreign to me. A bigger sense of purpose had guided me since my early twenties. The question started growing in my mind like a shadow, is this all there is to life? Reluctantly, I came to this realization:

I was not happy.

It’s not that there were no bright spots or things to be thankful for, but if I was honest, the overall feeling of happiness and fulfillment had been absent for quite some time.

It’s not that I don’t like being a pastor. I do, and I’m still doing it, but I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that I wanted more. It’s been said, “I’ve never met a happy person who isn’t happy at work.” What we do for work makes up a huge part of our lives. Based on the assumption that we work 8 hours per day, five days per week, from the age of 18-65, that means we spend approximately one-third of the best years of our lives working! That’s 33%!

We are called to steward where we put one-third of anything, especially our time! Neglecting that would be a grave mistake. We are not human “doings” but rather human “beings.” That’s why it’s important to pay attention to how we feel about our work. I’m not proposing we make rash decisions when we aren’t feeling good about something, but rather that we are in tune with our feelings about work, talk to God and other people about it, and make decisions that are in line with His will. We must pay attention to the way He’s wired us, and yes, dare I say it, our desires too! You can’t live your life by your feelings and desires, but you had better pay attention to them!

Ask yourself this question: what makes me come alive?

One of the guiding quotes that led me into ministry in the first place was this quote by Howard Thurman,

Eureka!

Just before Lent in February of 2020, my lack of fulfillment was causing enough discomfort that I decided to do a forty-day social media fast in order to tune out unnecessary noise and focus on my purpose. Social media has a tendency to cloud your soul and your thinking as you compare yourself to everyone’s highlight reel or bogs you down as you’re constantly bombarded with other people’s thoughts, problems, and streams of consciousness. As I tuned out the noise of social media, my soul felt unclogged, less heavy. After the forty days of Lent were up, I felt like I had made some headway, but I still wanted more clarity, and what began as a forty-day fast, morphed into a three-month purpose quest.

Is Happiness a Myth?

In early 2020, I had already decided to pursue a longtime dream of starting a leadership coaching business . Around that time, I was also helping a friend build out a new cohort to help people learn a new non-traditional paradigm for ministry focused on Disciple-making.

Starting a business and helping to build and launch this new cohort helped me realize I get energy from new things. Pioneering, innovating, creating, and launching new initiatives make me feel alive.

Somewhere in the midst of those things, I had an epiphany.

Lying in bed one night, I felt something I hadn’t felt in years – an overarching sense of happiness.

The BIG Surprise

What I found on my purpose quest surprised me. It wasn’t the big questions of life I was struggling with, it was the smaller ones like what should I do for work? But answering the BIG QUESTIONS of life allowed me to answer see the smaller ones with more clarity.

For years, I had chalked up my unhappiness to being a disciple of Jesus. He said we would experience tribulation. He said we would suffer. You know, the whole “take up your cross and follow me” thing? While I do believe there is a place for suffering and hardship that we in the West are often uncomfortable with, I also believe God wants us to be happy. I grew so much in those years and I wouldn’t trade them for anything, but after nearly 10 years of feeling like I was wading through peanut butter, I was weary in heart. Doesn’t the Bible also have a lot to say about joy? Furthermore, who wants to be a part of something that makes you miserable? I’m not talking about the “health and wealth” gospel. I’m talking about joyous Christian living. Some of my suffering was probably necessary for my growth and development, but if I’m honest, some of it was probably self-inflicted as I had embraced some unhelpful ways of thinking. And what I came to was this:

Suffering is a part of our journey with Christ, but it shouldn’t be the only part.

Where Do We Go from Here?

Rather than give you everything at once from my purpose quest, I’m going to give you one piece at a time, otherwise, you may be tempted to make this a formula. Doing that would short circuit a process that took many months of prayer and exploration.

My advice? Slow down. Let’s walk through this process together. Take time to read, think, and answer the questions at the end of each post. The best things in life take time. It’s like the difference between fast food and a good meal. A good meal takes preparation, time, and hard work, but the difference in taste is evident! As Oswald Chambers reminded us, God is into the process:

The Purpose Roadmap

Over the next ten weeks or so, I want to share with you what I call The Purpose Roadmap. It’s what came out of my own search for purpose and meaning. Enjoy the journey.

Continue the Series

*Photo credit Markus Spiske via Unsplash

Marriage In the Raw: Sex, Conflict, and Other Stuff That Helped Us Make It To Twenty Years

Wed, 06 May 2020 20:03:00 GMT

What does it take to have a great marriage? While we haven’t always had a great marriage (I share some of those stories in this post), I can honestly say we do now. Here are some of the secrets that have helped us

On May 6, 2020, Gina and I celebrated 20 years of marriage. We are having a “quarantine anniversary celebration” (it happens to be during the COVID-19 Pandemic) which means: kids in bed early and I’m grilling steak and fish. We hope to take a trip…alone in August, but for now it will have to do!

Though we’ve got a long way to go (we want to celebrate our Golden Anniversary), making it to twenty years isn’t easy considering the average marriage in America lasts just eight years and only half of first marriages make it to twenty years.

If you’ll allow me, I would like to share a little tribute to my wife and a few of the secrets that have helped us make it to twenty years.

Marry the right person!

Jackson Brown Jr. said, “Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.”

Ain’t that the truth.

It’s all downhill from there. Though that one bit of advice won’t guarantee a great marriage, without it you are fighting a losing battle. I could do a whole post on choosing the right person, but I will save that for another day. For now I will just say pray, pray, pray and make sure you both have peace from God on this as well as the input of married mentors with good marriages who have been married for an adequate amount of time.

A Tribute to My Wife

As much as I would like to tell you all the things I did right to ensure we would have a lasting and healthy marriage (though it hasn’t always been that way), I attribute much of our success in marriage thus far to my wife, Gina.

Gina, you are the kindest, most intuitive, most resilient person I know. Without your self-sacrifice, perseverance, and genuine love, I don’t think we would be happily married today and possibly not married at all!

Fighting Fair

Though God did bring us together in a clear and unmistakable way (another story for another time), ours is not a fairy tale story of happily ever after since the wedding day. Personally, I have a really hard time relating to people who say they never fight, and marriage has all been peaches and cream.

I recently heard one of those stories on a podcast. I shut it off.

If you don’t ever fight, and you have a healthy marriage, I’m glad for you. I truly am. But I’m probably not for you.

For two children of divorced parents who didn’t really understand how to communicate in a healthy manner, fighting was a reality, especially early on. In the early days, I fought to win, but now I fight for our marriage. When you fight fair and fight for your marriage, arguments can actually be healthy. For someone like me who is an “8” on the Enneagram (like me), a confrontation is a form of intimacy that is actually a sign that the other person is engaged. But there are other benefits to fighting fair as well. When you fight fair, you can show your children how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner.

Our Journey

It was during year 7 that we began marital counseling, and I wish we would have started the moment we got married! It took an eye-opening event and a lashing from a mentor at the time to realize I needed help with my anger problem, and we needed help in our marriage (largely due to my own issues but she had a few of her own as well). To her credit, my wife hung in there when she didn’t have to, through my angry outbursts, hurtful words, and intimidation.

For that, I am forever grateful.

Though I have many faults, one of my strengths is a heart that has always been brutally honest with myself and completely surrendered to Jesus. Therefore, I was willing to take responsibility for my shortcomings and take the initiative to get the help I needed with my anger and the help we needed in our marriage. It was the first step on a long road to health.

There is a lot that happened during years 8-15 including moving to Boston to start a church, having our third child, and going through some of the most painful and difficult years of our lives. These years shaped us and formed us into the people we are today, but I don’t have time to tell you all those stories.

Fast forward to year 16. We were seven years into church planting, in deep with three kids, and were facing a slew of financial challenges. Though our marriage seemed “OK”, neither of us were willing to settle “OK”, and though we weren’t in crisis, it felt like we needed a tune-up. So, we went back for round two of marital counseling. It was during this time that we arrived at some significant revelations about ourselves and our marriage, learned to communicate in a healthier manner, and everything went to another level.

I can honestly say the last five years have been the most healthy and fruitful in our marriage thus far. Apart from choosing the right spouse, and direct help from God, here are seven of the most important things we have learned along the way that will be helpful to you. A few of them have to do with faith. If that’s not you, feel free to skip over them.

1) “Marriage was designed to make us holy more than to make us happy.” (Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage ). It’s not that we shouldn’t be happy in marriage, it’s that we find true happiness when we become more like Christ. In the end, God uses relationships – almost more than anything else – to mold us into His image and grind the rough edges off our character.

2) Conflict sucks but use it to your advantage. Conflict resolution is hard. Stating things in a way that is not accusatory really helped us. Instead of “You did this and it made me feel this way” try this: I felt__________when you__________. It takes the emphasis off them and puts it on how you felt rather than what you think they did. Instead of “you did this” or “you did that”, starting with “I” causes people to let down their guard. Beyone that, if things get heated and you need to take a break, then take a break! But make sure you come back to it after an agreed-upon amount of time so you don’t leave it hanging forever. Another communication technique that is really helpful is called reflective listening. Basically you want to hear and understand what the other person is communicating through words, tone, and body language and respond back to them something like this, “This is what I’m hearing you say, do I have that right?” In doing so, miscommunications and misunderstandings will be minimized, and they will actually feel heard in the process. It also causes you to as the listener to engage more fully because you know you are going to need to share with them what you heard!

3) Have sex regularly and “just show up”. When it comes to marriage, sex isn’t the most important, but it’s certainly in the top 3-5! With three kids and both of us working (often multiple jobs) it can be hard to be consistent, but this really helped us. In my mind, once per week is the minimum and to do that you need to think through your spouse when are the best times for that. My suggestion would be to plan a weekly time and then if it happens spontaneously it’s a bonus! Our counselor’s advice was when you get there “Just show up!” In other words, put no other expectations on each for that time other than to show up. You are there together and you are both naked. That should be enough. Take off all other expectations you’ve played up in your mind of what that time should be. Of course, there is a lot more that goes into a healthy sex life, but this was a game-changer for us.

4) Don’t shut up. Talk every day if you can. Most researchers say you need at least twenty minutes of daily communication to have a healthy relationship. Common guys, you can tune-in to her for twenty minutes. During that time, shut off your phone, remove distractions, and practice reflective listening: “This is what I hear you saying. Is that right?”

5) The couple that prays together stays together. It sounds cliché but it’s true. We’ve had ebbs and flows when it comes to praying together regularly, but a healthy prayer life is actually a sign that other things are working well. When we aren’t communicating well, and we’re not getting along, we have a very hard time praying together… until we get it right. Additionally, we believe there is a very real and direct attack against marriage because it is a physical representation of the spiritual reality between Christ and His Church. That’s why we pray with and for one another. The truth is we wouldn’t have made it very far without God. For us, God is not a compartment of our lives. He is the center of everything – including our marriage. You’ve probably heard it at weddings but it’s worth repeating this thought by Solomon uttered in the book of Ecclesiastes, “ Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Without God at the center, I don’t think we would have made it past year seven or eight. Believing God brought us together, praying together, having His power and help, and the conviction that marriage is a life-long monogamous relationship was the glue that held us together.

6) Pursue her like you did before you were married. Admittedly, I need to up my game in this. Men, remember how you pursued your wife before you were married? Don’t stop! Your wife wants to be pursued. When life gets busy and full, this can be a tough one, but it’s worth it. If you can’t afford a babysitter or don’t have one be creative! Trust me I know, we’ve lived on a pastors salary in Boston – one of the most expensive places in the United States. And yet we’ve always found creative ways to date. It could be as simple as a walk, coffee, or sending the kids to bed early so you can watch a movie and have dinner together…alone! We have done dates monthly, every other week, and in certain seasons every week, but usually it’s every other week for a date. Beyond that, we also try to take a yearly time away. I know some people recommend more, but we don’t necessarily have someone to watch our children more often and they are not old enough yet to stay home alone overnight. So, we take what we can get.

7) You need help so you may as well get it now! The time for pride is over. Most people err on the side of waiting too long, but why not step up to the plate and get the help you need before you find yourselves in a crisis? Your pride is a small price to pay if it means having a healthy marriage! Also, don’t be afraid to go back for a tune-up from time to time. Like a car, your marriage needs a tune-up from time to time to run well. A good Bible-based counselor and good mentors will go a long way. Never be afraid to ask for help.

A Three-fold Cord

There is a lot more I could share from being married for twenty years, but those are a few things that have been crucial on our path to a healthy marriage. We still have a long way to go, but we are more committed than ever to being on the journey together and not having a good marriage but having a great one.

Here’s to the next twenty years and beyond.

Leading Yourself and Others When Fear and Panic Become the Norm: Coronavirus

Tue, 17 Mar 2020 13:32:00 GMT

Fear creates panic.

The coronavirus (COVID-19) is now a pandemic (a global outbreak of disease). The word “recession” is being thrown around, schools and businesses are closing, and the White House recommended no gatherings over 10 people. Things are happening so fast it’s hard to stay up-to-date. As the coronavirus continues to spread and fear increases, how do we lead ourselves to remain in God’s rest and confident in His sovereignty? How do we lead others in times of crisis and in a way that imparts hope instead of fear and panic?

Fear Creates Panic

Let me give you an example of how fear creates panic. Massachusetts is in the top four when it comes to states with the highest number of coronavirus in the United States, and one-half of the cases are in Middlesex County where I live (how it started and spread from one conference is a different story you can read here ). Recently, my wife went to the grocery store. I’m not sure how it is where you live, but here most of the shelves are cleaned out (and it’s not just the toilet paper that’s gone)!

What is happening?

A symptom of fear is panic. The root of our buying frenzy is fear. People are afraid stores are going to shut down, the food will be gone, and there won’t be enough to go around. So, they are stocking up!

My wife had a good point. She was after all the one who went to the store. She said:

People are creating shortages because they are buying things they don’t need!

Our fear of shortage is the very thing that creates a shortage.

Fear begins as soon as your alarm clack goes off and you think, I’ve got to get there first or everything might be gone (which is sort of true)! What if there is not enough? What if the grocery stores shut down? How will we eat? I better get there before it’s all out. I need to buy extra in case I can’t get it later. Especially toilet paper!

Our emotions, fueled by fear, cause us to panic and do irrational things. That’s because fear is not rational. You can’t reason with it. You have to tell it to shut up! Fear must be uprooted and replaced with truth. More on that later.

When you operate by fear, that which you fear often comes upon you.

I don’t think fear is a mystery. It’s a part of the fall of man a.k.a the result of sin. It’s also a demonic spirit (see 2 Timothy 1:7). And fear can cause us to act in such a way that brings about the very thing we fear!

Fear can be like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Furthermore, Jesus taught us to pray, “Give us this day our daily bread.” As long as we have that, Jesus is fulfilling His promise. I know it’s not comfortable, but it’s kingdom!

Give us this day our daily bread” (Matt. 6:11). It’s not comfortable but it’s kingdom.
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Don’t P.A.N.I.C.

As we lead ourselves and others, here is a guide that will help us lead by faith rather than fear. It is based on the acronym P.A.N.I.C.

P – PRAYER, PRAISE, AND PROMISES

I know you’ve heard this passage of scripture before, but have you internalized it? It’s one of my favorites (which tells you something away about me: I need to pray it often!)

Don’t be pulled in different directions or worried about a thing. Be saturated in prayer throughout each day, offering your faith-filled requests before God with overflowing gratitude. Tell him every detail of your life, ⁷ then God’s wonderful peace that transcends human understanding, will make the answers known to you through Jesus Christ. (Philippians 4:6-7 The Passion Translation)

Pray until you have peace. Like the oxygen mask on a plane, leaders need to put their own mask on before helping others. If you are a mess how can you inspire confidence in someone else? Don’t just talk about prayer, do it! Do it exactly how this verse says. Tell him everything. Give Him your cares and burdens. Ask for what you need. Do it with thanksgiving to remind yourself of His faithfulness, and pray until you experience the tangible “peace that passes understanding.”

Praise God and worship Him. Make it a lifestyle if it’s not already (though it’s harder to do once hard times hit). Nonetheless, if you haven’t done so already, start now!

Dwell on His promises – on the words of Scripture. Pray them. Praise Him for answering them. His promises are true and they bring faith and confidence.

Like putting on your oxygen mask on a plane, leaders need to lead themselves before leading others.
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Here’s a message I shared on this passage a while back called The Pursuit of Joy . The book of Philippians is called the “Book of Joy” even though Paul wrote it from prison. It has some gems God wants to teach us about joy in the midst of suffering and hardship.

A – ADVICE (FOLLOW SOUND ADVICE)

Misinformation breeds fear. As followers of Jesus, we can’t bury our heads in the sand and ignore the facts, but we also need to hear from the Lord. First, hearing from the Lord.

The apostle Paul said, “I wish you all would prophesy” (see 1 Corinthians 14:1). Start by asking the Lord, What are YOU saying?

You can hear the Lord.

After you’ve tuned in yourself, what are the Lord’s prophet’s saying?

Surely the Sovereign Lord does nothing without revealing his plan to his servants the prophets. (Amos 3:7 NIV)

God is always speaking to His people, and one of the primary ways He does it is through respected prophetic voices. Though you should approach this area with caution, you shouldn’t ignore it. It would take a whole post to share how I vet prophetic voices, in the meantime, here are a few of the trusted voices I listen to: Lou Engle, Shawn Bolz, Lana Vawser, Cindy Jacobs, and Chuck Pierce.

Next, we need to keep abreast of what’s actually happening by following reliable sources that don’t traffic in fear. In the case of coronavirus, we probably only need to stay tuned to the CDC (Center for Disease Control), the WHO (World Health Organization) New Whitehouse Guidelines , and our state and local governments.

Following the right sources won’t eliminate fear, but hopefully, it will ensure that you are getting the most accurate up-to-date information so you can make good decisions.

Be careful how much media you’re ingesting when difficult things are happening, and for heaven’s sake limit your social media intake! It can very easily become overwhelming. Discipline yourself to check our reliable sources once or twice per day instead of a steady diet of fear and panic that is often perpetuated through media.

Misinformation breeds fear. Be careful how much (and what) media you consume during a crisis.
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N – NO FEAR (PERFECT LOVE DRIVES OUT FEAR)

When I grew up in rural Pennsylvania the 80’s and early 90’s, there was a popular decal people put on their big trucks (it’s a thing in the country) that said,

NO FEAR.

The problem is, it’s not true! Everyone has fears. Thankfully, God has a real answer to fear that isn’t based on the size of our truck.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. ¹⁹ We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:18-19 NIV)

Yes, I understand this is talking about not having fear concerning the day of judgment [nearly every time I share a verse of scripture someone seems to comment about the context of the verse as if I haven’t read it in context. FYI: I always read for context. I just don’t always explain the full context every time I share a scripture]. In other words, we don’t need to fear judgment day if we are secure and confident in the love of God, in His Lordship, and that He has given us the free gift of salvation that came by grace through faith (see Ephesians 2:8-10).

But I also think there are other implications to these verses. It says there is no fear in love . It says perfect love drives out fear . After all, fear isn’t confined to judgment day. Here’s the implication:

As we become more and more like Christ, fear has less and less of a hold on us. We don’t have a fear problem, we have a love and trust problem.

Love conquers fear and so does faith. Fear must be replaced by faith, and faith only comes one way: by hearing (and obeying) the word of God (see Romans 10:17). Take the verse above (or another one) and use it to displace fear in your life. As you do, your confidence in God will grow and fear will subside. As Lester Sumrall said, “Feed your faith. Starve your doubts to death.”

Feed your faith. Starve your doubts to death. (Lester Sumrall)
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I – INTERCESSION (PRAY WITH, FOR, AND ON BEHALF OF OTHERS)

Intercession is standing in the gap between heaven and earth and praying for ourselves, other people, situations, problems, and circumstances.

If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land. (2 Chronicles 14:7 ESV)

It starts with God’s people taking initiative. We are also obligated to pray for those around us. Start by praying for yourself and other believers in your church and neighborhood. Then move out from there and pray for believers in your city, your nation, and worldwide.

Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere. (Ephesians 4:18 NLT)

Pray for our medical professionals for stamina, health, and wisdom. Pray for our scientists – that they find a cure. Pray that God would give our government leaders wisdom from heaven. Pray that God would intervene and stop the spread of this virus.

But don’t stop there. Pray for people around you that don’t know Him. Pray that this situation would soften their hearts and prepare them to receive the gospel. Pray for them like you would want to be prayed for. God can (and often does) use difficult circumstances to open people’s hearts and turn them to Himself.

The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise (to return), as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent. (2 Peter 3:9 NLT)

Like always, God uses what the enemy meant for evil to do something good. He doesn’t cause evil, but He will flip it around on the enemies’ head! As was the case with Joseph when His brothers sold him into slavery, God turned it around for His own sovereign purpose:

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. (Genesis 50:20 NIV)

C – CHECK-IN WITH PEOPLE

Finally, when a crisis hits, we can become so worried about self-preservation, we don’t think to check in with others. Do you have a neighbor that is elderly? Did you ever think about your older neighbor (who is in the most vulnerable category) is going to get groceries (if there are any left)? Is someone you know sick and in need of help? Who in your life or proximity do you need to check in with? Is it so hard to make a quick phone call or text? Ask yourself,

Who can I be a good neighbor to?

How can I be a good neighbor during the coronavirus?
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I’m pretty sure Jesus meant it when He said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Turn it around and think about yourself: wouldn’t you want someone to be concerned for you and check in on you if you were in the same situation? Of course you would. So be a good neighbor and do it for someone else!

We may not be able to hold normal services, but we can do something better.

Be the church!

The church was never a building, an organization, or a place. It’s always been, people! That means you can be the church wherever you are!

You don’t need a building to be the church. Be the church wherever you are.
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Here are a few things Journey Church is doing during the coronavirus. Yes, we are meeting online via Zoom, but instead of trying to coordinate church-wide efforts, we are encouraging our people to be the church.

Conclusion

P – P ray, Praise, and Promises (Feed your faith)

A – A dvice (Follow Sound Advice)

N – N o Fear (Perfect love casts out fear)

I – I ntercession (pray for and on behalf of others)

C – C heck-In with People (Be the church)

Followers of Jesus, the world needs you in moments like these . Don’t get sucked into the panic and fear. Don’t bury your head and ignore it. Take a step back. Breathe. Pray. Get your face in the word of God and cry out for God to work in you and through you in this hour of need.

Leaders, we need you to lead the way! Get in front of the issue. You may not be afraid, but many of the people you’re leading probably are. Fulfill your job description: inspire people, bring confidence, solve problems, and build big people.

As I worshiped the Lord recently, I had such joy and a strong sense that God was going to work through this crisis in unique and powerful ways. Though I’m saddened by what is happening, I’m hopeful and expectant about what the Lord is going to do through this.

Stop hiding your lamp under a basket. The world needs you to shine.

“You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father. (Matthew 5:14-16 NLT)

Stop hiding your lamp under a basket. The world needs you to shine.” (Matt. 5:15)
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Reliable Resources

Here are some other resources that I’ve found helpful.

The Secret to Transformation Is…

Thu, 16 Jan 2020 14:16:00 GMT

We often know what we need to do, so why don’t we do it? That’s one of the great questions of the ages! How do change and transformation actually happen? Let me give you the answer and then unpack it:

Change comes through motivation more than information. (1)

We have access to nearly any piece of information we want through the internet and books. If change were simply a function of information, we would be the most transformed generation in history! But information alone doesn’t bring transformation. So, what does?

Transformation happens in the context of relationships and experiences.

Let’s talk about relationships first.

First, you will only get so far in life on your own steam. That’s because you weren’t designed to live a life of isolation: from your Creator and from other people. People of faith believe God is the one who initiates change in the life of a person. And lasting change doesn’t usually happen without cultivating a deep personal relationship with Him.

But other human beings have a part to play in the process, too. God may work through another person to initiate change, solidify change, or both! That is why from the very beginning God said, “It is not good for man to be alone…” (Genesis 2:18). And that verse doesn’t apply only to married people. Whether you are married or not makes no difference, and just because you are not married doesn’t mean you are destined for a life of loneliness! We need other people to come alongside us for support, encouragement, and healthy accountability. We have blind spots that we can’t see and ways of thinking and doing things that are keeping us stuck.

Friends and mentors can certainly help us with this, but we also need people with expertise in certain areas like counselors and coaches. When you’re sick, you go to the doctor. In the same way, when you are having a problem in life, feel stuck or unhealthy, or you just can’t figure out what’s going on or how to move forward, you probably need a coach or a counselor. Here are some differentiations that may help:

Second, transformation comes through experience. If you think about it, I bet you can link a relationship, an experience, or both to your greatest breakthroughs. Here are some examples:

So, transformation comes both through experiences and relationships, either separately or together.

What Is My Next Step?

Here’s an important question to ask yourself: How do you need to position yourself for transformation?

An Opportunity for Transformation

If you are a growing leader who knows what they need to do, but you are finding it hard to do on your own, this is for you. If you are not content unless you leave a significant impact in this world, this is for you. Most likely, you have a job or role that requires a high level of performance and responsibility, and you sometimes struggle to find a healthy rhythm between work, family and your personal life. There is a high probability you are married with kids, live in an urban or suburban area, and drive a minivan or SUV. At the end of the day, your desire is not just to lead, but to lead with integrity and character while leaving a legacy for those around you, especially those closest to you.

But if you’re honest, sometimes, you feel like you are failing. The stress is getting to you, you are too busy, out of shape, and you feel like you’re burning the candle at both ends. You may feel lonely and possibly emotionally distant from your spouse. Disconnecting from your work can feel like a real challenge, and often you feel overwhelmed, exhausted and unsure how long you can keep going this way. But you are determined not to be another casualty of leadership – living in compromise, unfaithful to your spouse, divorced, a disappointment to your children, burned out, and addicted. I have good news,

That doesn’t need to be your story.

Healthy rhythms begin with a person who is tired of leading from an empty tank.

What is Rhythms?

Forged in over twenty years of leadership and the nose-to-the-grind culture of Cambridge and Boston, Rhythms is a twelve-week interactive coaching and mastermind experience designed to help you connect with other highly motivated leaders and establish healthy rhythms in four key areas so you can lead with character and integrity for the long haul. Those Rhythms areas are: Spiritual, Relational, Physical, and Emotional.

Get Started >>> (also, check out this video I made about Rhythms)

A Case for Coaching
The reason coaching works is because coaches listen deeply, ask great questions and encourage people to find their own solutions (if you are a person of faith, in conjunction with God). The greatest buy-in and motivation happen when we come up with our own solutions. Think about it: do you do something just because someone tells you to? Maybe sometimes, but what happens when you come to a realization or conclusion on your own (not necessarily apart from people but because they ask a good question that causes you to think about something in a new way)? How much more likely is it that you will follow through? Coaches are change experts who walk alongside you to help you unlock your potential and move from where you are to where you want to be.

Rhythms combines teaching, relationships, experience, and coaching to help you move forward.

I also do individual coaching. You can visit my coaching page to find out more.

(1) Leadership Coaching by Tony Stoltzfus

Giving Thanks: A Prophetic Declaration and An Imperative for Leaders

Wed, 27 Nov 2019 13:45:00 GMT

As you may know, giving thanks isn’t just a good exercise we do to help us be more grateful. It’s not less than that, but it is more.

Giving thanks is also a prophetic declaration.

How so?

We are to thank and praise God in the midst of the storm before deliverance comes. Why? Because we are assured of deliverance. Remember the story where Jesus and the disciples got into a boat and Jesus said, “Let’s cross to the other side.” When a massive storm came upon them, the disciples panicked.

Jesus rested while they were freaking out.

Afterward, He rebuked them for being afraid and having such little faith. They didn’t believe what He had clearly and explicitly told them, “Let’s cross to the other side.”

God’s words can be trusted. In the midst of a storm, we can place our full weight upon them, giving thanks and praise before we see the outcome. In doing so, it becomes a prophetic declaration.

Thanksgiving can be offered before prayer is answered. Mark 11:24 clearly states that “You can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve receivED it, it will be yours.” Of course the word anything has a caveat, “If we ask anything according to His will, he hears us” (1 John 5:4). Notice the word “received” is past tense. In other words, the moment after we ask Him for something, according to His will, the prayer has already been answered.

What am I getting at? If we pray according to His will, He hears us. If we know He heard us and answered us, it’s no longer necessary to keep asking, but we do need to do something.

We thank Him for hearing and answering until we receive what we’ve asked for.

So, giving thanks is two-fold. First, we are thankful for what we have been given, and second, we are thankful for what we have not yet received but know is coming.

This Thanksgiving, let’s give thanks for both – what we have, and that which is on the way!

And if you haven’t done any asking lately, start by giving thanks for what you have been given already (we enter His courts with thanksgiving and His gates with praise, Psalm 100), then ask Him, according to His will, for what you need or want.

And give Him thanks, before it comes.

If we really believe he hears us when we pray, the most natural thing in the world is to thank Him for it!

If you don’t know His will (also means His desire), take a step back and ask Him to make it clear. The surest way to know His will is through the written word of God.

“For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us!” (see 1 Corinthians 1:20)

A Word to Leaders

Giving thanks and vision go hand in hand. Vision is the art of being thankful for the past and looking with insight into the future while living fully in the present.

Taking time to celebrate the good things God has done gives us a foundation to stand upon as we gaze into the future.

When it comes to future vision, giving thanks is what helps make the dream a reality and pulls it into the present. We thank God for doing what He has shown us.

God gives us vision, and we offering thanksgiving because in His eyes it’s already a done deal.

It’s our responsibility to model this for people. We must show them how to celebrate God’s faithfulness and be content in the present all while thanking God for what is yet to come.

Why I’m Done with Church…Part 1

Tue, 08 Oct 2019 10:00:00 GMT

I’m done with church …at least the way I’ve known it . Let me say up front, I’m a church lover not a church hater. Though I’ve been involved in traditional churches for the last twenty years, I love and value the Church, God’s bride, in all its varied forms. So, I’m not approaching this from the angle of a cynical and disgruntled Christian or pastor. Rather, I want to let you into my journey over the past couple of years.

Before getting to some of the questions like what is church and why does it matter I need to give you some background. My story began in 2017 as I was wrestling with some of the dynamics of church life in an urban setting. In a small town or suburban environment, about 10% of people will transition out of a particular church in the course of one year. If you are in a college or university town, that number rises to a 20% turnover rate each year. And for a church in an urban environment that number can be 30% or more.

That’s 30% of a congregation that will turnover every year .

That can be a difficult barrier to overcome. Pastors in my city call it “The Annual Heartbreak.” Whatever you call it, it’s a struggle to see people you love and have invested in – sometimes for 2, 3 or 4 years – move on to some other place. Over the years, we’ve had to adjust our posture to remember:

We are not losing people, we are sending and sowing them.

This is in line with the original vision God gave me many years ago while in prayer. In the vision, I saw a huge heart beating; it was placed over a map of Boston, and it was pumping life in every direction.

To date, we’ve sent out way more people than we’ve kept. It’s just part of the rhythm here.

Those we’ve sent out are beautiful people with beautiful stories. You can read some of their stories here.

But 2017-2018 was more intense when more than 60% of the people who at one time called Journey home transitioned out for one reason or another, including one-half of our twelve person leadership team. Some graduated college, others moved away for work, and a few left without a great reason because that’s just what people do. And if I’m honest, a few probably left because my leadership was deficient in some areas.

An exodus of people also meant a shrinking budget. During that time, our budget dropped by 60% or more.

And God did miracles.

This is one of them. In May of 2018, both our personal finances and the church finances were nearly exhausted. When we asked the Lord what to do He gave us this verse of Scripture:

But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. 14 The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” (Exodus 14:13-14 NLT)

So we waited. And at the proverbial midnight hour, He gave us a miracle. Without asking, a generous who had previously attended Journey gave a $75,000 gift to the church. It was the largest single financial gift we have ever received, and it sustained us for more than six months.

Though we experienced miracles, it was also a soul searching time for me, my wife, and our team. It’s tough for any church to lose that many people , but for a small church, it was nearly fatal. As you know,

It tends to be the hard times that define you.

It tends to be the hard times that define you.
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No Pressure

It was during this time the Lord began to lead me on a journey to walk according to John 5:19,

So Jesus explained, “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself. He does only what he sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does. (NLT)

Each day I would spend time asking him what He was doing. And whatever He was doing, that’s what I did. Some days it was as simple as, “I am refreshing you, Kent.” It took so much pressure off me – not only in my personal life but in ministry too. You can read about it here.

During this process, I began asking myself some difficult questions about church. You see, I have always been involved in traditional churches. Traditional meaning you go to a building, sing some songs, hear a message, sometimes take communion and have some prayer, and maybe do a small group during the week. Not that it was bad. Overall, my experience with church has been good, but after being in leadership for nearly twenty years in different capacities, I found myself asking, could there be more?

Doing church in this manner and in a transient urban context felt like a whole lot of output from a few people and for a small number of people. Not that those people weren’t worth it, but I started to wonder if my time could be used to build them rather than doing a lot of set up, tear down, and sermon prep. And even if the numbers were greater, could I justify a lot of people’s gifts being used to highlight the gifts of a few?

It’s not that God wasn’t in it, He was, but I was tired. Tired of catering to American consumerism. Tired of hauling a trailer every week and four hours of set up and tear down for a 1.5 hour service. Tired of trying to motivate people to do things that they really didn’t want to do (nor did I if I’m really honest). Tired of putting in so much work to set up a space. Oh sure, I said I was doing it for people, and I was – to a degree, but a large part of me embraced the lie that if I build it people will come. I was more focused on the people that weren’t there yet than building the people God had brought. I know some modern day church planting gurus teach similar things, but it felt wrong. I also felt like I was putting on a show for everyone – not in the sense of acting – but in that a few of us were doing all the work so others could consume. How does that fit with the scriptural concept of the Church being a body?

I began to ask myself why are we doing this and do I want to keep doing this?

Maybe it would have been different if we had explosive growth, but explosive growth has its own challenges . I’ve been a part of larger churches in the past. Numbers don’t make challenges go away, nor do they always resolve the nagging thought that there must be more than this.

After all, every church must ask, are we actually making disciples who make disciples?

Every church must ask, are we actually making disciples who make disciples?
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What Is Church Anyway?

As we talk about the Church, I think it’s important to define it. What is “church” anyway? Is it a building? An institution? An organization? Far from it.

In these posts, I will refer to the Church capital “C” as believers everywhere and the church lower-case “c” as a community of believers. Think extended family vs. nuclear family. But to be very simple and specific,

The Church is God and people. Period.

The Church is God and people. Period.
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Yes, many times there are buildings and there is organization to it, but those things are secondary to God and people. The Church isn’t defined by a building or it’s structure, it’s defined by God and people.

You can’t have the Church without God and you can’t have it without people. Those are the two limiting factors. Though a space to meet together can be helpful, it’s not a limiting factor per say. The question isn’t whether or not to have a place to meet, but rather does the meeting space – whether a house, coffee shop or some other public space – serve God’s agenda for building people for His kingdom? Or to put it more bluntly, what is more important, the building or the people? I think the answer is clear.

The Biblical term for Church is “ekklesia” or “ecclesia.” The word predates its use in Christianity. It first referred to a political assembly of citizens in ancient Greece who came into the public square to debate. In the biblical sense, it refers to a society or assembly of Christian believers (i.e. people) – either in a local sense of a congregation or in a broader universal sense.

But more than an assembly, the church is a family, a body, and people who are being built into a spiritual house. (see Eph. 2:19-22, 1 Cor. 12:27, 1 Peter 2:4-5)

You Are NOT the Church

If you’ve been a Christian for any amount of time, you’ve probably heard it someone say, “I am the church.” I believe that statement to be inaccurate.

If the Church is a body, made up of many parts, how can one person be the church?

It’s more accurate to say, we are the church…together.

And while I believe in “being the church,” it’s something we are together whereas if I am alone, I am simply a follower of Christ.

Does that make sense?

You are NOT the Church.
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What’s Next?

This article is way too long to put in one blog post, so I’m going to break it up into two or three posts. Next time, we will take a deeper dive into what church is and is not , the lies we believe about the church, and the truth about church according to the Scriptures. In these posts, I hope to ask some deeper questions about the modern Western church, shed some Biblical light on the church, and let you in on my journey over the past few years – believing it will be helpful in some way to the body of Christ.

Discussion

What are your thoughts? What do you see God doing in the Church? Is there anything you have been chewing on that has been helpful or enlightening to the conversation?

Fair warning: this isn’t meant to be a church bashing discussion so any comments in that vein will not be posted.

Crisis Mode: How to Prepare for and Respond to Crisis

Thu, 12 Sep 2019 10:00:00 GMT

Out of curiosity, what do you do when you find yourself in a personal crisis? Do you freak out? Retreat deep into yourself? Immediately call a few friends and spill your guts? Do you find yourself anxious, scared, or overwhelmed?

Most of us have probably tried several if not all of these approaches to a crisis.

Maybe there’s a different way?

We don’t choose crisis but we can choose our response to it. And while I fully realize we can’t always change our circumstances, what if instead of waiting until a crisis is upon us (because inevitably, crises will come), we decided in advance what our response would be?

When in crisis, we must choose our focus carefully because it’s impossible to focus on two opposite things at the same time. Both are real but one is a higher reality, and you will need to choose. Here are some examples:

When in crisis, we must choose our focus carefully because it’s impossible to focus on two opposite things at the same time.
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I want to suggest that we focus upon things that are founded in something eternal and unshakable.

Becoming Steadfast and Immovable

The Scripture tells us to be steadfast and immovable (see 1 Corinthians 15:58) but how do we do that?

As children of God, Christ has made everything accessible to us. We are sons and daughters with an inheritance. In other words, everything that belongs to Christ belongs to us (see Romans 8:17). If that’s the case, how do we access our inheritance?

Though you can’t earn anything from God, you can receive it from Him.

Your part is to know your inheritance (the Bible tells us), believe it, and receive it by faith.

Peace that passes understanding.

Perfect love for fear.

Provision for lack.

Healing for sickness.

We must retrain ourselves to think as He thinks in the midst of crisis, and we do that by renewing and renovating our minds according to His promises (see Romans 12:1-2)

I like what Bill Johnson said, “You know your mind is renewed when the impossible seems logical.”

God can’t renew your mind for you, but He will empower you to take a promise and dwell on it until it becomes your new reality.

A Personal Crisis

Recently we found ourselves in a deep financial crisis. As missionaries for the past fifteen years, this wasn’t the first time we’ve faced this, and yet at times, I still freak out! But the Lord often uses trials to perfect and mature us. Over the years, I realized I was asking the wrong question in a crisis, which was probably why I never received an answer! I was asking God, “Why is this happening?” It’s not that God isn’t concerned about my circumstance, it’s just that He is usually more concerned about what’s happening inside my heart than what’s happening around me.

God is usually more concerned about what’s happening inside my heart than what’s happening around me.
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So, a number of years back, out of desperation, I asked God a different question. I said,

God, I don’t know what’s going on around me, but can you please tell me what are you trying to do inside of me?

To my surprise, He answered me! He took me to a verse of Scripture that described exactly what He was doing on the inside. It didn’t change the circumstances, but it changed me! I was able to move forward with hope knowing I was in His process and that the end of that process was for my good!

Circumstances can change, but we often have no control over when, how or why. The only thing we truly have control over is our response. If we position ourselves before God and invite Him to work in us, He is able to mold us and shape us through the process.

The only real control we have is our response.
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We Fight FROM Victory, Not FOR Victory

When we find ourselves in a crisis, it’s important to remember that Christ has already won the war. He said “It is finished.” He has already disarmed Satan (see Col. 2:15). If you’ve surrendered to His lordship, you are now seated with Him in heavenly places, far above principalities and powers (see Eph. 2:6).

In other words, because you are in Christ, and He is far above demonic powers, so are you!

That means we are fighting FROM victory not FOR victory.

In Christ, we fight FROM victory not FOR victory.
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During this last financial crisis, I said, “Jesus, you’ve already won this war, so what is our strategy for victory?”

And He said, “My strategy is praise!”

Could it really be that simple , I asked? Well, it was in this example:

So, that’s exactly what we did. We praised Him every chance we had. Right in the middle of the storm. Although the breakthrough took several months and came at the midnight hour, God came through! As the saying goes,

It sometimes takes God a long time to move suddenly.

Remember friends, God’s ways are not the ways of this world. He uses simple and foolish things to confound the wise. It makes no sense to our logical and rational minds, but it’s actually a radical act of faith and trust to obey the voice of the Lord when it seems to run contrary to our circumstances.

It’s a radical act of faith and trust to hear and obey the voice of the Lord when it runs contrary to our circumstances.
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Preparing for Crisis

Crisis is a certainty but our response is not. Did you know you can prepare your heart before a crisis comes? This isn’t doom and gloom thinking, this is reality! Here’s how:

And when the crisis comes:

Of course, none of this means we will respond perfectly in crisis, but the more we know Him, the less we will react out of our own fear and insecurity when the storm comes.

We don’t know what life may bring, but we can pre-decide how we are going to handle crisis when it comes.

Is there ONE THING listed above you could focus on in order to prepare or better handle crisis?

What Is the Secret Sauce That Makes Chick-fil-A So Successful? (And How It Can Help You Be Smarter, Happier, and More Productive!)

Thu, 01 Aug 2019 12:00:00 GMT

If you want to become a sharper, happier, more productive person, you can actually learn a lot from Chick-fil-A. How so? It starts with learning a rhythm of rest.

Trust me, I learned the hard way which I explain in my new book, Rest Assured. Not only have I become sharper, happier and more productive, but learning to rest has freed me from the “God syndrome.” What is the God syndrome?

The God syndrome is the illusion that I am in control.

Most of us in the West think if we rest we are going to lose time, money, and become less productive, when in fact, the opposite is actually true.

Consider this recent article in Entrepreneur about Chick-fil-A:

Chick-fil-A Makes More Per Restaurant Than McDonald’s, Starbucks, and Subway Combined…and It’s Closed on Sundays.

Believe it or not, Chick-fil-A makes nearly double the amount of money per restaurant as McDonald’s! It is a well-known fact that Chick-fil-A is closed on Sundays.

Onlookers aren’t sure what to make of this success, especially considering Chick-fil-A is open less than these other leading brands. That is reflected in the article.

Undoubtedly Chick-fil-A’s success is due to more than being closed on Sundays, but it’s hard to argue that’s no a part of it.

We have a problem in America…

According to the International Labor Organization, “Americans work 137 more hours per year than Japanese workers (3.5 weeks), 260 more hours per year than British workers (6.5 weeks), and 499 more hours per year than French workers (12 weeks)..”

It makes you wonder, do the French work at all? I’m kidding of course but the numbers are striking.

Rest = Productivity

I know what some of you are thinking. I can’t possibly take a day of rest every week. Here are some common excuses why we can’t rest:

I get it. Changing your rhythm is tough, but think baby steps. Can you start with a half day off and do something replenishing? Or how about some smaller steps like having a definitive stop time for your work each day, turning off email alerts after 8pm, or putting your phone on do not disturb so you can get a full nights sleep without distraction?

For some of you the problem isn’t taking a day off from. Your problem is you fill it with something else that’s not refreshing or life-giving. Brace yourself, this may be radical to some: we actually probably need one and one-half to two days off, not just one.

That way, we can use one day to run errands and the other day to rest and replenish.

Maybe you’re saying, “Ya Kent, but I’m not a Christian. I don’t do Sabbath.” Rest isn’t just for Christians, it’s for everyone! Sure, part of a Sabbath day involves worshiping God, but whether you follow Christ or not, you need at least one day per week to replenish.

If you don’t believe me, check out this interview on CNN with Dr. Matthew Sleeth. There is plenty of well documented scientific research that says we need a day of rest.

A Free E-book for You

Luckily, I have a free resource that’s going to help you. For my non-Christian readers, this e-book is written from a Christian perspective, but I think you will find it helpful regardless. It’s called,

Rest Is a Weapon: 6 Secrets to Living a Life of Peace and Contentment

You can get it here.

Finally, here is some comic relief about Chick-fil-A. They are both hysterical!

A Time of Opportunity for the American Church

Thu, 25 Jul 2019 12:58:00 GMT

On July 4, 2019 I was spending some time with the Lord, and I asked Him to give me a prophetic word for America. I was caught off guard when He actually started speaking to me about it! While I realize it sounds rather grandiose, I’ve decided to share it. Like any prophetic unction, I’m taking a risk, but in the end, faith always requires risk. With that in mind, here we go!

A Time of Opportunity for the American Church

As you may know, there is a deepening divide in America. America is becoming more and more polarized, but I believe there is a place for the Church – the people of God – to be a soothing, calming and healing presence and voice in our culture, like the balm of Gilead. What is the balm of Gilead?

Some have referred to Jesus as the balm of Gilead – His saving power bringing wholeness and healing to our wounds. In the words of the old African American Spiritual, There Is a Balm in Gilead,

In the same spirit,

Christians are called to be the balm of Gilead, bringing healing to our nation and the nations.

As political partisanship drives a deeper wedge into our nation, it has also created a vast opportunity that is wide open for those who aren’t afraid to engage in the middle.

It has nothing to do with surrendering your biblical convictions (or even your less important political convictions). It has everything to do with laying those things aside in order to engage with people: people who are made in the image of God and who are of the highest value and priority to God second only to Himself. It is possible to honor and value people while holding onto our convictions. In a practical way, this means we don’t always need to get our point across or tell people why they are wrong. What if we practiced James advice?

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; ²⁰ for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. (James 1:19 ESV)

The DMZ

Maybe it’s not the best example but bear with me. The DMZ or the demilitarized zone lies between North and South Korea. According to Time Magazine , the DMZ “Serves as a buffer between North and South Korea, inside which neither country can fire weapons, build up military personnel or equipment, or start any act of aggression.”

I wonder what could happen if those of us who are sick of the “culture war” had a DMZ? What if Christians took the lead, laying aside political partisanship, and chose instead to engage with those who hold very different views and yet, like us, were made and crafted by our heavenly Father in His very own image? Again, this has nothing to do with compromise. It has everything to do with valuing people above their political, religious, or personal convictions in order to engage with them as human beings.

I wonder how many walls could fall? How many wounds could be healed? How many bridges could be built?

True Tolerance

The prevailing cultural philosophy right now is that “unity of belief” is needed before love and trust can develop. This view says, “If you don’t believe the same way I do, then we can’t relate.”

But true tolerance, in a biblical sense, means we can love, respect, honor, value and accept one another and have vibrant healthy relationships despite our differences.

It may sound overly optimistic to some, but I believe the Lord is opening up an opportunity for His people to model it in this hour.

Engaging the Middle…

Fear is often the biggest obstacle to engaging with people who are different from us. We tend to fear what we do not understand.

The political world is too divided. They won’t wade into the middle, but I believe the people of God are actually called to do it.

We are called to be salt and light: a preserving and illuminating force on the earth. Woe to us if we hide our light under a basket rather than allowing it to give light to all those around us – through our good deeds that draw attention to God (see Matthew 5:13-17).

Kris Valloton has said, “We are called to be the light of the world not the light of the church.”

If the world is getting darker as many Christians say, then our lights should be getting brighter – out there in the world!

Embracing a Kingdom Posture

In order to engage with people in the middle, we need to embrace a kingdom posture. The Church and the kingdom of God are not of this world. Though we are called to engage in civic spaces, we are an apolitical entity that will outlast every political structure.

We are called to be “kingdom Christians” says my friend, Lee Grady. That is, “followers of Christ whose primary allegiance is not to a political party but to biblical values.” If you haven’t read his recent article called, Why I Can’t Defend Everything Trump Tweets , it’s definitely worth reading. In my opinion, we need more voices like Lee’s to cut through the clutter.

The church is meant to solve problems, not create them. We are called to build bridges and not walls. At a time of deep division, could it be that God is asking us to lead the way and model what love looks like, both inside and outside of the Church?

Where to Start…

How about starting right where you are – with your co-workers and your neighbors? I’m fairly certain right outside your door or your cubicle, there are probably a variety of differing views and political convictions. My wife and I are Independents when it comes to voting. We vote along the lines of biblical convictions and conscience. Our views are at odds with many people we know, and yet that has not hindered us at all from engaging. In fact, we have some great relationships with people who are not in our church, and we don’t feel the need to delve into politics with them.

Why? Because we value them as people over their political convictions and affiliations. We are more concerned with loving people well and modeling Christ than we are about getting on our own political soap box. Here are a few ways we navigate tough topics with people who think differently from us:

Conclusion

It takes courage to step out of your comfort zone and wade into the middle, but it’s the only way we are going to get over our suspicion of people who aren’t in our circles and model the love of Jesus to people. Jesus laid aside His divine privileges to engage with us. He is Emmanuel, or God with us. And if Jesus came from heaven to earth, we can certainly walk across the street, step across the aisle, or lift our head above our cubicle to engage with people who may be very different from us.

So roll up your sleeves, get to work, and don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty. Jesus wasn’t.

There multitudes of people whom God loves…waiting for us…in the middle.

¹ https://www.gotquestions.org/balm-of-Gilead.html

Rest Is a Weapon by Christ John Otto

Wed, 26 Jun 2019 12:00:00 GMT

Rest is a weapon. Several weeks ago, that phrase gripped my attention. My friend, Christ (rhymes with “wrist”) John Otto, shared it through his Friday email and I quickly asked if he would write a guest post for this community.

As you know, I’ve been thinking, practicing and writing about Rest for a while now. I also thought it was apropos in light of my new book on rest – Rest Assured.

Previously available only as an e-book, Rest Assured is now available as a paperback on Amazon!

But without further ado, here is what Christ Otto had to say about rest.

Rest Is A Weapon by Christ Otto

2019 is a year of preparation for what is coming. We are headed into uncharted territory, and we need to learn new ways of doing things. And key to the new way is learning to rest.

Again and again I hear stories of people who are given a task from the Lord and then, after they have done all they could in their own strength, they “surrender it to the Lord” and it all works out.

Friends, that’s not a testimony.

God has a much better way for you than try harder, frustration, and surrender. Think of all the resources and time that are wasted in that process. There is a better way.

Rest is a weapon.

Rest is a weapon. (Graham Cooke)
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Graham Cooke said that many years ago.

Rest is a weapon. It was the powerful weapon God used to free Israel from Egypt. “Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.”

If the Israelite’s had tried to fight, they would have lost. In standing still they gave God the opportunity to fight for them.

Rest is making the deliberate choice to be weak. God makes you powerful in weakness. Rest is giving space for God to act on your behalf.

Rest is giving space for God to act on your behalf. (Christ Otto)
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We often miss how God does things:

And rest is also about giving you time to regroup and recover.

Sometimes we think there is something noble about pushing through, working until exhaustion, and living on a long adrenaline rush.

There is nothing noble about it at all. That’s living from the outside in, living from the fall, not the kingdom. Hebrews tells us that there is a Sabbath rest for the people God.

In Exodus 34 the command to rest one day a week, the release of creativity for worship, and the release of abundant provision are interwoven.

Rest,

Creativity,

and provision…

God’s plan for your life is to rest into victory and rest into him.

This week I challenge you to “waste an hour with Jesus” doing nothing. Turn off the screen, disconnect from the world around you, let your mind wander, and breathe. Give yourself a break, and rest. You might feel guilty at first, but you will be amazed at how much God can work in your life when you give Him space.

It’s a Season of Breakthrough

Wed, 12 Jun 2019 03:00:00 GMT

It’s a season of breakthrough. It’s not coming, it’s here.

In late 2018, the Lord said to me, “Stop saying the breakthrough is coming and start saying, ‘it’s here!'”

So I did. And guess what? I’m still waiting in some areas. But that doesn’t mean it hasn’t arrived. The natural always reflects the spiritual. In other words,

What God is doing happens spiritually before it happens in the natural.

What God is doing happens spiritually before it happens in the natural.
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This is exactly what Isaiah tells us.

You can also watch me share this message on You Tube here…

A Season of Breakthrough

We have entered a season of breakthrough and whether you can see it or feel it yet makes no difference. You simply see it and seize it by faith. The kingdom is being advanced in a forceful way, and I have been experiencing it first-hand. My personal times of worship have been electric, encouraging, and faith-building in fresh way. And though it begins in the secret place it doesn’t end there. Let me explain…

This verse has always been a little hard to understand. Most translations render it something like this, “From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven has suffered violence and the violent take it by force” (Matthew 11:12 ESV).

In other words, it’s moving powerfully, or forcefully advancing and violent energetic people seize it by force (the Amplified Bible says people “seize it as a precious prize”)

Brian Simmons, creator of the Passion Translation, says in the notes on this verse, ‘

Micah 2:12-13 is a direct reference to Jesus, “The breaker [the Messiah, who opens the way] shall go up before them [liberating them]. They will break out, pass through the gate and go out; So their King goes on before them, The Lord at their head.” (Micah 2:13 AMP)

Experiencing Breakthrough

The kingdom is forcefully advancing. Jesus is leading us into a season of breakthrough. This means two things for us.

1) God is forcefully, powerfully, moving, advancing, and breaking forth all around us. This is God’s part. He is doing it. It’s a season of breakout and breakthrough. It’s something He is doing. In order to partake of it, we must recognize it.

What are some tangible examples?

The kingdom is advancing in word and deed:

2) The people of God must see and seize the kingdom

In order to seize it, we first must see it. It must be spiritually discerned. Ask God for fresh eyes to see the kingdom around us, how it’s moving, and where it’s moving.

Once you see it, then seize it. Receive it by faith. Through grace it’s already been provided, and through faith we must see it and seize it.

If and unlimited supply of cash were falling from the sky, you would grab all you can. In the same way, God’s grace (free gift) is constantly being poured out – more than enough! Right now, the kingdom is powerfully moving and advancing. God is pouring it out. You can have as much as you want. It’s yours for the taking, you just have to seize/receive it!

Today, ask God for discernment of kingdom activity and when you see it, seize it! Take that opportunity to pray for healing, share the gospel, share a supernatural word of wisdom or knowledge and watch the kingdom come. Christ has purchased it all on our behalf. Grace has provided it and faith (trust) enables us to receive it.

Be the Person You Want Others to Be (Finding a Rhythm of Rest in a World of Busyness and Burnout – 6)

Mon, 13 May 2019 12:36:00 GMT

This is the sixth and final part of a series called, Finding a Rhythm of Rest in a World of Busyness and Burnout. Today, I want to share with you one of the benefits of rest that isn’t about you but will add direct benefits to your life.

I also recently my book, Rest Assured: Seven Days to Stillness, Sanity, and the Sabbath You Need! This book answers the question, “How can I learn to live life from a healthy place of contented rest rather than from hurried frustration, exhaustion, busyness, and burnout? The book is meant to be used as part of a seven-day journey to help you establish and live a lifestyle of rest that will in turn help you be more happy and fruitful in life.

If you missed it, here is the video from the R est Assured Facebook Live Event.

Now, let’s talk about a secret to rest that isn’t primarily about you…

Rest Isn’t All About You

There is a secret to rest that we haven’t yet considered.

The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed. (Proverbs 11:25 NLT)

Life-Giving People

Some people are just fun to be around. When you leave them, you feel encouraged, refreshed and empowered. They are like breath of fresh air. I want to be that type of person; the type of person that leaves people better than I found them. I have a few friends like this, including my wife. After being with them, I feel better than I did when we started. With a life-giving person, there is no pressure to be someone I’m not, no pretenses and no masks. They are truthful and honest with me, and I with them.

Learn to live a lifestyle of rest so you can refresh others.
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There is a man in the Bible who was like that. More than likely, you have never heard of him, but he encouraged one of the greatest apostles in history. His name was Onesiphorus. Listen what the apostle Paul said about him,

There are people all around you that need a breath of fresh air. So what are you waiting for? We know that Jesus told us it is better to give than receive (Acts 20:35), and if we give, it will be given back to us – “good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over” (see Luke 6:38 ESV). Jesus didn’t come for healthy people, He came for the sick, the weary and the downtrodden (Luke 5:31-32). To do what? To give them life!

If you allow Him to, Jesus will make you healthy and whole so you could do the same for others. And in doing so, you will receive refreshment for refreshing others!

Be the Type of Person You Want Others To Be

Do things on purpose, be generous for no reason, love without cause. In doing so you will revive others and be like a breath of fresh air to them. Each of us needs to be an Onesiphorus and to have an Onesiphorus.

Be the type of person you want others to be.
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Selah

Maybe it’s time you get started refreshing others? Why not be generous and give it away? The challenge today is to refresh one person. Go be an Onesiphorus to someone else! Bring someone at your workplace coffee for no reason. Give them a compliment just because. Buy a coworkers lunch unexpectedly. Get together with a friend simply to encourage them. Be a good listener. Pay attention to those around you when they share their likes or needs and then beat them to it. Give an extravagant gift.

Go ahead, I dare you, be the person you want others to be!

You can check out the whole series here:

Rest Assured: Seven Days to Stillness, Sanity and the Sabbath You Need

True rest can only be found in a relationship with God.

The book is now available as an e-book or in paperback

Order Now

Why Do We Suck at Evangelism? It’s Not What You Think…

Wed, 24 Apr 2019 12:18:00 GMT

Evangelism continues to be one of the most difficult things for Christians and churches to engage in and sustain. Why is that?

In my last post, how Lady Gaga helped me with evangelism , I shared some insightful research from the Barna Research Group . It states that nearly one-half (47%) of Millennials feel it is “somewhat wrong to share their personal beliefs with someone of a different faith in hopes that they will someday share the same faith.”

This is despite the fact that they feel knowing Jesus is the best thing that could ever happen to someone (94-97%).

What is going on?

What Is Evangelism?

Before we go too far, it’s important to define evangelism as there is much confusion over the word. In his article, What Is Evangelism, Jeremy Bouma (Th.M.) explains. The word “evangelism” actually doesn’t exist in the Bible but comes from a few different Greek words. The best one to describe it is euangelizo — “to proclaim the gospel”—to describe the activity of telling the gospel (Rom. 10:15). Evangelism is the English term for the act of communicating the gospel. It’s the message that Jesus Christ is Lord. He goes on to say, “ The essence of evangelism is the gospel , which is the good news of Jesus—not methods or the kinds and sizes of audiences.”

The Harvest is Great, but are the Workers Still Few?

Jesus told His disciples, “The harvest is great, but the workers are few” (see Matt. 9:37). When He said this, He was looking at a small group of disciples but had the bigger picture in mind: scores upon scores, indeed the whole world, of people whom He wanted to welcome into the kingdom of God.

Is that statement still accurate? I’m not saying Jesus was lying. It was accurate and true in that moment. Jesus was stating a time-bound fact. The harvest is still great, but are the workers still few? At present, there are around 7.53 billion people in the world. Of that number, 2.18 billion of those are said to be Christians. That leaves 5.35 billion people who don’t know Christ, including 3.14 billion that belong to unreached people groups. ¹

If the 2.18 billion Christians in the world each led just one person to Christ each year, the whole world would know Him within three years.

The harvest is still great, and the workers are many! So, why aren’t we turning the world upside down?

Turning the World Upside Down

In the early days of Christianity, with only a small but growing number of disciples throughout the known world, it was said, “Those who have turned the world upside down have come here too” (see Acts 17:6).

2000 years later, can you say that in your context?

I personally don’t know anyone in my Western context who would say they are turning the world upside down.

Why We Suck at Evangelism

Let’s move backwards from the outside to the inside to find out why…

1) We must plead with God to launch us into the harvest.

So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields. (Matthew 9:38 NLT, emphasis added)

From Jesus’ words, we learn we are to “pray” and ask him to “send” more workers (starting with yourself) into his fields to harvest. But it’s not what you think.

Pray is the Greek word “ dĕŏmai ( deh´-om-ahee) and it means to beg or plead.

Send is the Greek word “ĕkballō” (ek-bal´-lo) and it means to eject, to drive (out), expel. ²

When is the last time you begged and pleaded with God to drive you into the harvest?
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Let me give some context for this. In his book, Letters to the Church , Francis Chan shares a about a time when he visited an underground church gathering in China. The believers all shared stories about the persecution they had endured: being shot at or hiding in the walls to avoid capture. The thing is, everyone was laughing like it was a party! They just expected persecution.

Francis went on to tell about the prayer meeting.

We treat Jesus’ words like they are a good suggestion when they are actually a command. We pray passively, like it applies to someone else, removing ourselves from the equation. But Matthew 9:38 is anything but passive.

When the prophet Isaiah encountered God, God asked a question. “Who will for for us? Whom shall I send?” Isaiah’s response was not, “God, I’m going to pray so you will find someone who will go. Send someone, Lord!” No, Isaiah said, “Here I am! Send me!” (see Isaiah 6:8)

We know we should go into the sea of lost humanity that needs a Savior, so why don’t we? It has to do with compassion.

2) Compassion is what drives us into the harvest.

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless , like sheep without a shepherd. (Matthew 9:36 NLT, empahasis added)

Jesus didn’t just see the crowd, He saw people. He discerned clearly their state of being, and when He saw their condition – confused, sick, helpless, tossed around, and scattered without protection or care – His heart broke with compassion.

Compassion is not just feelings of sympathy and pity. Compassion is a deep sympathy that drives us to action!

Jesus couldn’t possibly see the state people were in and leave them there. That’s why He healed them, cast out demons, and delivered them.

Compassion or a lack thereof is either a fruit or a symptom. When we have it, something is right on the inside, when we don’t have it, something is off.

If that’s the case, how do we get it and why don’t we have it – the way Jesus did?

3) We don’t have a compassion problem, we have a connection problem.

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:5 ESV)

Compassion comes from being connected to the Vine, Jesus.

Compassion comes from being connected to the Vine, Jesus.
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Let me prove it to you.

Jesus said, “You know the saying, ‘Four months between planting and harvest.’ But I say, wake up and look around. The fields are already ripe for harvest.” (John 4:35 NLT)

In other words, you keep putting off the harvest saying, it won’t be ready for four more months, but I say it’s ready now! That statement came directly following the greatest revelation of worship in the New Testament. After running into a Samaritan woman at a well, Jesus taught her about living water (the Holy Spirit) and true worship. He told her true worshipers worship in Spirit and truth, and the Father is looking for those who will worship Him that way (see John 4:23). Living Water (the person and power of the Holy Spirit) flows when we worship in Spirit and truth.

As pastor Bill Johnson says, “The purest evangelism flows from worship.”

When the connection part is right, it births true compassion and enables you to see people the way the Father sees them – like sheep without a shepherd. It’s the Father’s compassion that drives us into the harvest, empowered by the Holy Spirit.

The secret to evangelism is the secret place.
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Let’s Recap

Connection with Christ >>> births compassion >>> that drives us into the harvest.

What Now?

We can either ask God for compassion (which is the equivalent of a booster shot that only lasts for so long), or we can ask Him for the grace to abide with Him in connection both personally and as the body of Christ.

Where does training come in? Once we begin abiding in Christ and compassion is birthed, we are not only driven into the harvest but we are driven to seek out the equipping we need in order to learn how to evangelize. Here are a few resources that come highly recommended by many (I have read a few of them):

You are the Plan!

I have a sticky note hanging up in my study/prayer room that says, “I am revival.” Revival starts with me, in the secret place. I can have a continuous revival in me. And if I get that right it will spread to others because what’s gained in the secret place will never be kept secret!

I am revival.
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Two thousand years after His death and resurrection, Jesus’ compassion hasn’t lessened but His method has changed. Jesus left and gave us the authority to do the same things He did. He has entrusted us with His mission, “Go into every nation and make disciples” (see Matthew 28:18-20). Jesus also said,

Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you. (John 20:21).

You are the plan. There is no plan “B”. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill that cannot be hidden. (see Matthew 5:14)

Your joy depends on it!

Did you know part of your joy as a follower of Jesus depends upon you sharing your faith?

Maybe the reason so many Christians are miserable is because they aren’t giving out in this way. Instead of a flowing river, you’ve become a stagnant pond.

Go!

Start in the secret place. Prioritize your daily time with God. Let Him birth compassion in your heart as you worship and adore Him.

Churches must do the same. Notice the pattern in the book of Acts: over and over, they were found in prayer and in one accord (or of one mind). God would pour out His love and compassion upon them and they would go out into the harvest with boldness.

Don’t wait another moment. Get in the secret place and let compassion drive you into the harvest. The world is waiting!

Rest Assured: Seven Days to Stillness, Sanity and the Sabbath You Need

True rest can only be found in a relationship with God.

*This e-book and downloadable PDF is available for pre-order now! Launching 5-15-19.

Footnotes

1 – https://joshuaproject.net/

2 – Strong, J. (2009). A Concise Dictionary of the Words in the Greek Testament and The Hebrew Bible (Vol. 1, p. 26). Bellingham, WA: Logos Bible Software.

3 – Chan, Francis (2018). Letters to the Church. David C. Cook. 4050 Lee Vance Drive, Colorado Springs, CO 80918.

Lady Gaga and Evangelism. Wait, What?

Wed, 20 Mar 2019 12:37:00 GMT

The word “evangelism” has fallen on hard times. According to the Barna Research Group , nearly one-half (47%) of Millennials feel it is “somewhat wrong to share their personal beliefs with someone of a different faith in hopes that they will someday share the same faith.” This is despite the fact that they feel knowing Jesus is the best thing that could ever happen to someone (94-97%). That seems like a bit of a dichotomy, doesn’t it? Lady Gaga can help us with this…

Many of you are familiar with the smash hit movie A Star Is Born. I am neither recommending nor opposing the movie (use your own discretion – it’s the gritty stuff of life), but it helped me gain a fresh heart of compassion for people. God has often used movies to stir my heart with compassion.

As the story goes, country music star Jackson Maine (played by Bradley Cooper) stumbles upon Ally (played by Lady Gaga) during a performance in a dive bar for drag queens. She’s given up on her own dream of being a performer until meeting Jackson, who quickly takes notice of her prolific talent as a singer. You can read a synopsis from the official movie website . Jackson takes her under his wing, they fall in love, and she is propelled into stardom herself. They get married despite Jackson’s addiction to alcohol and prescription medication.

Jackson’s addiction progresses and Ally’s stardom increases, coming to a climax when she wins a Grammy and he embarasses himself on stage in a drunken stupor.

(Spoiler alert) Jackson finally decides to enter rehab. Upon completing the program, Ally’s manager confronts him privately to tell him it’s only a matter of time before he falls back into addiction and ruins her career. Not wanting to hold her back, Jackson decides to take his own life rather than being a detriment to hers.

Suicide on the rise…

Suicide is a serious issue and it’s only growing. In fact, the US suicide rate is at a 30 year high and has risen 25% in the past 17 years according to BBC News . Recently, California passed a bill to require the phone number for the Suicide Prevention Hotline to be placed on all student ID’s. No one seems to know exactly why suicide rates are increasing, but Dr. Jerry Reed of the National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention says there is “definitely a relationship between serious mental illness and suicidal behaviour.” Why is suicide on the rise? Though one can’t over-simplify the problem, I believe part of the problem is spiritual in nature. Christ is the hope of glory, who gives us Himself, fills us with food that truly satisfies the deep need of our soul, and gives us a purpose beyond ourselves.

Maybe you’ve never considered taking your own life, but I have. While in college, I was struggling with drug and alcohol addiction myself. After finding out one of my best childhood friends died in an unexpected car accident, I was already depressed and contemplated taking my own life. I also was there to take one of my sisters to the doctor after she had taken a handful of pills in her early twenties. Shortly after, she was also placed in the mental health ward for cutting her wrists. Thankfully, Christ found us a year or so later and things radically changed for both of us. Otherwise, I fear neither of us may be alive today.

If you or someone you know is struggling with that, seek help immediately in the way of a counselor and/or calling the Suicide Prevention Hotline.

The Question of Human Suffering

After Jackson took his own life, I grew distraught. My heart began to break for people in such pain that they feel they must take their own lives. I asked the Lord, how can You allow people to experience such pain and hopelessness that they would take their own lives and perish without knowing Your love? It seemed cruel to me that the Lord would condemn people who are in such pain to an eternity without Him. The Lord’s voice immediately flooded my heart with this thought, “Don’t let it drive you away from Me. Let it take you deeper into My love. You see, Kent, I love people more than you ever could.”

In that moment, I was reminded God doesn’t condemn anyone to Hell. Ultimately, people choose a life without Him. In fact, one must step over Jesus in order to get there. He laid down His perfect life, taking the wrath of God upon Himself to pay for our sin – making a way for us to experience wholeness through a relationship with Him and eternity with Him in the life to come.

That night I was thinking about the movie and couldn’t sleep when Charles Templeton came to mind. A contemporary and friend of Billy Graham in the 1940’s, Charles Templeton was gaining a large platform in Canada as an evangelist. But by 1948, their lives were heading in different directions, and he began to question the Christian faith as he was about to enter Princeton Theological Seminary. He was having doubts about his faith in regards to issues such as creation. Charles Templeton relates a story in which he was reading a LIFE magazine with a photograph of a black woman in northern Africa holding a dead baby in her arms as she looked up to heaven when he thought, “How could a loving God do this to that woman?” Less than a decade later (1957), he would publicly proclaim agnosticism.

Like many, Templeton had allowed his doubts and the pain and suffering of humanity to take him away from God instead of drawing Him deeper into God’s love for humanity. It was the very same temptation I faced sitting in the movie theater.

Many years later, after writing the book Farewell to God, in an interview with author Lee Strobel ( The Case for Christ which also exists as a movie that is worth watching), Templeton said this (shortened excerpt from Farewell to God):

“He [Jesus] was the greatest human being who has ever lived…he is the most important thing in my life..I adore him! Everything good I know, everything decent I know, everything pure I know, I learned from Jesus….He is the most important person who ever existed…I…miss…him!”

It’s Personal

Unable to sleep, my thoughts then drifted to Greg – a friend of my Dad’s I met in my early twenties. Greg needed a place to stay for a while so my dad took him in. My dad has always had a caring heart for people in need, to the point where he has been taken advantage of at times. I had a few opportunities to talk to Greg, and maybe shared briefly about my faith, but I failed to share the whole gospel with him. A few months later, Greg was found dead in his truck on the side of a dirt road. He had shot himself.

I don’t blame myself for His death, but I do take responsibility for my own inaction. I could have and should have shared the love of Christ with him, but I didn’t.

In that moment, I was reminded of the brevity of life and the urgency of sharing the love of God and the gospel with people.

Evangelism Starts with Compassion

What moved Christ to live life the way He did – loving, healing, and eventually sacrificing Himself on a cross for us? The answer is compassion.

It’s compassion that compels us to reach others with the love of Christ. If you want to reach people with His love, it starts with compassion. Compassion is a strong word.

Biblical compassion means to yearn for people with pity and sympathy deep in your bowels.

The Latin, compati means “to suffer with” or as counselor and pastor Kegan Mosier says, compassion is sympathy in action.

Compassion is sympathy in action. Kegan Mosier
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Most times, when Jesus performed a miracle, the Bible tells us He did so out of compassion.

But where does compassion come from and how do we get it? An abundance of compassion or the lack thereof is a symptom of something deeper.

Compassion or a lack thereof is a symptom of something deeper.
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Compassion That Leads to Action

Compassion surfaces when we are vibrantly and deeply connected to God as Jesus was. When that is the case, it is impossible not to have compassion for people. Jesus told us He only did what He saw the Father doing (John 5:19). He was literally feeling the Father’s heart for people. You can’t manufacture that type of compassion. It only comes from one place.

But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. (Psalm 86:15 NIV)

We don’t have a compassion problem, we have a connection problem.

When intimately connected to Jesus, the same way He is connected to the Father, compassion flourishes (see John 15:1-8).

We don’t have a compassion problem, we have a connection problem.
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What are We Waiting For?

Once our connection problem is solved, Jesus’ words come to life,

It’s compassion that drives us into the harvest. We treat these words as a good suggestion, when in reality, they are strong command. “Ask” is the Greek word, dĕŏmai, deh´-om-ahee . It means to beg . And “send” is the Greek word ĕkballō, ek-bal´-lo . It means to eject , bring forth, cast (forth, out), drive (out), or expel. So you could say it this way:

That’s a little different than as him to send out workers. Remember, when Isaiah encountered the Lord, he said, “Here am I, send me!” If we’ve truly encountered the Lord and have a vital connection with Him, we will do the same.

Don’t Over-complicate Evangelism

I think we over-complicate evangelism. Starting off is as easy as looking someone in the eye and asking, “Do you know God deeply loves you and cares for you?” The gospel or good news starts with love.

Recently, I was having dinner in an airport after coming back from the Send event in Orlando. After dinner, I looked the waitress in the eye and said, “Can I tell you something?” She leaned on the table and said, “Sure.” I proceeded to ask her if anyone had ever told her that God deeply loves her. She told me her sister goes to church and she had told her, but she couldn’t go because she had to work every Sunday. The Lord began sharing with me how He saw her, and as I related it to her she was obviously touched. I told her when she is ready, God is waiting with open arms. She had to get back to work so wasn’t able to take her through the gospel, but I did leave her with a gospel tract I use – after leaving a good tip! If you don’t know how to start, “Did you know God deeply loves you” or “Is there anything I can pray for you about ” is always a good way! The more you do it, the easier it will become. A few may respond negatively, but most will not. And even if they do respond negatively (which for me has been rare), isn’t their inestimable value as someone made in God’s image worth a little ridicule?

If they seem interested, here are two ways I like to share the gospel:

Let’s remember, it’s not just about saying a prayer, it’s about becoming a disciple. It’s great if they respond, but then the hard work begins as you invest in them, and invite them into your community of faith. You can also do that before they put their trust in Christ. Jesus invited people to follow Him before that trusted in Him. But it starts with compassion. You won’t dare to look someone in the eye and tell them of His radical love for them if you aren’t abiding in His love and feeling His heart hurt for those around you. Once you do it becomes easier.

Why not go deep in relationship with Him, allow Him to break your heart with compassion for people, and let it drive you into the harvest to start telling people about the amazing, transforming, sacrificial love of Jesus Christ. Then trust Him with the result. Ultimately, if people reject the message, they are not rejecting you. They are rejecting Jesus. You are simply the bearer – and hopefully a demonstration – of the good news. But that’s not where it stops.

The 4/5 Rule

I call it the ⅘ rule. We are responsible for 4 out of 5 steps of the process. We plant the seed, we water the seed, God brings the growth or increase, we harvest the fruit, and we make disciples.

Happy harvesting.

PS – Here the message where Gina and I sing a song from A Star is Born in this sermon from Journey Church!

What is Sabbath Anyway? (Finding a Rhythm of Rest in a World of Busyness and Burnout – 5)

Wed, 13 Feb 2019 13:31:00 GMT

What is Sabbath anyway and does it still apply to us? Sabbath simply means to STOP or cease from activity.

In my last post, Stretched Thin , I encouraged you to follow God’s example by building a Sabbath day into your weekly schedule. You can check out the whole series here

Honoring the Sabbath goes beyond just resting or ceasing from our labor. God also calls the Sabbath holy making the Sabbath not only practical, it’s spiritual!

When the Bible says God blessed the seventh day, it means He showered down abundance and fullness on it, filling it with strength. In other words, there is a blessing in honoring the Sabbath that comes directly from God! When Genesis says God “declared it holy” it means He devoted it to sacred purposes – the sacred purpose of resting, being refreshed, and honoring Him!

The Sabbath Is A Command

That’s not all. God takes it step further by making it a command.

It is one of the Ten Commandments, and therefore on the same level as – do not lie, do not steal, do not commit adultery, do not murder, etc. Before you get mad and stop reading, let me explain. Christians like to sometimes use the excuse that we are “free from the law” because we are “under grace.” I’m not debating that, but grace doesn’t free us from the moral law, rather it gives us a new heart and empowers us to fulfill the law. Jesus Himself said He didn’t come to abolish the law or the prophets. He came to fulfill the law (see Matthew 5:17).

If you are a follower of Jesus, you will agree that the greatest commandment or “law” is love, namely to love God and love your neighbor (see Mark 12:29-31). When we operate by the law of love we will fulfill all the moral law (the Ten Commandments). Love would not steal, kill, lie, or break any of the Ten Commandments because love lives for the good of God and others. The same way you seek to observe the other Ten Commandments (by grace through faith) you seek to observe the Sabbath day! It’s not a rigid obligation. Loving God and keeping His commands is not a burden – it’s a joy (see 1 John 5:3). If you have a hard time seeing it as a joy, dig deeper and allow God to speak to you about it.

The Sabbath Is A Gift

Jesus rescues the Sabbath from a rigid day of grudging obligations to a loving boundary meant to bring joy, health, and fulfillment to your life. He told us the Sabbath was created for man, not man for the Sabbath (see Mark 2:27). The Pharisees were using the Sabbath to oppress and put people under a heavy yoke. They condemned Jesus and His disciples for “doing work” on the Sabbath (they were plucking heads of grain because they were hungry), but Jesus brings God’s true intention for the Sabbath back into focus.

The Sabbath is meant to be a gift to mankind rather than a crushing obligation.

It’s perfectly fine to take care of your basic needs, enjoy God, do good and have fun on the Sabbath. In fact, God created it for that purpose.

When Should I Sabbath?

As the New Testament Christian Church, we generally celebrate the Sabbath on the first day of the week rather than the last day of the week. There is some precedent for this in Scripture and with the early church, but either way, it doesn’t matter that much for us. What matters is the Sabbath is a day to rest, be refreshed, experience God’s blessing and set aside time to honor, worship and enjoy Him and one another. This would include a Sunday celebration service, serving in your church, and doing good on the Sabbath (feeding the poor, praying for healing, etc) as well as taking some time to just relax, be with family and enjoy the blessings God has given you.

If you are a pastor or on a church staff, Sunday is probably not a Sabbath. Not that Sundays aren’t enjoyable and life-giving; they certainly are or at least should be. Many times, it’s the highlight of my week, but it’s also hard work and can be exhausting. I start at 4:30 am, pick up the trailer for our portable church, help the set up team, preach, sometimes lead worship, pack everything up, drive the trailer back to its parking spot, and finally arrive home at about 2 or 2:30pm. My Sabbath day has changed over the years. For many years it was on Friday, but now, since my children are in school, I typically sabbath from 5pm on Friday night until 5pm on Saturday night.

Selah

This might sting a bit, but it needs to be said: not taking a Sabbath rest is prideful and arrogant and it will catch up to you. When we don’t take time to stop, refresh and honor God, it’s like saying, my work is more important than You, and what I have to do takes precedence over your command to rest.

So I ask you again, what day have you chosen for your Sabbath? What is on and off limits on that day? How will you honor God on that day? Let’s not let this rebellion go one day longer. If God Himself can rest, surely you can too!

Stretched Thin (Finding a Rhythm of Rest in a World of Busyness and Burnout – 4)

Wed, 30 Jan 2019 17:24:00 GMT

So much of what we do in life and ministry is focused on others causing us to sometimes lose sight of our own well being.

If we are going to be effective at ministering to other people, we must first learn to care for ourselves. This may sound self-focused or self-serving, but I assure you it’s not. Think of how many times Jesus drew away by Himself to share life with His Father and be empowered by the Spirit. As leadership expert John Maxwell once said, “To lead others, you must first lead yourself.”

To lead others ou must first lead yourself. John Maxwell
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If we are not careful, our lives can get out of alignment. If you worry a lot, feel anxious, are down and depressed, and you are not sleeping well, chances are your life is out of alignment with your Creator.

It’s time to go back to the Source.

Something is off, but how do we escape the rat-race that leads to burnout? How do we get our lives aligned again?

Stretched Thin

I’m a firm believer in observing a Sabbath day. In fact, whenever I violate this principle in an ongoing way, “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.” This is what Bilbo Baggins ( The Hobbit ) said after years of carrying the evil ring of power for years. He goes on to suggest that he is in need of a holiday (vacation).

May I suggest you need a weekly “holiday?”

You need a weekly holiday. Start here…
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What does the God say about this? “On the seventh day God had finished his work of creation, so he rested from all his work” (Genesis 2:2 NLT). When it says God rested, it means He ceased or stopped. Having such a full schedule has caused me to ask the question, c an I afford not to take a weekly Sabbath? The obvious answer is no! So years ago, I decided I was going to take a weekly Sabbath no matter what.

Refining the Sabbath

So what does my Sabbath day look like? I enjoy doing things with my wife and kids like taking leisurely walks or going to the park. Sometimes we go on a special outing or have a family day. Other times we just veg out around the house and watch movies in the middle of the day or play games. I don’t check my email, do anything related to my job, or take phone calls unless it’s an emergency (as judged by checking my voicemail – if they don’t leave a voicemail it’s not that important anyway). I try to do things I like and enjoy like puttering in the garage (yes that’s a thing), working on a wood project for fun, fixing things around the house, or playing a round of golf. Although some of these things may seem like work to you, they are life-giving for me! The point is, a Sabbath day should be restful and life-giving.

Taking a Sabbath day once a week will help you to enter His rest on a consistent basis and is a built-in reminder to rest.

A weekly Sabbath day is a built-in reminder to rest
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Remember, when we practice God’s principles we get God results. You will be better off for taking a weekly Sabbath day. After all, life shouldn’t be all work and no play (or the other way around either). Taking a day of rest will give you space to breathe and be rejuvenated so you can be effective for God, your families, your job, your church and others.

Selah

If God Himself rested after His labor, why can’t we?

Not only do His responsibilities greatly outnumber ours, but they are infinitely more important. God didn’t rest because He was tired; He rested to give us an example. It’s a similar principle to tithing. Giving God the first 10% is an act of faith. By doing this, I am saying, God I trust you can do more with 90% than I can do with 100%. The same is true of the Sabbath. If I take one day per week to rest and honor Him, I am trusting He can do more in six days than I can do with seven! It’s a defiant act of faith in a world of busyness and burnout.

If you don’t have a Sabbath day built into your schedule, pick one now and honor it this week! For many of us, Sunday is a great day for this. Worship and serve at your church, and spend the rest of the day with friends and family doing something rejuvenating. But if not Sunday, when? You decide.

If you are married, sit down with your spouse to talk and pray together to determine which day of the week it will be and what it could look like. Determine what things are on and off limits on that day.

And do yourself a favor. Rest.

The Exchange (Finding a Rhythm of Rest in a World of Busyness and Burnout – 3)

Wed, 23 Jan 2019 14:00:00 GMT

Did you know we can actually exchange our burdens for Jesus’ rest?

Jesus told us,

Previous Parts to Finding a Rhythm of Rest in a World of Busyness and Burnout:

A Built-in Alarm System

There is a built-in alarm system inside of me that goes off whenever I step outside the “borders of grace” or simply put, God’s will for my life. It dates back to early 2004. I was very involved at my church…too involved you might say. Is it possible to do too much for God? Absolutely! Let me explain. On one particular weekend, I was scheduled to attend a college ministry training event but instead, a few hours before I was set to travel, I crumpled into a heap on the floor and cried like a baby for two hours. I was experiencing a minor nervous breakdown. Obviously, the training was now out of the question – I was a mess, but what instigated this mini-breakdown?

I was operating outside the borders of grace.

Psalm 16 says it superbly, “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance” (Psalm 16:6, NIV). How do we know if we are operating within the borders of grace? Simply put, we will feel full not empty! In Jesus’ words, “My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work” (John 4:34).

There is empowerment from heaven to do the will of God.

Oswald Chambers said it best,

Whatever I was experiencing certainly didn’t feel “delightful.” Leading up to that episode, I blew right past the warning signs: sleepless nights, waves of anxiety, and feeling down and depressed. This wasn’t normal for me. In fact, I had never felt that way before. This wasn’t a chemical imbalance; it was the result of poor and choices on my part that led to burnout.

In the days to follow, Jesus began to talk to me about the state of my life. The responsibilities I had taken on were dizzying. I was newly married, working full-time, pioneering a college and career ministry through our church, and my wife and I were leading the church’s entire worship ministry to boot! As I began to seek Jesus about what was happening, He was eager to tell me – not all the things I was doing were His will . I had taken on responsibilities that He had not asked me to do. I was wearing a yoke, but not His yoke (at least not all of it)! His voice clearly flooded my soul, “You didn’t get into this mess overnight and you are not going to get out of it overnight.” Slowly, over the course of several months, as I let go of some things and focused on Jesus and His will for me, I began to feel healthy again.

Whose Yoke Are You Wearing?

In Scripture, a yoke refers to servitude or obligation. That doesn’t sound like a good thing, but the word picture here is beautiful, “Take My yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:29). A yoke is a collar-like frame fitted to go over the neck and the shoulders of two animals. In this scenario, Jesus is our stronger “older brother” who shoulders the majority of the burden for us. As the late Matthew Henry said, His yoke is not a heavy burden but rather “A yoke lined with love.” Taking on His yoke doesn’t release us from service, it frees us to walk in relationship – releasing us from the weighty burden of sin and self-effort. Simply put,

Jesus invites us to exchange our burdens for His rest.

Jesus invites us to exchange our burdens for His rest.
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What a great deal. We cash in our weariness, burdens, anxieties, sin and shame for His rest and refreshment! When you take on things that are outside of His will, you are operating in your own strength. This is one of the surest ways to burnout. The good is the enemy of the best. There are many reasons we take on yokes or obligations outside of His will for us, here are a few,

Selah

If you are feeling burdened, weary or heavy laden, it could be that you are not wearing His yoke but another not of His making. Take some time today to ask Him about any adjustments you need to make.

Try this: write down everything you are currently “doing for God.” Pray through the list and ask Him, is there anything I’m doing that you have not asked me to do? Is there anything I need to let go of? Is there anything not on this list that you would like me to do?

If you do not feel weary and heavy laden, ask Him to refresh you anyway and take time to receive His rest. It’s also good time to re-evaluate His will for your life and to ensure you are in the sweet spot of His will so you can be healthy and effective for His kingdom!

If you like this, consider sharing it! See links below…

The Gift of Rest (Finding a Rhythm of Rest in a World of Busyness and Burnout – 2)

Wed, 16 Jan 2019 14:00:00 GMT

It all started on a Wednesday afternoon in early April 2014…

That particular season was one of the busiest seasons of my life. At that time, Wednesday mornings were usually spent at home with the kids while my wife went grocery shopping, and Wednesday afternoons were dedicated to prayer. I was in a season fraught with anxiety. There were so many questions that needed answering and few answers to go around. If you asked me today, I couldn’t tell you what seemed to be of paramount importance then, but at the time it felt like life or death. My mind was unfocused, I was irritable and angry – quick to fly off the handle, and my nights were spent tossing with my thoughts in what seemed like an endless stream of consciousness.

I felt like I was drowning.

The apostle Peter told us very simply to cast our anxieties upon Him because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7), but clearly, I didn’t understand how to do that.

That afternoon, I headed downstairs to my home office/guest room to worship and pray. Rather than focusing on Jesus and His goodness, my focus was on getting answers. I pressed and strained to hear God. Like Jacob, I was not letting go until God blessed me! I was striving, but instead of finding peace, my heart and mind became increasingly anxious. My thoughts began to turn inward: Maybe I’m outside of the will of God. Do I have unconfessed sin? Am I living outside the borders of grace in some area of my life? Am I doing things Christ hasn’t asked me to do and reaping the consequences? Whatever it is, please show me Lord! As the tension built, something Jesus said flooded my soul:

At that very moment, the singers on the live web stream from the International House of Prayer began singing that exact verse of Scripture!

Rest Is to Be Received

In that moment, God’s voice broke through the swirling chaos, and He said something to me that I will never forget,

You see, rest is a gift to be received.

Rest is a gift to be received.
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Immediately, I laid down on the bed and simply began to receive from Jesus – His life, His love, His peace, His grace, and yes, His rest! My heart was instantly refreshed, burdens were lifted, anxieties ceased, and Jesus filled my soul with what I was longing for…true rest and peace!

True rest comes when we strive less and receive more from God.

True rest comes when we strive less and receive more from God.
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I once heard Leif Hetland say, “We live from God not for God.” In the same way, it could be said, “We live from God’s rest not for God’s rest.” You can have rest without understanding everything that’s going on in your life…if you receive it! Put your agenda to the side and seek Him for who He is.

Jesus gives true rest.

When we seek Him for who He is, with no other agenda, things begin to come clear, but striving for answers often leads to frustration. Although you may not receive the answer you feel you need at the moment (in my experience it doesn’t usually happen that way), God gives us what we really need – Himself!

Selah

Try taking on a new posture – one of receiving. It may seem foreign to you, or selfish, but try it anyway. Right now, take a few minutes to lay aside your agenda and simply receive from Jesus with a childlike heart. Receive His love, His grace, His strength and anything else you need, just ask Him. Jesus has given us a standing invitation, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Can you hear it?

Finding a Rhythm of Rest in a World of Busyness and Burnout – The Series

Death by Overwork (Finding a Rhythm of Rest in a World of Busyness and Burnout – 1)

Fri, 11 Jan 2019 14:31:00 GMT

Death by overwork. It sounds funny, doesn’t it? The thing is, it’s actually true! The term “Karoshi” is a Japanese word meaning, “death by overwork.”

Traced back to the aftermath of World War II, Prime Minister Shigeru Yoshida was determined to make the rebuilding of Japan’s economy his number one priority. He did this by strongly encouraging Japanese corporations to offer lifetime job security and asking their employees for loyalty in return. It propelled Japan into the world’s third largest economy today, but it came at a cost. Only a decade after this initiative began, workers from Japan began committing suicide and experiencing strokes and heart failure. The cases were known as “occupational sudden death.” One such case happened in 2013 when journalist Miwa Sado of news network NHK allegedly logged 159 hours of overtime in one month and died of heart failure not long after.

Maybe you’re not working 159 hours of overtime in month, but chances are you are too busy, and it may literally be killing you.

True rest is something that we all desperately need but many of us can’t seem to find.
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True rest is something that we all desperately need but many of us can’t seem to find. By rest, I don’t necessarily mean sleep or down time, although that is important. The rest I’m referring to is rest for our souls. In the words of the early church father, Augustine of Hippo, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”

You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you. Augustine of Hippo
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Since 2014, God has been teaching me about rest. I want to share with you some of what I have learned and take a journey together toward finding true rest.

My Burnout

Here is how it began. In 2009 my family moved to Cambridge, Massachusetts to start Journey Church. After four years of intense building, God began to lead us on a path to do a launch (similar to a grand opening). Requiring both laser-like focus and intense effort, it was very exciting but also extremely time consuming. In addition to loving my wife, parenting three young children, pastoring the people of Journey Church, and holding down a part-time job as an urban youth worker to make ends meet, we were now attempting this major public launch. Of course we had an awesome team of people helping to pull it off, but there were still responsibilities that could not be delegated. Looking back, I am not sure how we did it. It was only by the grace of God.

During that process, rest was something I learned to fight for. Unnecessary things had to be eliminated in order to concentrate on the things that were most important – my spiritual life, my wife and children, the people of the church, the launch, and my job. During that season, I experienced many sleepless nights, times of crippling anxiety, and days when I could not find rest. Yet through it all, though it would have been easy to come apart at the seams, God sustained me and taught me more about rest than I ever thought possible. I’m still on the journey, learning every day, but these precious truths will remain with me for the rest of my life.

Find Your Rhythm of Rest

If you feel stressed out, anxious, sleep-deprived, overburdened, burnt out, on the edge of a breakdown, or no matter how much you “rest” you still don’t feel refreshed, then this series is for you. If on the other hand you have a great rhythm of rest, this will still be a great encouragement to you, and you might even learn something new to deepen your rhythm of rest.

Selah

“Selah” is a term found throughout the Psalms and is thought to mean, “To pause, to weigh in the balance, to praise, to lift up.” Take a moment to stop, reflect, pray, praise, listen, and obey. Let’s start with a prayer.

PS – Here is the rest of the series…and my new e-book

Rest Assured: Seven Days to Stillness, Sanity and the Sabbath You Need

True rest can only be found in a relationship with God.

*This is an e-book available in multiple forms (also downloadable PDF)

4 Things That Happen When You Encounter God

Tue, 18 Dec 2018 17:44:00 GMT

Encounters with God firmly root us in a heavenly reality and launch us into our divine trajectory.

Jesus taught us to pray, “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” What is happening in heaven right now and why does it matter to our lives? It matters because God intended us to live from heaven to earth, not the other way around. He intended us to live FROM Him, not FOR Him.

In order to live from heaven to earth, we must know what is happening in heaven, where God the Father is. To be sure, the Holy Spirit is both in us and upon us. He is the guarantee of our heavenly inheritance (Eph. 1:14). One day heaven will come to earth because heaven is wherever God is (Rev. 21:21). Until then, we seek to bring heaven to earth.

Isaiah 6:1-8 gives us a clear picture of heaven. I want to encourage you to read over the heavenly encounters in the Bible (Isaiah 6, Revelation 4-6, and Ezekiel 1.) Heaven is focused around the throne of God and the One sitting upon it. As we look into Isaiah 6:1-8, there are four primary themes I want to address.

4 Things That Happen When You Encounter God

1) God longs to reveal Himself, especially during times of personal change and cultural upheaval.

It was the year King Uzziah died (VS 1). He had been king for 52 years and Israel had seen great prosperity and victory…until He became prideful and stopped inquiring of the Lord. (2 Chronicles 26:5). Things were changing, fast. It was during that time of upheaval and change that God revealed Himself to Isaiah. We live in times of great upheaval and change when God wants to reveal Himself to those that are listening and watching.

2) God encounters give us clarity and fill us with His presence (VS 1-4).

Isaiah saw the Lord and what was happening in heaven – the Lord seated on His throne, angels singing, a temple filled with His presence. He had heavenly clarity. The Israelites understood the temple in Jerusalem to be Yahweh’s earthly dwelling, but now we are the temple of the Holy Spirit. All it takes is the hem of His garment to fill us because a little bit of God is more than enough. Today, God wants to give you heavenly clarity and fill you with His presence.

3) God encounters reveal our inadequacies and drive us toward repentance (VS 5-7).

When we see God and encounter Him close up, we are undone. It reveals our shortcomings just as it did Isaiah’s. There is only one appropriate response – repentance. As we turn back to God, the Lord cleanses us and forgives us. We can’t escape a God encounter without knowing how dependent we are upon Him. As you encounter God today and are undone, allow Him to forgive you and cleanse you (1 John 1:9).

4) God encounters clarify our calling and demand a response (VS. 8).

You can’t come into God’s presence and stay the same. Worship without action is no worship at all just as faith without works is dead. Isaiah’s response to God’s question demonstrates this. God said, “Who will go for us?” Isaiah’s response is classic, “ Here I am. Send me.” God encounters tend to shake loose all the things that aren’t important. When we see God for who He is, clarity comes, and that clarity demands a response.

People often ask, What are the signs of an encounter with God? Here are a few:

Final Takeaways

I hope you will set some time aside to encounter the Lord and remember, “ When the king smiles, there is life; his favor refreshes like a spring rain.” (Prov. 16:15 NLT).

How to Leave a Church…The Right Way!

Mon, 29 Oct 2018 19:02:00 GMT

In light of it being pastor appreciation month, I thought this might be helpful. Is there a right way to leave a church? It’s an interesting question and one I’ve pondered for years. As a congregant who left a few churches and now as a pastor leading a church, I’ve stood on both sides of the issue: Neither is easy nor fun. It should be noted, as a congregant who was moving on, I left the way I am suggesting to you.

Let me also acknowledge that there are times when it is an extremely unhealthy situation and you may need to exit a church as quickly as possible. Those are not the situations I am primarily addressing in this post. In this post, my goal is to share with you how to leave a normal or healthy church the right way. After all, there are no perfect churches.

As a pastor, I’ve seen many people leave the church in damaging ways, leaving a trail of hurt on their way out. The unvarnished truth from my perspective is this:

How do you leave a church…the right way?
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Leaving a church…the right way

1) Pray intently. This is (or at least should be) a big decision, and the best decisions always start in prayer. Ask God for wisdom and His will. In an important decision such as this, I always ask God to confirm His will in a way that makes it clear. Invite God to reveal any motives or hurts that may be hidden in your heart. Ask yourself some honest questions: Is there unresolved hurt or conflict? What prompted this decision? Psalm 139 is a great way to pray. It says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; 24 And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24 NKJV).

2) Think through your reasoning. If you can’t articulate good reasons for leaving, there may not be one. I’ve heard a lot of shallow reasons over the years for people leaving. Here are some of them.

3) Seek wise counsel. Before making important decisions, it is to your benefit to involve a few other people who are mature in their faith. A trusted friend, mentor, and even someone outside the situation will help you discern your motives and ask the right questions. It’s for your safety. It takes humility to seek wise counsel. “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice” (Proverbs 12:15 ESV). You want someone who will give you Biblical wisdom and honest feedback. A wise counselor won’t try to make a decision for you, but will simply give their honest input about what they are seeing and hearing, guide you according to Biblical wisdom, and let you decide. If after praying and talking to a few people you still feel the same way, proceed to the next step…

4) Set up a meeting with someone from the church leadership team before making your final decision. If a letter or email will better clarify your reasons for leaving, that can be helpful, but not in lieu of a face-to-face meeting. Here’s what I would suggest: Set up the meeting first, then let them know you have a letter or email that will better prepare them for the meeting.

Please don’t leave a church by sending an email or text. This lacks integrity.

Please don’t leave a church by sending an email or text. This lacks integrity.
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If you are a part of a small church, you can probably just set up a meeting with the pastor. In a larger church, it may be another staff pastor or your small group leader you meet with. Why do I recommend speaking with them before you make your decision? Because they may have some insight about your situation you haven’t yet considered. Remember, their God-given mandate is to “watch out for your soul” (Hebrews 13:17). A good pastor/leader won’t try to talk you into staying if they feel the Lord is moving you on or if your motives seem wise and right. They want God’s best for you. They realize you don’t belong to them. You belong to the Lord and He can move you as He sees fit. At the same time, they may save you from unnecessary hardship. Many times, the enemy is at work in these situations to bring isolation, confusion, and hurt. Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy but Christ came to give us abundant life (John 10:10). A good pastor desires the abundant life of Christ for you.

5) Don’t go in with guns blazing. If you need to vent about all your frustrations, vent to someone before you get there. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). It’s easier to have a productive conversation if you are not angry from the get go. I like to use the encouragement sandwich when I have hard things to say to people. It is simple – encourage, say the hard thing, encourage again. Before you go into a hard meeting, ask yourself:

While there may be some hard things to say, say them with grace. It’s easy for people to forget that pastors are people too . Not only are they dealing with their own issues, they are dealing with the issues of other people too. Here’s a secret that will help you: It’s always personal for a pastor. I have sat with many people who start by saying, “this isn’t personal.” While I understand they feel that way, please know that for a pastor it’s always personal. Any pastor worth his or her salt will tell you so. It always hurts, even when it’s done with the right motives and for the right reasons. Many times we’ve invested time, energy and love into the person that is leaving. That makes it hurt even more. We wouldn’t be human if it didn’t hurt.

6) Plan an adequate transition period. Depending on your level of involvement, you may need to help the church transition. If you are a member or leader this is even more imperative. Many members and leaders start well but don’t finish well, not realizing there is a hole created by their departure. It is partially your responsibility to help the transition be as smooth as possible. A responsible person wouldn’t leave a job without giving adequate notice. How much more should we respect the house of God? It takes a mature person to stay a little longer in order to help transition things, but it’s worth it. For your own integrity and for the health of the church, be a good finisher. Here’s a good rule of thumb: if at all possible, don’t leave until you’ve trained someone to replace you.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, you will feel better about yourself when you leave a church with integrity. Never forget, we are the body of Christ. Regardless of the church you find yourself in, we are all members of one another. When one hurts, we all hurt. And you never know, you just might find yourself wanting to come back to that church one day or needing to call on those people again. It’s better to leave a good taste in their mouths than a bad one.

Other Helpful Resources

No Pressure (should following Jesus be impossibly hard?)

Tue, 17 Jul 2018 19:45:00 GMT

If you feel like following Jesus is impossibly hard, that’s not a bad thing because without Him, it is! Following Jesus was never meant to be lived apart from Him. It wasn’t even meant to be lived “for” Him but rather with Him. Attempting to follow Jesus apart from Him will wear you down. Eventually, you will drop out and quit. But when we abide in Jesus and stay connected to the Vine, we receive His grace and empowerment to walk with Him. Following Jesus then moves from burden to joy, from striving to resting, and from powerlessness to empowerment. I know because I’ve tried it both ways!

Is abiding simply obeying His commands? Yes and no. Thing is, without a vibrant, dynamic, life-giving relationship, cultivated by spending time together (another aspect of abiding), His commands can easily become rules to be followed rather than loving boundaries that bring life and fulfillment.

His commands can easily become rules to be followed rather than loving boundaries that bring life and fulfillment.
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But when the vertical exchange of receiving His love and loving Him back happens, 1 John 5:3 kicks into action,

Loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome. (1 John 5:3 NLT)

Jesus is our example

Jesus said,

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matt. 11:28-29 NIV)

That doesn’t sound hard to me. It sounds to me like Jesus wants us to exchange our burdens for His rest. What a deal! Which part of “My yoke is easy and my burden is light” sounds hard?

Here’s another one:

So Jesus explained, “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself. He does only what he sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does. (John 5:19 NLT)

As followers of His, we are being molded and conformed into the image of Christ. He is our example. We seek to emulate Him with His help! So I ask you, Are you doing “only what you see the Father doing?” Do you know what He is doing in you and around you ? How do you find out what He is doing? Jesus was constantly discerning what the Father was doing through prayer and minute-by-minute relationship. It’s called abiding. Every moment, Jesus saw what the Father was doing and did likewise.

And before you write it off by saying, “Yeah, but that was Jesus,” consider this statement made by Jesus Himself:

“I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. 13 You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. 14 Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it! (John 14:12 NLT)

Can we really do the same works Jesus did?
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He didn’t say this in order to create more pressure for us. I want to be more like Jesus, and I know you do too.

Do what Jesus is doing…

Start by taking some time to be with Jesus and ask Him the question, “What are you doing right now? How about today? What are you doing in me and around me? How can I join you, Jesus? Then wait for Him to answer. When He does, ask Him to empower you, and obey! He may speak through a Scripture, a picture, or a whisper. Here are some examples of what God could say:

The possibilities are endless, and here’s the promise. Whatever God asks of you, He will give you the power to do it.

Could following Jesus really be that simple? Yes and no. It may not always be easy to do what He asks, but know this – He will always give you the power to do it! So stop putting pressure on yourself to do what He is not doing. It’s not your responsibility to save the world. It’s your responsibility to walk with Him and obey.

When you are faced with a choice or a decision, put it to prayer and ask Him what He’s doing. Is He asking you to step into it? Then do it and you will have the power to go with it! If not, dismiss it and move on. And if He doesn’t give you an immediate answer then wait. If a decision must be made, do your best to make decision using Biblical wisdom, prayer, and wise counsel.

So take the pressure off yourself. Discard the burdens. Find out what He is doing, and only do what you see Him doing. Go ahead, try it!

PS – Here is a message I shared after a year of practicing John 5:19. I apologize in advance for the poor audio quality. We had technical difficulties that day=). A John 5:19 Moment.

Taking Back Your High Ground

Tue, 12 Jun 2018 19:18:00 GMT

In terms of battle, those who possess the high ground usually win the battle. In an article by army officer Eric Tang, he said, “All combat units strive to do these three things well: shoot, move, and communicate. High ground typically gives combat units an advantage in those three areas.”

A few months ago while in prayer, the Lord made it clear to me,

You must not surrender the place of prayer. It is your high ground. With it you will ALWAYS have the advantage.

For followers of Jesus, prayer is your high ground and here’s why:

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12 NLT)

If we are wrestling with an enemy we can’t see, why do we spend so much time on what we can see?
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So tell me, if we are wrestling with an enemy we can’t see, why do we spend so much time and energy on things we can see? The short answer is: it’s much easier to focus on tangible things we can see than upon the things we cannot see. It’s our human nature. The only problem is, as followers of Jesus, we are called to walk by faith, not sight! (see 2 Corinthians 5:7)

Our Advantage

What is so advantageous about high ground? Officer Tang goes on to explain,

Your prayers become more effective and accurate as you pray from an informed place. God gives you insight without obstructions and spiritual eyes to see from His perspective. Your prayers become accurate, effective, and specific.

Prayer places you on high ground, giving you the uphill position. The enemy must then attack you from a disadvantaged downhill position. In Christ, we find our high place,

For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. (Ephesians 2:6 NLT)

Martin Luther the Reformer said this about prayer:

I find this to be absolutely true in my life. I must pray until I gain a sense of victory, otherwise I lose the day. I’m not proposing that everyone must pray two hours per day; what I’m proposing is that you pray until you gain the victory.

Prayer allows your communication with God to flow freely as you take time to hear His voice and see from His perspective. This gives you a distinct advantage over your enemy because you can see him coming! He can’t sneak up on you! There’s a much lower chance of confusion and mixed signals when you have clear communication. Jesus was our example in this:

So Jesus explained, “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself. He does only what he sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does. (John 5:19 NLT)

Prayer allows you to see from God’s perspective
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Have you given up your high ground?

I could go on and on about this and cite multiple Biblical examples, but I won’t. Instead, ask yourself a few questions. Each question begins with “Have I traded…”

Take Back Your High Ground

I’m not going to insult you with a methodological formula of what it looks like for you to abide in Christ and take back your high ground. In the end, it looks different for every person and obedience is better than sacrifice. While we all have the invitation to abide in Christ, what it looks like varies from person to person depending on your unique personality and calling.

Paul Johansson, a father in the Elim movement, was once asked, “How long do you pray each day?” He responded, “I pray until I connect with God. The point isn’t how long you pray, the point is to connect with Jesus.” How long should you pray? Pray each day until you connect with Jesus and move out from a place of faith and victory.

Next Steps

Take a moment to ask the Holy Spirit how to take back your high ground and what that looks like for you, then simply obey!

Start right now. Take back your high ground.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Concerning Desires

Tue, 01 May 2018 15:54:00 GMT

Some people act as if “desire” is a four-letter word. But most desires in and of themselves are not bad or evil but good pursued outside the proper context, at the wrong time, or in the wrong way.

Food is one example and hunger is a natural desire. Food keeps us alive, is a wonderful source of community and connection, and can be very enjoyable when done right! To eat and enjoy food is a gift. Hunger, I would argue, is a good desire, unless pursued in an unhealthy way by eating more food than we need, consistently eating things that aren’t good for our bodies, or using it to soothe our emotional pain. Then it can also cause significant problems.

When it comes to desires of the heart, how do you discern which desires are good and which ones are not helpful, unfruitful, or just flat-out bad for you? The answer is found in this psalm written by King David. As one who experienced both good and bad as a result of his desires, King David is the perfect test case. Many of David’s good desires came true (see 2 Samuel 12:8) and other desires, practiced in the wrong context, were catastrophic (like committing adultery with Uriah’s wife and then having Uriah killed, see 2 Samuel 11-12). Let us turn to Psalm 37 for David’s insight.

Delight Yourself in the Lord

Does this mean God is going to fulfill your every desire? Or conversely, does it mean He will force His desires upon you so you want what He wants? I don’t think it means either. Notice it says, “ Delight yourself in the Lord. ” Delight means to take one’s pleasure in the Lord or to be soft and pliable in response to Him. “In the Lord” is self-explanatory. It’s referring to your relationship with Him and His ways.

As you take your pleasure in Him, He will give you the desires of your heart. Let me say it again: He will give you. He will ascribe, bestow, or bring to you the desires of your heart.

Several things happen as you delight yourself in the Lord. First, He places His desires in you and they become yours. But they aren’t foreign desires. They are the desires you were created to fulfill. Second, He fulfills the godly desires you already have inside of you. And third, He aligns your desires with His so that your heart longs for the same things He longs for.

Jesus prayed that we would be one with God even as He and the Father are one (see John 17:22); We in the process of being “conformed into the image of Christ” (see Romans 8:29); and the word Christian, means “little Christ.”

As we find ourselves becoming one with Christ, our desires align with His desires for us bringing joy and fulfillment.

Is Your Heart Wicked?

Many Christians quote this verse when speaking of the heart,

The problem is, this verse of Scripture is set in the context of a passage that is contrasting those who put their trust in the Lord with those who don’t. If you read the rest of the passage, it ascribes wonderful blessings to those who trust in the Lord. Another prophet named Ezekiel said that God would give us a new heart and put a new spirit in us, taking out the old stubborn heart and giving us a tender, responsive heart (see Ezekiel 36:26 NLT). And if you are looking for a parallel passage in the New Testament, look no further than 2 Corinthians 5:17 which states we are “new creations in Christ.”

Is your heart wicked? Yes and no. Before Christ replaces it with a new heart, some of our desires are wicked. But once we receive God’s grace and forgiveness through Christ, we are given a new heart that is responsive to God, and He changes us into new creations in Him. We are no longer slaves to sin. We move from darkness to light, orphans to children, and sinners to saints – all because of what Christ has done on our behalf! Yes, you will still battle your flesh i.e. sinful desires even when you have a new heart, but slowly and surely, as you delight yourself in Him, your heart becomes more and more like His and you will desire sin less and less.

Can You Trust Your Desires?

I find it best to answer a question with a question. The question isn’t can I trust my desires? A better question is am I delighting myself in God? Once that happens, we can move to the discernment process. Is my desire in line with the testimony of Scripture? Is the desire for now or later?

Some people say they don’t trust their desires and therefore they don’t make decisions based on them. Here’s my problem with that. The psalmist says if I’m delighting myself in God, He will grant me the desires of my heart. In other words, if I’m drawing my pleasure from God and I’m responsive to His heart , then my desires are most likely either from Him, in line with His desires, or they are godly desires. On the contrary, you should never trust your fleshly desires, instead, you should crucify them. But don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater by crucifying the good and godly desires with the fleshly ones. All desires are not created equal!

Don’t trust your fleshly desires – crucify them!
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What constitutes a fleshly desire? Fleshly desires are those based on what your sinful nature craves. As I said, wicked desires are often good or natural desires practiced in the wrong context or in a harmful damaging way. Paul the apostle was very specific about fleshly desires. He identified them as, “sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these” (Gal. 5:19-21 NLT)

As we grow into Christ’s likeness and delight ourselves in Him, our desires come into alignment with His and we can trust them – so long as they are in line with Biblical truth.

Delight, Define, Discern

Desires aren’t something to despise; they are something to define and discern. When they are godly, you can take them as a sign of His grace and act upon them. Quite honestly, I make better decisions when I follow my desires. So long as I’m abiding and delighting myself in Christ, I’m quite comfortable following my desires.

Desires aren’t something to despise; they are something to define and discern.
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How do you know if you are delighting yourself in Him? Ask yourself, is my pleasure and delight in God, His word, and my relationship with Him? You probably already know the answer to that question even as you ask it. If not, ask Him to change your heart. I nstead of starting with your desires, ask yourself this, what would it look like for me to delight myself in the Lord? Jesus would never ask us to do something (delight yourself in the Lord) without giving us the power to do it!

Once you determine that you are delighting, it’s time to define and discern.

Stepping Out >>

Where is your heart? Is it fully invested in Christ? Are you delighting in God? If so, you are ready to start writing defining your desires. I suggest you write them down. Then you can begin the process of discernment by asking a few simple questions:

Delight in Christ. Define your desires. Discern whether they are good and godly and the timing of them. You can do it.

*Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash

Unfulfilled Expectations

Mon, 29 Jan 2018 17:37:00 GMT

Should we “expect” anything from God and if so where should those expectations come from? By expectations I don’t mean God is obligated to fulfill our every whim but rather those things we are promised as children and heirs.

God is first and foremost bound to fulfill His Word. If our expectations are firmly rooted in His Word and Promises then yes, we can expect them to be fulfilled. Additionally, when we delight ourselves in Him, He gives us the desires of our hearts (see Psalm 37:4). John goes on to tell us when we abide in Christ, we can ask whatever we wish and it will be done for us (John 15:7). The apostle John seals it by saying, if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. (1 John 5:4) So the key is to have our expectations firmly rooted in God and His Word.

We are disappointed when our expectations aren’t rooted in God and His word.
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A New Approach

Instead of being let down by unfulfilled expectations and desires, what if we took time to root our expectations in God and His promises? Are we just feeding God our own dreams and expectations and when they don’t come to pass we become disappointed and let down? Better to ask God for His expectations, desires, and dreams for our lives and then confidently put our hope in Him to lead us, guide us and fulfill those expectations.

Rather than starting the New Year with a bunch of our own expectations that may never come to pass, why not begin with a blank slate in prayer? Start by asking God, what are your desires and expectations for me (or us) in the New Year and beyond? Then, let Him speak. Write it down, pray into it, and make sure they are deeply rooted in the Bible. That way, you will make His desires and expectations yours this year. Sometimes our dreams and expectations align with His and sometimes they don’t. What brings glory to God is not always the same as what you may want. Submit your desires to His and allow His desires to form your expectations of Him!

Start the year by asking God for His desires and expectations, and place your hope firmly in Him.
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I’ve shared some other things over the years about navigating expectations and New Years’ goal setting you may find helpful.

Things Are Turning Around

Tue, 19 Dec 2017 10:39:00 GMT

Have you ever felt stuck? Like you were wandering in the wilderness, or going around the same mountain over and over? After leaving Egypt, the children of Israel were stuck in the same wilderness for 40 years. Although it was supposed to be a two-week journey to the Promised Land, their disobedience forced them to wander forty years. Forty years! All because God said the land was theirs, but ten out of the twelve spies sent to scout out the land let fear get the best of them and gave a bad report to the rest of Israel.

Maybe you feel stuck right now. Sometimes disobedience is the reason, and other times God is preparing you for an assignment that is bigger than you know. Remember, Abraham waited 25 years for his son, Isaac. David was anointed as the next king around age 15 or 16 but didn’t take office until he was 30 years old. Moses spent 40 years in the wilderness tending sheep before leading Israel out of Egypt. Joseph was a slave and prisoner for years before rising to prominence in Egypt.

I’m going to do something different this month. I want to share a song I recently wrote. I say recently but it’s been culminating for years. It’s a crude recording, but I hope it’s a blessing to you.

It all started a few months back when the Lord gave me this phrase,

https://youtu.be/cTsZA7Obqag

Though I won’t elaborate on everything, I will say this, the past eight years have been hard. It has often felt like we are moving against a stiff headwind. But things are changing. Something feels different, spiritually speaking. Maybe you sense it too? Not much has changed outwardly, but in a spiritual sense, the wind has shifted. Instead of moving against the wind, I can finally feel the wind at my back.

Moving Forward

Maybe you feel like you are stuck going around the same mountain over and over. If it’s due to disobedience, before you start singing and declaring, turning around involves repentance – turning toward God and away from sin – a change of heart, a change of mind, and a change of direction. If you feel stuck because God is building character for your assignment, and you’re in the wilderness, begin to sing and declare this phrase over your life and your situation. And remember, faith always speaks and acts before the eyes can see.

I hope you will take this Scripture, this phrase, and indeed this song, and begin to declare it over your life and your situation.

Enjoy =).

PS – You may also enjoy this sermon I preached called, Things Are Turning Around – Moving from Barrenness to Fruitfulness

Does God Answer Vague Prayers?

Mon, 30 Oct 2017 20:12:00 GMT

David Yonggi Cho, formerly the pastor of the largest church in the world, located in Seoul, Korea, was credited with saying, “God doesn’t answer vague prayers.” How does that strike you at first reading? Do you agree? Does it irritate you? Here’s why I think his statement is spot on.

The Bible makes a clear case for this.

I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it , it will be yours. (Mark 11:24 NLT, underlining mine)

“It” – a small word, but, “it,” refers to something specific. When you pray, you don’t pray for anything, you pray for something: healing for a loved one, strength for yourself or a friend, wisdom for a decision, protection for your children, provision for a need, and the list goes on. Here is another example:

But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! (John 15:7 NLT)

Vague Prayers Don’t Take Faith

Why do I need to be specific with my prayers? Is God nitpicky? No, we pray specifically because vague prayers don’t take faith, and faith is the currency of heaven. What is faith? Faith simply means belief and trust.

Vague prayers don’t take faith.
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And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him. (Hebrews 11:6 NLT)

It doesn’t take any faith whatsoever to say, “God, would you please give me anything? Or God, would you please bless Jimmy today.” Bless him with what? What is it that you are asking God to do in Jimmy’s life? How do you know if and when the prayer has been answered if you don’t even know what you are asking for? Do you even know what “blessing” means?

A Personal Story

Early on in my ministry, I found myself in need of a laptop computer in order to prepare and study for sermons. So I asked, “God, please give me a laptop computer. A used one is just fine.” A few months later, a friend offered me his used laptop computer because he was getting a new one. I was elated…until it died a few months later. When I sought the Lord about it, He reminded me what I asked for – a used computer! Thinking about it now, I guess it wasn’t a vague prayer after all. I got exactly what I asked for? Lesson learned. From that point on I started asking for exactly what I wanted and needed that would be a blessing to me and His kingdom rather than a curse. I asked God for a brand new laptop for my ministry and guess what I got? A brand new laptop of my choosing that lasted several years!

Fast forward several years later when my family needed a different vehicle. We had a small Saturn station wagon that was great, but with two kids and one on the way, it was becoming inadequate. We literally didn’t have enough room to fit three kids, with carseats, in the back! We had been anticipating this need for two years, and as a result we had begun praying and moving in faith by test driving vans. After having test driven the Honda and Toyota mini-vans, we decided to ask the Lord for a Toyota Sienna. We even had a picture up on the fridge and prayed very specifically that the van would be in great physical condition, have under 50K miles, and have good tires. One month before our third child was due, a couple approached me before church to tell me the Lord had asked them to give us their vehicle. I cried. Then they proceeded to tell me what it was: a 2009 Toyota Sienna minivan with 47,000 miles! I cried more. I went and told my wife who was practicing with the worship team on stage at the time. The team wondered what I told her as she began to cry. The car was gorgeous! The couple who gave it to us had taken meticulous care of it. It serves our family and the kingdom well. We are constantly hauling things for church, hauling people for ministry purposes and we haul the trailer to set up for our church (which meets in a hotel). Almost every time I get in the car, I thank God for His goodness and faithfulness.

What’s my point? God is a good Father who wants to give us good things, but He also wants us to ask Him, and He desires to grow our faith in the process. So what are you asking for, specifically?

Pastor Craig Groeschel said, “If God were to answer all your prayer tomorrow, what would be different about the world?” Wow! When I first heard that I was cut to the core. Prayer isn’t only about me and my needs; prayer is about a big God who wants to do big things; it’s about our families, our friends, the lost coming to Christ, transformed cities and nations, revival, healing, justice, and the nations of the world. Prayer is about seeing the civil war in Syria ended, peace in Jerusalem, justice for the millions trapped in slavery, healing from terminal diseases, and the 10/40 Window becoming a hotbed for the spread of the gospel. Do you really believe your prayers can affect change? Jesus believed it,

22 Then Jesus said to the disciples, “Have faith in God. 23 I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. 24 I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. 25 But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.” (Mark 11:22–25).

God isn’t offended by your biggest dreams and boldest prayers. He is offended by anything less. (Mark Batterson)
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Tips To Effective Prayer

How do I pray effectively? James 5:16 says, “ The earnest prayer of a righteous man has great power and wonderful results” (TLB). I don’t know about you, but I want that type of prayer life. Here are a few tips I’ve found for praying effectively.

He Is More Than Enough

I’ll close with a story. In January 2018, my 13 year old son and I will be going to Uganda. It will be his first international missions trip. It is one of the things on my life goal list and is a part of his coming of age process as he steps into manhood. At first, the goal seemed a bit steep. We needed to raise $6000 to go, but as I prayed, I felt convinced it was the Lord’s will, so we stepped out and began asking people in faith to come alongside us. Just days out from the deadline, we were not even halfway to the goal. I started to become anxious but I’ve learned by now if I am anxious something is wrong so I simply stepped back and said to the Lord, “I believe it is your will for us to go. If you want us to go, then you need to provide the rest of the money.” Then I simply rested in the Lord. Wouldn’t you know a few days later, we got an email from a friend who wanted to contribute the rest of the money for the trip! In the meantime even more resources came in and we surpassed the goal by several hundred dollars. In the end, we were able to give some extra money toward a minister in Uganda who needs a four-wheel drive vehicle to visit the hundreds of churches he oversees! God is able to do the same thing in your life!

At the end of the day, vague prayers don’t take faith. Ask the Lord to search your own heart, seek His will, ask specifically, start small and let your prayers grow according to your faith – and persevere! Step out and pray faith-filled specific prayers that stretch your faith and honor God! You won’t be disappointed.

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Other Resources On Prayer

*Image by URD1nl via Flickr

The Deception of Success

Thu, 17 Aug 2017 13:47:00 GMT

Success can be deceptive.

The euphoria of success can unintentionally lead us to believe we need less help and make it easier to loosen our standards and let down our guard.

The euphoria of success can unintentionally lead us to believe we need less help.
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Success makes it easy to forget where we came from and what got us where we are.

Success warrants more vigilance not less. The greater the success, the more opportunities for temptation, self-exaltation, power, influence, and cutting corners. Success in any form requires us to be on high alert – to hold fast, keep our guard up, and dive deeper into our relationship with God and the people that matter.

Success in any form requires us to be on high alert.
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Becoming Like Children

Success requires more dependence upon God and upon people, not less.

Notice Jesus didn’t say “become childish.” We are to leave childish ways behind but keep a child-like heart. Children trust easily, know they need help and laugh often. Growing in our dependence upon God is a life-long endeavor.

Leave childish ways behind but keep a child-like heart.
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Where is your dependence level upon God? Is it deepening and growing, stagnant and stuck, or decreasing and diminishing? Do you have people you can depend on and share your stuff with? Are you afraid to ask for help?

Maturity doesn’t mean we need God or people less. It means we need them more!

Going Deeper

Here are a few things you can do to deepen your dependence upon the Lord:

Repent for living as if you don’t need God.

Spend some time thinking about what would you do if you were in a desperate situation and had nowhere to turn but God? How would you act? What would your relationship with Him look like? How would your daily habits change?

Share with a friend and ask them to pray with and for you (that takes humility)

Spend some time fasting (abstaining from one thing to increase your dependence upon God)

Ask God to redefine success for your heart and search the Scriptures for answers.

Success Is…

Success means different things to different people in different seasons. But regardless of how you define success, it is imperative that you define it!

While some definitions may be more important than others, success doesn’t have just one definition. Let me give you some examples in different areas of my life. For me success is:

Once you define success (akin to goals in some ways), focus on the inputs – the small daily habits that will get you there.

Redefining Success

When is the last time you worked through your definitions of success in the major areas of your life? If it’s been a while, why not take some time to do it right now? It only takes a few minutes and I promise you it will be well worth it!

*Photo by Mahdi Dastmard on Unsplash

Weakness is Good

Wed, 24 May 2017 15:43:00 GMT

Why does weakness seem to be so valued in the kingdom of God? Is God cruel? Does He want us to be weak? Does God delight in seeing us struggle, and suffer, and squirm?

Not at all. When we understand by divine revelation our poverty of spirit – that we can do nothing of eternal value on our own, that we cannot save or fix ourselves, that without Jesus we are destined for wrath and eternal punishment and torment for our sin – we are driven by necessity into His loving arms, into His grace, into His mercy, and into His strength. Without the gift of weakness and suffering we remain dependent upon ourselves instead of depending upon Him.

Without the gift of weakness and suffering we remain dependent upon ourselves instead of God.
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This is the very reason God allows us to get into situations that are over our heads, where we feel like we are drowning. It’s a test. Will you lean into Him or will you run? Will you receive His strength or go it on your own? Will you receive His grace or depend upon what you can do for yourself to try and wriggle your way out of it? Will you try to fix it or simply trust in His power and ability to do that which you could never do?

It’s at the times when I feel the weakest and I lean in and simply receive His grace that my weakness turns into strength. “By His divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life” (2 Peter 1:3 NLT). I just receive it. I don’t have to work for it. He gives it by grace, not because I’ve done anything to deserve it.

In fact, the weaker you feel, the greater the opportunity to be strengthened by the Lord. Therefore, the apostle Paul could say,

But the Lord said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (1 Cor. 12:9-10 ESV)

The weaker you feel the greater the opportunity to be strengthened by the Lord.
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This is also why Jesus told us, “Blessed are the poor in Spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 5:3 ESV). Those understand their great need for Him, and who understand they are helpless without Him, receive His kingdom. Remember, we are sons and daughters. We are co-heirs with Christ. “It is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom” (Luke 12:32 ESV).

That is the mystery of the kingdom; the revelation which must be revealed rather than learned. “When I am weak, then I am strong.”

A mystery of the kingdom of God – when I am weak, then I am strong.
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Know Thyself

Fri, 12 May 2017 10:15:00 GMT

In the newest Rocky movie called Creed, Rocky Balboa says to his protege, Adonis Creed, “See this guy here” pointing to his reflection in a mirror, “That’s the toughest opponent you’re ever going to have to face. I believe that is true in the ring and I think that’s true in life.”

It can take a long time to feel comfortable in your own skin. Since the beginning of time people have sought to know and understand themselves, but how do you actually do that?

Over the last few months, I have attempted to lead people on a journey to move from dissatisfaction to contentment. It starts by admitting you are ticked off because life has turned out differently than you had hoped or planned. This will help you acknowledge how you are really feeling so you can start to move forward. As you are honest with yourself, you will learn to go deep with Jesus. As you get to know Him more deeply, you will start to discover who you really are and what He made you to do. Knowing God as Father and who we are as sons and daughters will have a deep and lasting effect on our lives and leave a lasting mark. In this final segment, I want to talk about the last piece – knowing yourself.

Know Thyself

It’s easy to think you know yourself, only to discover you don’t – or at least not fully. Maybe you’ve asked yourself questions like these: why do I do the things I do? Think the way I think? Feel the way I feel? Where did I come from? What on earth am I supposed to be doing here? The answers to these questions only come through a relationship with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. The more we know Him, the more we will know ourselves. Everything comes out of that defining relationship.

The more we know God the more we can understand ourselves.
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Temet Nosce

In Latin, “temet nosce,” or “gnothi seauton” in Greek means “Know Thyself.” Originally thought to come from ancient Egypt, the phrase has been used throughout history as a calling card to exalt “self,” but the profound yet hidden truth of this statement lies not in self but in this: in order to truly know yourself, you must first know God! Identity is one of the most important issues in life, and your identity is determined by His. God is Father and you are His son or daughter. Everything else about you springs from this revelatory truth.

“To all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God” (John 1:12 ESV)

Who Am I To You?

During one poignant interaction, Jesus asks His disciples this question, “ Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” They answer honestly and say, “ Some say, John the Baptist; some, Elijah; and others, Jeremiah, or one of the prophets . ” The scripture doesn’t say this, but I think Jesus looks right into their eyes with His soul piercing gaze before He says, “But who do you say that I am” (see Matthew 16:15, italics mine)? Suddenly it gets very personal. You could hear a pin drop. At some point we must all grapple with this question: who do you say that Jesus is?

Peter was the first one to answer, and oddly enough he got it right! He replies, “ You are the Christ, the Son of the living God” (Matthew 16:16). Jesus replies, “ Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven” (Matt. 16:17). After Peter had a revelation from the Father about who Jesus was, Jesus declares to Peter who He is, “You are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it” (Matt. 16:18). Here’s the lesson: In order to know who you are, you must first know who Jesus is! Revelation comes through relationship .

God the Father reveals Jesus to us by revelation.
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The kingdom of God is founded on relationship. How did Jesus teach us to pray? “Our Father who is in heaven” (Matt. 6:9, emphasis added). The Father wants to have a relationship with us, and He provided a way for us to come to Him through His Son! Jesus Himself said, “Whoever has seen Me has seen the Father” (Matt. 14:9). Because Father God revealed it, Peter had clearly discerned Jesus’ true identity. The word revelation means to “take off the cover, to disclose, or to reveal.”[i] In essence, Jesus was saying, “You got it Peter! And because you’ve had a revelation of Me from My Father, now I am going to tell you who you are. You are Peter [his name means “rock”] and on this rock I will build My Church.

What Is Your Real Name?

A while back, I was reading a John Eldridge book called Waking the Dead. In the book, he encourages readers to ask God your real name; ask God, who am I to You? Although “son” or “daughter” is first and foremost, He also speaks His purpose over us through names. Names carry weight. In the Bible, they often used names as a form of prophecy and destiny. My name is Kent, which means “handsome” (no spiritual relevance, just thought you might like to know). One day, as the book recommended, I was asking God, “What is my real name? Who am I to you?” The Lord spoke this back to my heart, “You are My Elijah!” This carries with it a lot of significance for me. Like Elijah, I am called to “turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers” (see Malachi 4:5-6). A few years earlier, the Lord spoke to me saying, “Remember the name Elijah. Like Elijah, you are going to do great and mighty things for Me, but you are going to raise up many Elisha’s who go on to do greater things than you!”

The Father is Waiting…

Go ahead, ask Father God, “What is my real name? Who am I to you?” When you see yourself as God sees you, you begin to grow into who He made you to be.

Go ahead; ask God, “Who am I to you?” He just might answer you!
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A Free Resource

Here is a whole page of confessions based in Scripture about who we are in Christ. Download it and confess them out loud over yourself every day!

Knowing God as Father

Tue, 25 Apr 2017 18:25:00 GMT

Do you long to move from being dissatisfied to content? Do you regularly feel like there must be more than you are currently experiencing? Do you know who you are and what you were made for? These are questions each one of us ask ourselves at one time or another.

If need be, start by admitting you are ticked off because life has turned out differently than you had hoped or planned. This will help you acknowledge what you are really feeling so you can move forward. After you are honest with yourself and God, learn to go deep with Jesus. An intimate life-giving relationship with Jesus is where your strength and fulfillment comes from. As you get to know Him more deeply, you will start to discover who you really are and what He made you to do. This is where I want to focus today.

* The following is an excerpt from my book, The Transition: Thriving Spiritually from High School to College and Beyond.

Knowing God as Father

Knowing who you are starts with knowing God as Father. Father’s and/or father figures (or a lack thereof) are typically the most significant people in the forming of someone’s identity. Fathers define us. In my opinion, it’s one of the primary reasons many people are so confused these days about who they are. The breakdown of the family and the lack of present and engaged fathers has led to a diminishing of identity .

Fathers define us.
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Seeing God Rightly

God the Father has always desired intimacy and relationship with His children. God is not an absent Father. Adam and Eve chose to separate themselves from Him (see Genesis 3:8-9). Sin separated humans from their Father and Creator, but Jesus, through His death and resurrection, has restored our ability to come into the Father’s presence anytime, anyplace (see Matthew 27:51, Hebrews 10:16-22).

Our experience with earthly fathers and authority figures affects us more than we know, and often causes us to view our heavenly Father through the lens of our earthly fathers. The way we view our earthly fathers shapes and colors our view of our perfect heavenly Father. In order to change that, we must see God rightly as He gives us revelation of Himself. The Word of God and His love must penetrate our hearts in order to see Him rightly. It was A.W. Tozer who said, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”

What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us. (A.W. Tozer)
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God began to shape and form my view of Him shortly after my salvation. One experience still remains vivid in my mind. I was praying with my youth pastor one hot summer August night just before the start of youth camp. As we prayed, I had a profound experience with Abba that I will never forget. Sitting there under the stars God spoke to my heart so clearly. He said these simple but profound words, “I’m proud of you, son.” That may not seem like a big deal to you, but for me it was a game changer. It marked me and defined me. For the first time, I knew what it meant to be His son, and the identity and acceptance that come with that. He wants to mark you as well – just like He marked His Son, Jesus when He said, “This is my Son in whom I am well pleased (see Matthew 3:17).

Resources

The Father Heart of God (an audio message by Kent)

Join the Conversation

Why not stop right now and take a few minutes to let Abba Father speak over you? What did He say? How has God changed or shaped your view of Him as Father? Write it down! Meditate on it. Hang it up on your wall. If you don’t have a journal, now is a good time to start one.

Would you think of sharing it with this online community? Your story has the power to encourage someone else! Post a comment below…

Learning to Go Deep with Jesus

Tue, 14 Mar 2017 20:19:00 GMT

So life isn’t exactly what you envisioned it to be. Somewhere in your mind you had this rosy picture of a much more blissful existence. Instead you found out life is messy. What now?

Admit you are ticked off and start moving forward. Life was messy for Jesus too, but for different reasons. Talk about unfair – the only begotten Son of God, perfect in all His ways, was flogged, beaten, spit upon, and nailed to a cross for our sin. If that’s not unfair I don’t know what is. Do we really have any reason to complain? There is only one way I know of to keep our hearts stayed on Jesus – we must learn to go deep with Him.

Death and Resurrection

In 2012, three years into planting Journey Church, life got really dark. Rent was due but we had no money, the church we planted wasn’t going as planned, and life was smothering out every bit of joy. I was drowning. It felt as if someone had dug a six-foot hole and dumped me in it. There I was lying on my back, looking up out of the grave life had dug. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. In desperation I cried, Lord, I don’t know what’s going on all around me, and You won’t seem to tell me, but can You please tell me what you are trying to do inside of me? A passage from the gospel of John immediately flooded my heart,

God wanted me dead, not literally, but dead to my own dreams, ambitions, ministry prowess, and thoughts on how things should be done. He wanted me dead to what I thought I deserved and dead to my own insecurities. It seemed every insecurity I’ve ever had (and a lot I never knew were there) was exposed during that time. My flesh had to die because God can’t build a work of His kingdom on my flesh. Flesh gives birth to flesh but the Spirit gives birth to Spirit (John 3:6). In order to produce a spiritual and eternal harvest, we must die to our flesh, and this will continue until the day we meet Him face to face.

I know what you’re thinking – that this passage in John was referring to Jesus’ death and resurrection. Well, you would be right, but don’t forget, we are co-heirs with Christ – both in His glory and His suffering (see Romans 8:17).

Though “death” was not what I had wished to hear at the time, it clarified things a lot. I stopped struggling and started connecting. It released me from the pressure to try to make something happen and escape my present circumstances. It didn’t get better overnight and in some ways, four years later, I’m still dying, but there is also resurrection life. Things in God can’t stay dead forever. “If we have died with Him, we will also live with Him” (2 Timothy 2:11).

Seeing the Son Through the Clouds

During that time, life felt burdensome – like when the rain clouds are so thick, low, and dark they completely block out the sun and feel like they are smothering you. I had to learn to press into God or I was going under. The only thing that helped me, and really the thing that has always been my hope and stay, was going deep with Jesus through worship, prayer and the Scriptures. When I would take time to worship, it would take a while, but it was as if my head would pop through the low-lying clouds and I could see the Son shining in all His brightness. As I gazed into His eyes, He gave me fresh hope and strength to make it through the day. There was no future vision, only one step at a time, one breath at a time, one day at a time. It was frustrating because I am a visionary person, but it was what I needed. God gave me manna for that day and it was enough.

Christ the Solid Rock

When there is nothing solid to bank your life on, you go back to the things that matter. For all of us, it’s His presence and His Word. Those are the anchors that hold us, the foundations that will not crumble – Christ the solid rock on which we stand (see Matt. 7:24-27). A daily practice of feeding on His Word and experiencing His presence is what we need more than anything, and when everything around us crumbles, that and that alone will hold.

Abiding in the Vine

John 15:1-8 is probably my favorite passage of Scripture, and it reveals the keys to a vibrant and deep relationship with Jesus. As we walk with Him we discover life is more about knowing God and less about doing for God. Any eternal fruit that comes from our lives (and God desires lots of it) is going to come as a result of a passionate love relationship with Jesus. I once heard a preacher say it this way: “We live from God not for God.” When we know Him, He shares His will or desires with us. As He loves us and we love Him, His desires become ours and we want to do His will and follow His ways. It’s not a burden, it’s a joy. When we act on His will, it produces eternal fruit. What is fruit? In the words of author Bruce Wilkinson, “Fruit represents good works – a thought, attitude, or action of ours that God values because it glorifies Him.”[i] His book, Secrets of the Vine, is one of the best books I have ever read on this subject of abiding in Christ. I highly recommend it.

Moving Forward >>>

If you ever want to move from dissatisfaction to contentment, learning to go deep with Jesus is a non-negotiable. It’s here that you will experience more of the Father’s love, know and become more like Christ, and learn to live from your constant companion, Holy Spirit. It’s here, as you get to know God deeply, that you become more and more comfortable with who you are and who God wants you to be.

Going Deep with Jesus…

Not sure where to start? Try this.

Worship—John 4:23-24

Read and Meditate on Scripture—Psalm 119:11 and Colossians 3:16

Pray and Talk to God – Matthew 6:7-13

Be Quiet and Meditate- Psalm 46:10

Helpful Hints:

Enjoy your time with Jesus, and remember – life is about the journey not the destination so enjoy the journey!

Admit You Are Ticked Off

Tue, 31 Jan 2017 20:33:00 GMT

Chances are, if you have been a leader in any capacity, you have probably felt one of these ways…or all of them.

Here they are:

Over nearly twenty years of leadership experience in diverse settings, I have learned that there are three keys to moving from dissatisfaction to contentment :

What’s life like on the other side, in the place of contentment? It’s not a bigger church or your face on the cover of a popular Christian magazine, unless that’s God’s plan. In contentment, you will find the freedom that comes from not needing anything outside of what you already have to be happy. You will enjoy your life more, enjoy your family, and appreciate where you are. It’s not about settling for less, it’s about enjoying more. After all, life is about the journey, not the destination.

Today, let’s dive into the first one: Admit you are ticked off.

The longer you live the more you realize life isn’t fair. There is always someone who is bigger, smarter, faster, richer, or more talented. You feel as if you got the short end of the stick. After all, you’ve been laboring in your market, industry or ministry for years with limited results. Then someone moves in down the street and things seems to become an overnight success. You put in the same amount of prayer and effort but experience a totally different outcome.

You keep telling yourself it will get better someday and if you are faithful things will change. Isn’t that what God promised? “If you are faithful with little things, you will be faithful with large ones” (Luke 16:10 NLT). Confident your blessing is right around the corner, you keep plugging, but time keeps on ticking and nothing changes. You get discouraged. You want to throw in the towel. You wonder, how long can I keep doing this? You blame yourself, you blame God, you blame the guy down the street – maybe you even blame your family.

You become consumed with your own success. It’s eating you alive. Finally, you give up hope believing that things could change. You resign yourself to a life of unfulfilled desires and despair but you are really good at putting on a facade. You tell people you are great, but inside you are dying.

You thought things were going to be different. You didn’t see this coming. After all, no leader goes into his or her assignment expecting to fail. You thought you were a good leader, but life has beat the hell out of you. You envisioned it all going so differently. You dreamed that people would be coming to you for advice by now, that you would be sought after…but no one comes; and you feel alone and afraid.

Then one day you wake up and realize what a jerk you have been. You’ve been so busy trying to make your dream happen you’ve been missing out on life. You realize your identity is founded on your performance. Oh sure, you’ve preached the sermons. You know all the right answers: your identity should be founded in who you are as God’s child, but the truth is you feel like a total failure because you are basing your worth on your accomplishments or lack thereof.

How do I know this story so well? Because that was me. I had all those insecurities and more. Though I never thought I was an insecure person, about three years into church planting, I discovered just how insecure I was.

What do you do when you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see? Do you quit? Give up? Walk away with your tail between your legs? No, because that’s not who you are. You are a fighter. You can’t give up because Jesus hasn’t given up. It’s all been a part of the journey, a journey to find yourself, but more importantly, a journey to find who you are in Christ. So what do you do? Where do you begin? Try starting with this:

Admit you are ticked off.

Life isn’t fair. Be gut-level honest. Get angry if you need to, but whatever you do, don’t stuff it down or gloss it over. Overcoming the feeling of failure starts with admitting that you are angry. You will never get beyond your anger if you can’t even be honest with yourself. God knows you’re angry. Your family knows it too. You may as well just be honest. Life sucks sometimes. It’s not what you thought it was going to be. Change starts with admitting where you are and what you feel.

Real, Raw and Honest

Digging out of the hole starts with being real, raw, and honest. That’s what David did all throughout the Psalms. Here is one example,

1 My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? 2 Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night I lift my voice, but I find no relief. (Psalm 22:1-2 NLT)

You may even be angry at God. Some people act like they’ve never been mad at God. I have a hard time relating to those people. I’m not telling you to work up anger for God, but rather to acknowledge it’s there and deal with it. I’m confident God can handle your anger. Is it sin? Probably, because it comes from a lack of trust. At the same time, what’s worse: sinning by being angry at God or being angry at God and concealing it from Him? As author John Piper said, “If you sin by being angry with God, don’t add to it the sin of trying to conceal it from Him. That would double the offense.”

So deal with your anger – your anger at God; your anger at yourself; your anger at your situation. This is the only way to move forward. If not, you will remain stuck. This is the first step in moving from dissatisfaction to contentment. Own it.

Next time, I will share more on step #2 – Learn To Hang Out With Jesus. Until then…

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Setting Goals You Can Achieve

Mon, 02 Jan 2017 19:19:00 GMT

Are you frustrated with New Year’s Resolutions and goal setting? I have certainly been there. Over the years I’ve tried a lot of different things when it comes to creating New Year’s resolutions and setting goals – ranging from making a list so large I could never achieve it all, to ignoring goals and resolutions altogether. After twenty years, I’ve finally found some principles that work, and I think they will help you too. Take what you can use and toss out the rest. After all, the purpose of goal setting is to find something that works for you! I generally spend at least one whole day to do this process. The week between Christmas and New Year’s tends to be a good time as many people take some vacation. Here’s what I’ve learned.

First, pray and reflect. It’s helpful to ask some questions. What is God’s will for the New Year? Am I where He wants me to be, doing what He wants me to be doing? I like three questions Greg McKeown poses in his book, Essentialism :

Furthermore, write down everything you are thankful for from the past year. Go through your journal to see what themes surfaced. Chart your highs from the past year or as some call them your “magic moments.” What did you learn about yourself, God, and others? Once you’ve taken time to pray, listen, and reflect on the past year, you will have a clearer picture of how to move forward. Reflecting (not dwelling) on the past makes it easier to chart the future.

Reflecting (not dwelling) on the past makes it easier to chart the future.
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Warning: It’s important to pray and dream with God, first. Set goals based on faith and vision. You may not have the resources now, but don’t let that hinder you. If God gives you the vision, He will also give you the pro-vision you need to accomplish the vision.

Second, define success and determine your “why.” Though there are many different ways to define success, in order to set realistic and achievable goals, it’s necessary to choose a working definition for your situation. It’s helpful for me to define success for the key areas of my life. This is why you do what you do. Here are some examples of how I define success:

As former Nazi concentration camp survivor Viktor Frankl said, “Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how.’”

Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how.’ Viktor Frankl
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Third, deal with expectations. What are your expectations for the New Year and for the goals you set? Seth Godin wrote a brilliant (and short) blog on this topic that set me free from unrealistic expectations. I elaborate on his article here .

We tend to overestimate what we can do in one year and underestimate what we can do in ten years. Are your expectations and outcomes realistic? Have you overestimated or underestimated yourself? It’s important to grapple with these questions when setting goals. You will know if you overestimated when you work through step seven, below.

Fourth, have a plan. This year, I came up with a plan based on Michael Hyatt’s free e-book entitled, Achieve What Matters Most in 2017. In the e-book, he delves into “8 Strategies that Super Successful People Are Using Now To Accomplish More Next Year.” It really helped me come up with a solid and workable plan and to ask good questions.

Fifth, set goals. Goals can be difficult and important, but elusive. Where do they come from? Are they realistic? Are they attainable? How will we know if we can achieve them? These are tough but necessary questions. After you’ve prayed and found God’s direction, set goals in line with His leading. I have found the SMART method of goal planning to be helpful. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-bound.

Sixth, break your goals down into bite-size pieces. Work backwards from your one year goals and set quarterly goals and possibly even monthly or weekly goals. Mike Kim’s One Page Productivity Plan ( which you can get for free) is very helpful for this. It’s is a 6-month plan, but I’ve adjusted it to be quarterly.

Seventh, put your goals into your schedule. This is where the rubber meets the road. Once you start putting your goals into your schedule, you will see if they are attainable or not. Do you have time to accomplish them? If not, scale them back. It’s easier to overestimate than underestimate. This will also tell you if your goals are specific enough. If they are too broad and general, you won’t be able to schedule them. For example, maybe your goal is to become a better parent. That is great, but why do you want to become a better parent and how will you go about that? A more specific goal would be to become a better parent by reading a parenting book, having coffee with a parent you look up to, and spending one hour per week of quality focused time with each child. Those are things you can schedule.

Based on twenty years of doing this, Michael Hyatt’s e-book and these other resources I’ve mentioned, here is my seven step plan to better goal setting:

I hope this helps you set goals you can achieve and feel good about this year!

*Photo used courtesy of Studio Incendo via Flickr

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The Grasshopper Myth (Book Review)

Tue, 20 Dec 2016 19:26:00 GMT

Have you ever struggled with your identity and significance as it relates to numbers of people, size of your building or the size of your budget? Whether you are in business, ministry or some other vocation, how people measure success is usually related to outward performance. What if there is another way?

There are not many books specifically for pastors of small churches, but honestly, regardless of the size of your church, this book will help you think about success from a different angle. Drawing from years of experience in small churches, author Karl Vaters brings a new and refreshing perspective on why small is good. His book, The Grasshopper Myth: Big Churches, Small Churches and the Small Thinking that Divides Us, was one of the more refreshing church leadership books I’ve read in recent years, simply because it meets you where you are. Here is the premise of The Grasshopper Myth (taken from the book) ,

Definition: The false impression that our Small Church ministry is less than what God says it is because we compare ourselves with others.

Origin: The Hebrews at the edge of the Promised Land.

All the people we saw there are of great size. …We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them. (Numbers 13:32-33)

Symptoms: Lack of vision, faith, courage, effectiveness and freedom.

Prognosis: A lifetime of wandering, whining, and placing blame. And yes, it is contagious.

Treatment: There’s a New Small Church in town – a place of hope and healing.

We’ve discovered the benefits of thinking small. And it’s got nothing to do with small thinking.

We’ve come to realize our small size in not a problem to be fixed, but a strategic advantage God wants to use.

We’re heading out with vision, faith and courage into the places God wants us to go. Places giants cannot tread.

Do you feel like a grasshopper: small and inadequate?
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Does Small = Broken?

You hear it at every conference, you read about it in almost every leadership book, and it’s usually one of the first questions you are asked when people find out you are a pastor. Can you guess what it is? How big is your church? In the Western Church, many would have you believe that large healthy and successful, but is that always true? I’ve written about this in a previous blog There are No Small Leaders, Only Leaders.

Does small = broken?
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So what defines a small church and just how many are there? According to Carl F. George, “At the 100 mark, your church has become larger than 60% of your peers. 93% of churches are small (under 350) and 80% of churches are very small (under 200).[i] Mr. Vaters goes on to ask a probing question,

If size equals success then 93% of pastors are unsuccessful while 80% are very bad at their jobs. Can that be right?

The answer of course is no. Mr. Vaters goes on to say,

There are more than 2.2 billion Christians in the world. Almost 1/3 of the world’s population. 100-150 million attend mega-churches. That is something to thank God for. But over half the Christians on earth are involved in churches with less than 250 people in them, which, when you do some basic math, leads to this astonishing conclusion,

More than one billion people choose to worship God in small churches.[ii]

Are these 1 billion people worshiping at small churches simply because they can’t find a big one or could there be other reasons for this? Here are a few reasons why so many people love small churches:

My Top Takeaways

Here are some of my top takeaways from the The Grasshopper Myth:

Conclusion

Finally, I love Vaters’ observation about growth. He said, “We need to stop using numerical growth as the primary indicator of success in ministry and start looking at health as the primary indicator of success in ministry.”

Not only do I recommend this book for pastors of small churches, I recommend this book for pastors of any size church as well as every congregant. This book will help pastors of small churches find freedom from unbiblical and destructive thinking that keeps them from enjoying and finding validity in the ministry that God has called them to steward. It will also help pastors of midsize and large churches gain a fresh perspective on what it feels like to be the pastor of a small church and how to better work together to bring the kingdom to a city or a region. After all, the spiritual landscape of a city is a fabric made up of many different churches.

You can order The Grasshopper Myth here.

Feel overloaded? Get my seven day guide to rest in a busy world here.

[i] George, Carl F., The Grasshopper Myth , p. 41

[ii] http://newsmallchurch.com/the-astonishing-power-of-small-churches-over-one-billion-served/

*Picture from David Graham via Flickr

College – Way More Than Just “Staying Christian”!

Tue, 18 Oct 2016 18:46:00 GMT

There is way more to college than just “staying Christian”. God desires for you to flourish in your relationship with Him, not simply maintain status quo.

Spiritual Transitions

Fall is an exciting time of year. It’s back to school time and you might find yourself in one of several transitions. Maybe this is your last year of high school, you’re just starting college, you have a year or two of college under your belt, or you’re done with college and considering grad school or the workforce. Here’s the most important question if you are a follower of Jesus: How are you doing spiritually?

Statistics tell us 70% of young adults between the ages of 18-23 stop attending church regularly for at least a year, even if they were active youth group attendees and leaders. Furthermore, only two-thirds ever return to the church, albeit sporadically.[i]

God doesn’t just want you to survive college with your faith intact. He wants you to thrive! Ask yourself a couple of questions: Would you deem it a failure if you went through college and didn’t grow academically? In the same way, wouldn’t it also be a tragedy if you went through college and didn’t grow spiritually – or worse yet, lost your faith altogether? The goal isn’t to make it to the end of your college career limping over the finish line and thankful you barely made it out alive. The goal is to come out with a stronger faith than when you went in. College can be a deeply formative time in your relationship with God, and it’s also a time when many significant moves of God began throughout history.

Do It Again, Lord

Take Yale for example. Yale University has been the birthplace of many revivals over the years. During Timothy Dwight’s tenure (grandson of Jonathan Edwards) as the president of Yale, they experienced several moves of God that not only spread to the community, but to other universities as well. For example, in 1802 a spiritual revival occurred that “shook the institution to its center.” Of the 230 students enrolled at Yale, about one-third were powerfully converted and nearly half of these went into full-time ministry! Yale experienced 12 similar periods of revival between 1815 and 1841, with the revival of 1831 being very noteworthy as 900 people in the surrounding community of New Haven were converted as well.[ii]

Navigating Transitions

Transitions are a proving ground. They leave you feeling vulnerable, unsure of yourself, and slightly off-balance. They can be disorienting as you chart new territory and pioneer new ground. Like any new thing, transitions are scary and exhilarating at the same time, but in the end there is always a choice. Will you lean into your relationship with Christ or will you trust in your own understanding to get you through?

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. 6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. (Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT)

Here are three ideas that will help you successfully navigate this challenging but important transition:

1) Choose the right friends. I’ve heard it said, when God wants to bless us, he brings someone into our lives, and when the enemy wants to hurt us, he brings someone into our lives. The Scriptures tell us that “Whoever walks with the wise will become wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Proverbs 13:20, ESV).

Who you surround yourself with will in large part determine your trajectory throughout college, so choose wisely. One of the best ways you can do that is to find a great campus ministry. That way you start with a pool of people who share similar passions and convictions. Don’t wait to find like-hearted people who will partner with you in your walk with Christ. Do it now.

2) Be rooted and planted in God’s house. Though I love campus ministries, plugging into a vibrant campus group isn’t enough, and your campus ministry shouldn’t be a replacement for a local church. Sooner or later, you will graduate college and begin a much longer phase of your life. It’s called adulthood. In this phase of life, the church – not a campus ministry – will become the major vehicle of spiritual growth and relationships in your life. Why not learn how to navigate church while you are in college? Where else can you find grandmas and grandpas, moms and dads, married couples, and single young adults in the stage of life where you will soon be?

Picture the local church as a greenhouse. In order for trees and plants to flourish, they need the right soil and have the right amount of water and sunlight.

12 The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree, He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon. 13 Those who are planted in the house of the Lord s hall flourish in the courts of our God. (Psalm 92:12-13 NKJV)

I came to Christ in college but I really didn’t grow that much. Why? Because I didn’t connect with a vibrant local church. After college, God led me to a great local church and guess what? I flourished.

3) Don’t put your relationship with God on the back burner. Your relationship with God is the most important thing about you. It defines you. You are a child of God. He is your Father. What could be more important than that? This is your highest identity. If you are going to thrive in the transition from high school to college and beyond, your relationship with God needs to be a priority, more than school, extracurricular activities, or anything else.

I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:5 NIV)

Not only is your identity found in your relationship with Christ, but it is the source of anything of eternal value that comes from your life. As you hang out with God, fruit will grow from every branch. Let this sink in: o ur highest call is not to do for God; our highest call is to be with God.

The Transition Book

In The Transition, I unpack practical lessons as well as deep spiritual truths to help you flourish as you move from high school to college and beyond. You will be equipped to:

Get Chapter 1 for Free!

The book will be available for pre-order in November. To get chapter 1 for free as well as the latest updates on the book, subscribe to my blog .

Those who pre-order the book (and email the receipt to kentmurawski@gmail.com ), will receive several helpful resources, including:

Happy Transitioning!

5 Ways to Get Your Creative Juices Flowing Again

Sat, 06 Aug 2016 23:28:00 GMT

You can set yourself up to be more creative by doing a few simple things. Whether you create for a living or just like to be a creative person, here are 5 ideas to help you get your creative juices flowing again!

5 Ways to Get Your Creative Juices Flowing Again

1) Create margin. Without margin, there is no room for creativity. Creativity flows from margin, and by margin, I mean white space in your schedule. Times when we aren’t doing anything. Sabbath. Rest. Downtime. Blocks of time to work on projects that really matter to you. I’ve written a lot about the rest aspect of margin in my book, Rest Assured: Seven Days to Stillness, Sanity, and the Sabbath You Need . It’s easy for life to become all work and no play. Start with a block of time or a day of rest. You won’t regret it!

Creativity flows from margin. (Kent Murawski)
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2) Disrupt your normal routine. Plan something fun. Go to the beach. Sleep in. Go hiking. Take a walk. Friedrich Nietzsche said, “All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking.” Find what does it for you and go do it! Author Mark Batterson says, “Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective.” I have found that to be true. That’s why I suggest everyone take a Sabbath day every week and at least one personal retreat every year. I’ve written a blog on it so I won’t elaborate. It’s called, Why I Love Retreats (and think you should take one too).

3) Find other creative people. Creativity fosters more creativity. It’s harder to be creative when you are not feeling inspired. It doesn’t always have to be face to face either. Listen to a podcast. Read a book. Go to a concert. Play or listen to some inspiring music. Get together with a creative friend with similar interests.

Creative people spur creativity in others.
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When I was in college, I picked up a guitar. I noticed when I played with other people who were better than me or just knew different things than I knew, it sped up the creative process. I learned more and I learned faster. Remember, what you put it you will get out. So get around other creatives! O, and by the way, we all have and need some form of creativity in our lives. You may not consider yourself a “creative,” but we all have problems that require creative thinking, and we are all of some more inspiration!

4) Set aside creative spaces. Do you have places you go to get the creative juices flowing? I do. My home office is one. A pond near my house is another. There are also a few coffee shops that I frequent. When I get bored in one place or need a change of pace, I hit up one of these other places. Where is your creative space? Natural beauty and wonder also inspire creativity. If all else fails, get outside!

5) Find your flow. Find your peak creative time and use it to work on things that are meaningful to you. At what time do you find you’re the most creative? For some people it’s late at night. My peak creative time is from 7:30-11:00 AM in the morning. That’s why if at all possible, I set aside that time to do the things in my life that require the most creativity and focus, and I guard that time very carefully.

I hope these simple ideas will help you be more creative. Why not try out one of these things today? If not, jot one down in your calendar for another day.

Your Turn

Is there a way you can carve out some more margin early in the morning or later in the evening for creative endeavors? How can you disrupt your normal routine to shake things up a bit? When are you most creative? Where are your creative places? How do you foster creativity in your life? When is your peak creative time? Who are one or two people who inspire creativity in you?

These are all questions that can help you find your creative flow again. Pick one to answer and take action on it in the next 24-48 hours. You won’t regret it!

*Photo by Olga Parker via Flickr

7 Things That Will Help You Be A Better Father (or parent)

Tue, 21 Jun 2016 12:43:00 GMT

I desire to be the best Dad I can be. Like you, I’m not a perfect, far from it in fact. I haven’t arrived. Heck, I haven’t even hit the teenage years yet (mercy, Lord)! Even so, I have learned a few things about fatherhood over the last 12 years that may be helpful.

As parents, our vision for parenting is simple and twofold:

In tribute to my three children for Father’s Day, here are six things I’ve learned that will help you become a better Dad:

1) Lead your family. Don’t leave it to your wife to shoulder the weight of decision-making and the direction of the family. You need her input, but it’s up to you to set the tone. Your wife and kids are looking for you to take initiative and lead the way. Here are a couple ways you shouldn’t compromise:

Dad, it’s up to you to set the tone and lead your family.
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Talk to them whenever you get the chance. It starts with you, Dad. Love God with everything you’ve got, love your wife and your children above yourself; and then teach it to your children . They will take their cues from you.

2) Spend time with your kids. In 1974 the average dad spent just 5 minutes per day of quality time with their kids while today, the average dad spends 35 minutes. That is encouraging! This can be a struggle, especially for Dad’s. When we come home from work we are tired (but probably not as tired as Mom). It’s easy to want to relax rather than engage. One person I know calls it the rubber band effect. Like a rubber band, we have a natural tendency to let loose after work. Don’t do it. Keep the rubber band tight and stay engaged. Play with your kids, help them with their homework, help your wife out, and if possible, give her some time alone. Then, closer to their bed time, you can let the rubber band loose. Here are a few other ways you can be intentional about spending time with your kids.

3) Don’t overreact when they tell you scary things. This happens more often as they get older. As I mentioned, we want our kids to hear the hard stuff from us first, so all along, we’ve been real with our kids. Even after that, they still come home with some things we haven’t talked to them about. Because we’ve left the door open and we don’t over react, they feel comfortable coming to us with their questions. They know we aren’t going to get upset and they are not going to get into trouble.

4) Severely limit their Internet use. The Internet is an amazing tool, which can be used for good or bad. Unmonitored Internet access for children is a ticking time bomb. The average age of exposure to pornography is around 9 years old. As someone who was exposed to porn early (in my day it wasn’t the Internet) and struggled with sexual addiction myself, I’m telling you, you don’t want that for your kids. Beyond porn, there are other landmines as well. Trust me, your kids are smarter than you are when it comes to technology. Don’t take their word for it. Do your best to train them so they understand the dangers. Call me old school but in the end their Internet access still needs to be monitored while they are under your roof.

Your kids are smarter than you when it comes to technology
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If they do have a smart phone or iPad, you can set restrictions under the parental controls. Here are some other helpful tools to do that:

5) Say yes sometimes. It’s easy to say no. It just becomes habit. As your children get older, their freedom needs to increase – if they are trustworthy that is. Freedom needs to be given bit by bit and tested. Start with small things like riding your bike around the block, staying home alone for 10-15 minutes, or allowing your kids to get their own snack after school. Give them clear guidelines and see how they do. Talk about responsibility. Let them try and fail in the small stuff first.

6) Be transparent about your shortcomings. I’ve never been afraid to tell my kids about my shortcomings (in an age appropriate way of course). Your kids already know you’re not perfect and they still think the world of you and want to be like you. We sometimes tend to think if we tell them the ways we’ve failed, they will think less of us. The opposite is actually true. They will respect you more because they know they don’t have to be perfect either. Use it as an opportunity to tell them about the grace of God. Tell them how you’ve failed over and over, but God forgave you and helped you overcome in time.

Transparency will cause your kids will respect you more, not less
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Also, don’t be afraid to say you’re sorry and ask for forgiveness. A bit of humble pie goes a long way with your kids.

7) Teach your kids to respect their Mom. I saved one of the most important ones for last. Dad’s, your kids will learn to respect their mom (and for boys, ladies) by the way you treat her. We don’t have a lot of rules in our house, but one of them is, respect your Mom! I tell them, if you do this, things will go well for you. If not, things will go poorly. Your wife needs you to back her up in the home. What Mom says, goes. Even if you don’t agree with it, back it until you can talk to her privately.

Conclusion

Dad, you are the leader of your home. God saw fit to place your wife and children under your care. He has the power and grace to help you as you step out in faith and become the leader and father He created you be. Now go do it!

What has helped you be a better Dad? Share your comments!

The New Pentecostals

Tue, 17 May 2016 14:39:00 GMT

As a pastor, I am asked on a somewhat regular basis what tradition our church falls under – to which I normally answer, “We are a non-denominational Christian Church.” If people want more of a description, I generally tell them we are both Evangelical and Pentecostal. Though I believe the church is a movement more than it is an organization, definitions often help us to have a starting point. So what does it mean to be Evangelical? How about Pentecostal? And what is a New Pentecostal?

Evangelical

Let’s start with Evangelical. The National Association of Evangelicals defines it this way,

If you want to read further, historian David Bebbington identifies four primary characteristics of evangelicalism.

Can you be both Evangelical and Pentecostal?
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Pentecostal

Today Pentecostals make up 600 million believers worldwide. That’s nearly a fourth of all Christendom! [ii] Ed Stetzer gives some interesting sociological reasons for the dramatic rise of Pentecostalism in his article, Why Do These Pentecostals Keep Growing? But what does it really mean to be Pentecostal? Many say it’s those who have an emphasis on the baptism in the Holy Spirit as evidenced by speaking in tongues, but I define it a little more broadly, as those who believe and practice all the spiritual gifts (found in Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12 and 14), including tongues, prophecy, healing, miracles, and faith.

The term Pentecostal originally comes from what believers experienced in Acts 2 on the day of Pentecost,

I encourage you to read up on it further. It is a fascinating history. A good place to start is the Azusa Street Revival .

Pentecostals make up 600 million (25%) believers worldwide!
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A Broader View

I previously thought that speaking in tongues was the only evidence of being baptized in the Holy Spirit, now I believe it’s just one of the evidences. The greater evidence is the fruit of the Spirit found in Galatians 5; you know – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control? In my mind, the fruit of the Spirit is much stronger evidence that someone is filled with the Spirit than tongues alone. Why do I say that? Because we’ve all met someone that is supposedly “Spirit filled” and speaks in tongues but lives like the devil. If there is one thing I’ve learned it’s that spiritual gifts aren’t necessarily a sign of spiritual maturity! Take the Corinthians. They were practicing many of the spiritual gifts but Paul had to rebuke them for being carnal, fleshly or unspiritual (see 1 Corinthians 3).

How I Became a Pentecostal

Just out of college, I was newly saved and hungry for God when I began attending a non-denominational charismatic church in Olean, NY. That’s when I first heard about the baptism in the Holy Spirit. For me it was simple – I saw it in the Bible, it seemed to help those who received it, and it was available to all! You can check out this teaching if you want to hear more. Why wouldn’t I want it? After hearing it preached, I went forward to receive prayer for the baptism. It was a powerful experience and I knew I had received something. It wasn’t until a month later that I spoke in other tongues. It came like a flood and when it did, I prayed in tongues for hours in my bed and was filled to overflowing with the presence of God. Immediately, my walk with God began to dramatically change. One week later, I was sitting in a bar watching my friends out on the dance floor. Up until then, I didn’t exactly have the purest of motives in going to the bar but something had changed. As I sat there, alone, staring out at the dance floor I felt a deep pit in my stomach and said to myself, what am I doing here? I don’t belong here! I left that night and didn’t go back. My walk with God went to another level. I began to grow and flourish, and spiritual gifts like tongues and interpretation and prophecy began to bubble up. The baptism in the Holy Spirit changed everything for me. I was on fire for God, and since then it has largely remained that way.

Who Are the New Pentecostals?

There is a new breed of Pentecostals. I call them the New Pentecostals. The New Pentecostals want more than just the baptism in the Holy Spirit as evidenced by speaking in tongues. Yes, we want that too, but there is more to being Pentecostal than speaking in tongues. I’m tired of the old stereotypes: holy rollers, fanatics, emotionalistic, swinging from the chandeliers, valuing experience over the word of God. Often, when movements begin or at different times during the course of a movement, the pendulum swings wide and goes to extremes. I think this has been the case with the Pentecostal/Charismatic movement at times. The New Pentecostals welcome encounters with God, but only in submission to the word of God. After all, the word of God should be a springboard into encounters with the risen Christ. As the late A.W. Tozer said,

The word of God should be a springboard into an encounter with God.
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Marks of the New Pentecostals

1) We want all the power of God without being hokey. Not that we want to take out the mystery of the spiritual gifts or make Christianity bland, but we also don’t want to be unnecessarily weird. First and foremost we are to be a witness for Christ. Apart from a sovereign move of God, if what we are doing scares would be followers of Christ then there is a problem! Paul shares on this extensively in 1 Corinthians 14. At the end of the chapter, here is what he says, “So, my brothers, earnestly desire to prophesy, and do not forbid speaking in tongues. 40 But all things should be done decently and in order” (1 Corinthians 14:39-40 ESV). In other words, use the gifts but do them the right way!

One of the ways we our church does this is to give an explanation following a supernatural demonstration or gift – not to explain it away but rather to help people who may not have any experience with spiritual gifts. We also regularly share prophetic words without being overt about it. In other words, instead of a speech in Elizabethan English starting with, “Thus sayeth the Lord,” we just say it clearly and directly.

2) We don’t want to be pushy or elitist with the gifts. The fruit of the spirit trumps the gifts of the spirit. Without love the gifts become a clanging cymbal. Again, the Corinthians gave us a great example of what not to do. When I was a young believer, I was very zealous (sometimes to a fault). I remember one time, while I was visiting my sister at college; I asked one of her Christian friends if I could pray over her to receive the baptism in the Holy Spirit. I prayed so loudly over her in tongues I scared the poor girl half to death! It didn’t make her want the baptism in the Holy Spirit. It scared her away!

How can we avoid elitism? Teach on the gifts and give people an on ramp to experience them but don’t be pushy or make it a pre-requisite for being spiritual. We’ve had people on our core team of leaders that don’t speak in tongues but regularly received visions and prophetic insight that significantly shaped or changed our course at times. They were not (by the standard definition) “baptized in the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues” but that didn’t hinder God from giving them other gifts.

3) We want compassion and social change to be a hallmark of ministry. One of the most important developments in the modern day Pentecostal movement is the change in direction toward compassion and social change as noted in this article from Christianity Today called A New Kind of Pentecostal.

In the article, Billy Wilson, executive director of the International Center for Spiritual Renewal, an alliance of Pentecostal and charismatic leaders, says, “In my opinion, this generation has the strongest horizontal desire to change the world of any other one in history.”

4) Above all, New Pentecostals want people to come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ and become mature disciples. Helping people find and grow in Christ should be of utmost importance to every Christian. If our gifts hinder rather than help that mission – we are in error!

Spiritual Gifts are for the Churched AND the Unchurched

I believe with all my heart that spiritual gifts, done right, are not only for the churched but the unchurched. I leave you with these words from Paul the apostle,

Spiritual Gifts are for the Churched AND Unchurched
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I would love to hear from both Pentecostals and other traditions as well!

Other Helpful Resources

Rest Assured: Seven Days to Stillness, Sanity and the Sabbath You Need

True rest can only be found in a relationship with God.

*This e-book and downloadable PDF is available for pre-order now! Launching 5-15-19.

*Image credit to J.D. King via Flickr

[i] http://nae.net/what-is-an-evangelical/

[ii] http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2011/august/newkindpentecostal.html

[iii] Adapted from Chapter 1 of the book Men Who Met God, published by Christian Publications, Inc.) http://www.thegloryofgodoncapecod.com/articles/edifying-relevant-articles/the-necessity-for-encounter-with-god,-by-awtozer.html

Are We Worshiping Millennials?

Mon, 11 Apr 2016 10:18:00 GMT

It seems like nearly every church leadership article over the past couple of years is about “Millennials” or those born after 1980. I wonder – are we verging on millennial worship?

Having been born in 1975, I’m on the tail end of Generation X (those born between 1960-1979), though I relate a bit more to Millennials than I do Boomers (1946 to early 1960). I’m no expert but I think I have some room to speak, especially since our church is primarily composed of Millennials (about 75%), and my city, Cambridge, MA, was recently deemed the best city in the United States for Millennials. [i] I love hanging out with Millennials and intentionally put them around me. I value their opinions and leadership. In fact, the the majority of the most influential team in our church (we call them the lead team) is made up of single Millennials! It’s very important to me that we are engaging them and reaching them. We didn’t necessarily plan it that way, we are simply reaching one of the largest demographics in our city. When I ask this question, are we worshiping Millennials, I’m not coming from a place of pessimism but rather a place of concern. Let me explain…

Back in time…

Early in the 21 ^st century, there seemed to be a church wide emphasis on reaching the next generation – at least in the circles where I was involved. It was imperative that older leaders were reaching and empowering the younger generation and entrusting them with leadership. In my fellowship of ministers, they were seeking to get more young people to become credentialed ministers and encouraging pastors to help bring them through the process and train them in their local churches. That challenge remains the same for every generation. The Church is always one are one generation away from extinction. As with anything, too much of a good thing can become unhealthy if we are not careful – turning from a healthy emphasis to an unhealthy obsession. I saw this in full swing, as there was a huge leadership transition from the older to the younger, sometimes at the expense of the young leaders. I watched some young people crash and burn because they were given responsibility they weren’t ready for with inadequate training and oversight.

Every generation is important

Right now, there are five generations alive on the earth. There are more generations alive together than at any other time in history. So I ask you, should we be focusing solely on Millennials? Anytime you put too much emphasis upon one generation, it has the potential to become idolatry. It’s not good for the people group being overly emphasized and it’s not good for the church. Things become all about them instead of all about God and His purpose. In God’s heart and purpose, there exists a place for that emphasis but it should never surpass the emphasis on Jesus Christ Himself or on all people. We should be living for the good of others, not just the good of Millennials. What does this communicate to people of other generations? That they are less important than the one generation we are trying to reach? The generation that is being emphasized begins to believe it is all about them. They are important yes, and we need to reach them, but so is every other generation. What about the X’ers who feel lost between Boomers and Millennials? What about Boomers who have tons of wisdom and resources to share to help the kingdom of God go to the next level? What about the Traditionalists (born before 1946) who have so much life experience and many of whom may feel lonely and forgotten?

Should Millennials be the “center?”

My fear is that the pendulum is beginning to swing too far. We need to engage, reach and empower millennials, but it’s not healthy to revolve everything around them. No generation can handle that type of attention without letting it go to their heads. If everything revolves around a specific group of people, it’s easy to think, “It’s all about us” instead of saying, “It’s all about Jes-us!”

It’s not about us, it’s about Jes-us
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Are you alienating Millennials?

The opposite is also true. When the generations with the power and resources (X’ers and Boomers) attempt to hold on too long; when they don’t involve Millennials in the decision making process or give them actual authority to act; when they don’t put a high value on reaching them; Houston, we have a problem! This alienates Millennials, telling them they have no place in our churches, organizations or power structures and as a result they don’t feel it is worth their time.

Practical ways to reach and keep Millennials

How can we reach and keep Millennials? Here are seven simple things you can start implementing right away:

A Word To Millennials…

It seems there is a lot of talk about what Millennials want in a church. While this isn’t bad, some of you are using it as a reason to turn away from the church instead of leveraging your influence to bring change to the church. Although there is the possibility that some churches are resistant to change, there are many that welcome your influence and want to change, they just don’t know how. So instead of bouncing around until you find the perfect church (which is impossible because none exist), how about bringing what you have to the table? Why not commit and put down roots? I know commitment can be a scary word for you, but it’s a good word. It’s what God did for you and it’s what He expects of you. You can’t change anything without commitment. So why not gain influence the good old-fashioned way – by committing and serving sacrificially?

Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. (Psalm 37:4-5 NIV)

Commit your way to the Lord? No problem. Commit to the church? That’s a little harder for some of you. It may be hard, but it’s necessary. God has been using His Church (in many different forms) for two millennia and He’s not about to stop now. So, Millennials, I’m appealing to you. Rather than use your influence and disenchantment as a reason to leave the church, or to complain about the church, or to fuel discontentment in others, why not leverage your influence to help the church. Remember, in whatever state, Christ loves His bride, the Church, and wants what’s best for her. Ultimately, you are a part of the whole. You are one generation among many. Bring what you have to the table and use it for the betterment of the whole.

Discussion

What are your thoughts on Millennials and the church? What is your experience? I would love to hear from Millennials and leaders alike!

Good articles on Millennials

[i] http://www.forbes.com/sites/kathryndill/2015/05/13/the-best-cities-for-millennials-right-now/

Photo credit, Anise Smith – Flickr

There Are No Small Leaders, Only Leaders

Tue, 24 Nov 2015 16:59:00 GMT

There are no small leaders in God’s kingdom, only leaders.

Though I know my worth is not found in the number of people that attend Journey Church on a Sunday morning but rather in my being a child of God, I still struggle at times with this dichotomy. I’m not down on megachurches, in fact I have been very blessed by them, but in our Western, rock star pastor, megachurch culture it’s hard not to struggle with this as a pastor.

There are no small leaders in God’s kingdom, only leaders.
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Small Churches Are Changing the World

I was ignorant of this fact until recently. According to Karl Vaters who has a blog called New Small Church , “There are more than 2.2 billion Christians in the world. Almost 1/3 of the world’s population. 100-150 million attend megachurches. That is something to thank God for. But over half the Christians on earth are involved in churches with less than 250 people in them. Which, when you do some basic math, leads to this astonishing conclusion,”

More than one billion people choose to worship God in Small Churches.” [i]

America worships celebrities and the American church culture isn’t much different. I remember being at a church planting training once where I overheard two of the presenters talking during a break. They were both young successful pastors whose churches were growing very rapidly (which is why they were presenting I presume). Anyway, as they were sharing what was happening in their churches, they expressed a desire to go visit one another to share best practices. I thought that was great, until they got to the next part. They proceeded to tell how most of their friends were from much smaller churches that weren’t growing as quickly and how important it was to learn from peers that were in a similar place. Again, I agree fully, but then came the punch line. “It’s great to have friends from smaller churches though” one of them remarked. “It keeps you humble.” I wanted to slap him. Not because I’m the pastor of a small church, but because of the arrogance of such a statement. It sounded more like pride than humility. I thought, Is that the reason you want to be friends with pastors from small churches? So you can gloat over your own growth and have a constant reminder that it could be much worse?

Maybe I took it personally, but it was kind of hard not to.

Comparison Junkies

Whether or not you are a pastor, you probably find yourself falling into the comparison trap.

I often fall into the trap of comparing myself and our church to other leaders and other churches, or compare my platform to someone else’s (my good friend, Joshua Finley, recently wrote a great article about understanding the platform God has given you. ) In fact, I have to admit that even while I’m writing this post, I’m secretly hoping it will go viral. Just being real. I have a confession to make. I’m a comparison junkie. In the end, it leaves me feeling the same as a real junkie; it feels good for the moment but then I crash until the next fix.

Comparison leaves you feeling like a junkie; it feels good for a moment…until you crash.
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In my mind I go there all the time with an axe to grind about why my church is not as big as another, or why we aren’t growing as fast (or sometimes at all), or I find excuses and reasons why my situation is different from theirs, but I think the Bible is pretty clear on this one:

Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. ⁵ For we are each responsible for our own conduct. (Galatians 6:4-5 NLT)

Finding Contentment

If your church (or whatever you are leading) stayed the same size it is right now at this moment, would you do it for the rest of your life? That’s the question the Lord posed to me not long ago.

Maybe I’m the only sinner that also happens to be a pastor but my initial answer was “no.” The Lord went on and said to me,

Then you should quit now because if you are not willing to do that then you are doing it for the wrong reasons.

Ouch!

Whether the church He has called you to lead is 25, 50, 500 or 5000, the flock of 25 is just as important to the Lord as the flock of 5000. He wants both flocks well cared for, well fed and well led.

God wants his flock well cared for, well fed and well led – regardless of the size.
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So why is it that we place such importance on numbers? How is it that numbers have come to be the mark by which we measure success? Now I agree, God is interested in people finding Him, but I’ve heard all the slogans for growth and while I agree with many of them on the surface, they sometimes come across as disingenuous,

(For those of you that think rapid growth is glorious, here’s an article that may change your perspective.)

It’s easy for big churches to justify why they think numbers are important, but it’s just as easy for small churches to discount why numbers are important. But whether or not numbers matter to God is not what this blog is about. What’s more important are your motivations. If you want to have a big church, why? If you think churches should stay small, why? In the end, I’m not debating whether or not numbers are important; I’m simply saying we shouldn’t let numbers determine our significance.

Leaders, don’t let numbers or stuff determine your significance
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How Do You Measure Success?

Think of how Western church culture reinforces the idea that numbers equal success. If not, then why are there virtually no leaders of small churches that speak at church conferences? Why are there very few pastors of small churches that are highlighted in magazines or that are guests on leadership podcasts? Are there no pastors of small churches who can speak just as well or whose ministries have abundant fruit? Is it due to the assumption that if you lead a small church then you are not a very good leader? After all, there must be some reason you are small, right? We equate success with buildings, big budgets and butts in seats.

Can we just be honest? Many of us worship church growth.
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I think the question we need to be asking ourselves is how should we measure success? Karl Vaters wrote a fantastic article on feeding the flock VS. numbers.

Rethinking Success

We are not going to be judged on how many people come to our church, we are going to be judged on two things – knowing God and doing His will. Here are some definitions for success that I really appreciate,

Success can be different for different areas of life but its important to find out what success means to God and to you. Overall, I define success by my life mission statement,

I exist to bring God glory in all I do, love my family and live for the good of others as I experience His transforming love.

I’ve always found this portion of the “Citizen In A Republic” speech by Teddy Roosevelt to be quite inspiriting. This is another definition of success for me. It’s called, Man in the Arena,

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. [iv]

What’s your definition of success? How have you dealt with the comparison game?

Why Millennials, Students and Young Adults Need the Church to Thrive

Thu, 12 Nov 2015 11:30:00 GMT

Millennials, students and young adults need the church to spiritually thrive through the transition from high school to college and young adult hood.

Over the last few posts, we’ve talked about why a large percentage of young adults are dropping out of conventional church involvement (at least for a time), and how a strong family structure with faithful church involvement makes all the difference when it comes to young adults staying actively involved in church life.

So should we be concerned about this trend toward churchlessness in the lives of college students and young adults? I think so. Especially as research shows that only two-thirds ever return and their involvement seems to be less when they do .

Furthermore, as young adults drop out of conventional church involvement, are they gathering in community to practice and live out their faith? It seems not. Though I pastor a “conventional church;” I’m all for different forms of church, be it conventional church, house church or otherwise. The issue is not whether young adults attend a conventional church or not; the issue is whether or not they are connected to Jesus and His body – the Church with a capital “C.”

What Is the Church?
That begs the question, what is the Church and why do students need one in order to thrive in their faith?

What is the Church and why do students and young adults need one in order to thrive in their faith?
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In order to connect to His body, the Church, it helps to know what it is. Many college students and young adults turn to a plethora of influences for their spiritual nourishment – campus groups, parachurch ministries and Internet resources. These can all be good and I benefit from them myself but they can’t be a substitute for a body of believers with whom you put down roots, commit to as you would a family, and pursue God’s mission together.

As great as they are, parachurch ministries aren’t a substitute for church involvement.
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Once a student graduates and the bubble of campus life is no longer a viable option, what then? Have they learned to relate to the body of Christ? Have they gleaned from the influence of older mentors or had the joy of relating to parents, grandparents, children, young professionals, and others in different stages of life? Please don’t misunderstand me. I think there much to be gained from campus ministries and churches working together. The church has a lot to learn from campus ministries, but in order to see young people thrive in their faith long term and see the harvest reached and retained, there must be a close connection between churches and campus ministries.

It’s worth mentioning that I have a somewhat unique perspective as I have worked in both the campus ministry world and now as a lead pastor. Serving for five years as the Executive Director of Brothers And Sisters In Christ , a local church based campus ministry that equipped churches to reach and disciple college students, I learned first hand how the local church and campus ministry can compliment each other.

But we still haven’t answered the question; w hat is the Church and why do students and young adults need one to thrive in their faith? Quite honestly, I haven’t found a lot of people that have tried to define it, but here is one definition I like:

The Local Church is a community of regenerated believers who confess Jesus Christ as Lord. In obedience to scripture they organize under qualified leadership, gather regularly for preaching and worship, observe the biblical sacraments of baptism and communion, are unified by the spirit, are disciplined for holiness, scattered to fulfill the great commission and the great commandment, as missionaries to the world for God’s glory and their joy. [i]

So you see, according to this definition, there are certain Biblical requirements in order to be considered a church. That is why some ministries call themselves “parachurch” or outside the Church. They are cross-denominational ministries meant to come alongside the Church. Think of the Church as a light bulb (having to holistically think through meeting the needs of people) and parachurch ministries as a laser, focused on one aspect of Christian faith, one stage of life or one specific problem or issue. [ii]

Why the Church Gets A Bad Rap
I hear a lot of complaining about the Church. Her inadequacies are easy to see, but most people are not willing to make the Church better by bringing what they have to the table. Many would rather abandon her or look elsewhere simply because a church doesn’t have everything they want, or it’s not like the church they once attended or it’s not like the ones they glean from on the internet.

Part of this comes from embracing a consumer mentality that says, what can I get rather than what can I give? We treat church like it’s a store, and if it doesn’t have every thing we need, we go elsewhere. We are a consumer culture, so I don’t think it’s bad to meet people where they are. You may be “shopping” for a church, but at some point you need to move from a consumer to a contributor. Instead of saying, “They don’t have everything I need,” maybe you could approach it like this, “I’m going to add what I have to this body. They need some hands, so I will be the hands.” Again, I’m not against gleaning from other places. Go ahead, supplement your diet with other resources, but don’t abandon the Church because she has some inadequacies. This may be a suprise to you, but t he church was never meant to fulfill all your spiritual needs, but rather to lead you into a vibrant relationship with Jesus Christ.

The Church was never meant to fulfill all of our spiritual needs…
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Let’s face it, spiritual growth is hard. There has to be initiative on your part. But we want spiritual growth without practicing spiritual disciplines.

We want spiritual growth without practicing spiritual disciplines.
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The Church Has Blindspots Too…
That’s not to say the Church is doing everything right either. She is being severely tested right now and is struggling to find her footing. The Church seems to be having a hard time finding her true identity and her voice in the world, but in the end God will have a radiant holy bride that shines brightly for all the world to see. That’s exactly what Ephesians says,

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ²⁶ to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.* ²⁷ He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. (Ephesians 5:25-27 NLT, italics mine)

Where Do I Start?
You might want to try this: stop dating the church commit to her. Maybe it’s time to put on the ring? It’s for your own health and growth. The Church is God’s bride. Stop downing her. God doesn’t like when we criticize His bride. Let the word of God guide your thinking about the Church, not the culture, other people, or the inadequacies you’ve noticed. God’s word about the Church is true,

The righteous man will flourish like the palm tree, He will grow like a cedar in Lebanon. Planted in the house of the LORD, They will flourish in the courts of our God (Psalm 92:12-13 NASB).

Maybe it’s time to stop dating the church and commit?
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Next time, I will provide you with some more tools about how to thrive spiritually through the transition from high school to college and beyond. Until then, why not join the conversation or share this post with someone you think will benefit from it or your youth, college or senior pastor? Or what about your teenage son or daughter or your young adult or college student.

Join the Conversation

Do you think students and young adults need the church in order to thrive in their faith? What is your view of the Church? Is it negative or positive? Where did this view come from?

Passing On A Robust Christian Faith to Teenagers and Young Adults

Tue, 29 Sep 2015 15:14:00 GMT

In my last post, we discussed why college students and young adults drop out of church after high school. We discovered six reasons why (the majority of) young Christians are leaving the Church for a period of time, some to never return.

For some reason, “A robust Christian faith and an accompanying commitment to the church is not being passed on.” So says Lifeway researcher, Ed Stetzer. Though many young adults do eventually come back, their commitment level is not what it once was. Should we be concerned about this trend? I think so. More importantly, what can we do to turn it around? I want to offer some advice that may be helpful.

In general, we know the answer is discipleship, but how many people can first, define what discipleship is and second, describe the pathway to get there? Discipleship is an easy concept to understand but a difficult one to carry out. So for this post, let me describe discipleship this way. I believe the answer to thriving in your Christian faith after high school is two-fold and it starts with the family.

Discipleship is an easy concept to understand but a difficult one to carry out.
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Passing on a robust Christian faith in your family

The family is the greatest source of discipleship there is. More than youth ministry, college ministry, the local church, para-church ministries; the family has more impact on whether or not a young person faithfully follows Jesus than anything else. According to research, “82% of children raised by parents who talked about faith at home, attached great importance to their beliefs and were active in their congregations were themselves religiously active as young adults.” [i] God’s word sanctions this type of discipleship,

And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. ⁷ Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. ⁸ Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. ⁹ Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6:6-9 NLT)

In other words, eat, breath and live His word day in and day out. A pastor I know said it this way, “Raise your kids to be world-changers. If you raise them to be good Christians and they backslide then they will become average Christians. If you raise them to be world changers and they back-slide they become good Christians.” [ii]

Can you guess what one of the determining factors was in whether or not teenagers stay in church? “My parents were still married to each other and both attended church (prior to 18).” [iii] Wow, can you imagine that just staying married and giving our kids a good example of attending church together makes a huge difference. In a low-commitment world, it makes sense that commitment actually means something.

Commitment is a determining factor in whether or not young people stay in church.
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Maybe you find yourself not valuing commitment. You are just one choice away from a totally different life. Why not consider being a high-commitment person? In a commitment phobic world, you will stand out like a sore thumb – to those around you, and eventually to your kids. Furthermore, imagine what would happen if we didn’t just attend church regularly, but we actually served, gave and most importantly made Jesus the center of everything?

In a low-commitment world, it makes sense that commitment actually means something.
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Invest in a young person

It’s sad to say, but most churches aren’t that great at discipleship, and I have to admit, as a pastor it sometimes seems like an elusive goal. Many of the questions that young people have are life issues and questions that are best answered in the context of a discipleship relationship. But how many young people have a person they can go to with those difficult questions to? And how many parents, pastors and youth pastors are drawing out answers to the questions they struggle with? It takes more than a casual family dinner, a great large group meeting or even a good small group to make a disciple. It takes a solid foundation of relationship and intentional discussions. We must probe the heart.

The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out. (Proverbs 20:5 ESV)

It takes more than a casual family dinner, a worship service or a small group to make a disciple.
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In his article, Ed Stetzer writes that one of the most predictive factors in whether or not teenagers stayed in church was, “At least one adult from church made a significant in me personally and spiritually (between 15-18).”

Obviously, we are barely scratching the surface on discipleship. The purpose of this post is not to give you a comprehensive view on how to disciple students (I do some of that in my upcoming book – link). The purpose is rather to spark a discussion on how we can best help young people thrive in their Christian faith when going from from high school to college and beyond.

So we have a mix of factors from both family and church that come into play here. I believe it is up to the church to partner with the family in order to help our students stay strong through this crucial transition. In such cases as the family is dysfunctional, the church plays and even more crucial role in helping young people through this transition.

What is your experience with this? What are some factors you have seen that seem to influence whether or not young people are successful in the spiritual transition between high school and young adulthood?

Like this post? Why not share the love! Just click your method of choice below…

[i] http://blogs.thearda.com/trend/featured/parents-no-1-influence-helping-teens-remain-religiously-active-as-young-adults/

[ii] Pastor Rick Sinclair, Christian Fellowship Center, Madrid, NY – http://www.cfconline.org/

[iii] http://www.christianitytoday.com/edstetzer/2014/may/dropouts-and-disciples-how-many-students-are-really-leaving.html

Why Do College Students and Young Adults Drop Out of Church?

Mon, 07 Sep 2015 11:28:00 GMT

There is a buzz in the air where I live as thousands of young people are beginning or continuing their college experience. It’s an exciting time for them – new people, new experiences, academic and professional growth. Unfortunately, maintaining a vibrant and robust Christian faith and finding a church to help them in their relationship with God isn’t always at the top of the list – even for students with a church background.

Having worked with young people in some capacity for the past 16 years, my heart has been burdened with the trend of young people dropping out of church, and some losing their faith, between the ages of 18-22.

What the Numbers Tell Us

Many of us either know someone who has recently or gone through or is currently going through the transition from high school to college or young adulthood. Transitions are tough as it is, and thriving in your Christian faith when moving beyond high school seems to be one of the most difficult. Originally we heard stats like, 86% of young people were dropping out of church after high school never to return. The only problem is, that’s a myth. You also may have heard “Nearly 70% of college students who have grown up in church will drop out when they go to college.” [i] That is closer to the truth, but even that can be somewhat deceiving.

The Real Story…

So what is the truth when it comes to faith and young people? A more recent study by Lifeway Research reveals 70% of young adults between ages 23-30 stopped attending church regularly for at least a year between the ages of 18-22. [ii] Although it’s not as bad as it was originally thought to be, the two-thirds who do return do so twice per month or sporadically. Clearly, we need to do better, and by we, I mean – parents, pastors (youth, college and senior), and older church members.

The Barna Group gives some specifics to these stats and calls our attention to “three distinct patterns of loss: prodigals, nomads, and exiles.”

One out of nine who grow up with a Christian background lose their faith in Christianity. After confessing to be a Christian at some point in their past, these “prodigals” as the article names them, have lost their faith in Christ and Christianity.

The largest group (four out of ten) is the nomads. They still call themselves Christians but are much less active in church life than they were during their high school years. According to The Barna Group, “ Nomads have become ‘lost’ to church participation.”

Exiles , or those “who feel lost between the ‘church culture’ and the society they feel called to influence,” feel stuck between two worlds – the comfortable faith of their parents and the life that they believe God has in mind for them. These represent two out of ten.

Finally, “Three out of ten young people who grow up with a Christian background stay faithful to church and to faith throughout their transitions from the teen years through their twenties.” [iii] Here is the conclusion of their research, “that most young people with a Christian background are dropping out of conventional church involvement, not losing their faith.”

Most young people with a Christian background are dropping out of conventional church involvement.
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Why Young Christians Are Leaving the Church

Why is this transition so difficult for church going young adults? The Barna Group gives six reasons why young Christians are leaving the Church:

Clearly we aren’t doing a great job walking our young people through some of these difficult life questions. That’s exactly the conclusion of the Lifeway Research project I spoke of earlier. Ed Stetzer noted, “Parents and churches are not passing on a robust Christian faith and an accompanying commitment to the church. Christian parents and churches need to ask the hard question, ‘What is it about our faith commitment that does not find root in the live of our children?’”

We will talk about some of the challenges of transitioning well in my next post.

What’s Your Experience?

What’s your experience either as someone who has made the transition, seen the transition or someone who is currently in the transition?

Read part 2 of this series…

The Transition Book: Thriving Spiritually from High School to College & Beyond

[i] Andy Stanly, Lane Jones and Reggie Joiner, Seven Practices of Effective Ministry (Random House LLC 2008) , 143

[ii] http://www.lifeway.com/Article/LifeWay-Research-finds-reasons-18-to-22-year-olds-drop-out-of-church

[iii] The Barna Group, “Five Myths about Young Adult Church Dropouts,” November 16, 2011, https://www.barna.org/barna-update/teens-nextgen/534-five-myths-about-young-adult-church-dropouts#.UuY_mmQo6b8

[iv] The Barna Group, “Six Reasons Young Christians Leave Church,” September 28, 2011, https://www.barna.org/teens-next-gen-articles/528-six-reasons-young-christians-leave-church

Five Ways to Survive the Rigors of Bivocational Ministry

Wed, 15 Jul 2015 18:43:00 GMT

In part 1 of the Bivocational Series , I elaborated on the upsides of being bivocational; then in part 2 the challenges and downsides. Today I want to share some thoughts on how to survive the rigors of bivocational ministry. Whether you are neck deep in it, thinking about it, or circumstances seem to be pushing you in that direction, my hope is that this post will encourage you, bless you and help you on your journey.

Surviving the Rigors of Bivocational Ministry

1) Respect the season. A wise mentor of mine once said this. By it he simply meant, whatever season you find yourself in, respect it and don’t try to live outside of it. If you find yourself in bivocational ministry, there is grace to live it successfully – until and unless the season changes. It may be hard. It may not be what you want to be doing. But if God has led you in that direction there is grace for the season.

When we were preparing to launch Journey Church we had raised enough money for me to go full-time. As April came and went, I was ready, even though the launch finances didn’t kick in until June. I had had enough of burning the candle at both ends. But as I shared my thoughts with our prayer team, the Lord prompted one of them to ask me this question: whose spiritual growth are you hindering by leaving your job early? You see, God had opened up a door for me to do a Bible study with some people at work, and one young lady in particular was showing real interest in the things of God. Would my leaving the job early short-circuit her growth in Christ? As me and my wife prayed about, we thought yes, it would. So I decided to stay until the end of the school year when the program was over. Several months later, the young lady came to our launch and gave her life to Christ.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV)

2) The top priority is to keep the top priority the top priority. Your family is first. There are a lot of things you are going to have to turn down in order to keep it that way. Schedule the most important things first. As a senior pastor that would be your personal time with God, your family, message preparation, leadership development and discipleship. Here are two things that will help you keep your family top priority:

3) The work will always be there. When working bivocationally (or in ministry for that matter), you will never feel like everything is done. There will always be work hanging over your head. When you don’t get everything done, remember, there is always tomorrow! Do the most important things first and if the rest doesn’t get done, most of the time it can wait.

For me, that boiled down to my sermon, my life group, a few young men I was discipling and some weekly administrative tasks I needed to fulfill.

The Silver Lining

There is a silver lining in all this. Time is a funny thing. It seems the less time we have the better we manage it and the more we have the more we squander. While working bivocationally, I learned how to manage my time really well. The important things got done and the not so important things fell to the wayside. On the flip side, there is very little margin or room for error. As I said before, you must focus on the most important things first or you will drown.

Equipping and Delegating

Equipping and delegation must become your focus . Because you have less time, equipping and delegating become even more critical. Having less time forced me to be intentional about equipping people for ministry, involving more people in the process and delegating things I didn’t have time to do.

4) Remember, the Church belongs to Jesus and it’s up to Him to build it. Sometimes we mistakenly think that the sole responsibility of building the church falls to us. But it doesn’t, it actually falls to Jesus (see Matthew 16:18). While working bivocationally, I learned to do my part and trusted God to do His. My part is to plant and water, God’s part is to bring the increase (see 1 Cor. 3:6). Then when He does, we harvest it! I also realized my part was smaller than I originally thought. I came to that conclusion when after all my efforts (including some that weren’t directed by Him) nothing changed. Like Jesus, I only want to do what I see the Father doing (see John 5:19) and move where He is moving. When we come to understand that the Church rests on Jesus’ shoulders, not ours, we tend to work from a place of rest, not striving, and we give God the glory for what happens.

This leads me to my last and final tip…

5) Find a rhythm of rest. Despite the high demand on your time, you must find a rhythm of rest. Even while working bivocationally, I rarely compromised my Sabbath day. As I previously mentioned, we were also planning a major public launch or grand opening while I was working bivocationally. There were always things that needed to be done, but after God taught me an important lesson about rest , I knew I was destined for burnout if I didn’t find and establish a rhythm of rest. Here are a few things that helped me establish a rhythm.

Get my free e-book on rest here . You can also check out a four-part sermon series I preached called Refresh.

In the end, if you do find yourself having to work bivocationally, pray and do your best to find something with flexibility and adequate pay. This is easier if you have some skills that allow you to do this – like carpentry, graphic design, photography or some type of consulting. Since I possessed none of those skills, I had to find a job that paid well and accommodated the hours I needed. God opened up the perfect opportunity for me to work at an urban youth center; putting together my teaching gift with my love for youth. Uber is also a great option if it exists in your city. It is flexible and pays well.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I would say, if you can avoid having to work bivocationally, do it. The difficulty of working as a bivocational minister is really taxing. Honestly, I don’t think I could have continued that way forever. I have the utmost respect for those who embrace it as a way of life. There are some who even work a full-time job while pastoring a church. This is nothing short of miraculous. My hat is off to you.

If you find yourself in bivocational ministry, know that God’s grace will sustain you. He will give you everything you need when you need it. I know it’s hard, but your reward is great in heaven. Your willingness to lay down your life and be obedient to the call is an example to us all. Thank you!

Other Parts in the Series

Resources on Being Bivocational

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Jack-of-all-trades, Master of None

Fri, 05 Jun 2015 15:16:00 GMT

Welcome to part 2 of the bivocational series. In part 1 of the series , we discussed the upside of bivocational ministry. In this post, we will talk about some of the challenges and downsides of bivocational ministry; then in part 3 , I will share some practical tools to help you survive the rigors of bivocational ministry.

The Downsides of Being Bivocational

The most difficult part of being bivocational (in my opinion) is the time factor. After all, time really is our most precious resource. Though I really enjoyed working outside the church and it often felt like a break after arduous mental labor and taxing people issues; I still felt like I was always racing against the clock. Physical exhaustion was also an issue. Because of the demands of my job as an urban youth worker, I would return home at night mentally, physically and spiritually exhausted with not much more than fumes for my family. During the last 6 months of working bivocationally, our church was planning a large scale launch or “grand opening” which added even more to an already busy schedule.

It was during this time that God taught me some transformational things about resting in the Lord. If you want to know more, you can get my free e-book here, Rest Assured: Seven Days to Stillness, Sanity and the Sabbath You Need. Burnout becomes a very real challenge when working bivocationally so we must learn how to rest in the midst of what God has called us to do. After all, His yoke is easy and His burden is light (see Matthew 11:28)

Jack-of-All-Trades Master of None

Twice a year, at my urban youth worker job, we were required to participate in a semi-annual performance review. During my last performance review before going full-time with the church, I received a 2.5 out of 4. Although it wasn’t an awful score (according to the review), I was still disappointed, but I also understood why I had scored just average. You’ve probably heard the saying, “Jack-of-all-trades master of none.” That’s exactly how I felt working bivocationally, and it wasn’t just my job. I felt like I was pulling a 2.5 in every area of my life – marriage, family, the church and my job. The amount of time I was spending on each thing was enough to get by but not enough to really advance in any of those areas. The lesson I learned was this:

We can be excellent at a few things or average at everything.
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Obviously, marriage and family were the ones I was most concerned about. I was at my capacity and if something had to give it wasn’t going to be that. So I made the only decision I knew I could make: I chose to put my family first , the church second and my job last. That doesn’t mean I didn’t do my best, but if something had to give it was going to be the part-time job first. In my heart, I knew God wasn’t disappointed with me because I was doing my best and choosing what was most important.

Working In the Church VS. Working On the Church

Finding time to work on the church rather than just in the church becomes nearly impossible when working bivocationally: at least it was for me. On the church front, I was usually doing only what needed to be done but rarely did I have the opportunity to step back, look at the big picture and do what could be done. Maintaining status quo was enough for that season, but it’s really tough to advance a vision long-term while working bivocationally.

Conclusion

Bivocational ministry comes with some great opportunities and some very real challenges. As I previously mentioned, time is the biggest issue. If you have a family and you are not careful working bivocationally can have a negative impact on your family and your soul. Regardless of how you cut the cake, it seems as if everything else gets the best of your time and your family gets the leftovers. You do what you have to do to make things work but you pray it doesn’t last forever. Some people may disagree with me or thrive in these types of circumstances, but for me it was difficult to maintain my focus. God has given me the grace to do it – in different seasons – but it’s easy to lose steam and grow weary when there is no end in sight. If it’s in your control, working bivocationally for a specified amount of time is better than doing it for an indefinite amount of time. That being said, God has abundant grace for you however long that season may last. After having done it for 9 years on and off, my hat goes off to the people who do it consistently. They are my heroes because I know what it requires.

Next time, we will talk more about how to survive the rigors of bivocational ministry.

I would love to hear your thoughts, opinions and experience on this (Please comment on my blog if you can).

Other Parts to the Series

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Bivocational Ministry – Blessing or Curse?

Sat, 02 May 2015 17:03:00 GMT

The Upside of Being Bivocational

Bivocational simply means having another vocation in addition to your ministry role, but is it an effective strategy for pastors and churches? Is it sustainable? Is it better or worse than “full-time” ministry? What are the advantages and disadvantages of being bivocational? How do you survive the rigors of bivocational ministry? These are some of the things I want touch on over my next few posts.

There is a lot of talk these days about bivocational ministry. It seems church planting is becoming more expensive and many churches are just too small to support a full-time pastor. Having been bivocational for many years myself, there may be some unique and helpful perspectives I have to offer. Although I am currently not bivocational, the majority of my sixteen years of ministry have been (9 years bivocational, 7 years full-time).

There seems to be a stigma about bivocational ministry (or maybe it’s just perceived from those of us that are or have been bivocational). As a bivocational minister, you sometimes feel that you are not quite as successful, spiritual or don’t have the same level of faith as those who are in full-time ministry. Although some of it may be our own insecurity, there is a reality to this. There are also many pastors that have great respect and empathy for those who are bivocational because they realize the commitment and sacrifice required to do such a thing. Essentially, there is no such thing as a part-time senior pastor.

There is no such thing as a part-time senior pastor.
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The Benefits of Being Bi-vocational

Despite the difficulties, there are many great things about being bivocational. In my own life, the only regret I really have is the pressure it put upon my family, mostly in the way of limiting my time, but overall it was a positive and growing experience. There are so many lessons I’ve learned that I wouldn’t trade for the world: Through being bivocational, I learned:

Being bivocational has given me the opportunity to work up close and personal with Mormons, Muslims, atheists, agnostics, and skeptics. In working with these diverse types of people, I’ve discovered people aren’t as closed to the gospel as we think. In fact, if you serve, show love, act non-judgmental, are intentional about asking questions and gently sharing your faith when the opportunity presents itself, you may be surprised how spiritually open people really are. They may not immediately embrace Christ but they are more willing to talk about it than you think.

The Holy Spirit in the Workplace

One day I was hanging out before work with my boss and another coworker when out of the blue, my boss asked me, “How did you know you wanted to be a pastor?” I shared as best I could that it was something I felt “called” to by God and after I came into relationship with Him, I knew it was His plan and purpose for me. I went on to explain that we all have a plan and purpose greater than ourselves that God wants us to discover. At that moment, my boss blurted out, “Woh! Did you feel that? When you were talking about purpose, I felt something powerful!” She felt the Holy Spirit! It was a divine moment where the presence of God broke into my workplace. I didn’t feel a thing, but they felt the Holy Spirit’s presence.

At the same job, after nearly two years of working and living out my faith in front of the my coworkers, I noticed there was some spiritual hunger and I had the opportunity to start a Bible study before work. It was a simple discussion about the Bible, sometimes topical and other times taking them through the story of Jesus and the Gospel. It was an incredible opportunity to see God at work. One of the young ladies from the study came to our church and gave her life to Christ. She shared her testimony on Easter Sunday.

The Conversation Continues…

As I mentioned, there are upsides and downsides to being bivocational. In future posts, I will share more about the downsides as well as some practical tips about surviving the rigors of being a bivocational minister.

What are your thoughts about bivocational ministry? I would especially love to hear from those who have experience in this area!

Reflections On Turning 40 (and why it matters to you)

Thu, 19 Mar 2015 00:19:00 GMT

Yep, it’s official. I’m over the hill. On Monday March 16, 2015, I turned forty!

I’ve crossed the great divide – without having a midlife crisis or buying a Corvette! Not that I would buy a Corvette even if I had the money. A Ferrari would be more like it (if I had a cool 500K to drop). Though I’m not having a mid-life crisis I will say this has been the most unique birthday I’ve experienced to date; unique in that it’s hard to know what to feel. My general sense is I will know more looking back at 40 than I do looking ahead from 40.

I’ve heard it said, “Life begins at 40.” Many say the forties are some of the most fruitful years of your life. The Lord has also encouraged me in this way. For the last couple of months, I’ve had the sense that while my first twenty years of walking with the Lord have had many hardships and challenges, the next twenty years will be marked by “fruitfulness.”

Advice for any decade

For those of you are nearing forty (or any decade for that matter), here are some thoughts that may help you navigate the next 10 years a little more successfully.

Decades are a time to reflect

At 30, I was definitely doing a lot of reflecting and asking some important questions, like:

Forty feels slightly different. I’m still asking similar questions but they seem to carry more weight, or maybe I’m just more aware of my own mortality and feel less invincible.

The biggest question I find myself asking is,

Am I making a difference?

Ask the right questions

At the end of the day, we all want to know that our lives matter; that we are making a difference. We all want to leave a legacy. In this soul-searching process, it’s very important to have God’s perspective on things; to make sure you are not gauging your success or failure based on a false definition or looking at the wrong measures. I define success as knowing and doing the will of God. As followers of Jesus, if we define success any other way we set ourselves up for disappointment. Sure, we all want to be successful in what we do, but that pales in comparison to pleasing God. Hebrews 11:6 tells us without faith it’s impossible to please God. When we know His will and desire through our relationship with Him and we are diligent to carry it out, we are walking by faith and this is pleasing to God. It’s matters less whether or not the endeavor “fails or succeeds.” What matters the most is that we have discerned God’s will through relationship and pleased God’s heart by stepping out in faith and obedience.

If outward signs were the only measures of success, there would be a lot of seeming failures. In the eyes of the world, Jesus Christ Himself would have been a failure. Think about it – the poor son of a carpenter who Himself became a carpenter, had a following for a while, then crashed and burned via a gruesome criminals death on a cross. Many people still don’t view that as a “win.” Yet what Jesus accomplished through His death and resurrection was world changing. It changed everything. Jesus had a different measure of success. He said, “My food is to do the will of Him who sent me (see John 4:34).

Here are some questions to gauge your real success:

Spend some time asking God about the next 10 years

I enjoy taking personal retreats . Decades are a good time to get away with God, ask some questions and gain some fresh insight, perspective and direction. That’s never a bad thing. If you are approaching a new decade in your life, take some time to talk to God about it and hear what He says. You won’t regret it.

Make any necessary adjustments

If you’re not happy with your life and don’t feel you are following God’s will, now is the time to adjust the sails. Sometimes it may be a small adjustment and other times it might be giant leap. The picture that comes to mind is a sailboat. A small adjustment to the sail makes a huge difference where you end up. Make the proper course corrections (guided the Word of God, prayer and wise counsel) and keep sailing.

If you need to make big life-changing adjustments, there is no better time to do it than the present. So take heart and make a shift!

You are one decision away from a totally different life (Mark Batterson).
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Rehearse God’s faithfulness

Decades are a good time to look back over your life and rehearse God’s faithfulness. What are the milestones in your life? What are the things He’s done that have marked you? Have you documented them with pictures, mementos or monuments? I try to do that with all my major milestones. Here are a few of the milestones I rehearse:

The great hymn, “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” states, “Here I raise mine Ebenezer, Hither by Thy help I’m come.” In 1 Samuel 7, after the Lord grants Israel a great victory over the Philistines, the prophet Samuel sets up a stone as a monument and says, “Thus far the Lord has helped us.” An Ebenezer is a stone or monument set up to remember the faithfulness of God. What a powerful picture. So raise your Ebenezer and celebrate His faithfulness!

Final thoughts

In the end, I’m actually pretty excited about entering my 40’s and looking forward to what the next 10 years hold. With God, we can always say, the best is yet to come!

What are your reflections about turning 30, 40, 50, 60 or beyond? What are some things that have helped you navigate the decades successfully?

ISIS: How Should We Respond?

Wed, 04 Mar 2015 19:51:00 GMT

How should Christians respond to ISIS?

Persecution of God’s people is nothing new. It’s been happening since the very beginning, starting with Abel. In a sense, Cain persecuted Abel for His God-honoring faith. Furthermore, Jesus told us, “If they hated me the will hate you.” (see John 15:18)

First, let me say, I am no expert on ISIS or Islam. I don’t speak Arabic, Farsi or Turkish (other than the few short phrases I learned when I went to Turkey). But I am a thoughtful Christian. After watching the video of 21 Egyptian Coptic Christians being beheaded by masked ISIS militants, I knew I needed to learn more about what’s happening. You can watch the edited video commemorating the 21 martyrs here ( http://21martyrs.com ). If you do watch the unedited video, use caution, it is extremely graphic.

In an effort to understand what’s happening, I have done a good amount of thinking, reading and praying to formulate a personal response. Hopefully this will help you as well. I’ve included a few of the best resources that helped me at the end of the article.

Our Response

So how should Christians respond to ISIS? First, lets just acknowledge that many of us who aren’t experiencing persecution for our Christian faith are looking at it from a different vantage point. The majority of those in the U.S. have experienced little if any persecution in comparison to many of our brothers and sisters in other parts of the world. This makes it hard for us to relate and easy to disconnect because it is far away. But we shouldn’t allow our proximity to be an excuse to keep our heads buried in the sand. Neither should we be numb or indifferent while our brothers and sisters around the world are suffering and dying for their faith. Here are a few ways we can and should respond:

1) Pray for those being persecuted.

Recently, after another 90+ Syrian Christians were abducted by ISIS, I immediately began praying. How do I pray for persecuted Christians?

This may shock you, but I also pray for those involved in ISIS. Remember, one of our greatest Biblical heroes was also a Christian killer. His name was Saul (who went on to become Paul). He wrote two-thirds of the New Testament, remember? On his way to Damascus one day, Jesus Himself knocks Saul to the ground and says, “Saul! Saul! Why are you persecuting Me?” (see Acts 9:4). Why? Because Jesus takes the persecution of His people personally.

2) Respond in love not revenge.

We can respond in love by being careful what we say and taking our anger to God in prayer. The Lord says, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay says the Lord” (see Romans 12:17-21). That’s why love, not revenge should be our first response. We love and we leave the vengeance to Him.

The Bible tells us to overcome evil with good (see Romans 12:21). Rather than letting anger or hatred get the best of you, why not bless a Muslim neighbor unexpectedly or give to an organization that is reaching Muslims for Christ? People International is a great one. In fact, as a church we support a couple that ministers in Turkey through People International. If you would like to donate to them, you can donate to Journey Church on their behalf or contact me and I can make the connection for you.

3) Realize God’s ways are different from our ways.

Like it or not, sometimes the seeds of martyrdom are what initiate change.

The 2 ^nd century church father, Tertullian, wrote, “The blood of the martyrs is the seed of the church,” implying that their sacrifice leads others to repentance and life in Christ.

Jim Elliot is a great example. For those of you who aren’t familiar, he and four other men were called to reach a dangerous tribe in the Amazon called the Aucas (prounounced ow-cuz). The Aucas had killed any outsiders who were found in their territory. After several years of preparation and some promising contact with the Aucas through fly-overs, Jim and his four friends set foot in Auca territory. After some initial friendly contact, they were speared to death by several Auca warriors a few days after landing.

Less than two years after this horrific event, Elizabeth Elliot and her daughter were able to establish contact and move into the Auca village where many of them came to Jesus. They are now a friendly tribe. You can read the full story in her book, Through the Gates of Splendor by Elizabeth Elliot.

Though it was a tragic event, God had deemed it necessary to reach the Aucas. Now is the time to mobilize missionaries, not retreat in fear. Whether they are nationals trained to minister to their own people, traditional missionaries who raise support to go, or modern missionaries establish businesses or work in-country, we need more missionaries not less.

4) Give to missions.

Now is the time to give to those missionary efforts that are seeking to reach the unreached. God’s heart beats for every nation, and before He returns for His Church every people group must hear the Good News of the Gospel.

And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come. (Matthew 24:14 ESV)

According to this verse, we can speed up the Lord’s coming! Missiologists say this verse is a reality in the next 10-15 years. We may be the generation that sees the second coming of our King, Jesus Christ, but we must remain focused.

The Question of Force

Undoubtedly, there are many opinions about whether or not physical force should be used by to stop ISIS. Though much of the time I’m a pacifist, I sometimes think force is necessary (by countries and governments); especially when a group is using violence against innocent people to accomplish their agenda. You could even paint a Biblical picture for the use of force in certain circumstances. Take Romans 13 for example. It speaks of authorities being “sent for the very purpose of punishing those who do what is wrong” (see Romans 13:4 NLT). Obviously using force should be a last resort, but at what point does force become necessary? In some cases, it seems as if the world powers wait far too long to use force i.e. Nazi Germany, Rwanda and now maybe modern day Syria where ISIS began. Then in other cases, countries (including the USA) have been too quick with the use of force and it proves unfruitful. My point isn’t to convince you one way or the other but to open up the conversation.

What are your thoughts about how you should respond personally to ISIS? How should the nations of the world respond? (Answers will be moderated. Please be respectful whatever your opinion may be.)

Helpful Resources

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The Power of Changed Lives Through Journey Church

Wed, 25 Feb 2015 19:30:00 GMT

We have moved into a new season as a church: one of fruitfulness. Occasionally, I will share some encouraging stories on my blog of what God is doing through the church I have the privilege to pastor, Journey Church in Cambridge, MA…

On September 28, 2014 we launched Journey Church with over 100 people in attendance. Since starting Journey Church in 2010, this was our best year to date! I am so thankful to God for the increase we saw in 2014 – and you share in that eternal fruit. Your prayers, encouragement, and giving made a monumental difference. This is how the kingdom is meant to work. Everyone has a part to play in the body of Christ. We are better together than we are alone.

Highlights from 2014

Before I share with you our vision and direction for 2015, I want to celebrate God’s goodness to us. We have had so many encouraging stories this year of what God has done in peoples lives. Here are a few along with some encouraging highlights.

Watch Melanie’s story of coming back to Christ through a Life Group…

Read Leah’s story of finding Christ through the Journey…

What’s Coming In 2015?

On Sunday February 1, 2015 we had our annual “Vision Day” where we celebrate God’s goodness from the previous year, refresh our vision as a church and share what’s to come in the New Year ( Listen to the message ). God has been speaking the words growth and maturity for 2015.

Encouragement

Wherever you are today in your faith walk or in your church planting journey, I want to encourage you: p ersevere. So many breakthroughs are just around the corner. Keep your eyes on Jesus and don’t give up!

An Opportunity To Help Us Grow

If you would like to support what God is doing in one of the most influential areas of the world, visit our GIVE page. or contact me for more details about how you can help.

Thanking God

Elim Fellowship (whom I am ordained through) recently contacted me and asked permission to print my Rest Assured devotional and send it to over 950 credential holders (ministers) in the Elim Fellowship network. It was a confirmation and encouragement from the Lord to keep writing! If you haven’t yet downloaded my devotional, get it free!

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What To Do When Life Feels Mundane

Thu, 22 Jan 2015 14:10:00 GMT

What do you do when life feels mundane?

I have recently come through a season where I felt somewhat bored and restless (at least I think I’m through it). 2014 was a year of pushing toward the public launch of Journey Church. Though it often felt overwhelming, I struggled with the daily routine after it was all over. From what I understand, every leader (or person for that matter) sometimes wrestles with these feelings. There are times when life feels mundane. You feel like you’re doing the same things over and over. It’s death by a thousand cuts, or as Eugene Peterson would say, it’s A Long Obedience in the Same Direction . Success almost never happens overnight. Whether it’s in your family, your church, your career or something else; success takes hard, consistent, excellent work. In case you are wondering how I define success, here it is. Success is knowing and doing His will. I don’t have it all figured out, but here are some things that may help if you feel like life is boring, mundane or unfulfilling at the moment.

Caught in the In Between

In between may be a better way to describe these feelings. Many times we are caught in between God’s promise and the outcome. It’s what we do in the in between that matters.

In between is where we find out who we really are. Abraham must have felt this way at times. After all, he waited 25 years from the time God gave him the original promise of a son until the fulfillment of that promise. Somewhere in the waiting, he and Sarah decided they would take matters into their own hands and make the promise happen: enter Hagar and Ishmael. Sarah insisted that Abraham take her servant Hagar as his wife so they could have a baby. The temptation to take matters into your own hands is strong when you find yourself in the in between place. Taking matters into your own hands only creates problems like it did for Abraham and Sarah. After 25 years of waiting, Abraham and Sarah finally have the promised son, Isaac, but when Sarah finds Ishmael mocking him, she has both Hagar and Ishmael kicked out of the camp.

Despite all the waiting, problems, obstacles and his personal shortcomings, the Bible says Abraham still trusted God and grew in faith.

Abraham never wavered in believing God’s promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. (Romans 4:20 NLT)

Think of that: twenty-five years in the waiting and he still didn’t lose faith! O sure, he had moments of doubt, like the time he asked God, “Will a child be born to a man 100 years old?” (see Genesis 16:16), but God didn’t seem to mind the question. He reminded Abraham all the way through of His promise to him, I’m sure Abraham reminded himself often of God’s promise. God saw Abraham as righteous because of his faith: his ability to trust and believe even when he couldn’t see the promise. No wonder he is called the father of faith! But here is the real kicker. God promised that in Abraham’s seed, all the nations of the earth would be blessed. Though he never saw it with his own eyes, God would bring the Messiah, Jesus, from Abraham’s family line and through Him all the nations of the earth would be blessed. That’s why we hold on to God’s promises. They are much more important that we can imagine.

God’s promises are much more important than we can imagine
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Be encouraged today: God has spoken promises to you and over you. Don’t disconnect with His promises because you have doubts about the timing or because of the weakness of your own flesh. Every person has to deal with hope deferred, but what do we do in the meantime? What do we do when we are caught in the mundane, in between the promise and it’s fulfillment? Here are a few things I have found to be helpful:

What To Do When Life Feels Mundane

Worship. Worship helps us see God clearly. We take our eyes off our problems and put them squarely on Him. Our faith is elevated and we are able to walk with fresh confidence as He renews His promises to us and over us. Worship means to adore. To look at God for who He is. To see Him in His glory.

Remind yourself often of His promises. Both those in His word and those that He has spoken over your life are important. Print them and keep them in a place you can see and remind yourself daily. They will bring you hope and encouragement when you are caught in the in between.

Hold on to His promises. His promises are prophetic. They encourage, exhort, comfort and bring direction to our lives. The Bible tells us to wage war with prophetic promises given to us (see 1 Timothy 1:18). This is one of the ways we fight the good fight of faith. That’s exactly what Abraham did. He held onto the promise God gave Him and didn’t let go. He fought in faith and he won. Declare them over your life.

Hold the line. When in question, continue in what God last told you to do until He says stop. Jesus, not our circumstances, should dictate when we start or stop something. There are times when God directs us through our circumstances, but don’t give in to every whim or lose heart at the first sign of resistance. Resistance often confirms God’s direction in your life. Abraham was 75 when God gave him the promise of a son and didn’t see it fulfilled until he was 100. If Abraham can do that without the Spirit of God living inside him, I’m fairly certain you and I can hold the line.

A few years into our church plant in Cambridge while walking in Harvard Square, I was complaining to the Lord about how hard things were. As I begin to relate to Him all the challenges we were facing I said, you know Lord, most people would have quit by now. The Spirit of God immediately whispered back to my heart, “That’s why I chose you for this, because I knew you wouldn’t quit.” There was a time we almost quit. Things had gotten so hard and difficult that we had to ask ourselves the question, is it time to throw in the towel? We didn’t quit and we wouldn’t be experiencing the fruit we are today if we had. Hold the line.

Hang around others who can encourage you in the fight. The good fight of faith is still a fight. We all get weary sometimes, and we all need a band of brothers and sisters who can encourage us when we are down, pick us up when we fall and fight with us for the promise.

A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT)

How do you draw encouragement when you find yourself in the in between or a mundane season of life?

Take A Step

What are the promises God has spoken over your life? Write them down and put them somewhere you can see them and declare them each day!

I’m About To Do Something Crazy (and I want to take you with me)

Wed, 07 Jan 2015 18:03:00 GMT

This is part 3 of the Something Greater series. You can also check out Part 1 and Part 2.

So I’m thinking of doing something crazy. Maybe it’s because I can’t sleep and I’m up way past my bedtime, but I just can’t stop thinking about it. It’s one of those o crap moments that are sink or swim.

And I want to take you with me.

I’m turning 40 this year…

I’m almost forty years old; thus the reason for my insanity =). I don’t want to live my life having wondered what I could have or should have done. It seems the older you get the more you desire comfort, want to take less risks and are tempted to rely on your own strength, but we are to walk by faith not by sight. Here is something I’ve learned: faith always involves risk. It’s been said that walking by faith is like climbing out on a limb, unsure of whether or not it will hold you up but knowing God is there to catch you if you fall. I’m not referring to foolish risks, but calculated risks rooted in the will of God and the word of God. Having taken the time to discern His will, you are then able to move in confidence.

When you walk by faith, the impossible becomes probable.
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I want to go on an adventure with God. In my obituary I want it to be said that I pursued God and lived His dreams. I don’t want to have regrets. And I know you don’t either. That’s why one of my dreams is to make the dreams of others a reality.

What does this mean for me?
I’ve decided not to go back to working a part-time job and take God at His word. You see, for the past 5 years, we have been planting a church in Cambridge, MA just across the river from downtown Boston. Home to both Harvard and MIT, Cambridge is one of those very influential, intellectual and urban environments that also make it a very difficult place to start a church. God has done amazing things but it hasn’t been easy. One of the areas that has been the most challenging is the cost of living. As a result, I’ve been bivocational for the majority of the time we’ve been here. Then in September of this past year we officially “launched” Journey Church (it’s like a grand opening) and things went really well. You can read about a little of the process here. It was a privilege to see many new people either begin a relationship with Jesus or come back to Jesus. In preparing for the launch, we were able to raise enough money both to do the launch and be full time in ministry. Now that it’s over and the extra money is gone, we’ve made the decision to stay in full-time ministry and not go back to work. It is a step of faith and a stretch, but Gina and I feel confident the Lord is in it. That’s what I mean by doing something crazy.

This is His calling for us. As Gina and I have been praying and seeking Him, He’s continually reminded us of this promise:

The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. (Psalm 34:10 ESV)

What does this mean for you?
Maybe you’re thinking, does that mean I have to leave my job? Of course not (unless that is God’s will for you)! Your step of faith will probably look different than mine, but like me maybe you feel tired of status quo. If so, it’s time to take a step of faith. So what I’m about to ask you to do should be a calling rather than an emotional response.

I’m not saying you should leave your job (unless that is what God is asking you to do). I’m encouraging you to take a step of faith. I’m asking you to pray and respond in obedience. I’m asking you to make a decision. I’m asking you to take a step.

Taking a calculated risk

1) Discern. Do the hard work of discerning God’s will for your life. This could take days, weeks, months, or sometimes even years, but God is not trying to hide it from you. He simply wants you to seek Him. He delights in revealing His will to you. Remember, you are His child and friend (see John 15:15).

2) Prepare. Depending on the step of faith God is asking you to take, preparation may be required. If the step requires moving your family across the country or across an ocean, there is a lot of preparation required. Obeying God’s will and doing something radical doesn’t mean we don’t prepare. In the gospel of Luke, Jesus asks the question, “For who would begin the construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it?” (see Luke 14:28 NLT) Take the time to prepare. You won’t regret it.

3) Step out. You can do all the planning in the world but it still comes down to a moment when you have to make a decision! You are one decision away from changing your life. Steps of faith can be both terrifying and exhilarating. I remember clearly when it came time to sign our first lease for an apartment in Cambridge and we were freaking out because the amount of the one-year lease was more than my whole salary the previous year! We had to call our pastors to talk us through it. They encouraged us through the fear and we were able to step out in confidence.

Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Is there something you’ve felt to act on for a long time yet you’ve been scared to death to do? Is there a regret you have or something you wish you could have done or would have done for God?

If so, it’s time to act.

I’m not telling you to do something rash. I’m simply saying, follow Jesus, regardless of the cost. (see Matthew 16:24-25)

I don’t know what it looks like for you. It could mean:

The point isn’t to do what I am doing or what others have done. The point is to follow Jesus. He’s worth it all. He’s trustworthy. He can be taken at His Word. He can be trusted.

Step Out
Pray and ask God if you are trusting him and leaning not on your own understanding. Simply pray and obey.

If you are tired of status quo and ready to take a step of faith, let me know about it and encourage others on their journey by responding to this or leaving a comment on my blog.

Other posts you might enjoy

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Regaining Your Vision

Thu, 04 Dec 2014 14:09:00 GMT

Have you ever felt like you were made for something greater or that there must be more?

That was the topic of my last post ( read part 1 of Something Greater ). When David found himself in a difficult place, the Bible says he encouraged himself in the Lord (see 1 Samuel 30:6). It’s in those difficult moments that we need to do the same in order to regain our vision (this is part 2 of the Something Greater).

Our vision for something greater often wanes or grows in accordance with how we think and feel about ourselves. Romans 12:3 instructs us not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought, but I wonder how often we think of ourselves lower than we ought? After all, we are sons and daughters of the King. That doesn’t give us permission to be haughty but it does give us permission to be who He says we are. Author Tim Keller recently tweeted this statement,

Being selfless is to think of yourself less, not think less of yourself.

I wonder how often we think of ourselves lower than we ought?
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This week I want to give you some specific ways you can encourage yourself in the Lord in order to regain and recapture your God given vision. It sounds easy enough but how do you encourage yourself in the Lord? What does it look like? Start by speaking over yourself those things that God has spoken over you – both through His word and through your personal encounters with Him. We all need to remind ourselves how God sees us. Here are some examples from His Word. Try saying these out loud with conviction:

Download the full list called In Christ

Now here are some personal examples from my life that God has spoken to me and over me:

Sometimes our desire for something greater is really just discontent because we have forgotten who we are and what God has spoken over us. We’ve lost our way. Without a vision, it’s hard to know where we are going and we may feel lost and confused.

Where there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint, but blessed is he who keeps the law. (Proverbs 29:18 ESV)

What God says to us, about us and over us is prophetic vision. It’s truth declared and spoken. It’s a reminder of our identity in Him. It leads us and guides us. When we forget this it’s easy to get lost.

Four Steps To Regain Your Vision

Do you feel stuck, discontent or feel like there must be something more? How do you regain and rekindle our vision? If you don’t have or don’t know God’s vision for your life, this is a great place to start! Here are a few things that have helped me find or rekindle God’s vision for my life:

1) Take a personal retreat. Get your vision back and get some rest. You need God’s perspective. My friend Mark Batterson says, Change of Pace + Change of Place = Change of Perspective. Take some time, step away from the rat race to recharge, refresh and get in touch with the One who called you in the first place. Check out my blog on why I think you should take a personal retreat yearly.

2) Do something inspiring. Go to an art museum, hike a mountain, sit down with your favorite inspiring book and a cup of coffee or visit a place that inspires you. Speak God’s promises over your life. Ask Him to show you new ones as well. Sometimes we just need to get out of our normal routine and look at things from a different angle. For me it can be as simple as taking a walk. What inspires you?

3) Talk to someone. If you are like me, you over-think things. Everyone needs someone who can be a sounding board. Share your heart with someone who can help you to see things from a different perspective and pray with you and for you.

4) Realize there is a time and season for everything (see Eccl. 3:1) . Sometimes when we are not where we want to be we are not stuck, it’s God’s doing. A mentor once gave me some wise advice. He said, respect the season. In other words, be where you are. I am notorious for getting ahead of God. Others struggle to catch up with what God is doing. Either way we can miss the wave. When we are in between waves we need to learn to rest and wait on God, but when it’s time to catch the next wave we need to paddle not sit still! It requires God’s sense of right timing to catch the wave. Here is a great blog by Matthew Barnett (founder of the LA Dream Center) about catching the waves.

I hope this helps you regain your vision and live God’s dream for your life!

What are some things God has spoken over you that you need to revisit? What are some ways you encourage yourself in the Lord?

Take A Step

Take a moment today and write those promises down and keep them somewhere you can see them. Speak them over your life when you get discouraged or anytime you need to strengthen and encourage yourself in the Lord!

Other posts you might enjoy

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Why I Love Retreats (and think you should take one too)

Wed, 19 Nov 2014 18:15:00 GMT

Personal retreats can help you move from a life of busyness and burnout and help you establish a sustainable and enjoyable pace of life.

I have been doing personal retreats for over twenty years. It is a practice I started early on and have continued to this day. Over the years, I have had many profound experiences while setting some time aside for stillness. While you don’t need to go to a secluded place for a retreat, I love to get “off the grid” which is probably somewhat rooted in my “outdoorsy” upbringing. I grew up a country boy in Northwestern Pennsylvania who regularly hunted, fished, camped, and hiked. But regardless of whether or not you like to get off the grid, here’s why I think an annual or semi-annual personal retreat will benefit you too.

Four Reasons You Need a Personal Retreat

1) Retreats refresh your soul.

Life is hard. It’s easy to get out of sync, to get weary, to get worn down. You need some time just to be. I like to take long walks in the woods and time just to wait on God. Retreats allow me to do that. I book them in places where I won’t be distracted, where I’m not close to home, and where there aren’t a lot of things to do.

Typically, I have gone to Singing Hills Camp in New Hampshire . One of the things I love about this place is the stars! Because I spend most of my time in a major metropolitan area, I’ve realized it’s difficult to see stars due to light pollution. I’ve gotten accustomed to not looking up at the sky very often. What a tragedy! I remember one time I arrived at Singing Hills at night and I was reminded to look up. The stars were amazing, and I immediately felt refreshed. That does it for me. As the psalmist said,

Maybe looking at the stars doesn’t do it for you, but what does? Going to a coffee shop and reading a great book for hours? Taking a long walk on the beach? Riding your bike or taking a hike? Playing your guitar?

My wife doesn’t particularly like going to the middle of nowhere for two or three days. She would rather go to the beach or to a hotel overnight where there are other people around.

The point is, find out what does it for you and go do it!

2) Retreats allow you to refocus on what’s most important.

For me, it’s what I call R.E.S.T. It stands for Relational, Emotional, Spiritual, and Tangible. I don’t know what it is for you, but I know this, whatever it is, you need focused time to think about it.

3) Retreats help you get realigned.

We all get off track sometimes. Whenever you put new tires on your car, you also need to get it aligned to make sure the tires don’t wear unevenly and have a long life. Retreats are like a realignment.

4) Retreats give you a fresh perspective.

My friend Mark Batterson says, “change of place + change of pace = change of perspective.” Amazing things happen when you gain fresh perspective, and who couldn’t use a little more perspective?

What To Do On a Personal Retreat

I usually do a retreat for spiritual renewal in May and an Annual Vision Retreat in November that focuses on reflecting on and evaluating the year I just lived and doing some planning for the year to come.

Stop the Grind

If you’re honest, you probably need this more than you know. Even if you can’t do it for another six months, put it on the schedule (and write it in pen so it can’t change) right now!

Rest Assured: Seven Days to Stillness, Sanity and the Sabbath You Need

*Photo by Dingzeyu Li on Unsplash

Inspire Yourself

Wed, 12 Nov 2014 18:03:00 GMT

Have you ever felt like you were made for something greater or there must be more?

Recently, I watched a movie called The Great Debaters with Denzel Washington. It’s a true story about a debate team from an all black school in Texas that rose to national prominence in the early 1900’s, defeating one of the best debate teams in the country. They used their platform to talk about the effects of racism in the South and the coach and some of the team members went on to become influential figures in the civil rights movement. It got me thinking about my life and how I want to make an impact in this world. Like you, I want to do something that matters. It’s not that I’m unfulfilled in what I’m doing or think it’s not a worthy cause. It’s just that I am not content with status quo.

Have you ever felt like you were made for something greater or that there must be something more? We all struggle with that feeling from time to time or for some of us maybe it feels like all the time. In terms of work and vocation, 70% of American workers indicated that they are extremely dissatisfied with their jobs. (1) Or you may be in the other 30% that are totally happy with what you are doing or wouldn’t change everything but maybe feel, well…discontent with status quo.

I’m the type of person that needs to be starting things, forging ahead, and moving – otherwise, I find myself getting bored very easily. Recently, I realized this is how God created me. In the past, I thought it was a weakness. If overextended it certainly could become one, but now I’m becoming more comfortable with the fact that this is how God wired me. I am a pioneer. It feels good to say that. I’m not big on giving myself titles. This is more of a self-realization than it is self-promotion or being self-absorbed.

Self-realization is different than self-promotion or being self-absorbed.
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What is it about yourself that you need say out loud? Something you’ve realized or are in the process of realizing that you’ve been afraid to say? I’m giving you permission. Go ahead and say it.

Go Ahead, Inspire Yourself

Maybe you think this sounds narcissistic or self-promoting? Think again. Listen what the psalmist David said, “…David encouraged himself in the Lord His God” (see 1 Samuel 30:6). Although our circumstances may be different than what David was facing, the fact remains: s ometimes we have to encourage ourselves in the Lord. The Bible doesn’t tell us what David did to encourage himself, but I tend to think he simply spoke the promises of God over His life and situation. In other words, he spoke over himself the things God had already spoken over him – through the Bible or through direct revelation. Here are a few circumstances when we may need to do that:

I don’t know what camp you are in – the 70% that are extremely dissatisfied with their work or the 30% that really enjoy what they are doing, but the fact remains, Jesus knows where you are now and where you are going and He wants to encourage you in the process. Whether you need to make a complete change or just small tweaks, He knows your needs and desires, and longs to give you something more.

What are some things you’ve found helpful to encourage yourself?

Next time we will continue exploring the tension between where you are now and where you want to be. We will talk further about encouraging ourselves in the Lord and what that looks like on the way to something greater…

I leave you with this quote by Howard Thurman that has always been an inspiration to me,

(1) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/70-u-s-workers-hate-job-poll-article-1.1381297

3 Reasons You Need to Rest (Take It From Me, I Just Launched A Church)

Tue, 28 Oct 2014 16:54:00 GMT

Have you ever felt like butter scraped over too much bread? (Bilbo Baggins from the Hobbit)

We’ve all been there. We know we need to rest but we just don’t have the time. I know how this feels firsthand. Over the last several months, I was putting in full-time hours at the church, working an additional part-time job as an urban youth worker, raising a family, and planning the launch (like a grand opening) of Journey Church.

It was a crazy time but God taught me some life-changing principles about rest.

During that time God I wrote a 7-day devotional about what it means to truly take the Sabbath. If you’re a busy person (who isn’t?) this is perfect for you.

You can order it here…

Here are just three of the things I learned:

Jesus invites us to exchange our burdens for His rest – a pretty good deal if you ask me
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Sometimes we need to be aggressive about rest. Resting is not inactivity, it’s a radical act of faith! That’s why the apostle Paul told us to “strive for rest” (see Hebrews 4:11)

An Open Letter to Journey Church

Mon, 22 Sep 2014 18:22:00 GMT

My family is one week out from one of the biggest events of our lives: the launch of Journey Church. I feel so much gratitude toward the people of Journey Church that I felt I must write a letter expressing our sincere love and appreciation. From this point on I will address the people of Journey Church directly.

Dear Journey Church,

What can I say? You have inspired me. The fact that you are still here after four years of difficult labor speaks volumes in and of itself. It speaks volumes of you. Although some of you have been with us longer than others, each of you receives our heart-felt gratitude. You are to be commended.

William Carey once said, “Expect great things from God, attempt great things for God.” You have done just that. You have risked, loved, given, believed and labored – all because of a God-given vision. You have embraced that vision to help people experience the transforming love of Christ whole-heartedly and have run with us, not looking to the right or the left. You have believe in the dream, in a great God and in us.

In the end, We can’t say thank you too many times. As much as we have tried to express our thanks to you, it falls short of how we really feel inside. We are well, overwhelmed.

Thank you for coming on this great and glorious journey with us. May God receive all the glory as Journey Church launches on September 28 and we turn this new page in the history of Journey Church!

Gina and I sincerely love you and are grateful for the relationships we share with you. We count it a privilege to come alongside you to share your joys, to bear one another’s burdens, to walk together in this great mission and to equip you for the work of the ministry.

May God bless you deeply and richly this week.

Our deepest love and appreciation,

Our Story, Your Story

Thu, 27 Feb 2014 20:12:00 GMT

The Story of Our Launch

…And How It Ties Into Your Story

For the past four years, Gina and I have been seeking to build God’s kingdom here in Cambridge, Mass. It’s been a tough road with lots of curves and bumps, but in the end I wouldn’t take it back. It’s solidified who I am as a person. God has guided me through the process of maturing and growing into more of the person He wants me to be. I have learned to walk at a new level of faith in Him and learned more about the sovereignty of God.

Now our team is doing something bold and audacious for God. On September 28, 2014 the church we have had the privilege to start and pastor will be formally launching. We are calling it our Welcome Home Campaign. What is a launch? It’s a focused and concerted effort to reach a targeted group of people in an impacting way. We believe it’s time to shout it from the rooftops who Jesus is and tell people we are here for our city. We will “go and show” (as we have been) and invite people to “come and see” because we really believe we have something to offer and that our city wouldn’t be the same without us.

So how does it tie into your story? At the end of the day, we all have a story to live.

What is your story? Maybe you’ve had a difficult time making sense of it all. Maybe you are having a hard time finding your story or seeing how it all fits together? If you can’t find your place in His story, keep seeking Him. He’s not trying to hide it from you.

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. (Ephesians 2:10 NLT)

If your story is difficult and you can’t see how it all fits together, here are some keys that have helped us navigate these difficult and sometimes confusing years. They aren’t necessarily a list of do’s but some things to help you keep the right perspective when things get tough.

Jesus is worth it

Never forget the reason why you are doing it. Jesus is worth it. It’s all about Him. He is worth every bit of pain and perceived sacrifice that you offer Him. God gave us the best He had to offer, His one and only Son, and He will not withhold anything from us, His children.

Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? (Romans 8:32 NLT)

He is in control

The longer I walk with Jesus the more I realize how little control I have over things. The only thing really control is my response. How will I respond to what’s happening around me? Will I become disillusioned, bitter or angry? Or will I respond in faith and trust believing that He is in control. Only one of us can be in control, may I suggest you let it be God?

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28 NKJV)

We Walk By Faith Not By Sight

We can faint from fear and shrink back because of the obstacles in our way or we can look at every obstacle as an opportunity. In order to see from God’s perspective, we just have to ask Him. Ask Him for the wisdom to know what He is trying to do inside of you. I find if I know what He is trying to do inside of me, it helps me to understand the reason for the storm. For me, worship helps to lift my head above the ceiling of clouds to see Jesus clearly, and when I look in His eyes, I know everything will be OK.

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your* life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. (Colossians 3:1-4 NLT)

Hold On To The Promises He Gives You

When God speaks, hold onto it for dear life! The word of God is your anchor. When things get difficult, His unchanging words and promises are your stability. Whether that is a scripture He gives to you in a specific season, or a word He has spoken to your heart, hold onto it! If He said it, it will come to pass. When things look dark, go back and feed upon those words and let them encourage your soul.

Timothy, my son, here are my instructions for you, based on the prophetic words spoken about you earlier. May they help you fight well in the Lord’s battles. Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear. For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked. (1 Timothy 1:18-19 NLT)

Never, Ever Give Up!

One day I was walking through Harvard Square complaining to the Lord about the difficulty of planting a church here. When I was done with my rant, I said, “You know Lord, most people would have quit by now!” I immediately heard Him whisper back to me, “That’s why I chose you Kent, because I knew you wouldn’t!”

Quitting is easy. Persevering is hard. Lets remember God’s promise to us:

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9 ESV)

If you are having difficulty finding your story in His, take some time with Him, ask for wisdom and perspective and let Jesus encourage you.

How about you? What are some things you’ve found that help you when things get tough? I would love to hear your story!

Give Thanks 4 – He Is Good

Fri, 06 Dec 2013 12:07:00 GMT

PSALM 100:4-5 NKJV ⁴ Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, And into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name. ⁵ For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, And His truth endures to all generations.

The first three “whys” of giving thanks and praise centered on what God has done for us. The next three will focus on who He is. Remember, God is to be thanked and praised for who He is and what He has done, regardless of our circumstances. This gives us a solid unshakable foundation for thanksgiving and praise that can’t be swayed by our circumstances.

We thank and praise God because He is good.

He is good morally. He is friendly, kind and desirable. He is happy and pleasant. He is beautiful. God is good. He possesses the quality of goodness. It’s just who He is. The New Testament tells us that you will know a tree by its fruit. A good tree can’t bear bad fruit and a bad tree can’t bear good fruit (see Matthew 7:17). It is what it is. God is good. He can’t give anything but good – by His standard and definition, not ours.

Take a few moments to think about how good He has been to you? Be specific. Tell Him out loud all the ways He has been good to you.

Just say thank you!

How do we thank and praise Him for His goodness? Express it, out loud, with your words! I love how the Message Bible translates Psalm 100:4, “Enter with the password, “Thank you!” The password to His presence is, “thank you!” The fact that we can enter in the first place is amazing. It is a matter of great privilege. It is only due to what Christ has done on our behalf. He is the door. It should be the easiest thing in the world for Christians to say, “Thank you!” Would it be different if you had watched Christ die on your behalf? If you had seen the crucifixion live? Then again, why should it be? It’s not only a historical fact but we have met the One who has risen from the dead. He is a walking miracle. It shouldn’t be hard to say, “Thank you!”

The word thanksgiving means to confess. It’s a verb. It means to declare God’s attributes, works and also to confess your sins, with your mouth. Open it up and use it to bless the One who had given you everything.

Today, take some time to declare God’s attributes and works with your mouth.

More Resources:

Kent’s Message on The Why’s and How’s of Giving Thanks

Giving Thanks 1

Giving Thanks 2

Giving Thanks 3

Give Thanks 3 – God Cares for Us

Thu, 05 Dec 2013 19:26:00 GMT

Over the last few weeks, we’ve been learning about Giving Thanks. We’ve discovered, God is to be passionately praised and incessantly thanked regardless of our circumstances. How is that possible? Because thanks and praise must be based on something other than our circumstances. It’s founded on His care for us.

Psalm 100:1-3 NKJV ¹ Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands! ² Serve the Lord with gladness; Come before His presence with singing . ³ Know that the Lord, He is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

We thank and praise God because He cares for us!

Notice the end of verse three says we are “the sheep of His pasture.” God not only created us and chose us but he cares for us. This is where the loving nurturing father comes in. We need a Father. We need a shepherd. We are God’s children, God’s sheep. Neither sheep nor children always do wise things.

A couple of weeks ago, we were cleaning off my son’s dresser and he wanted to get rid of the pumpkin that had been there since October. But instead of properly disposing of it like we asked him to, he threw it off our second floor porch onto the driveway. The next day when pulling out, I ran over it with my car. I thought I had a flat but when I got out to inspect, there lay the pumpkin – smashed all over the driveway. Luckily it didn’t land on my neighbor’s brand new car! Like any father would do, I made him clean it up. He created more work for himself by not listening. Before you laugh too hard, remember we are children of God and we do some stupid things to. We need a father; we need a shepherd.

Sheep are similar to children in many ways. Recently, I heard a story about how modern-day shepherds in Ireland deal with their sheep. Occasionally, the sheep will go down over a steep embankment to graze on a patch of lush grass. When finished, they realize they can’t get back up. Instead of rescuing them right away, the shepherd will instead leave them until they grow a little gaunt and hungry. When he feels they have learned their lesson, he will lower a harness and rescue the sheep. They do this so the sheep won’t do it again. We are those sheep and sheep need care. This should invoke thanksgiving and praise in us. The fact that He cares for us, helps us, saves us and protects us.

Know that He is God.

We need to ascertain God, to see and perceive Him clearly as He reveals Himself to us, instructs us and as we observe Him. God is always trying to reveal Himself to us if we are paying attention. I wonder how many times we miss God right in front of us. Ask Him to give you spiritual eyes to see. To open the eyes of your understanding. To pull back the veil. If we really want to know Him, He is quite willing and happy to let us in. As we get to know Him and as He reveals Himself to us, it will invoke praise and thanksgiving in us. We can’t get to know God without this happening. Then we will praise Him with joyful shouts, with happy service and with heartfelt singing.

So today, take some time. Get to know Him. Praise Him for who He is and what He has done. Let it settle in. He cares for you. He is watching over you. He knows every detail of your life. He is willing to help you.

Take some time to offer Him thanksgiving and praise right now.

Other Resources

Give Thanks 2 – He Chose Us

Tue, 03 Dec 2013 16:06:00 GMT

God is to be passionately thanked and incessantly praised for who He, regardless of our circumstances. Fluctuating circumstances, good or bad, should hardly determine whether or not we give thanks and praise to God.

One of our biggest motivations for giving thanks is that God created us . Today, I want to give you another why and another foundation to base your thanks giving upon.

Psalm 100:1-3 NKJV ¹ Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands ! ² Serve the Lord with gladness; Come before His presence with singing. ³ Know that the Lord, He is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves ; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

We thank and praise God because He chose us

This gives us the why. Notice that simple phrase in verse 3, “We are His people.” That’s right, He chose us. Maybe it seems odd to say “I am chosen,” but if we let it, the reality of this truth can sink deep down inside of us and bring a great deal of comfort, stability and identity. We (followers of Jesus) are the chosen ones of God. This isn’t a point of pride but rather one of humility. It’s a great privilege to be chosen. We didn’t deserve to be but God did it anyway.

Think about that for just a moment. God chose you. He picked you. He found you when you weren’t looking for Him; at your lowest point (see Romans 5:8). You were lost in your sinfulness, sitting in darkness and blind to your need for a Savior. He gave you right standing with Himself. Cleared your rap sheet. Gave you a new start. Let these verses sink deeply into your spirit.

Romans 8:29-30 NLT ²⁹ For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn* among many brothers and sisters. ³⁰ And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory.

God is the Great Pursuer

I recently saw a tweet that said, “God found you. He is the great pursuer. You don’t find God. He’s not lost.” Wow. When I share my story of turning to Jesus, people will often say, “I’m so glad you found religion.” People think I found God, but in reality, He found me. Jesus said, ^“ No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day.” ^[1] So Father God draws us to Jesus and we in turn go and find others. Author and pastor Perry Noble often says, “Found people find people.” Once we are found, we join God’s mission to find lost people. He uses us to share the gospel with others. Just like you heard the gospel from someone, God now wants to send you on mission to be the bearer of good news. Jesus came to seek and save lost people – a group to which you once belonged (see Luke 19:10).

We thank and praise God with happy service

This gives us the how. Psalm 100 states, “Serve the Lord with gladness.” Serving the One who saved your life from wrath and destruction (the due penalty for our sin) should be easy. We get to partner with God and join His kingdom work. We work from God; out of a heart of gratitude for what He has done.

So here is the question/action for today: are you happily serving the Lord? Are you using the gifts He has given you to advance His cause and mission. That service can take many different forms but lets also remember that the most important work is sharing the gospel and God’s love with lost people. After all, Jesus said the greatest command is to love God and to love people (see Mark 12:29-31). If you’ve experienced God’s love in a transforming way, you will love Him back and you will love lost people just as He has loved you!

If you are reading this and you are not a follower of Jesus, maybe you are saying, “Wait a minute. Are you telling me I’m lost? Who are you to tell me I’m lost?” That’s exactly what I’m telling you. I don’t say it in arrogance or to exclude you, but rather as a person who has been in your shoes (I was once lost until He found me) and who desires to see that same transforming love fill you as well. If you want to find out more about becoming a follower of Jesus, read here.

Remember what we learned yesterday. Thanks and praise is an action. So take action today – join God’s mission to seek and save the lost. Reach out to a friend. Make that phone call. Sit down for coffee. Offer to pray for people. Share the gospel. Invite a friend to church. Be that true friend that someone needs. The greatest thing you can do for someone is to introduce him or her to the One who changed your life.

Secondarily, if you are not involved in serving God in and through a local church, get involved. Don’t wait. Do it today. This is one of the ways we offer thanks and praise to God – by happily serving him!

Today, take one step with one person to be a light for Christ.

^[1] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version . (2001). (Jn 6:44). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.

Other Resources

Give Thanks 1 – He Created Us

Mon, 02 Dec 2013 17:12:00 GMT

I recently took a friend of mine to lunch. For a long time I listened to his complaints about his life. I wanted to be empathetic and have compassion for him in his situation because quite honestly, the situation he finds himself in is far beyond where I’ve been.

But after a solid half hour or more of complaining about how much he hated his life and was angry with people and God, I finally asked him this question, “Are you able to tell me one thing you are thankful for?” He couldn’t come up with one thing. So I asked him this question, “Is your thanks and praise to God determined by what other people do to you or is there a more solid foundation on which you could base it?” This is also a great time to stop and do some self-evaluation. Ask yourself this question, what is my thankful level and what is my thankfulness based upon?

The Bible paints a different picture of where thanks and praise come from. If you are not a believer, track with me, and hopefully you will be able to see why Christians should be the most thankful people on earth, but beyond that, I hope you will get to experience a Christian who is thankful in all circumstances. But most of all, I pray you will see the inferiority of basing your thanksgiving upon circumstances. This leaves us in an ever-fluctuating state where our circumstances control our demeanor.

I shared a message recently during our Thanksgiving service from Psalm 100 titled, “The Why’s & How’s of Giving Thanks.” During the message, we discovered that interwoven throughout this Psalm were six “why’s” and six “how to’s” about giving thanks. David the psalmist tells us both how to give God thanks and why we give Him thanks. Throughout his lifetime, David mastered this principle. Whether defending his sheep from a lion, running from King Saul who was trying to kill him, dodging a coup d’état from his son, Absalom, or enjoying the rich blessings of God as the King of Israel, David was always thanking and praising God. He also penned these famous words; “I will bless the Lord at all times. His praise shall continually be in my mouth (see Psalm 34:1).”

Paul the apostle also gives us some instruction about giving thanks. He said, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (see 1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV, italics mine ).” Notice he didn’t say, “Give thanks for all circumstances.” That’s because there is a difference. We don’t have to be thankful for difficult or tragic circumstances, put on a happy face and “fake it until we make it,” but we do need to learn to be thankful in all things regardless of the circumstances we find ourselves in. Being thankful to God isn’t circumstantial. It is based on something much more solid. It is based on who God is and what He has done. When we begin to consider these things, our circumstances become secondary to God Himself and we can give praise and thanks in and through anything we face.

At the end of the message, I challenged our congregation to meditate on one “why” and one “how to” each day for the next six days as we learn how to be thankful in all things. I also said I would make my best effort to do a blog about this each day to help shape their meditations, so here goes!

Psalm 100:1-3 NKJV ¹ Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands! ² Serve the Lord with gladness; Come before His presence with singing. ³ Know that the Lord, He is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

We give thanks and praise because He created us

God’s creation is a thing of wonder, especially human beings! Meditating on His power and ability to create, the beauty of His creation and the forethought that went into it all should invoke thanks and praise in us. His creation alone is enough to render all people to be without excuse in their acknowledgement of God (see Romans 1:20). Furthermore, He created us for a purpose – to worship and glorify Him while carrying out His divine plan that He laid out for us before the foundation of the world.

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. [i]

Think about that. Before you were born God had thought about you, chose you to be His and laid out a plan for your life. He created good things for you to do. You were created with intentionality. With purpose. You were not random. You were not a mistake. You were created on purpose with forethought and skill. You were crafted and shaped. You were made by loving hands for a very specific purpose. As you meditate on these truths from scripture, your heart will swell with gratitude for the God who made you possible. But don’t stop there. A heart of gratitude always leads to action…

Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands.

I like how one song puts it, “With one consent let all the earth to God their cheerful voices raise!” [ii]

David didn’t just tell us why we should praise, He also told us how to praise! The word, praise literally means, praiseworthy actions, a song of praise or laudation – an ACT of praise, and the Old Testament doesn’t really differentiate between thanks and praise. They are one in the same. So go ahead, give a joyful shout to the Lord. OK, let’s try that again. This time, don’t just “shout in your heart,” actually SHOUT out loud! In fact, I just did shouted in my office and there are other offices next door. Whether or not you are a shy and introverted person shouldn’t make a difference. If it’s early morning and you have roommates around, they will get over it. Be exuberant. Loosen up. Be free. There is freedom in this type of praise. You just may find that God breaks something loose in you when you do this.

When I lived near Central Square in Cambridge, my jogging route was along the Charles River. Sometimes as the sun was rising over the Boston skyline and the water was as still as glass, I would be overcome with awe and thanks and I would run along the river with my hands in the air shouting praises to God. Common, when is the last time you praised your God this way? The One who formed you with His bare hands? The one who made Adam from the dirt and breathed life into his nostrils? He is a creative genius! What a great God!

Give Him an exuberant and joyful shout for creating you! Common, do it again. Let yourself be free. Let the why (He created us) translate to a how (shout to God with a joyful praise). Jesus is worth it.

Other Resources

My Visit To Two Different Churches and Why I Liked Them Both

Fri, 14 Jun 2013 15:42:00 GMT

I spent a few days in Birmingham, Alabama to take some church planting training from the ARC (Association of Related Churches). During my time, I was able to visit two very influential but different churches. The first was, Church of the Highlands, with pastor and author Chris Hodges ( Fresh Air). The second was, The Church at Brook Hills, with pastor and author David Platt ( Radical) . Both churches are large (25,000 and 4000 respectively) and both pastors are very well known. I give you these facts just so you have a general idea about the two churches. The point of this blog is not to compare the two churches, the point is to share what I really liked about both experiences while drawing some conclusions from it; some personal and some corporate.

My experience at Church of the Highlands began with a traffic jam coming into the church. I had never seen anything like it – police, cones, and a line of cars at least ½ mile waiting to get into the church; and this was just at one campus. Church of the Highlands has 10 campuses in all. Needless to say, I was floored but maybe it was because I had never seen anything like this before. Of course large numbers don’t always mean God is present. That was yet to be seen. As soon as I walked into the worship experience, I could sense the presence of God and I instantly began to weep. I was weeping for several reasons, some of which I won’t elaborate on today. Let’s just leave it at this: God did a profound work in my heart that morning that has had lasting fruit. The Spirit of God was alive and vibrant throughout the worship experience. There was a genuine and authentic power and a charismatic feel to the experience without any flakiness. It was easy to recognize that they wanted to be intentional about honoring God while at the same time providing an “on- ramp” for those who were far from God. The message, taken from the book of Daniel, was powerful, poignant, timely and prophetic. I came away with some conviction and points for immediate application. At one hour and 15 minutes, it was a great experience that left me hungering for more. If I had any complaint it would be this – it’s hard to connect with people in that amount of time with thousands of people present, but I guess that’s to be expected in a church of that size. It’s a bit intimidating as a newcomer, but from what I hear, they do a good job at taking people on a path of discipleship and have many small groups to accommodate community and growth. Overall, it was a powerful experience from which I benefitted greatly.

Later that evening at 6pm, I attended The Church at Brook Hills. From my limited knowledge and research, they appear to be Southern Baptist and Reformed. Although the church itself was large and very nice, the service was fairly laid back with no frills. There was no unnecessary lighting, smoke or worship video loops. The songs focused around the cross and the gospel and the music was upbeat, passionate and Baptist. By that I mean no lulls, spontaneity or prophetic moments. A few people raised their hands, some sang and many simply stood there looking up at the screens somewhat expressionless. David Platt did not preach that evening. It was another pastor preaching from 1 Corinthians 2:1-5, one of my favorite passages and a foundational passage for Journey Church. At first I found his exposition somewhat dull and dry. He wasn’t a boring speaker, but there were no stories or illustrations to flesh it out, just pure, line-by-line, expository preaching. But as he continued, it grew on me. I found a joy and purity in the no frills gospel message coming through. At the end, there was a particularly poignant although lengthy segment where the pastor called up David Platt to elaborate on this point: rejoice in the message not the messenger. Although David Platt, who seems to be a humble man, was clearly uncomfortable with it, they encouraged their people not to embrace the cultural preacher/rock-star mentality that has crept into the Church in the United States. They clearly articulated the power of the gospel itself and their displeasure of this mentality within Jesus’ Church. The preacher made this powerful statement during that time, “The gospel does not increase in effectiveness and quality depending on the giftedness of the preacher.” Although they recognize that their pastor has been given a large platform, their desire is put the emphasis on the glory of God and discipling nations, not upon a personality. The preacher ended by encouraging the people to be thankful and honor their pastor, but not to over-emphasize his giftedness by falling prey to a cultural and unbiblical mentality, evidenced by 1 Corinthians 1:12

Some of you are saying, “I am a follower of Paul.” Others are saying, “I follow Apollos,” or “I follow Peter,*” or “I follow only Christ.” ^[1]

By the end of the message, I was built-up, encouraged and joy-filled.

In the end, both experiences solidified my belief that there is a need for many different kinds of churches because there are many different kinds of people. After all, as believers, we are a part of just one Church – the Church Jesus is building. In fact, I’m convinced that church without spot or wrinkle, referred to in Ephesians 5:27, is a “Church” (world-wide, all Christians) that’s in love with Jesus and unified with a mission : to reach and disciple every town, city, tribe, tongue, nation and people. I don’t believe God sees denominations. He sees whether or not we are have repented, acknowledged and received the gift of salvation through the death and resurrection of His precious Son, Jesus. In the end, we (Christians) need one another. Not just on an individual level, but the Baptists need the Charismatic’s, the Charismatic’s need the Reformed church, Denominations need non-denominational churches, and so on. It’s not hard to argue that a spotless bride is one that’s not bickering over doctrine, but honestly discussing and processing their differences in order to move together in unity with a mission. I’m not saying that it will be easy to get to that point, I’m just saying it’s necessary.

This is a passion and a life calling for me: to help bring the body of Christ together for mission. I call it unity with a mission: to see the gospel of the kingdom preached in all the world as a witness to all nations (see Matthew 24:14). I think unity has to be focused around something bigger – a mission. How to do this is an entirely different story and I have very few answers. I do know this: it has to be a work of grace, a work of love, and a work of the Holy Spirit. It’s an impossible work, the kind that is right up Jesus’ alley.

Talking Points

I would love to hear your thoughts on this…

Job – A Remarkable Man

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 12:07:00 GMT

I’m reading through a one year chronological bible and I’m currently reading through the book of Job. In the reading of the book of Job, I’m reminded of what a remarkable man Job was. In the first chapter, He gets this report:

Can you imagine getting that report all in one day? Now that’s a bad day! And yet listen to Job’s response,

Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship. (Job 1:20 NLT)

Worship? Really? Pressure and trials reveal who we really are inside. Job was the real deal. He wasn’t a fair weather believer. By that I mean, he wasn’t one who “worshiped” when things were going well and walked away in anger blaming God when they didn’t.

Chapter 1 ends with this statement,

In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God. (Job 1:22 NLT)

So let’s ante up: blaming God when bad things happen is sin. God is only good. If we are really honest, we have probably blamed God for much less than Job went through. I know I have. What an example Job’s life was. Let it be an example to us. Job realized that God wasn’t obligated to give Him anything. Everything he had was because of God’s goodness and graciousness, and, if God He wanted to, He could also take it all away.

Job said, “I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!” (Job 1:21 NLT)

It brings up the question, did God really take it away? We already established that blaming God for bad things is sin. This topic is worthy of more time than I have today, but in short, God did allow it but God didn ’ t cause it, and everything God does or allows is only for our good (see Romans 8:28). God is for us.

Job’s response is both extremely inspiring and extremely challenging. There is a level of maturity with Job, an Old Testament believer without the Holy Spirit living on the inside, that is beyond much of what we see today, in ourselves and in other believers. I’ve seen “so-called” believers walk away from God over the tiniest offense.

Let us learn from Job’s example and have the same response when we undergo trials and testings: worship and praise.

The Fire of Affliction

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 11:36:00 GMT

It’s no secret that the last three years have not exactly been a cake walk for us. We have gone through the fire of affliction. We have been tested and tried. Although it has not been comfortable it has been necessary!

As I was reading through my One Year Bible (which I find a great way to read through the Scripture), I came across the story of Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego (seeDaniel 3). Nebuchadnezzar had set up a huge golden idol and commanded everyone to worship it. As usual, someone conspired against the Jews and told the King of their refusal to worship the idol. I guess the pride of some people’s hearts won’t allow them to respond in repentance and humility when they see a God that is superior to their own false ones.

The King was furious, had the furnace heated 7 times hotter than usual (7 is the number of completion in the bible), and tossed into the fire the renegade advisors only to find they would not burn! Nebuchadnezzar himself exclaims, “I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; and they are not hurt, and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God” (seeDaniel 3:25).”

In amazement, the King realizes his folly and tells them to come out. Although the fire burned up even the guards who tossed them in, it didn’t singe one single hair on the Jewish boys heads, and their clothes carried not the faintest smell of smoke.

As I pondered this story for a moment, I actually began to laugh out loud. The Lord spoke to my heart saying, This has prophetic meaning for you. You have gone through the fire of affliction for the last three years but I’m taking away every effect it may have had on you and you will have no lingering effects whatsoever!

The lessons we learned in the fire will never be forgotten, but any burns or “smoke damage” have been prevented. Not that we have walked through it perfectly, but when you go through the fire with integrity of heart the Lord can keep you from lasting damage.

1 Peter 1:6-7 ESV In this you rejoice (our imperishable inheritance of salvation), though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, (7) so that the tested genuineness of your faith–more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire–may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

This helps give us perspective in our trials, knowing that the outcome of the trial is for His good and ours!

Other Resources:

Full Obedience: Part 2

Fri, 07 Dec 2012 12:19:00 GMT

In my last post, Full Obedience: Part 1 , I promised to give you one of the best examples of this principle in action. Hebrews 11, as many know, is referred to as the faith hall of fame. This chapter commends the faith of everyone from Moses to Rahab. The deeds listed in this chapter cause one to ask, what did that really look like? A large chunk of verses (11-20) of this prolific chapter focus in on Abraham. Abraham is oft referred to as the Father of Faith and for good reason. In verses 11-18, the story of how he offered up his only son Isaac as a sacrifice, measures as one of the greatest acts of faith in the bible. In Hebrews, we get to see it from a faith perspective. Apart from the amazing courage it took to obey God’s voice in this radical request, it gives us some insight into what Abraham was thinking. Abraham had fully resolved to sacrifice his only son Isaac. It’s easy for us to gloss over this as we read this account in Genesis 22 and Hebrews 11. We take a deep breath; thank God we will never have to do this, and conveniently move on. But can you imagine the faith it took for Abraham to fully process this request and resolve in his heart to carry it out? Most of us would either think God is crazy or we are crazy. Zoloft of Lithium may be considered the logical next step.

Not only was this Abraham’s only son, this was the promised son! The one he waited 25 years to get! Now God is asking him to sacrifice him on an altar? What in the world was going on? When God asks us to give up that which is most precious to us, it’s always a test. In fact, that’s what it says inHebrews 11:17, “By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice.” A friend of mine calls this “401 Faith.” In other words, this is high level, mature faith in action. 401 level faith will always require us to give back to God what is most important to us. At different points in our lives, that may mean different things. What is it for you?

We all have something that fits into this category. In case we have forgotten, even though I stated these things as “yours,” they all belong to the Lord and we are simply stewards or managers (see Psalm 24:1). You can be rest assured if you are a serious follower of Jesus, God will test you by asking you to lay down or give back to Him that which is most valuable to you. One of mine was (and in some ways still is) my dream of what life in ministry would look like. It has gone so differently than what I envisioned, taken so much longer, been so much harder. Not that I thought it would be easy, I knew better than that. But somehow I thought it would go more according to plan; my plan. Finally, I had to resign myself to His plan. God has purified my motives and I’ve had to redefine what success in ministry means because my definition was skewed. Although I may not have said it, my definition of success was numbers. But what happens when the numbers don’t happen or aren’t happening at the rate you deem successful? For that matter, are numbers the best or only measure of success? A lot of people have a lot of different measures for success, which one is right? Here is how I have redefined success: Success is being fully obedient to the will of the Lord, regardless of what the outcome looks like.

For all intensive purposes, the cross looked like a failure.Israelwas expecting a conquering king to come riding in on a horse and lead them to freedom from Roman rule. Instead they got a Savior that freed them from a much darker ruler: sin. Was Jesus ministry measured by how big the crowds were that followed Him? He didn’t seem to measure it that way. In fact, at every turn He was saying something that turned large numbers of people away. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe in the underlying principle that if something is healthy it will grow. At the same time, who determines the rate of growth: you or the Lord? Let God’s word be the judge, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase” (1 Cor. 3:6).

If success is being fully obedient to the will of the Lord, regardless of what that looks like, how do you measure success? Ask yourself this question: Have you obeyed, in full, everything you knew and know to be the will of God? It will require action, but first and foremost, it requires belief and faith. “Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness” (James 2:23). How do we know that he believed God? Because he obeyed what God had said,”Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to theland ofMoriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you” (Genesis 22:2).

In the end, Abraham came to this conclusion: “Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death” (Hebrews 11:19). Isaac lived, but Abraham had already, by faith, given him over to death, so whether he actually died or not, any outcome where Isaac was alive was receiving him back from death. Now that is full obedience. I don’t know if Abraham had a battle with God or not, but I know this: at some point he came to the resolution that he was going to be obedient to God and Isaac was going to die, but he also fully believed that Isaac would be raised from the dead.

In the same way, Jesus the Son of God went to the cross by faith, knowing full well that He would be raised from the dead. You may be tempted to say, that was easy! Jesus was the Son of God! Not so. He still experienced every temptation that is common to man (seeHebrews 4:15). He experienced the temptation NOT to be fully obedient and yet He chose God’s path, by faith, for the joy set before Him.

How do you measure success? Are you being fully obedient to God’s will?

Full Obedience: Part 1

Mon, 26 Nov 2012 11:34:00 GMT

A while back I was invited to speak at a new outdoor Christian music festival in a small town. There was a lot of hype and excitement but a very low turnout. When I stood up to preach on a large stage, I think there were 5 people sitting in lawn chairs and a handful of teenagers in a huge field. It was demoralizing. About 1-minute into my message, the pack of teenagers turned around as a whole group and walked away, but the Lord encouraged me. I’ll never forget what He spoke to me that day. He said, “Just be obedient to what I asked you to share and share it with all your heart. When you act in obedience, something divine always happens. ”

The nuance to that statement is this: we can’t always see the divine with our naked eye. We are after heart change, and heart change is a hard thing to gauge unless you know a person for a long period of time and are able to watch their life. After the message, I had some good responses and it seemed as if it had jarred a few people. In the end I have to trust what God said by faith. We are to walk by faith and not by sight. If He said it, I believe it! When we walk in obedience (which takes faith), it will always yield divine results.

I remember speaking a message called, “X-treme Love,” to several hundred college students while I was the director of BASIC (a network of local church-based campus ministries). Several months later while visiting my mother-in-laws church one Sunday; a young lady that had been there saw me in the crowd and made their way over to talk to me. She said, “You are the director of BASIC. I’ll never forget the message you spoke that Sunday morning at the conference. It changed my life.”

Divine and eternal things will happen when we are obedient. And it’s not just obedience in speaking and preaching. It’s obedience in every area of life, like:

Next time, I want to talk about someone who modeled full obedience over 4000 years ago whose obedience still speaks to us today. He is one of the greatest examples of full obedience.

Commit Your Way

Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:03:00 GMT

Today, my guest blogger is Kevin Graves, founder and director of Target Ministries in China. I found this extremely challenging and helpful. I trust you will as well.

“Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.” Psalm 37:5

Most us of read and therefore understand the essential meaning of this text wrongly. When I live in Boston and I decide I am going to drive to Dallas my way is decided. Whether I travel by I-95 or I-88 is a detail which does not affect my destination. Whether or not I spend the night with my aunt in Hot Springs, Arkansas may be important, but still does not affect my destination. Whether I rent an RV or drive a Toyota Camry affects my comfort level and gas expense, but it does not affect my destination.

When I “commit my way” unto the Lord, I am saying that the destination issue is settled. I will get there. Speed, stops, and comforts are “ways”, not “way”. Committing means that I surrender my right to determine the destination and the details. David may have had his experience of being anointed king of Israel in mind when he penned this Psalm. What do I mean?

David was anointed as king while he was still a shepherd in his father’s house, and a young man. His “destination” determined, he committed his way to the Lord. Whether spears were being thrown at him, or there were giants, or the foreskins of 200 Philistines to challenge, David knew the sweet peace of trust since He who anointed him to reign was Himself committed to “bring to pass” the Word of His promise. Even if it meant David had to run and hide, or be deprived of comforts, or contact with family, for ten years, he dared not circumvent the way of the Lord. The “ways” people are in the crowd that cried out, “let me strike him at once!” The “way” person says, “the Lord will strike him” (1 Sam 26:8,9). Which one are you?

I’ve discovered those who have a “ways mentality” have to keep coming back to God to recommit at each junction. Some of these junctions are pretty straight forward, but others a tricky, completely unexpected, or just plain hard. Each one involves a battle of wills, a test of resolve, a wrestling, a weighing of the pros and cons. Beloved, life in God was never meant to be like this. You may walk differently after a hard-fought tussle with the Angel of the Lord, but you will never regret learning what it really means to commit your way to the Lord. Like Jacob, you may limp; but also like Jacob, he never mentioned or complained of his limp for the rest of his life.

Have you committed you way to the Lord?

Kevin Graves

Rev. Kevin Graves is a holder of a Bachelor of Theology and Religion from Goshen College, and a graduate of Elim Bible Institute. He has been a missionary to China with Elim Fellowship in Lima, NY since 1984.

Kevin is fluent in Mandarin and Cantonese and has been a frequent speaker at churches, Bible colleges, and conferences throughout Asia and when he occasionally travels back to America. He has been a guest on Joyce Meyer’s programs, as well as on LESEA and other television networks, and has spoken at churches such as Times Square Church in New York City, Word of Life Christian Center in Honolulu, and the Bethany World Prayer Center in Baton Rouge. Kevin gave the China presentation at the Lausanne Conference on World Evangelism 2004.

Kevin has also frequently been involved in teaching and training throughout his years of ministry in China. After being involved in a number of successful church plants, Kevin and his wife Joyce established Target Ministries in 1990 in order to focus on the unreached people groups of SW China.

As the Target Ministries team has grown over the years (80 as of Aug, 2012), so has their family. Kevin and Joyce have seven children, ages 4-24.

Email: hello@kentmurawski.com

Websites: www.targetministries.org

www.campustarget.org

Just Follow Me

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 11:31:00 GMT

I was taking a bike ride with my son the other day. He rides a little bit slower than me and I like to go off the beaten path for fun. At one point when I veered off the path, he peppered me with questions/comments like,

“Where are we going, Dad?”

“Are we going to get ice cream?”

“Wait up Dad!”

“You are going to fast Dad!” (I was about 20ft ahead of him)

“Dad, where are we going? Wait up!”

Finally, I just said, “Will you just follow me and stop asking me questions? I’m right here!” Instantly, I knew what it must feel like (in some small way) to be God. Like me, maybe you are constantly asking God questions. Not that questions in and of themselves are bad, it’s just that our motive for asking the questions sometimes has a root of mistrust and unbelief. He has already promised to be with us whether we can feel Him or not:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV)

Can’t you imagine God saying, “Will you please just follow Me?”

Jesus will lead you through. Remember, the ultimate goal is not a destination, the ultimate goal is relationship with Jesus. I’m convinced that He doesn’t give us all the answers or won’t always give them easily and quickly because He enjoys being sought. It also tells Him something about our character. He longs for a close relationship with us. At the risk of sounding cliché,

walking with God is about the journey, not the destination.

Jesus gave us the best example of how to follow when He said, “I do only what I see the Father doing” (see John 5:19). Stay in close communion, seek His heart, know His word, and just follow.

Take Action

Are you asking God questions out of mistrust and unbelief or out of a sincere desire to know Him better? If it’s the first, take some time with Jesus today, focus on Him instead of your problems and let Him encourage your heart. Because walking with God isn’t about the destination, it’s about the journey!

A man’s steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand his own way? (Proverbs 20:24 NIV)

For additional reading, check out these scriptures:

Mark Batterson Talks About Journey Church in Cambridge, MA

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 15:28:00 GMT

Mark Batterson, lead pastor of National Community Church and NY Times Best-selling author of The Circle Maker, Primal, and In a Pit with a Lion On a Snowy Day , recently shared about Journey Church in Cambridge, MA near Harvard University. Journey Church is a new church in the heart of Cambridge that exists so that all people can encounter Jesus Christ in a life-changing way. Kent originally sought out Mark after hearing about National Community Church and it’s similar work in an urban context.

Why Not?

Tue, 05 Jun 2012 11:07:00 GMT

Lately, I’ve been asking myself the question, “why not?” I come up with a lot of reasons to say, “No” to things, and many times they are not very good reasons. I think many of my reasons boil down to excuses. Here are just a few examples:

Instead of saying, “Why,” ask yourself, “Why not?” And if you don’t have a good reason to say no, how about saying, why not? If you really don’t understand something, “why” is a valid question, but if it’s just a matter of wanting to skirt around the real issue or being lazy or lackadaisical , it’s a poor question.

I wonder if we are missing out on some God opportunities simply because we ask why rather than why not?

Take Action

Before asking why or saying no to a question today, think about saying, why not. You may find doors of opportunity opening all around you!

Awesome Easter Weekend!

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 10:47:00 GMT

We had an incredible Easter Weekend! I just want to thank my family for loving me and giving everything for Jesus, our church for giving so selflessly, Grace Street Church for their partnership and humility, and the city of Cambridge for being such an awesome place to live and minister!

Good Friday

We locked arms with Grace Street Church for Good Friday and Easter Sunday. Our churches actually meet in the same hotel, us in the morning and them at 4pm. It was such a poignant time for us both. During the Good Friday Service, we washed each others feet and proclaimed a unity covenant over each other. Here it is:

God, we commit before you to love each other, t o honor each other with our words and actions,

To prefer and esteem each other higher than ourselves, t o pray for one another,

To never speak negatively about each other, to submit to one another in love,

And to guard and protect our unity; for where there is unity, God commands His blessing – Life Forevermore!

In humility we come before You Lord and ask You for the grace to carry this out. In Jesus name, Amen!

Second Annual Cambridge Community Easter Egg Hunt

I’m certainly glad we went with our rain date of April 7! The weather was beautiful and hundreds of kids and parents came out to enjoy the festivities. Why do we do this? Simply put, we want to show the love of Jesus in a tangible way to bless our city and its families! Our volunteers worked so hard and I am so grateful for such wonderful dedicated people. I also want to thank Real Life Church in Somerville for sending volunteers to help us!

Easter Sunday

What a powerful day. It felt really good coming together for a unified worship service in Harvard Square. It is a step closer to seeing His kingdom come in this needy place. We all really believe this is just the start of something great that God has in store!

Who Are You Really?

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 11:02:00 GMT

Quite some time ago, I was reading a book by John Eldridge called, Waking the Dead . God really used it to speak to me. In the book, he encourages readers to ask God these questions, “What is my real name?” and “Who am I to You, God?”

What you are really asking God is this, What is Your opinion of me? Who have You created me to be? How do You view me? These are crucial questions we all must grapple with. Fathers establish identity and God wants to give you an identity, just like he spoke over Jesus when He said, “This is my Son, whom I love; in Him I’m well pleased” (see Matthew 3:17). First and foremost, as followers of Jesus, we are sons and daughters. But there are other things about us that God wants to establish as well. Ways He has created us and things He wants to do through us.

When I asked God those questions I stated earlier, here is what He said to me, “You are My Elijah.” It fit in perfectly with the calling he had spoken over me a few years earlier when He said, “Remember the name Elijah. Like Elijah, you will do great and mighty things for Me, but you will raise up many Elisha’s who go on to do greater things than you.”

I recently asked my eight year old son to ask God these same questions. Here is what he said God spoke to him,“He said I am His little Daniel and little David. Daniel because Daniel liked to pray and I like to pray. David because He was brave and I am brave. He killed the lion, the bear and Goliath.”

Wow! I love when my kids say and believe what God says about them! I went on to tell him David (which is my son’s middle name) was a worshiping warrior. He is reading through the Psalms in the morning. When I told him that David wrote many of the Psalms and that they were originally songs, he said, “I know, lots of them say they were Psalms of David and that they were for the director of music.”My son recently played guitar and sang for the first time with our worship team. It was precious.

Take Action

Obviously, I am a proud Daddy, but I also want you to take a time of prayer and ask God those questions as well;

Who am I to You, God? What is my real name? Who do You say that I am? Then share what He speaks to you!

Why I Love Small Groups

Fri, 23 Mar 2012 10:42:00 GMT

At Journey Church, we like to say we are a church of small groups not a church with small groups. Admittedly, it’s a tough culture to build and we are not there yet. To help people see and embrace the biblical value of community in such an independent culture like America is a difficult thing. The very thing we need so much (biblical community) is the very thing we fight against so strongly. The bottom line is this: if we are too busy for relationships, we are just too busy. As author Gary Smalley said, “Life is relationships; the rest is just details.”

My wife and I have lived this way for years. We have made community a value in our lives that we are not willing to compromise. Even when I was in traveling ministry for five years, I made sure I was home every Monday evening to lead and be a part of a Life Group through our home church. Now that we are lead pastors, we are usually either leading or participating in a Life Group each semester.

This semester, we happen to be participating in one rather than leading one. It’s in our home but we are not facilitating the group. It has been so refreshing and rich simply to be a part of and contribute to this group. A couple from our church (married for 32 years and walking with the Lord even longer) are facilitating/leading the group.

One of the beautiful things about biblical small groups is the perspective it brings. Our own perspective is one-dimensional. Breaking open the word of God together allows us to see things in ways we have never seen, and our faith and perspective becomes multi-dimensional rather than one-dimensional. Here is an example;

This past week as we studied righteousness and self-control from 2 Peter, we came across these passages:

For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ. (Romans 5:17 NIV,italics mine)

Additionally, self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, no different than love, joy and peace. It’s a work God does on the inside as we yield to Him.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, (23) gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23 NIV)

As we talked and shared that night, I began to have a revelation. I feel like I’ve had somewhat of a revelation of grace, but nights like this one remind me how far I have yet to go in the grace of God. Through the small group I noticed how easy it is for me to live by grace in some areas and not in others. I realized I had not been living by grace in the areas of righteousness and self-control. They are gifts to be received, not a status to strive for. Like any gifts provided by Jesus’ work on the cross, we simply receive them by grace through faith (see Ephesians 2:8-10). God has already provided the gifts and we simply receive them by faith! This set me free as I saw I had been striving for righteousness and self control instead of receiving them by faith.

This is why I love small groups! God really does speak through his people and uses others to sharpen, encourage, and correct us. I am grateful so grateful for God’s people and biblical community.

Why do you love small groups?

No Expectations

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 11:29:00 GMT

New Year’s resolutions can be overrated. When we talk about New Year’s goals, it’s also important to talk about expectations. A number of years ago, I came across this blog by Seth Godin titled, The Paradox of Expectations . In the post, he elaborates on goals and expectations. According to Godin, “Low expectations are often a self-fulfilling prophecy. We insulate ourselves from failure, don’t try as hard, brace for the worst and often get it”

He goes on to say, “High expectations, on the other hand, will inevitably lead to disappointment…A good outcome that’s less than the great one we hoped for actually feels like failure.” I think this is worth considering. Over the years I’ve noticed that I regularly overestimate what I can do in the short term and underestimate what I can do in the long term.

We tend to overestimate what we can do in the short term and underestimate what we can do in the long term.
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That overestimation has, at times, produced disappointment. In fact, I rarely make goals that are number specific (we will grow by this many people by such and such a time). I know a lot of people that do this and have success with it, but for some reason it never works that well for me. I understand the rationale – goals give you something to pray for, shoot for, and work towards. If you aren’t aiming at something, you will miss the mark every time. I’m not saying don’t have goals. I think specific measurable goals can be important. I also know that when I try to put a number on things that are out of my control, I almost always come up short. Maybe my self expectations are unrealistic or maybe it’s because the goal came from selfish pride rather than from God? Maybe it’s because I didn’t seek to know His will first through prayer? Or maybe it’s because I just don’t know everything.

In the end, I’ve come to this conclusion: I want to receive vision from God in the place of prayer and set goals according to that – then carry that vision to completion, whether it takes one year or twenty years. That’s one of the reasons I fast and pray in January. I want God’s heart first. After many failures (which I’ve thankfully learned from), my desire is to produce fruit for His glory that can only come through abiding in Him (see John 15). If I pursue the vision the Lord has given me and put my all into it, I’ve succeeded. One of my definitions of success is knowing and doing the will of God.

It’s also extremely helpful to determine you “why.” Why do you want to accomplish this goal? As Victor Frankl, former Holocaust survivor said, “Those who have a “why” to live, can bear with almost any “how.”

Those who have a “why” to live, can bear with almost any “how.” (Victor E. Frankl)
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Seth’s conclusion is worthy of our consideration:

Perhaps it’s worth considering no expectations. Intense effort followed by an acceptance of what you get in return. It doesn’t make good TV, but it’s a discipline that can turn you into a professional.

Obviously he is talking to the business realm, but I think there is a lot followers of Christ can glean from his observations. Expectations shaped by the will of God are healthy. Self-expectations rooted in pride and performance can be destructive. In the end, it’s our job to pray, discern God’s will, and give it our best effort. Then it’s God’s job to bring the increase.

I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow. (1 Corinthians 3:6 NLT).

Don’t grow weary while doing good, for in due season you will reap a harvest if you do not lose heart (Galatians 6:9 NKJV) . Do your best to know God, seek His will and then carry it out with all your heart.

Talking Points

How have you fared with goals and expectations? Have you found them to be a help or a hindrance? How do you define success?

My Obituary

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 12:55:00 GMT

Recently, I felt prompted by the Lord to write my own obituary; not because I was feeling morbid but because your obituary tells people what you were remembered for.

It can also become the vision for your life. It’s your legacy . With it you can define success. I keep it hanging above my desk as a reminder to pray these things into my life. Maybe it will inspire you to write your own obituary! Here it is:

Kent Allen Murawski was a man after God’s own heart. Son, husband, father, and pastor; he lived as one who laid his life down to pursue a singular purpose: to know Jesus and make Him known. As David before him, he served God in his generation and was a man after God’s own heart. He was known, among other things, as one who:

Knew and loved His God with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength

Cherished his wife and children to the end

Was respected the most by those who knew him the best

Invested his life in others to watch them go further than he did

Left a legacy and example for others to follow

Was faithful as a son of God, a husband, a father, and a pastor

Never compromised his convictions

Was a man of persevering prayer

Pursued and lived his dreams throwing caution to the wind

Was faithful to the prophetic call upon his lifeto turn the hearts of the children to their fathers and the hearts of fathers to their children; preparing the way of the Lord

Was a burning and shining lamp for Jesus Christ

He was received into the loving arms of His Father where he was commended as a good and faithful servant and friend of God.

“Be” before “Do”

In his message, A New You Resolution , (which by the way you can download for free) Andy Stanley shares about “Be” goals VS. “Do” goals. In it, he encourages people to decide who they want to be before deciding what they want to do. Your true legacy will be realized by what the most important people in your life say about you when you are gone.

Here’s a free template I came up with to use as you listen to his message.

Your Legacy

What do you want your legacy to be?

Write your obituary and let it become the vision for your life! Concentrate on who you want to be before you decide what you want to do!

Why I Blog

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 11:47:00 GMT

Recently, I was reading another pastors blog about his motives for blogging. In this particular post, the person shared that he had to stop blogging because he didn’t feel his motivation was pure. Some of it (20%) was for self gain and promotion; to boast about the success they were having as a church. I appreciated the honesty although I still think it’s better to acknowledge our motives (that’s self-realization) and ask God to purify them so we can press on.

Here are the reasons why I blog:

If blogging or writing ever stops being about those things, I usually stop for a season as I have in the past. Furthermore, if it ever interferes with my primary callings to be a son (relationship with God), a husband (relationship with my wife), a father (relationship with my children), or a pastor (relationship with my church); I will let it go for a season until I feel confident that I have a good handle on my primary callings.

It’s that simple.

How about you? Do you like to write and if so, why?

Stand Still!

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 12:14:00 GMT

Stillness is a defiant and deliberate act of faith.

This is according to my friend, Joshua Finley (and I agree). God used his recent message called, Be Still , to stir some things in me so I could hear the word of the Lord. Let me explain.

From time to time, we all get in a funk. Believing and trusting becomes hard. Hope fades. Light becomes a distant memory. Many times, it has to do with our view of God. The late A.W. Tozer believed a low view of God is the cause of a hundred lesser evils but a high view of God is the solution to ten thousand temporal problems.” Actively hearing and applying the word of the Lord is the way faith comes and one of the ways our view of God grows (seeRomans 10:17).

Recently, I was in a little funk. I was momentarily despairing over a seemingly impossible situation in our life. I was groping for an answer, asking God what I needed to do to get out of this problem, only I felt I had already done everything that was required of me. I had already prayed like it depended on God and worked like it depended on me and still nothing was happening. [1]

As I got down on my knees to pray that night, I asked God for an answer. What do I do in this situation? How do I respond to this? Then a scripture from the message came back to me, Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.

The passage was from Exodus. The children ofIsraelstood at the shores of theRed Sea. With an ocean before them and an army behind them, this is what Moses, inspired by God, said to them,

Exodus 14:13-14NKJV And Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will accomplish for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall see again no more forever. (14) The LORD will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.”

Stand still? How could they? But what other choice did they have? They could kick and scream and go down fighting, which is often what we do; or they could let the Lord, who led them to the Red Sea in the first place, fight for them.

God will intentionally put us between a rock and a hard place and then tell us to stand still.

That way, He can have the glory and our faith can grow in who He is. As my friend stated in his message, “There are some enemies that we have no business fighting, but God enjoys defeating our greatest enemies .”

Once you have prayed and done your part in obedience, stand still and let the Lord fight for you! It probably won’t go down the way you think, but God will show Himself strong for everyone to see, and your view of God will grow exponentially!

How do you usually handle turbulent times in life? Leave a comment…

Blogging or Praying?

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 12:02:00 GMT

I didn’t do so well posting daily during this twenty one days of prayer. I have on the other hand, been praying consistently which is much more important! If you enjoy receiving daily posts during the twenty one days, I recommend you sign up for Mark Battersons blog (see below). I will continue to post one or two times per week as well. It’s been difficult to post daily as I am also in a writing season attempting to finish my book. That means I’m getting up around 4:30am three days per week to write and rewrite! My current book has already been edited by a professional editor, Amy Calkins of Aurora Publishing , who has done a fantastic job! I am now going through the book afresh to decide what I will change and what I will keep. Afterwards, goal is to begin submitting it to publishers or to self-publish. Ultimately, I feel called to write and the goal is to get the book into peoples hands to help them!

I thought is was important to update everyone about why I haven’t been posting daily and enlist you to pray for me during this season! I gave it a try, but between my personal relationship with God, family life, church life, and writing, I can’t seem to blog every day.

Prayer Resources

God is Bigger

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 12:40:00 GMT

21 Day Prayer Expiriment – Day 9

We can’t help but come to God in humility (as we talked about in Day 8 ) when the dream is bigger than we are! When told by God to ask for whatever he wanted, why did Solomon, without hesitation, say, “Give me wisdom and knowledge that I may lead this people” (see 2 Chronicles 1:7-10)? Because the task was beyond Solomon and his natural abilities . He knew he was never going to be able to lead God’s people without the wisdom of God. It was too big and they were too many. He said himself they were a people “as numerous as the dust of the earth.” Solomon was probably feeling overwhelmed and unqualified. Similar to Moses when God told him he was going to lead the children ofIsrael out of Egypt. He stammered. He waffled. He made up excuses as to why God had chosen the wrong man. This is often the case when you are doing something for God that’s bigger than you. But God doesn’t call the qualified he qualifies the called ( The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson pp. 76-77)

In 2004, I had an “O Crap” moment. I was asked to come and lead a network of over 25 campus ministries across the Northeast. Gina and me both knew it was God and so we moved to the Rochester,NY Area as missionaries to begin working with the ministry. There was no salary, no benefits, and no security. We had to trust God. We had to raise money. We had to lead a large group of people spread out across four states and dozens of campuses. It didn’t take long to realize this task was beyond us! Up until that time, I had only led a single youth ministry and a college ministry. How was I going to lead a network of local church based campus ministries spread out all over the Northeast? Where do I start? What do I do? On a much smaller scale, I felt like Moses. Moses was called out from the desert where he was leading sheep to being in charge of leading God’s chosen nation of Israel; an estimated 2-3 million people. I was designing septic tanks in rural areas of New York State and leading a small campus ministry for my church when God called me to lead this network of campus ministries. My boundaries and responsibilities just got exponentially bigger. I felt like Moses, at least a little bit! I quickly realized I was in over my head and began to cry out to God for wisdom.

In addition to my time with God in the early morning, God led me to pray for one solid hour when I stepped foot in my office each day. Although it was hard to come in the office and put aside all the work I needed to do, this quickly changed my perspective. Things began to happen that I couldn’t have made happen if I wanted to. I was receiving phone calls from people I had not been able to connect with for weeks or months. I was having God ideas on how to connect and grow our leaders and groups, about what themes to focus on for our semi-annual conferences, and hope and encouragement began to come to me.

When the task is beyond our abilities, we need to tap into God’s supernatural abilities.

Solomon did not have the wisdom to govern God’s people or to build the temple for God, but he found out when God calls, God qualifies. Ask yourself the question; are you doing and believing for something that is too big for you to pull off on your own? If you’re not, it may not be God. Where do you need God’s intervention?

Is there any limit to God’s power? The late A.W. Tozer believed that a low view of God is the cause of a hundred lesser evils, but a high view of God is the solution to ten thousand temporal problems. In his book, The Circle Maker, Mark Batterson poses this question, “Are your problems bigger than God or is God bigger than your problems? Our biggest problem is our small view of God.” (pg. 71)

Today, if you are in over your head, take it to God, cry out to Him, and put on His power and His ability. If you aren’t in over your head, you better start examining your life. There is something more God has for you.

Coming Before God in Humility

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 12:22:00 GMT

21 Day Prayer Experiment – Day 8

So far we determined that Solomon asked for God’s highest and best and he prayed specifically . Today we want to talk about his humility. He asked God, “…Who is able to govern this great people of yours” (2 Chronicles 1:10)? By asking this question, Solomon was acknowledging his need for God. He knew God’s purpose was too big for him to pull off without God’s intervention. This is a humbling place to be in – raw dependence upon God. Leading people well takes wisdom. He was acknowledging his weakness before God. He had seen the deficiency of his own heart and was crying out for God’s help. In essence, He was saying, “ I can’t do this without you!”

Jesus speaks to this when He said, “Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3). You could say it this way, “Blessed are those who know they need God or blessed are those who know they are helpless without Him.” There is only one way to enter the kingdom: by humbling ourselves low before the One Man who paid for our sin – Jesus Christ. Additionally, if we are going to anything great for God, it’s not going to be in our own strength, it’s going to be based on the same principle: God, we are helpless and we need your intervention! God can work with a heart like that! It’s not putting yourself down, it’s simply acknowledging that we are limited and finite and He is omnipotent and infinite.

Today, find out God’s highest and best desire, ask specifically, and come before Him in humility acknowledging your need of Him. If you do, God will answer in dramatic fashion!

How To Get Answers from God

Sat, 14 Jan 2012 12:28:00 GMT

21 Day Prayer Experiment – Day 5

Previously, on Day 3 of our prayer experiment, we asked the question, how do we know what to ask God for? We determined the need to find His highest and best desire and ask for that. In doing so, God will give us other “sub-blessings” as well. Finding his highest and best desire comes through our seeking of Him and our relationship with Him. Today, I want to delve into how to get answers from God.

David Yonggi Cho, pastor of one of the million member church in Seoul, Korea, once said these words, “God does not answer vague prayers.”

When God asked Solomon what he wanted, the scripture doesn’t hint that there was any hesitation from Solomon. He knew what he was going to ask for. I wonder if he was expecting and waiting for God to appear to him? I’m sure he heard his father, David, share stories of his God encounters and may have said in his heart, “God will appear to me too, and when He does, I know exactly what I will ask Him for!” There is a good possibility Solomon may have rehearsed that moment in his mind beforehand. Of course, Solomon’s request to God’s “blank check” statement (Ask for whatever you want Me to give you) is classic, “Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours (see 2 Chronicles 1:10)?” Because he asked for wisdom to lead God’s people instead of riches and honor, God gave him both! He was both the wisest and richest man that had ever lived up to that time. As we look at Solomon’s request, here is the first lesson we can pull from his wisdom.

After discerning God’s highest and best desire, Solomon asked specifically . There was no vagueness or uncertainty about his request. Solomon didn’t simply say, “I need help God!” I wonder what God’s reply to this request may have been? “Yes Solomon, I know. Why do you think I came? I came to offer my help, that’s obvious, but what kind of help do you need? I can help in a multitude of ways. What is it that you really need ; strength, advisors, an army, wisdom, or money? Solomon, what is it that you want Me to do for you? ” Solomon knew better than to get an audience with the King and to ask vaguely or ask amiss. He wasn’t going to leave it to chance. He asked for exactly what He needed and for God’s highest and best – wisdom! In doing so, God rewarded him with riches and honor as well. How can God answer our prayer if we don’t even know what we are asking for? Consider the difference in these requests:

As a parent, I couldn’t answer these requests or offer help. They are too vague. Now, imagine if we approached God this way:

God, I need help to finish my paper on time. Will you help me to study and write effectively? Of course, I can help you with that!

God, I need money to buy my books this semester. Can you provide for me? Of course I can. I was waiting for you to ask.

God, I really need wisdom for my marriage. I don’t know how to talk to my husband to bring up this sensitive issue. Can you give me wisdom? Why yes, I would love to help you with that and along the way, I will also give you humility so he will receive it well!

God, how do I lead these people in our church this year in a way that they are going to grow spiritually and become passionate followers of Jesus? Please give me wisdom and vision. Why yes, I would love to do that! And by the way, I will give you all the resources you need to accomplish that vision.

The scenarios are endless. The encouragement from Solomon’s request: Specific prayers lead to effectiveness.

How can you define your prayers today? What, specifically are you asking God for? How will you know if He answers your prayer?

Prayer Is…

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 11:31:00 GMT

21 Day Prayer Experiment – Day 5

Prayer Is…

Prayer is humble dependence upon God.

Prayer is our life line.

Prayer is our access point to God.

Prayer is talking and relating to God.

Prayer and intercession is not something we do, it’s something we are.

Prayer is breathing.

Prayer is walking with God.

Prayer is fun.

Prayer is intense.

Prayer is fuel.

Prayer is purposeful.

Prayer is powerful.

Prayer is a mystery.

Prayer is easy.

Prayer is hard.

Prayer is waiting.

Prayer is watching.

Prayer is moving.

Prayer is being still.

Prayer is frustrating at times.

Prayer is uplifting and inspiring

Prayer is hoping.

Prayer is believing.

Prayer is surety.

Prayer is restful.

Prayer is sleepless.

Prayer is amazing.

Prayer is the progressive realization that, It. Is. Finished.

What is prayer to you?

Prayer is______________(you fill in the blank)

God’s Highest Will and Greatest Desires

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 12:09:00 GMT

21 Day Prayer Experiement – Day 3

Yesterday, we established that God’s children, those who believe in Jesus, can go to Him with confidence and ask for anything according to His will. Before I talk about what to ask for, I want to talk about how we determine what to ask for. This may sound like splitting hairs, but I think it’s important if we want God’s best and highest desire.

As I was reading 2 Chronicles 1 recently, I came upon this very scenario that we addressed yesterday, What if you could ask God for whatever you want? God appears to Solomon and says to him, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you” (2 Chronicles 1:7). What if God literally appeared to me and asked me the same question? What would I ask Him for? I found myself hesitating because I had never specifically and intentionally thought through this. Don’t get me wrong, I have some big dreams, I have a life-goal list, I have things the Lord has put in my heart that I hold on to, but some of them I have never really verbalized to God! You have probably been asked this question as well at some point in your life, “If you could do anything, and money were not an option, what would it be?” Questions like these speak to dreams. They force us to think in specific terms and examine our motivations. If God really appeared to me, would I ask Him for something worthy of His appearing or would I ask amiss?

Of course the New Testament echoes this very same idea in many places. Two of those passages is found in in the book of John.

John 14:13 NIV And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.

John 15:7 NIV If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.

John 14 paints the picture and John 15 qualifies the statement. The idea is that when we have the Father’s heart as our own, when our motivations line up with His, when His will and desires trump our own and even become our own, we can ask for whatever we wish and it will be given to us. This paints a slightly different picture than what we see in 2 Chronicles with Solomon. In that passage, one gets the idea that God would have fulfilled something slightly lesser if Solomon had asked for it. This points to the fact that God will answer any of our prayers that fall within His will and desire. God was excited and happy that Solomon asked for wisdom rather than riches, and because he asked for God’s higher or highest desire, God gave Solomon both, but had Solomon asked for riches and honor, God would have given it to Him because it’s His will to bless Solomon. Like Solomon, I want to ask for God’s highest will or greatest desires.

That’s why God was so pleased when Solomon asked for wisdom rather than riches and decided to bless him with both. When you ask God for His highest will or His greatest desire, all the sub-blessings go along with it.

This brings me to my conclusion: seek God and you will find His highest will and His greatest desire. As children that want to please our Father, that’s what we should all want.

So today, take some time to find out His highest will and greatest desires!

Tomorrow we will talk more about how to ask God and get answers.

Prayer Resources

What If You Could Ask God for Whatever You Want?

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 19:59:00 GMT

Day 2

I hope that during this 21 day prayer experiment, it won’t be business as usual, but that you will actually have a focused time to pray and to read your bible. If you are fasting, remember apart from praying and reading scripture, it’s just a diet! Draw aside from your daily routine and spend time with God. Get up an hour early. Skip your television programs at night. God is worth it.

Yesterday , we asked the question, what is your Jericho? In other words, Jesus is urging us to be specific with our prayers. Like the blind men at the gates of Jericho, He is saying, What do you want me to do for you?

What if God appeared to you? I don’t mean He whispered to your heart, or gave you an impression or a thought, but if he literally appeared to you and said, “Ask for whatever you want Me to give you.” What would you ask of Him? In other words, you are sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is going to give you what you ask for; otherwise, why would He appear?

I have a feeling that many of us would hesitate and/or stutter at this question. I wonder how many of us have actually thought through this question before. We have not because we ask not (see James 4:2). But do we really need Jesus to appear to us in order to believe that He wants to answer our prayers? After all, if we are in Christ, then the Holy Spirit lives inside of us. You can’t get any closer than that! Maybe we don’t really believe God wants to answer prayer. Before we get into a story that exactly describes the scenario above, we need to go back to square one, build a foundation for prayer, and ask does God answer prayer and if so, why?

1 John 5:13-15NIV I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. (14) This is the confidence we have in approaching God : that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. (15) And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him (italics mine).

Those who know God by believing in the name of His Son can approach God confidently. Imagine that; those who believe in Jesus can approach God confidently. It’s worth saying again – confidently. Yes, we must know and discern His will or desire. We do that through the word of God (it is His will) and prayer.

If you believe in Jesus, you can approach God Almighty with confidence. Now we just need to ask! Tomorrow, we will talk a little more about the asking.

I leave you with a quote by pastor Craig Groeschel,

Prayer Resources

21 Day Prayer Experiment

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 16:49:00 GMT

Our church is going through a book by Mark Batterson called, The Circle Maker. I got an advanced copy of the book back in October and it has reinvigorated my prayer life in a profound way. At that time, Gina and me were really struggling. A seeming lack of laborers, lack of resources, and deep discouragement caused us to wonder if we could continue in our church planting experience. While this was happening, I began reading The Circle Maker. I didn’t make it past the third page where it said, “It’s absolutely imperative that you come to terms with the simple yet life-changing truth: God is for you.” I found myself saying, “ya right.” Mark goes on to say, “If you don’t believe that, then you’ll pray small timid prayers; if you do believe it, then you’ll pray big audacious prayers.” I had a problem in my relationship with Jesus so I went back to the Word of God and began to meditate on Romans 8 (nothing can separate us from the love of Christ). God began to resurrect me that day and is continuing to do so.

As we go through The Circle Maker, our church is on a 21 day prayer experiment. For the next four weeks, we’ve asked The Journey to circle the promises of God concerning:

Let’s draw some circles in prayer!

Highs, Lows, and Dreams

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 12:14:00 GMT

Our family started what we hope will be a yearly tradition on New Years Eve. We went out to dinner to celebrate God’s faithfulness in the current year and talk about our hopes and dreams for the New Year. Here are some of the highs and lows from 2011:

A Few Highs From 2011

A Few Lows From 2011

Some Goals, Dreams, Visions for 2012

Those are a few of our highs, lows, and dreams. What are a few of your dreams for 2012?

Signing Off…

Thu, 22 Sep 2011 14:13:00 GMT

I have decided to sign off the blog for a while, unless there is something I really feel like I need to share. The Lord has spoken to us about simplifying things for a season. Not that I have a huge following that will be disappointed if I don’t blog; I do it more for enjoyment and because I really enjoy writing, but I’m trying to get rid of superfluous things for a time so I can focus on what’s important – my family first and foremost and secondly the church we are planting. If you want to keep in the loop with what’s happening at the Journey, visit our website and you can connect with us through what’s already happening or by signing up for email updates at the bottom right.

Thank you,

Kent

Unfailing Love

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 10:50:00 GMT

I came across this scripture in my daily reading plan the other day:

John 13:1 NLT – Before the Passover celebration, Jesus knew that His hour had come to leave this world and return to His Father. He had loved His disciples during His ministry on earth, and now He loved them to the very end.

Here is a perfect example of God’s unfailing love. Jesus had done exactly what he was here on earth to do, including loving those that the Father had given Him. On top of that, He kept them in the Fathers name and none of them were lost except for Judas, that the scripture might be fulfilled (see John 17:12).

How many of us can say that none of those whom God gave us were lost? Jesus always gives us something to shoot for that’s so far beyond humanly means we can’t do it without His grace. I define grace like this : It’s the supernatural power and ability to be who God has called me to be and do what He has called me to do . Grace isn’t just the power that saves you , it’s the power that keeps you .

In the end, we need His grace to do anything and everything, like: loving and raising our families, making disciples, fulfilling our ministry, being holy, praying persistently, staying pure, loving the way He did, and the list goes on. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t need His grace in my life, but some days I access it and others I don’t! I want to come to a place where I am so reliant on His grace that it’s like breathing. It’s fluid. It’s constant trust and dependence upon Him.

How about you? Where do you need His grace today? Simply access it by faith and it’s available to you!

Romans 5:2 AMP – Through Him also we have [ our ] access (entrance, introduction) by faith into this grace (state of God’s favor) in which we [ firmly and safely ] stand. And let us rejoice and exult in our hope of experiencing and enjoying the glory of God.

Journey’s One Year Anniversary – Outreach and Fun!

Thu, 15 Sep 2011 11:20:00 GMT

September 10-11 was our one year anniversary as a church! We decided to celebrate the same way we started – with an outreach. We gave out over 1000 Mini Clif Bars in Harvard Square to Harvard students and the people of Cambridge. I like servant evangelism because:

A celebration is also planned for September 25 for the anniversary. We will go down to Boston’s North End (Little Italy) for an Italian meal and bocce (Italian bowling). I’m looking forward to celebrating with the Journey family. Congrats Journey on our first year as a church. We did it together. The best is yet to come!

Done and Over

Wed, 14 Sep 2011 11:17:00 GMT

So our recent move was a fiasco. The lady from our new place didn’t move out on the day she was supposed to and didn’t bother to tell anyone about until the day before! We had two and one-third loads of stuff and no where to put it! I had rented a 14ft. truck because a 26 footer is a little hard to wield around the small city streets of Cambridge. We ended up having to put a little pressure on her to clear some space to get at least one load in the house. Then the next day we came at 1pm with our second load and she still wasn’t out. What a nightmare!

On top of that, it’s our busiest and most exciting time of year for ministry. Someon please remind me not to move on September 1 ever again.

During all this I was freshly reminded that the only one we can truly rely on is God. He is perfect and faithful. He never goes back on His word. He is constant, unchanging. I have to admit, I was downright angry with this woman for not being out on time because it made our lives more difficult. I tried hard not to say too much around her because I wanted to be careful to represent Christ well. I think God allows us to have these challenges in our lives to see how we will respond. Will we uphold His name and His glory or will we bow to the pressure of the moment? Sadly, there are times I get caught up in the moment and don’t respond well, but this time I did OK, and it was a fresh reminder that people will let us down but God never will.

Getting or Giving?

Tue, 30 Aug 2011 11:44:00 GMT

OK, so I’m not going to lie. Moving can be a pain, especially when you have a family. This is the fifth time we have moved in our 11 years of marriage, and though some of those moves have been local, I don’t think it makes it any easeir. I’m believing the next time we move it will be into a house (that could mean a condo) here in Cambridge.

Although we are fairly minimalist, the amount of stuff one accumulates seems to multiply. When we moved from Rochester, NY to Cambridge, MA we had to downsize bigtime. We moved from a four bedroom house to a two bedroom apartment in the city. Now we are moving from that two bedroom apartment to a three bedroom apartment on the other side of Cambridge, and we are downsizing again – intentionally. We have an extra bedroom in our new place, but because I need an office, the space is about the same size. In the old apartment, we converted part of the basement into an office.

I find something freeing about living simply. The older I get, the less I care about stuff. I have no idea where this quote came from but I really like it, d on’t let your upkeep be your downfall. Do we really need more stuff? Is that what’s really important in life? Jesus words ring true, f or where your treasure is there your heart will be also (Matt. 6:21). I’m not against having nice things, but at what point do we have enough? I like the stories of some of the preachers of old (John Wesley, George Meuller, Hudson Taylor) who figured out what they needed to live and anything that came in above and beyond that that, they gave to God’s work. Their goal was to die with nothing because they gave it all away before the end of their life. Now that’s placing your treasure and your heart in God’s kingdom!

I want our giving to continually increase over the course of our life. Most people make more than a million dollars in the course of their life time, but I wonder what would happen if we would set a goal to give a million dollars to God’s work over the course of our lifetime? What if we stopped setting GETTING goals and started setting GIVING goals (Mark Batterson)?

How about you: is your treasure and your heart in God’s kingdom and God’s work or in your stuff?

My Hike Up Half Dome – Part 2

Fri, 26 Aug 2011 11:42:00 GMT

Half Dome was tough. The total hike was a 17 mile greuling round trip. We started our day at 6am and didn’t return to Camp Curry until after 9pm! The hike climbed over 4000 feet of elevation from our camp to the top of half dome. The trail was well kept with steps in many cases and wasn’t overly steep until you got to the sub dome (the steep incline right before you get to Half Dome). The vistas along the way were some of the most beautiful and majestic I have ever seen in the lower 48 states (see below).

The trail started to get very steep when you reached Sub Dome and Half Dome. After climing sub dome, you get a birdseye view of the cables on Half Dome. It’s pretty intimidating to look at! It was definitely steepest and longest thing I have climbed to date. At times, I wondered if I was going to make it up as my left arm started cramping. There is some rest on the boards that are placed about every 10-12 feet between the poles that support the cables, but it’s so steep in parts, you don’t want to rest much, you just want to get up it and finish. I thought the descent down would be worse but it was actually easier going down!

Tip: use rubber gardening gloves! They are extremely grippy and didn’t slip at all

In the end, the hike and the pain were well worth it. My calves and legs hurt for days afterwards. All in all, we hiked around 34,000 steps that day. You scale a mountain one step at a time. Whether it’s a real mountain or an obstacle so big it stops your forward progress, it’s one step at a time. I also learned a new technique called a “rest step.” A rest step is used when you are going up a steep ascent. The idea is that you never get so winded you have to stop. You plant your front foot, stop brieflyand then take your next step. Whether you are climbing a mountain, running a marathon, or planting a church, it’s all about pace. You must set a pace you can maintain. Admittedly, this can be a challenge for me and many church planters. At times I bite off more than I can chew. I tend to be a visionary and see into the future. I don’t struggle with accuracy, I struggle with timing, but j ust because you see a door crack doesn’t mean it’s time to dive through it! Over the years I have learned to wait on the timing of the Lord, instead of jumping in head first without any consideration. Here are a few things I have learned over the years when it comes to timing:

How about you? Is the pace of your life and ministry sustainable?

My Hike Up Half Dome

Fri, 19 Aug 2011 20:43:00 GMT

In this blog post, I will share some of the lessons learned, and at a later time I will share about the actual experience of climbing up half dome! One word – INTENSE!

During the experience, Mark shared from his book called, Soul Print taking lessons from the life of David. Here are a few things he said that impacted me:

One of the things we did was take some time to reflect on who God made us to be. We took some time alone to ask God some questions like, “Who am I?” We identified some defining moments – those life experiences that marked us throughout our lives (either good or bad). I climbed up to a small waterfall situated next to a towering cliff of granite to reflect on these things. Here are some of the things I discovered about myself:

Here are some great pics from the trip!

Trusting the Lord With All Your Heart

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 11:18:00 GMT

You may notice that I haven’t blogged in over a month (or maybe you didn’t notice). Either way, the reason being, our life has been a little bit crazy! I started working part-time at Eastern Mountain Sports at the end of March. That, coupled with pastoring and church planting, has made for a busy summer. When I started, I was working three days, but I found that was too much so I was able to consolidate my hours into two days instead. This has been much better. I finally feel like I’m in somewhat of a groove with work and ministry.

Additionally, our landlord is selling the property where we live so we have to move by September 1. Finding an apartment in the city can be a fiasco! It’s much like buying a home. Many of the rental properties are listed by realtors. It’s a huge thing here. You have to have the money, up front, for the first month, security deposit, brokers fee (if it applies) and sometimes the last month as well! This amounts to four months of rent up front, which to many (including us) is a small fortune. Luckily, we found our new apartment listed by the landlord on Craigslist so we didn’t have to pay a brokers fee, but we still had to pay first, security and half of the last month. Can I just say, God has been faithful? The first time we had to do it the Lord provided everything we needed and it was no different this time!

Part of walking with the Lord is learning how to trust Him – even when we don’t understand what He is doing or how He is doing it. Remember, God can see the BIG picture! We only see in part. Proverbs 3:5-6 has been a standard for us during this whole church planting process. From the time we were praying about stepping down from BASIC, God impressed this verse on our hearts, and 3 years later, He is still speaking through it. Here it is,

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; (6) In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. (NKJ)

We didn’t understand why God asked us to step down from BASIC in 2008 without knowing what the next step would be. We didn’t understand how we were going to come up with a large chunk of money to live in one of the most expensive areas in the country (Cambridge, Mass) to plant a church. And in our recent apartment search, we didn’t understand why after a month and a half of searching outside of Cambridge (more space for less money) why the only door God opened up was inside of Cambridge (and I could give many more examples). It’s beyond us.

Our job is not to understand, it’s to follow where He is leading.

Church planters, leaders, and followers of Jesus – this should be a lesson to us. We can’t figure everything out with our rational mind. God is beyond our understanding. Things don’t always add up the way we think they should. God knows what He is doing. Walk with Him, trust Him, and follow where He leads! Peter and the disciples didn’t understand why Jesus kept talking about dying. Joseph didn’t understand why he had to be sold into slavery and put in jail. Gideon didn’t understand why God told Him to keep reducing His army and use lamps and trumpets to defeat a huge army. And if we are walking with Jesus, we aren’t going to understand everything He asks of us. I’ll close with a quote from Bill Johnson,

If I understand all that is going on in my Christian life, I have an inferior Christian life.

How about you? Any stories about trusting the Lord that could encourage us?

Sunday Reflections – The Fear of the Lord Begins With Encountering God

Thu, 14 Jul 2011 10:23:00 GMT

Ok, so I know its Thursday, but I wrote this blog on Sunday and doggonit I’m going to publish it! Lately, on Sunday afternoons, I have been going to a large green space on a somewhat “quiet” street near my home to replenish. During this time I do a little reading, I write, and I just hang out with God. Although Sundays are one of my spiritual highs during the week, it’s also a spiritually and physically exhausting day. Here is what my Sundays look like:

– 5:15am – up to pray and put the finishing touches on my message.

– 6:45am – shower, get the kids breakfast, load the trailer (we are portable)

– 8:15am to 10:30am – set up, sound check, and pre service prayer

– 10:30am to 12:00pm – worship experience

-12:30 – 1:00- tear down and clean up

– 2:00 to ??? – relax!

Our worship experience on Sunday was great. Jesus came, and that’s really our greatest desire. We experienced His tangible love and loved back on Him. I never want to be guilty of taking Gods presence for granted. I have been to churches where He is nowhere to be found, and that is my worst nightmare. Everyone that comes to the Journey says they really experience and feel His presence. It’s the reason we exist – so that people can experience Jesus Christ in a life-changing way. Without His presence we are nothing. We are just like everyone else. There is nothing that makes us markedly different. God’s presence is changes people. If our worship and preaching aren’t leading people into encounters with God, what are we doing? If it isn’t that, why are we here? I’m not talking about exalting experience above His Word; I’m talking about letting the Word lead us into encounters with the God of the bible! Knowledge without the wisdom to apply it and change simply leads to being puffed up with pride.

On Sunday, I preached about the fear of the Lord from Psalm 128. You can listen to it here. But what I found out in my study is that the fear of the Lord is precipitated by encounters with God: Abraham had many, Jacob and the ladder, Moses and the burning bush, Isaiah in the throne room, Gideon in the winepress, David, Solomon, Peter, John, Paul, the list goes on and on. We can know about the fear of the Lord and what it is but just knowing about it is just the start. Like knowing the 10 commandments, that doesn’t ensure that we are doing them!

I challenged our people to take one uninterrupted hour to encounter Jesus this week! I hope you will do the same and experience the God of the bible.

Family Camping Trip…

Mon, 27 Jun 2011 10:49:00 GMT

Today we go on vacation for 5 days. It’s our first family camping trip in a long time. We went about five years ago when we just had Kole. He was 18 months at the time. It was an OK experience except he kept doing face plants in the dirt. Our campsite was just dirt and roots and he would run (they run everywhere at that age), trip over a root, and his face would slam into the dirt. When he got up, he would have dirt all over his face and on his lips. This happened about every 5 or 10 minutes. Two days into the three day trip, it rained cats and dogs. Instead of weathering it, we packed up at about 5pm and headed for home. We just didn’t want to sit there in the rain with a small antsy child and be miserable.

This time should be much better. The kids are seven and five. We borrowed a big tent that can fit all of us (and an air mattress for mom and dad). You might say that’s wimpy but I don’t care. I have done my share of camping, including Alaska. I have slept on the side of a mountain, on rocks, and on roots. This isn’t a hard core trip, it’s a family camping trip! The big challenge will be fitting everything in our car! We have a 1997 Saturn wagon with a car top carrier. Without the car top carrier, we couldn’t fit half our stuff, but even with it we are still going to be pushing it. Your prayers would be helpful. Hopefully, we don’t have to ditch Mom and Dad’s air mattress!

We are headed to the Cape-Cod Area and camping at a state forest. It’s about 10 minutes from the beach so we will be enjoying the beach and doing some fun stuff. Then at the end of the trip we will visit Plymouth Plantation. If you haven’t read the book The Light and the Glory by Peter Marshall and David Manuel, you should definitely read it. In my mind it’s a must read. It’s one of the few historically accurate books about our nations godly heritage. The story of Plymouth is fascinating.

What are your vacation plans this summer?

How to Change the World…Slowly

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 11:08:00 GMT

I sat down once with a man who gave me a plan about how to change the world. Within 10-15 minutes he downloaded a strategy of winning 10 people to Jesus who in turn win 10 people, who in turn win 10 people…You get the idea. He has actually used this strategy and seen movements start in nations. The only problem is I’m not him. It hasn’t exactly panned out for me that way. So I want to propose a different way.

Now before you check out, read the whole paragraph. I propose love – plain and simple. If you’re a guy reading this blog, I realize that word may fall deafly on your ears and you may think that you have heard it all before. For guys, love often invokes a picture of fluffy white clouds and oozing emotions. It’s not that we don’t want to love, it’s just that we think we have exhausted that topic or we have that one down, I mean, how much can there be to it, right? Ok, maybe you are not quite that confident that you’ve mastered it, but can I propose that we are all probably further than we think from hitting the mark? After all, love is the standard Jesus has given us to measure everything else.

I’m not talking about the kind of love you may be picturing. I’m talking about the kind of love that “takes a licking and keeps on ticking;” [1] the kind of love that gets whipped and shredded to bits and then picks up an old rugged cross and carries it to the top of knoll called, “the Place of the Skull.” I’m talking about a man’s man. One who could love so tenderly and then turn around and rebuke a tough hardened fisherman for allowing satan to speak through him. I’m talking about the one who stood up to worldly authority when He needed to and could also crouch down with the lowest of the low to hear their story, touch their disease ridden bodies, and heal them completely. I’m talking about love…personified. You know His name. Most people do. Even if you don’t believe in Him, this man, Jesus, personifies love.

I wonder what would happen if we took one year to focus on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7? Or better yet, let’s start with a week. I have been going for a week and I haven’t yet graduated past “love is patient and kind.” Love is the most challenging thing on earth. I don’t mean Hollywood love or the emotional feeling of love. I mean agape love, or unconditional love; love that lays down its life for its friends. How can we love unconditionally when we are conditional people? How can we love without exception when we make exceptions all the time? How can we esteem others better than ourselves when we are so used to esteeming ourselves first?

Take a deep breath, I’m not going to tell you how because I don’t have the answers…yet. I could rattle off some rote scriptural formula but that’s not going to help anyone. I know the answer is rooted in relationship with Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit, but on a day to day basis I’m falling far short.

I was looking over 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 about a week ago and to my horror discovered I had broken every standard in the passage probably within a week. Before you balk at my shortcomings, you may want to do a self-evaluation with 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 as your mirror. You could also ask your spouse or a loved one how you are doing according to that standard. You may be surprised.

Take Action

So let me tell you where I am starting. I am starting at, “love is patient and kind,” and I’m not moving on until I have those two down. How about you? Is anyone ready to go on a journey into the heart of God and discover what love really is and how to walk it out?

Enjoying God

Mon, 20 Jun 2011 11:12:00 GMT

There is something about being outdoors that always brings me closer to Jesus (although you may not qualify the place I’m sitting as “outdoors”). I grew up a country boy but now I live smack dab in the middle of one of the top 5 most densely populated cities in the U.S. Cambridge, Massachusetts has over one hundred thousand people crammed into an area about 6 square miles in size. Situated directly over the Charles River from downtown Boston, I live almost equidistantly between Harvard University and MIT. It’s always busy. So busy in fact that I don’t even like to get in my car because it takes an average of 15-20 minutes to drive one mile. I usually walk, take the T (subway) or bus, or ride my bike.

Today is Father’s Day. I’m sitting in one of the few large green spaces near my home. It’s sandwiched between two large office complexes. It is a beautiful well-manicured lawn on a not-too-busy street in the city. As I close my eyes and listen to the wind, hear the birds chirping, and hear the occasional car drive by I could almost be back on the country road where I grew up (with the exception of the loud siren that just went by and the constant drone of the generators).

There is something in the gentle wind and the sounds and feel of creation that draws me to Him. I usually feel that way when I’m outdoors…and paying attention. As I sensed God’s presence, I put down the Ted Haggard book I was reading (yes I said Ted Haggard) to enjoy Him – the One whom I live for, seek, preach for, and pray to – just to experience Him and love Him.

Why don’t you stop what you are doing and enjoy the Holy Spirit today; in whatever way helps you to do that. Enjoy the one who created you and loves you beyond compare. Take some time to just listen and feel His presence and His peace. You won’t be disappointed.

I think I would like to do this every Sunday!

Why I Pray

Wed, 08 Jun 2011 10:48:00 GMT

Prayer lifts my eyes to the possibilities. It allows me to see things from heavens perspective (Colossians 3:2). Prayer allows me to experience God – to be filled with all the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:19). My focus is elevated when I pray, lifting my eyes off circumstances, off hardships, off impossible situations and onto the ever faithful, ever present, all powerful person of the Holy Spirit. Like a plane as it breaks through the low lying cloud barrier into the realm above, prayer allows me to experience clarity, vision, and light. When I pray, I realize all things are possible with God. My eyes shift from my inadequacies to His adequacy. A surge of His life and strength flow through me, and in that moment I realize I am not alone. I did not initiate this work and I am not ultimately responsible for its success or failure – if I am obedient to everything He has told me. It’s “as I pray” that I experience Jesus in a life-changing way.

As he prayed the appearance of His face was altered, and His robe became white and glistening. (Luke 9:29 NKJV, bold and italics mine)

I once heard Mark Batterson once say, “It’s as we pray that we usually experience something profound from the Lord.

Although I know God hears my prayers because I am in Him (1 John 5:14-15), that verse goes from a vague and distant hope to a real and living promise when I pray. GOD HEARS MY PRAYERS AND ANSWERS THEM! I CAN ASK ANYTHING IN JESUS NAME AND HE WILL DO IT. ANYTHING.

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Have you prayed today?

My Trip to National Community Church

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 11:33:00 GMT

I recently visited National Community Church in Washington, D.C. I wanted to visit for several reasons:

One of Mark’s mantras is, “There are ways of doing church that no one has thought of yet.” I believe that. For example, they own and operate a coffeehouse on Capitol Hill called Ebenezers . It’s not a “Christian” coffeehouse. It’s a full fledged for-profit coffeehouse with the profits going to fund local outreach and world missions. It just so happens there is a church that meets in the coffeehouse on Saturday nights and Sunday mornings. They have a separate meeting space downstairs, decked out with flat screens, a stage, top of the line video and sound equipment, and a cool atmosphere. On Saturday nights the message is recorded and then used at their six other locations on Sunday. They also rent the space out for events during the week. Mark calls the coffeehouse a “modern day well.” Wells in ancient times were community gathering places. In Mark’s words, it’s a place where “the church and the community can cross paths.” Recently, their church also purchased a church that was formerly a movie theater. In line with their vision, they are going to turn it back into a fully operational movie theater that just happens to have a church meeting in it!

I love their creativity and ingenuity, especially for urban church planting. Space is too precious…and too expensive to use just once a week. As I was talking to Mark, he also shared that they want to be in places that have a lot of foot traffic to create maximum opportunities for people to have exposure to the church. That’s what happened when they originally started meeting at Union Station.

Long before we ever heard about Ebenezer’s, we have had a vision to have an excellent coffeehouse; a place where the church and the community can intersect. Not a church with a coffeehouse or café attached, but a coffeehouse that happens to have a church meeting in it. In fact, if we are going to ever lease or buy real estate in Harvard Square, I don’t think it can happen unless we approach it as a for-profit business. Not only is it bad stewardship for us to use a building a few times a week, but many of the properties are most likely zoned for business.

I’m just doing a little thinking out loud. None of this is solidified yet. It’s part of our long term vision to reach a city.

Thanks National Community Church and Pastor Mark for what you guys do! You inspire me!

How about you? You have any creative ways of doing church that no one has thought of yet?

Elim Fellowship Leadership Conference

Thu, 02 Jun 2011 13:54:00 GMT

I’ve been out of the blogging loop for a couple of weeks now so it’s time to get started again! Last week, the family and I went to the Elim Fellowship Leadership Conference. I am ordained as a minister and our church is an affiliate church of Elim Fellowship. They have a rich history worth checking out!

One of our keynote speakers at the leadership conference was Robert Morris of Gateway Church in Dallas, Texas. He has an incredible story and life message relating to financial stewardship. More than once, he and his wife have given away everything they owned (house, cars, clothes, bank accounts, retirement accounts, etc…) and each time God has given it all back to them and more. His book called, The Blessed Life chronicles their amazing journey concerning finances. It is well worth the read and presents a godly biblical model of stewardship.

With so many different views and messages on money that are imbalanced (either poverty or hyper prosperity), his testimony and message is very refreshing. It comes from someone who doesn’t just talk about it but lives it and seems to have very pure motives. One of the most memorable things he said was, “We don’t give to receive, we give to give.” This is in the spirit of Genesis 12:2. Here are some of the other main things I got out of his message at the conference:

Robert ended his message by praying for people to impart his anointing for finances and stewardship. Two times their church has been designated the most giving church in America. He was very clear to state that the anointing will not last unless you commit to do three things:

I know I was challenged to take a fresh look at our finances. How about you? Are your finances in order? Do you give the FIRST part to God? Do you have a budget? Are you working on becoming debt free?

Is God Asking You To Plant A Church? Next Steps…

Sat, 21 May 2011 11:09:00 GMT

Check out the whole series titled, “Is God Asking You To Plant A Church?”

Is God Asking You To Plant A Church? The Seed…

Is God Asking You To Plant A Church? The Call…

Is God Asking You To Plant A Church? The Call To A Place…

Is God Asking You To Plant A Church? Pinpointing A Location…

Here is what I would suggest for next steps if after having considered all these things God is asking you to plant a church. This is by no means a comprehensive list. These are some of the larger things you need to do. You will need to fill in the blanks!

So what’s your next step today?

Is God Asking You To Plant A Church? Pinpointing A Location…

Tue, 17 May 2011 11:23:00 GMT

One of the vital steps once you know you are called to plant a church is pinpointing a location. There are different ways to do this:

I think there are many ways to go about it. Here is our story. In my last post ,I talked about how I began traveling to Boston. Here I will elaborate on that story. While working with BASIC back in Rochester, NY, we were considering not only whether to plant a church but if so, where to plant a church. The natural (and easy) fit was Geneseo, NY. We owned a home only 7 minutes from the town and there is a campus there as well (SUNY Geneseo). For us, college students are a non-negotiable. We are called to work with and reach students. We booked a babysitter and decided to pray and walk around the town. After the walk, we both decided it was not a fit. Something just didn’t feel right. The only thing we really knew at that point was that we were to lay down our post at BASIC and step out in faith to a land God would show us, so we put in our one year resignation. It was really exhilarating…and really scary!

Finally, after 2 months of agony, the Lord began to speak (October 2008). I happened to be traveling to speak at the State University of New York at Oneonta when one of our intercessors spoke a word to me. She said, “Kent, I know you and Gina are in transition and I only have one word for you. It’s Boston.” I responded by saying, “OK. I know my heart is for Boston but I’m not sure what God is saying. We will pray about it.” Another month passed. I was sitting in a car with one of my friends and advisor to the board of BASIC. I began to tell him this story of what this intercessor said, but before I got to the punch line (Boston) he shouted out, “It’s Boston!” I was flabbergasted! “How did you know that?” I said. He responded, “The Holy Spirit told me to say it before you got to it so you would know that it’s Him.” Before it was all over, it happened a third time a couple of weeks later while we were sitting at the table with our friends David and Betsy Hill. We were telling them the same story when David blurted out (before I got to it), “You’re moving to Boston!” That sealed the deal. We weren’t stupid, the Lord was speaking. Once we knew the area, a specific place was a no – for us. The area of Cambridge near Harvard University had always been the place I was drawn to. In fact, a year earlier in 2007, the Lord spoke to me during a prayer meeting in Boston. He said, “I want to use you at Harvard.” I immediately began to imagine being ushered into the President’s office or to speak in front of the student body to share the gospel. Then He gave me a vision about camping near the gates of Harvard to pray for the University. Not what I had in mind. My friend David bore witness in his heart and decided to join me on this adventure. So for three days we camped in the Cambridge Common in Harvard Square (the same place George Washington and the revolutionary army first gathered!) and prayed in front of the gates of Harvard for 6 hours a day. We left feeling like the Lord was up to something and that living water would again flow from Harvard. Then again, several months later while back in Boston, the Lord said, “When I said I wanted to use you at Harvard I meant in an ongoing way.”

Long story short, He was giving me this burden and providing relationships to prepare us to plant a church in one of the most strategic, difficult, and expensive cities in the U.S. – Cambridge, MA. A city of many internationals, intellectuals, and Harvard and MIT. Harvard alone has been home to 8 U.S. presidents, 19 Supreme Court Justices, 44 Heads of State, and countless governors, senators, and even actors. God was calling us to impact this place and these people with the gospel of Christ and we knew it!

How about you? Is anything “adding up” in your journey?

Is God Asking You To Plant A Church? The Call To A Place…

Thu, 12 May 2011 11:00:00 GMT

The story of how we settled upon Cambridge, MA to plant a church was a 3-4 year process. It all started back in 2005 when God gave me a vision one day during prayer. Though I had never been to Boston, I saw a huge heart beating, it was placed over Boston, and it was pumping blood (life) in every direction. My heart started to leap and I said, “Something must be happening in Boston. I need to go check it out!” A friend of mine had also been considering starting a ministry in Boston so he initiated a scouting trip and sent me and a few friends. At the time I was directing BASIC College Ministries . He only knew a few people in Boston so he hooked us up with a couple of appointments. The first person we met with was my friend David Hill Jr. I share more about how my relationship with David impacted our decision to plant a church here. That was no coincidence! The second person we met was no coincidence either. His name was Larry Showalter, pastor of Ruggles Baptist Church in the Fenway. Larry has been in ministry as long as I have been alive and has been welcoming people and church planters alike in to Boston for years. Currently, I think there are 4 or 5 other churches that call Ruggles home.

Interestingly enough, on that first trip, we stayed in Cambridge, right across the river from downtown Boston. I didn’t even know Cambridge was its own city at that time or how close we were to where I would live 4 years later. I’ll never forget the sense that God was up to something big while we looked upon the Boston skyline and prayed for the city. I knew after the first trip that something came alive in my heart. Pay attention to your tears and when your spirit leaps over a person, place, someone’s words, or a particular issue. God is probably trying to direct you! After this trip, I began to travel to Boston regularly, so much so that after 25 times I lost count! It felt like the center of the universe for me. I was so alive! For one, there are around 250,000 college students in the Greater Boston Area. Apart from NYC, I don’t know any other place that has that many students, and I love students! Some of the greatest universities in the world are here in Boston: Harvard, MIT, BU, Boston College, Northeastern, and the list goes on. I always saw myself being right in the thick of things and for me Boston represented that desire perfectly!

Next time we will discuss how to pinpoint a location.

What people, places, things, or issues make your spirit jump?

Is God Asking You to Plant a Church? The Call…

Mon, 09 May 2011 10:33:00 GMT

Is God Asking You to Plant a Church? The Call…

Although church planting seems to be the trendy thing to do, like anything, you better have a clear call from God to do it. It is definitely the most intense and difficult ministry endeavor I have ever been a part of. What questions should you ask yourself? The first one should be, “Am I called to plant a church?” I want to encourage you today, if He is calling you, you can do it! Don’t let money, background, education, or anything else hinder you from doing what God has called you to do. It’s not for the faint of heart, but when you are sure He’s speaking, get prepared and then step out in all your zeal, all your naivety, and all your passion and go for it. You really can do it…if He’s called you.

It has been almost 2 years since we moved to Cambridge (August 2009) and I have one word that sums up the experience so far – “death.” I’m not being negative or morbid and maybe that’s not everyone’s experience but it is ours. Not that it hasn’t been fulfilling because in some ways it certainly has. Church planting has it’s moments of fun, points of exhilaration, and sometimes depths of despair. On my best days I say I can’t imagine doing anything else. On my worst days I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. I hope this isn’t too real for you, but it’s my experience.

Recently, I have been going through a dark several months. In crying out to the Lord and pouring over my life I’ve been asking God to show me what’s happening. Am I doing something wrong? Is there sin you are trying to deal with? Please show me why I feel so miserable! This was His answer,

John 12:24 ESV – Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

Kachow (I’ve watched the movie Cars too many times!). You want to plant a church – you can do it – by God’s grace alone. It will test you to the limit. Solidify you. Make or break you. Still my prayer remains:

My prayer is that thousands of young church planters will be released all over the world to plant Christ centered, Holy Spirit empowered, life-giving churches in some of the most difficult places on earth. I believe we are going to see a whole new generation of planters rise up and say, “We can do this if we will!” [1] You can do it; just like the Hills did; just like we did; just like thousands of other have; if God has called you.

Is God Asking You To Plant A Church? The Seed…

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 10:45:00 GMT

How do you know you are called to do this? I will share about that in my next post. In the meantime, join the discussion!

Talking Points

What are the seeds God has planted in your heart for a God-sized dream? Where are you in the process? Is it a distant dream or a possible reality?

Take Action

I would also encourage you to put yourself in situations where people are actually doing what you have dreamed about! This helps take it from a dream to a reality.

Other posts in this series:

Is God Asking You To Plant A Church? The Call…

Is God Asking You To Plant A Church? The Call To A Place…

Is God Asking You To Plant A Church? Pinpointing A Location…