5 Things to Anchor Yourself When Life Feels Out of Control

Kent Murawski

My life is changing quickly, and I feel afraid.

Can anyone relate?

Change is hard for all of us, and often, when it rains it pours. The last year has been one challenge after another, and to be honest, we are getting tired of it. My dad died. Our family dynamic is changing with two older teens and one starting college (as well as some really difficult family situations we’ve been facing). On top of that, I’m in a midlife career transition wrapping up a twenty-year career as a pastor and minister and moving to…I’m not sure yet.

Things feel overwhelming right now, and quite honestly, I’m not doing that well.

I’m not telling you this so you can feel sorry for me. I don’t want or need pity. You have your own challenges to navigate. But I do want to be vulnerable with you, and we all need someone to get in the pit with us at times. It’s called empathy. And maybe you need some right now, too.

I also want you to know; you are not alone.

What do we do when life feels like it’s spinning out of control and there is no end in sight?

5 Things to Anchor You When Life Feels Out of Control

As a leader, I’m used to helping others, but lately, when it comes to my own life, I’m at a loss. These aren’t answers, but here are some things I’m learning in the midst of change and transition that might be of help to you as well.

1) Go easy on yourself

Life is difficult enough already without us being hard on ourselves. We are small (not unimportant) and finite. We don’t have all the answers. We don’t understand why certain things happen, and we may not understand until much later if at all. It’s best not to try to figure everything out – especially when we are right in the middle of it.

The old saying is usually true. Hindsight is 20/20.

2) Be careful of your self-talk

This is connected to the previous one. I’m hard on myself anyway, but during these challenging times, my self-talk has been terrible. The problem with negative self-talk is that we start to believe it. I’ve realized some destructive patterns in my own self-talk, and I’m trying to change them, but it’s ever so slow. That’s why I’m going to record some confessions and affirmations on my phone about who I really am and who I know myself to be.

3) Surrender

When life seems to be spinning out of control, it’s helpful to remember that we are not in charge. There are times to swim upstream and there are other times when it’s best to surrender to the current. By surrender, I don’t mean we should give way to the current of our myopic selves or worst tendencies. Instead, we must resign ourselves to the fact that there is someone or something bigger than us, moving us along, and in the end – if we surrender – things will work out for our good.

4) Get some help

Life is infinitely more difficult when we try to face it on our own. That’s why I’m talking to my wife, friends, and mentors. It’s also why I’m seeing a counselor right now. People can’t solve your problems, but they can give empathy and validation. The right people can also provide insight and tools we may not have.

There’s an old African proverb that says, “If you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go together.”

5) Take things as they come

“Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time.” That’s a line from the Serenity Prayer. It’s a prayer that has come to be associated with addicts. And for a recovering control addict like me, it’s a lifeline. When life is changing all around us, it’s easy to obsess about what’s coming down the road, but as we know, focusing on too many unknowns quickly leads to anxiety.

A wise man once said, “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. ” (Jesus of Nazareth)

I can’t say it any better than that.

Let’s Do This…Together

I’ve shared this today because I want to live from a place of vulnerability. Because people always relate better to our weaknesses than our strengths. As Brené Brown so beautifully taught us, vulnerability is hard because it requires emotional exposure and risk, but it is so worth it.

Will you share one struggle you’re facing today and what you are learning in the process in the comments below? I promise there will be no judgment, only empathy.

More importantly, why not reach out to someone close to you and share it with them? You won’t regret it.

And always remember, you are not alone.

Your friend,

Kent

PS – Want to support my writing? You can

* Photo by William Randles on Unsplash

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By Kent Murawski July 28, 2025
When was the last time you ended a summer feeling more energized than when it started? ​​Summer brings changes for many of us—minimizing our motivation to work, disrupting work routines, and altering schedules. With summertime often comes a desire to slow down, and yet, we're not always sure how to do that. This week is my last new post for a little while (though I may resend some popular posts from the 2024-2025 season). I’m pressing pause to create space and pour my energy into finishing my new book. But stay tuned—when I’m back in six weeks, the newsletter will be refreshed with some exciting updates you won’t want to miss! Read to the end to find out more. In this week's edition of Catalyst, I want to share 3 ideas to help you effectively navigate summer. 3 Ways to Master Summer Without Burning Out 1) Stop and Think (Reflect) Socrates famously said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." For Socrates, life was more than pursuing the things that most men occupy themselves with, things like wealth, household affairs, status and position, and political clubs and factions. He believed that life only has value and meaning when we question what we think and know, and by more deeply understanding ourselves and others. The beginning of summer is an ideal time for reflection, and we all tend to occupy ourselves with the things Socrates talked about more than we probably care to admit. Taking a reflection day at the end of each quarter (consider removing "or trimester" for conciseness) can be an effective way to navigate seasonal changes. Finding a place far enough removed from your normal day-to-day life will help you get into a different headspace. A friend of mine often says: Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective. I've used hotels, monasteries, or even a beautiful outdoor location if the weather permits. Here are a few questions you might want to ask: How am I feeling spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically? How are my closest relationships doing? Am I living out my core values? Is my life moving in a direction I feel good about? What do I need to change or adjust? Here are a few ideas for how to conduct a reflection day: Prayer, meditation, or silence Review your biggest wins and assess your goals from the previous quarter Work on high-impact projects that require focus Preview the upcoming quarter and set your Big 3 goals: personal, marriage/family, work/business 2) Cut the Non-Essentials (Reevaluate) Both my wife and I work, so when summer arrives, we need to re-evaluate our schedules to accommodate our twelve-year-old son. In the past, I've made the mistake of trying to keep the same workload despite being home with him two days a week. I ended up frustrated all summer long, living in the tension of wanting to spend more time with him while trying to carry the same workload. Summer requires me to pare down my work roles to the essentials: Writing (currently working on a new book) Executive coaching (6-8 coaching clients) Relationship building and outreach Necessary administration (keeping this to 30% or less of my responsibilities) Moving forward, I will probably keep things this way. It feels more sustainable than the unrealistic expectations I previously held myself to. Once you define your key roles and responsibilities, the question becomes how to achieve better work-life integration not work-life balance. I use the Big 3 System. Choose only three big things to focus on at one time—quarterly, weekly, and daily. That's right, just three. Those three things are usually a combination of personal, marriage/family, and work. 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For Socrates, life was more than pursuing the things that most men occupy themselves with, things like wealth, household affairs, status and position, and political clubs and factions. He believed that life only has value and meaning when we question what we think and know, and by more deeply understanding ourselves and others. The beginning of summer is an ideal time for reflection, and we all tend to occupy ourselves with the things Socrates talked about more than we probably care to admit. Taking a reflection day at the end of each quarter (consider removing "or trimester" for conciseness) can be an effective way to navigate seasonal changes. Finding a place far enough removed from your normal day-to-day life will help you get into a different headspace. A friend of mine often says: Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective. I've used hotels, monasteries, or even a beautiful outdoor location if the weather permits. Here are a few questions you might want to ask: How am I feeling spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically? How are my closest relationships doing? Am I living out my core values? Is my life moving in a direction I feel good about? What do I need to change or adjust? Here are a few ideas for how to conduct a reflection day: Prayer, meditation, or silence Review your biggest wins and assess your goals from the previous quarter Work on high-impact projects that require focus Preview the upcoming quarter and set your Big 3 goals: personal, marriage/family, work/business 2) Cut the Non-Essentials (Reevaluate) Both my wife and I work, so when summer arrives, we need to re-evaluate our schedules to accommodate our twelve-year-old son. In the past, I've made the mistake of trying to keep the same workload despite being home with him two days a week. I ended up frustrated all summer long, living in the tension of wanting to spend more time with him while trying to carry the same workload. Summer requires me to pare down my work roles to the essentials: Writing (currently working on a new book) Executive coaching (6-8 coaching clients) Relationship building and outreach Necessary administration (keeping this to 30% or less of my responsibilities) Moving forward, I will probably keep things this way. It feels more sustainable than the unrealistic expectations I previously held myself to. Once you define your key roles and responsibilities, the question becomes how to achieve better work-life integration not work-life balance. I use the Big 3 System. Choose only three big things to focus on at one time—quarterly, weekly, and daily. That's right, just three. Those three things are usually a combination of personal, marriage/family, and work. 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We went to see a movie, ate out, went to Six Flags, had a beach day, and took days in between just to relax. We loved it so much, we're doing a staycation again this year! Write down your list of summer expectations and plans. Now, cross out everything that feels exhausting and unfun. Don't try to fit everything in this summer. Pick a couple of things that feel life-giving and focus on those. Your Move Reflect. Re-evaluate. Rest. Choose one of the three and work on it in the next 24 hours. Plan a day of reflection. Have a conversation with your spouse. Choose how you're going to rest this summer. I don't care which one it is, just take action. Here’s one question to consider: What would you stop doing this summer if no one was watching? Most people think summer is about maximizing experiences and fitting everything in, but the truth is that the most productive leaders use summer to strategically subtract, not add. They understand that rest isn't what you do after the work is done—it's what makes the work sustainable in the first place. You've got this.
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